Author's Note: For madrox23
Listen to Your Heart
Listen to your heart
When he's calling for you
Listen to your heart
There's nothing else you can do
I don't know where you're going
And I don't know why
But listen to your heart
Before you tell him goodbye
-Listen to Your Heart by Roxette
The rain poured down, pasting silver hair to Haku's body as she made her way through the streets. She rubbed her arms to try to warm up, the iciness of the air making her shiver. She walked past other people, other people who didn't cast a single glance at her. No one paid her any mind as she stared at her feet, then at her reflection in the murky puddles below her. Her outfit was sleeveless, providing no warmth. Luka's wasn't much better, but at least it had a sleeve.
No. She hadn't meant to think of Luka, but she had. She tried to push the thoughts away, but they came back full force as she trudged onward.
. . .
"My name's Luka Megurine," the new Vocaloid introduced herself, smiling easily. "Nice to meet you all."
"Dammit, she's got us beat," Rin, sitting on Miku's lap, sighed, pouting at the pinkette. "Listen to that sexy voice. No one's gonna want to use our childish voices once they hear hers."
"At least you have a voice bank," snapped Neru, glaring at the two. "I'm always stuck using yours."
"At least you have fans," Haku sighed in return, knowing that people clearly liked Neru's tsundere attitude more than her own gloominess.
"You have fans, Haku," argued Miku.
"No, I don't," the Voyakiloid sighed. "Don't even bother trying to comfort me. I know I don't have any fans."
"I'm a fan," a voice piped up. The gathered Vocaloids, Voyakiloid, and Boukaloid jumped, having momentarily forgotten the newcomer, and gazed at her curiously. She smiled straight at Haku this time and said, "I've seen some songs and such that you've done with Neru, and I've come to be quite a fan."
"That's not even my voicebank, though," Haku mumbled, a tad embarrassed by the pinkette's attention. She wasn't used to having anyone notice her.
"But it's still you, isn't it?" Luka wondered, those kind blue eyes suddenly the only thing in Haku's vision.
. . .
Haku trudged through the puddles, destroying her reflection with every step before it would reappear for another brief moment. She thought of Luka, sweet Luka, the first one to ever say such a thing to her. At that time, she'd been 'alive' for a couple months more than a year, living with all the other Crypton Vocaloids, Meiko, Kaito, Miku, Neru, Rin, and Len. They'd already paired themselves off when she'd arrived, Rin with Miku, Neru with Len, and Meiko with Kaito. So, of course, when Luka had arrived, everyone had expected something to happen between the two.
"I'm sorry," Haku mumbled as she accidentally bumped into someone.
"Watch where you're going," he grumbled in response, brushing past her swiftly and continuing on his way.
"I'm sorry," she whispered even though he'd left. "I'm not used to being outside, I guess."
She forced herself to keep walking, not knowing what else to do.
. . .
"Boring," Rin and Len stated bluntly and rather loudly. Haku hurriedly clamped her hand over their mouths, earning glares from the two.
"Shh!" she hissed hurriedly, looking around herself to make sure no one had turned to look. "Don't do that!"
"C'mon, Haku," said Rin, pushing away the hand that covered her mouth. "Don't you think it'd be fun to date Luka-nee?"
"I bet Luka-nee would like going out with you, too, Haku," Len insisted.
Haku decided to ignore the lack of honorific on her own name for the moment. "Look, you two, it's not so easy. I'm a Voyakiloid, a derivative. She's a full-on Vocaloid. There's a huge difference between us."
"Neru's a derivative, but I still go out with her," the blonde boy piped up.
Haku sighed and decided to be frank. "Quite honestly, Len, you're the one who got lucky there, not her. Neru is of a whole level of her own."
"But you're the same as Neru," Rin argued.
"No, she's a Boukaloid, I'm a Voyakiloid," Haku stated coolly.
"If Neru-nee owns being a Boukaloid, can't you just own being a Voyakiloid?" Rin wondered. "Then you can be on a level of your own, too, right? And then you can date Luka-nee."
