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4X16: KLAINE
By C.M. Oliver
©2013
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WARNINGS: Language, non-graphic depiction of a crime, mild kissing between two equally hot guys, mentions of unlikely torture and retribution. Dark humor (?). Don't take it too seriously. Please. CRISSCOLFER.
DISCLAIMER: See end of story… after you've read the whole thing, of course.
A/N: I'm sick and tired of all the hate. We Klainers deserve better and I just have to do SOMETHING. It just so happened that that something came in the form of a dream sequence that I decided to flesh out. And no, no one got hurt in the making of this story, that, I assure you. This is pure fiction, and in no way does it resemble real life (although I sincerely wish that it did). Please don't kill me. Klainers, enjoy, and Happy 26th Birthday to the most amazing Darren Criss! Yay! –C.
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"Darren, this has to stop!" A frustrated Chris Colfer huffed dejectedly as he slumped down the black leather sofa in the middle of his LA apartment living room right next to his boyfriend of two years now. He was tightly clutching his I Pad, a scowl plastered on his immaculate face. Darren looked up from the stack of papers he was reading, a script for an indie film –Wings on Fire by C.M. Oliver –that he was tapped to star in. He frowned at the agitated look on the younger man's features.
"What's the matter, babe?"
"What's the matter?" Chris threw the question right back at him. "WHAT'S –THE –MATTER?" He then shoved his tablet into the hazel-eyed man's hands. "You, of all people SHOULD know, Darren Criss! The fandom is in shambles –in uproar! They can't take it anymore –and honestly, neither can I!"
Darren briefly raised an eyebrow before sighing deeply and taking the I Pad to see what exactly had made his boyfriend so upset. He saw himself looking at Chris's Twitter page. A few seconds later, the curly-haired brunette was pinching the bridge of his nose. "Chris –"
"Oh –honestly!" The azure-eyed younger man protested. "Don't tell me that this doesn't affect you! These people are right –I mean, we've weathered the character assassinations, your ridiculous fixation on Sam, my ridiculous fixation on that Adam guy, and not to mention Tina's weirdly uncomfortable fixation on you –but Klaine can't be apart any longer, Darren! We have to do something before this insanity progresses to Season 5!" Chris' eyes shone brightly with something skin to resolve. Darren could only stare in awe; Chris Colfer was truly beautiful as he is, but when the man was passionate about something, it just made him down right sexier. Darren quickly emptied his hands and guided his upset lover to sit on his lap before wrapping both his arms around that slim waist. Chris instinctively leaned back against the warm, lightly muscled body –for some reason, the hazel-eyed man's presence always calmed him down.
"Dare, Kurt and Blaine can't be apart anymore. I feel for the fans –the script has been ridiculous lately –and it has to stop –"
"Shh…" Darren began to playful nuzzle the delicate porcelain skin of his boyfriend's exposed neck. Both were wearing white v-necked cotton t-shirts and tight-fitting acid washed jeans. They were also barefoot, as they had preferred walking on the polished hardwood flooring of their combined personal space. "Calm down, baby. After reading 4X15's script, I had already thought of a countermeasure. I mean obviously, Ryan had no intention of bringing Klaine back together by the next episode, so I made a little adjustment."
Chris quickly stood up and spun around to face his man. "You –you already did something?" He asked incredulously. Darren grinned and pulled Chris back into his arms, this time facing him. "Of course. Do you really think that I can just let this pass? Do you know how many tweets I get from Klainers every day since Kurt and Blaine broke up? And I can't blame them. We owe our careers to this people. I had to do something –"
A grateful kiss made its way from Chris' lips to Darren's, effectively cutting off the older man's speech –it was heated and needy at the same time, with tongues feverishly battling for dominance. Darren usually took control most of the time, as was with their love-making. But whenever Chris did initiate something, he was always happy to take a back seat and just enjoy all the wonderful sensations.
A few minutes later though, as they were already about to rip each other's shirt off, the need for air came up. Darren reluctantly pulled away, his jeans feeling uncomfortably hot and tight. The man on his lap, he knew, was having quite the same problem. He took a deep breath before gazing at his lover's beautifully aroused expression: flushed cheeks, misted eyes and swollen parted lips. Darren had never been able to resist Chris in this state. Ever. But as he moved to recapture those cherry lips in his, the younger man pushed him away lightly.
"Wait. You haven't told me what you did yet," said Chris, looking Darren straight in the eye. "Is Klaine getting back together now? How did you do it? And how in the world did you get Ryan to agree?"
Darren shrugged as he ran his fingers through his dark curls.
"Well, I guess I should tell you." He motioned for Chris to get off his lap as he reached for the stack of papers he was reading earlier. Chris only noticed it now that aside from the 'Wings on Fire' script, his boyfriend was also reading: GLEE 4X16 –Revised.
"Dare –is –is that what I think it is?"
Darren only answered with a smile as he flipped over to the title page: GLEE: Season 4 Episode 16: Klaine. Chris' eyes widened even more as he snatched the script from his lover's ahnds and thumber through it. "A –a whole fucking episode –about us!"
A low chuckle escaped Darren as he watched the younger man inspect the list of songs they would be doing: I Won't Give Up by Jason Mraz, My Heart Belongs to You by Hayley Westenra, Gemini by Sponge Cola, among many others. "Do you think the fans would like it?"
