I make a noise or I do something
that no one has ever done before.
And then I can feel unique again
even if it's only for like a second.
So, no one's
ever done that?
No, not in this spot. No. You just witnessed
a completely original moment in history.
- Garden State
Prologue
She had moved to town in 8th grade, nervous, bouncy and jittery that was her on her first day, head down staring at her feet as she walked quickly down the corridors, always something in her hands, a pen, string, or money jingling in her little palms. She was never still, every part of her body was always moving, even her eyes, they never stayed glued to one thing they were always darting around the room like she was frantically looking for something.
She seemed so small, like a mouse or a bug, easily breakable, like a porcelain doll, her skin was china white and her eyes were hazel brown, her skittish glassy eyes. She had long hair even then, it fell straggly to just below her shoulder blades it was a rusty brown color with flecks of auburn and honey in it. If there was one way to describe her it would be that she was like glass, cool, solid, brittle, breakable, soft and smooth but also sharp and complicated.
She was different even from that very first day, she came in wearing a long flowery dress that came down past her knee's it looked like something my grandma would have worn, and mauled dusty cowboy boots the stitching on them frayed and tattered.
The second day of school she was and outcast, people didn't even bother with the taunting jeering and teasing stage, they skipped past that and went straight to the isolation stage, she was still whispered about occasionally as she passed down the corridor the usual "What is wrong with her" or "She is such a freak".
I never actually heard her talk, but I did hear her sing, she always sang, everywhere she went she always hand a tune on her lips, and her fidgety ways seemed to be the beat to this unknown music of hers.
About two weeks in to 9th grade someone had left a trashy gossip magazine on her desk in biology by mistake, so in class she began to carelessly flick through it with those odd static movements of hers and then she got to a page with an advert for detergent on with a picture of a little boy with mud on his shirt and she burst out crying, she ran out of the class. She didn't come back.
It was only months after that that it circulated around our pint-sized town that she actually had problems, any three letter disorders she had it ODD, OCD, ADD.
My Mom at the time just told me all those things were just behavior problems brushing it off as nothing more complex than that, we didn't like non-conformists in our perfect little town.
01.
Penelope
"Don't you think it will be good Pennie? Fun maybe?"
God my Mom was funny sometimes, Dad had just called her an oddball, free spirit I wasn't sure if that was a compliment. She really wanted me to do it, I could tell, she was patting my hand with quite some force.
"I'm fine just being here really," I said.
Those cups really didn't look right there, they were just wrong there, if I smashed them then they wouldn't be wrong anymore.
I picked up the blue cup first placed it on the floor and then crunched the glass underneath by new doc martin boots.
Better, a bit better but not good though, cups could never be good, they are only cups so they can't be good.
"You're not even listening to me are you? And can you just clear that glass up-- actually on second thoughts I'll do it, leave it."
She thought I was being bad again, rebellious, that's what I was calling it.
"I just don't think it will—what are we eating tonight?" I asked.
"I don't know right now darling, but can you just try it for one day maybe?"
"Ok fine, I'll go," I sighed.
"I'm going to play," I said.
The guitar was never wrong, never lied, well some people probably disagree with that because people can lie so things must be able to as well, but my guitar never lied.
I was thinking of a song, a nice little melody came when I played, I hoped Mrs Clark could hear she told me my trumpet was too loud, she couldn't hear it though, I'm sure she couldn't.
"Are you going to school then?" Evelyn asked barging in.
She was so annoying today, it was probably my fault as Mom would say that I found her annoying today, I wasn't really having an off day, my feelings were having an off day with Evie.
"Yes, yes I am ok."
"That's so cool, it will be really fun, can we make something, to signify this, please."
Oh dear, sometimes I thought my strangeness was rubbing off on Evie, this was bad, I was born this way, she was born with no disorders it was my fault she got weird, but it's her problem.
"Yes, we are going to make, a dress," I said.
It took forever, it was good though, Evie went off at eleven she wanted to eat, I wasn't in an eating mood, but the dress was beautiful that I/we made, I finished it at twelve, it did take a while but I listened to Louis Armstrong the whole while and I imagined I was in war time making the dress to impress the soldiers when they came back from war. It was a mint colour, with a round neck and a line skirt, nipped in at the waist, it looked nice.
I put it away and then looked outside and saw it was raining, I loved the rain, so I ran outside to frolic, yeah I liked to frolic, especially in the rain, although I was a bit worried that my tunic was going see through so I went in after a while.
"Raining?" Mom said when I went through the kitchen.
I nodded.
"Your Dad wants you to see the doctor again before you go back, is that ok?" she asked.
"Of course it is Mom," I said and she ushered me over and positioned me on the floor in front of her.
"I think you're a lot better now, don't you?" she asked as she plaited my hair.
"Yeah, actually I think I definitely should go to school," I said drumming my fingers.
"Really, oh that's nice, why?"
"Well there must be special people there, and I shouldn't focus on just making one person happy, I should try and make more people happy," I said.
"That is a good idea, and you will be able to spend more time with Piper at school," she said prizing her fingers through my hair.
Piper was my friend, I always made her happy, singing to her, dancing for her, she said I was her star and I was, my Mom called me her star as well and so did Evie, I guess I was little bit like a star, I was special and glittery and I could make people smile, and I shined.
"Bed now Penelope," Mom said kissing my forehead.
"Hi Dr Pointer," I said stepping into his dreary little room, no wonder all his patients were mental.
"Hello Penelope, take a seat. I'll just get your paper," he said darting out the room.
He had a new picture on his desk, a pretty blonde haired lady sitting on a spotty couch with a tiny baby in her arms, the baby was tiny and looked all floppy and sleepy and the lady was beaming at the camera.
"Right here we are Penelope," Dr Pointer said shuffling the papers in his hands.
"Can you give this to her," I said dropping my bracelet in my hand the silver links pooling in my palm along with the little elephant charm.
"Sorry?"
"Your granddaughter, how old is she? Four weeks?"
"Umm Penelope we have to go through your report," he said his eyebrows knitting together.
"Just as a present," I said.
"Well," he sighed and gingerly took the bracelet from my hand, "Now can we get on Penelope?"
I nodded in response.
"Well you are much, much better, your mothers alternative treatments seem to have actually helped as your behavior has improved tremendously and you no longer seem to be showing signs of any ODD symptoms or ADD and your hyperactivity seems to have lessened a lot as well. Also your mother assures me that you are still taking your mood stabilizer medication which seems to be helping your bipolar immensely," he said stroking his chin,
"So I am certainly supportive of you returning to school and I think it will be very beneficial for you, as your grades are very good as your concentration has improved."
"That's great," I said.
"Yes but if you start to show any signs of a relapse, I think it best that you are put on more medication," he said seriously.
I pulled a face at this, you could tell it was my father who had hired this doctor he was sure drugs were the way.
"Well I think that is all really Penelope, but if you want to talk some more then my door is always open."
"Thank you Hamish and I hope your granddaughter is well," I said as we got to the door.
"Dr Pointer to you Penelope, but thank you for your kind wishes."