"Shush!" Haku hissed, her face going red. "Besides, being a Voyakiloid is nothing to be proud of. I'm the only officiated Voyakiloid, and all I'm here for is to be an insult toward Miku."
"I don't think that's the case."
The three gathered Crypton creations whipped around to see Luka. Haku's face grew steadily redder as she wondered how much the pinkette had heard.
"Miku doesn't see you as an insult, and people don't like you simply because you were made as a joke toward her," the Vocaloid reasoned. "You're loved because you are you, Haku. Besides, I think you should like being a Voyakiloid. It makes you special."
"But you're much more special than me," Haku insisted, her heart racing as those blue eyes concentrated only on her. "You have so many fans already, and producers love you. You're much more beloved than I am."
Luka daintily held a finger to her lower lip, pondering that for a moment. Then, she stated, "I think all you need to be well-received is a little more confidence, Haku. I'm sure everyone who loves you already would be thrilled if you'd love yourself a little more."
. . .
Why did it seem like it was always either raining or snowing when someone was depressed? Wasn't that just incredibly cliché by now? Overused, overdone, overdramatic. It was like the world was mocking her in such a tiny way, but what could she do? She was a Voyakiloid, anyway. Rain suited her, didn't it? Well, that wasn't going to stop it from depressing her.
Her shoes were soaked through now. She wasn't sure how long she'd been walking now, but she also didn't know how to get back, so there was no point in stopping walking. She had nowhere else to go, it seemed.
. . .
"I wish something would happen," Miku sighed as she stretched across Kaito's lap on the couch, gazing at the ceiling while Rin and Len harassed Neru about how incredibly short she was. "It's gotten so dull around here."
"I'm afraid I have to agree," stated Luka while she and Meiko rummaged through old lists of songs they'd sung. "It's been at least a month since I first got here, hasn't it? When is a new Vocaloid going to come?"
"I'd rather just meet the ones from other companies," Kaito stated. "Leon, Lola, and Mariam all came before I did. I'd like to meet them and compare."
"But they speak English," Neru retorted. "What kind of idiots speak English? Morons. English is stupid. Engloids fail."
"You're such a troll," Meiko retorted.
"No duh," said Neru dryly. Then, she whipped her golden gaze onto Haku, who squeaked and took a step back. Neru could be quite frightening when she wanted to be. "You, entertain me."
"No thank you," Haku requested, bowing politely.
"You messin' with me?" snapped Neru, her eyes flashing angrily as she strode across the room to glare up at Haku. "I'm bored, so entertain me."
"Neru-nee, you're such a meanie," whined Miku, making no move to stop the girl. "Leave Haku alone."
Neru jerked back at that moment, though it wasn't from Miku's words. Instead, Luka had grabbed the tsundere by the collar and dragged her backward. Mild anger flickering in the pinkette's eyes, she requested, "Please don't frighten Haku. You know she doesn't take well to harshness."
Neru pouted, crossing her arms over her chest, and snapped, "You're all such babies."
. . .
Haku was beginning to get tired, so she stopped for a moment and gazed around herself. Her eyes caught sight of a bench. It was soaking, collecting puddles on its wooden seats, but she was already drenched to the bone, so she took a seat, anyway. She wanted to smile at those memories, but she couldn't, not yet.
. . .
Luka yawned and stretched her arms over her head. Haku froze and quickly averted her gaze, wondering if it was possible for a Vocaloid, or Voyakiloid, to blush. Rin, sitting comfortably on Miku's lap, made eye contact and tilted her head to the side, her entire face a question mark. Haku shook her head a little, but the yellow-haired girl's eyes had already locked on Luka and then whipped back to the Voyakiloid. She beamed at Haku and seemed to be prodding her to do something, but Haku wasn't sure what. Rin then seemed to grow frustrated and turned to face Miku, whispering back and forth with her partner.