Chris briefly paused in his inspection and smiled at him. "This is brilliant! I don't know how you managed to convince Ryan to write this –"
"Um, he didn't," Darren looked uncomfortable all of a sudden. Ryan didn't write this –"
"Ian?" Chris asked.
"Uh, nope."
"Brad?"
"Not him."
"Rob? Michael?" Chris tried again.
"No, neither."
"Then who?" Chris pressed on. "We should really thank them –"
"Um, I –I did it. I wrote this script, babe." Darren said, scratching his head. "I had a little help from Klaine fan fiction writers. They helped me manage to salvage the farce that was episode 15 and come up with this –they were amazing –"
"I agree," Chris smiled. "They know our characters better that most of the show's writer's themselves –" he then frowned all of a sudden. "Wait, Ryan let you write a whole episode? I've been forever begging him to let me write at least one sequence. How did you get him to cooperate? And he let Klainers help you to? What happened did Ryan hit his head on something hard?"
For probably the first time that Chris probably saw him, Darren looked quite guilty.
"Uh, about that, well… I tried to talk to Ryan –you know, to make him see sense and…"
"And?" Chris egged him on. Darren took a deep breath.
"Well, he –he didn't agree. He absolutely, 100% did not want Klaine back together. It was pointless arguing with that man, really."
"Then –HOW –" Chris brought the script in front of his boyfriend's . "Did –THIS –happen? Dare, is this even a legit script?"
"Of course it is!" Darren protested, grabbing the script from Chris' hands. "We start taping this is three days. Call Chord or Naya if you don't believe me. They have the same scripts on their hands."
Chris narrowed his eyes.
"Something tells me that there is more to this that you are not telling me about, Mr. Criss. What is it?"
Darren bit his lip.
"Well, uh, babe –I think you should sit down."
An immaculate eyebrow rose in response.
"Alright, spit it out, Darren Criss! Tell me what you did to pull off this miraculous feat."
"Um, well –"
"Tell me!"
"Okay! Fine! I had Ryan Murphy kidnapped, okay? There, are you happy?" Darren snapped, frustratedly carding his fingers through his hair. "He was being downright nasty to Klaine fans and I couldn't stand that horrible script anymore! I called some people who took care of abducting Ryan while he was singing Come What May in the shower!"
"OH –MY –GOD! You did what?" Chris' hands simultaneously flew up to his lips and his heart. "You did what –You kidnapped Ryan? I mean, you did –seriously –you did –"
"He's unharmed, if that's what you're worried about. Well, that is if you don't consider making him read Klaine fan fiction 24/7 torture for him. Those guys who took him were pretty vengeful –and thorough."
"Oh –my –God…" Chris had THAT look on his face –a clean split between shock and disbelief. "You kidnapped Ryan Murphy…"
"Technically, it's the Klaine fans that did, but yeah," Darren sighed almost apologetically. "It was the only way, Chris. He was ruining millions of lives by keeping Kurt and Blaine apart. It's for the greater good."
"But –where is he right now?" Chris asked. "Aren't people going to look for him? Oh Dare, the police! What if –"
"Hey, calm down." Darren assured his boyfriend. "One of the Klainers decided that it was worth it and had plastic surgery done. He's pretending to be Ryan now as we speak. He's at a meeting with the other writers –"
"WHAT!"
"And as for the real Mr. Murphy… Well, he's comfortably sitting in the basement right now, reading, I presume –"
"RYAN FUCKING MURPHY is in OUR BASEMENT! Darren Everett Criss! WHAT ON EARTH POSSESSED YOU –"
"Whoa, calm down. No one would think to look for him there –"
Chris was positively speechless now.
"But –but – but -"
"Don't worry babe," Darren breathed. "We'll just keep him there until he has read all of the available Klaine fan fiction. It shouldn't take him more than two years –"
"You're brain-washing him?" Chris exclaimed. Darren looked smug.
"That's the plan. A lot could go wrong, but it's definitely worth it. After season 5, I've heard that our new and improved Mr. Murphy was talking about a spin-off… just for the two of us."
Chris froze.
"You –you mean –"
"What?" Darren frowned. "Chris, if you're not cool with the idea, just let me know. I'd release Ryan and make him believe that he was abducted by aliens instead. That shouldn't be that hard –"
"A spin-off?" Chris clarified. Darren frowned.
"Um, yeah. Look, babe, if you want me to, I'll just let Ryan go and maybe –"
Chris growled and all of a sudden grasped a fistful of his boyfriend's shirt threateningly.
"DON'T –Don't you DARE let Ryan Murphy out of that basement, you hear me? Or there would be hell to pay!"
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In a dark and secluded basement not far away, a chained, groggy-looking, terry cloth-robed Ryan Murphy sat, his hands bound tightly to the armrests of a padded armchair. His face was currently glued to a glowing LCD monitor. And for the nth time in the last 72 hours that he had been in that position, he read:
"Disclaimer: GLEE belongs to Ryan Murphy and those guys at FOX. Not this author. Seriously, because if I did own GLEE, this story would not be fan fiction…"
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FIN (for now. Unless Ryan Murphy fails to get the message C;)
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A/N: Don't forget to leave a feedback! Thank you! –C.
P.S. Please follow me on Twitter heyitschesca or on Facebook: Eastwoodgirl