TRIGGER WARNING: THIS STORY CONTAINS MENTIONS OF SUICIDE, SELF HARM, AND ABUSE. IF YOU ARE SENSITIVE TO THAT KIND OF STUFF, YOU PROBABLY SHOULDNT READ THIS STORY. THANK YOU.

(Author note: in this story everyone is the same age except Lincoln who is 12 and Lucy who is 10)

Lucy Loud sat on the bathroom floor, leaning against the bathtub and wanting to die. She held a razor in her right hand and slid it across her left wrist, causing physical pain and therefore taking away a little emotional pain. She's been doing this for a while and fears that she has become addicted. She knows it's bad, but she can't stop. It's even worse that she's only ten years old.

Depression. It took her a while to realize that's what she had. Everyday was painful for her. At first at was more intense; every day she felt as if she was exploding on the inside and all she wanted to do was scream and cry. Now she feels nothing, just self hatred.

It's almost funny how unimportant she feels. At school she gets bullied often and her anxiety makes the day torture. She can't even be at peace when she's home because of all her siblings. Of course her siblings are strange; she is too and she loves them for who they are. But the thing that makes her different is that everyone else is so confident in themselves while she can't even look in the mirror without wanting to throw up.

What makes things even worse is that she hates living now and can't imagine ever being happy. She imagines herself as a drug addict in the future with no money and in an even worse situation than she is now. What's the point of living? It's not fun, just painful the whole ride through. Well, when she observes other people she notices how happy and carefree they are, and wonders why she can't be like that. There must be something wrong with her.

Lucy wore black shoes, black fishnets, a black dress that was sleeveless and short on her (in a family of 13 there isn't much money for nice clothes) and black fingerless gloves that went up to her elbow. Her siblings (and everyone else) thought it was a fashion choice but in reality, she was covering her scars.

Lucy is short for her age, thin and pale. Her long black hair hangs down her back and covers her eyes. No one knows this, but her eyes are a beautiful pale, icy, blue. She hides them behind her hair because she hates showing emotion, and her eyes show way too much of her feelings and hurt.

Someone knocks on the door and Lucy sighs. Another reason she hates herself. She has so many siblings that they drown her out and she feels unimportant to anyone. Lucy washes off her arms with hot water from the sink (to make the pain last a little longer) and dries them off with a towel. She slides her gloves back on and once again looks completely normal. Wiping off tears, Lucy tilts her head down and speeds out of the bathroom, not bothering to see who was there.

She walks to her room and sits on her bed. Sighing, Lucy picks up her poetry book. The only way out is through writing. When Lucy writes, she pours out all of her feelings and emotions into the page until there's nothing left inside of her.

It was a Tuesday night, so all her siblings were getting ready to go to bed.

Lucy, however, goes straight into her bed without bothering to brush her teeth or change. She's too depressed to even move.

Lucy stares at the ceiling. She wants to die. Really badly. She began to think of ways to easily end her life. A gun? No, she wouldn't be able to get one. A knife? No, it would be too slow and painful. Pills? She pondered for a minute. Yes, pills would work. Dad and Lori both have medicine they need to take that are kept in the cabinet. She could easily get to them, and it would be a quick, painless death. Okay, she knew how she was going to do it, but when? This Friday night. That gave her 3 days left to live.

Lynn walks into the room and Lucy rolls over to her side, covering her arms using the blanket.

Lynn looks at her. She's been acting weird lately, which is normal for Lucy, but she's been extra weird. It's normal for her to be quiet. But recently she's just been silent.

"Goodnight, Luce" Lynn says softly. She never gets an answer.

The next day at school

Lucy hides in the girls bathroom. They're coming for her again. They pound on the door and she can hear it louder in her head as the door bursts open and she stands on the toilet seat, locking the stall.

"We know you're in here, bitch. Come out already and we may be a little easier on you" one of the boys says in a teasing voice.

Lucy covers her mouth with her hand as tears run down her face. She manages to keep her breaths silent somehow. They begin kicking open stall doors and Lucy, terrified, finds a vent in the ceiling and slowly climbs into it just in time.

She begins to crawl through the air vent and eventually makes her way out. School is over now and it's beginning to be more empty, meaning she will have less safety.

Lucy decides to make a run for it, and darts outside. She looks for the Vanzilla that Lori should be driving but it's nowhere in sight. She checks her phone, looking at the time. It's 3:50. Usually they leave school at 3:45, but they always wait if someone isn't out yet. Lucy feels something break inside. No one noticed she wasn't there. Of course. Lucy thinks about calling someone on her phone to come pick her up, but decides against it because she feels embarrassed at the fact she was forgotten and doesn't want them to pity her or stare at her. There is nothing Lucy hates more than attention.

So at this point, Lucy's only option is to walk home. She begins her walk and everything goes fine. The weather is the perfect kind for her. Cloudy and cool but not raining.

It took her a while to walk home, but on the way she realized she didn't want to wait until Friday. She would end her life, and she would do it tonight.

Eventually, she reached her house and stopped at the front door. She thought about her next moves.

If her siblings saw her, it would just create the sympathy/attention problem she wanted to avoid in the first place. For once, she was glad that she was never noticed because it meant she could easily slip through the door and quietly run up to the bathroom.

She did exactly that. Praying that no one saw her, she fast walked over to the bathroom to find it (surprisingly) empty. Once inside, she locked the door and breathed a sigh of relief. She ran the bath, the water as hot as it could get. Lucy looked through the medicine cabinet and found pill bottles. She didn't care what they were; she figured anything could kill her if she took too much of it.

Lucy looked in the mirror for what she knew would be the last time. She was glad it was the last time, she hated what she saw. Everything sucks. Life sucks. She sucks.

Turning away from the mirror, Lucy was about to climb into the tub when she realized she was still wearing clothes. She pondered for a moment, then came to the conclusion she didn't want whoever found her dead body to see her naked, and so she took off her shoes, leggings, and gloves, leaving her in just her dress. Slowly, she climbed into the tub and lined up the pill bottles on the edge.

She took pill after pill, not bothering to count. She didn't have a glass of water, and she definitely wasn't going downstairs to get one, so she took them dry. Her stomach was spinning, and her head was pounding. She stopped with the pills once her vision got turned upside down and her head felt light. Sinking lower into the water, she layed down and closed her eyes. She could feel her mind drifting, and thought she could finally be at peace.

Relax. Just breathe. It will all be over soon. No more pain, no more hurt no more feeling.

It will all be over soon.