As the film continued onward, Neru grew tired of sitting on the floor with Len and shoved Haku aside on the couch, sending her even closer to Luka. The couch was meant for three people, and it had already been covered with Luka, Haku, and Miku. Rin, being on Miku's lap, didn't count. Len complained for a moment over being left by himself on the ground, but, upon being smacked across the back of the head both by Rin and Neru, he shut up and sulked on the ground. Meiko and Kaito offered to let him sit on the chair they were sharing, but he refused, claiming he wanted to be near Neru.
Wanting to be near her? Haku wondered, unable to resist staring at Luka for a moment. She knew for a fact that there was nothing she wanted more than to be near Luka, nearer than they were right now. However, when Luka's eyes met hers, she swiftly looked away, unable to speak her mind.
. . .
People passing by barely cast her a glance as the rain darkened her hair and clothes. Silver locks fanned along the bench in soaked tendrils. She placed her knuckles against her mouth and screwed her eyes shut to stop the tears from coming. No one would notice, surely, but she would know they were there.
. . .
"Be my partner."
No one was more shocked than Haku when Luka had said that to her. It was completely public, too. All the Vocaloids were gathered together before the television, staring at the pink-haired woman who blocked it, her face reddening and her hands clenched into fists by her sides as she stared straight at Haku. Haku froze, unsure how to react as all eyes turned onto her. She could only manage a small squeak in response. Luckily, Luka was braver than the Voyakiloid, and she continued onward.
"I really, really like you, Haku, and nothing would make me more happy than to be your partner," the pinkette expressed. "I-I know you probably don't feel the same way, so it's – you don't have to – we can forget that – I won't . . . ." The woman trailed off, loosing all sense of language as her eyes feel to the ground.
The eyes of her companions bore into Haku as they waited for her response. Haku couldn't breathe, couldn't speak, couldn't think. She stared at Luka's fallen eyes, though, and she noticed that the woman wasn't as brave as she seemed. Her hands were trembling ferociously as they anxiously fiddled with the hem of her shirt. Haku pulled herself off the couch in a slow, decisive manner, and pushed one foot in front of the other until she stood before Luka. Then, summoning all her courage, she threw her arms around the woman and pulled her toward her.
"I love you so much, Luka," she whispered, desperately fighting off tears. "There's nothing I'd like more than to be your partner."
Luka began shuddering before letting out a sob and clinging tightly to Haku. "I love you too, Haku," she whispered hurriedly, as though there wasn't enough time to get the words out. "I love you too."
. . .
Haku bit back the hot sting of tears, the closing of her throat as a sob pressured her to let go. She clutched the bench tightly and bowed over so that no one would see her pain. It hurt, it hurt, it hurt. She loved Luka so much, so, so much. So much that it hurt. There was nothing more painful in the world.
. . .
"My name is Kamui Gakupo, or Gackpoid," the violet-haired man said, standing before the other Vocaloids along with Leon, Lola, Mariam, and Sweet Ann. Now that the introductions were done, the new arrivals didn't seem to have any idea what to do. Finally, all Vocaloids had been placed together, so, despite Luka still being the newest Vocaloid, these five were strangers to the Cryptonloids, and their numbers made the older Vocaloids shrink back, unsure how to take on more than one new arrival at a time.
Aside from Luka.
"Well, this is usually when we watch television," she said, smiling kindly at the purple-haired man from where she sat with Haku. "Would you all like to join us?"
Haku didn't miss the spark of interest in Gakupo's eyes, but she didn't know how to react to it. Instead of doing anything, she simply turned her gaze elsewhere when he took a seat beside the pinkette, shooing Rin onto the ground as she stuck her tongue out at him. "That's very kind of you, thank you. I believe we'll take you up on that offer."
Back off, Haku thought, feeling immediately guilty for thinking it. That guilt didn't last long, though, when she noticed Luka blushing.
. . .
"Darn it," Haku whispered to herself as she wiped away tears with the palms of her hands. The words came out with a choked gasp as the need to sob rose in her chest. She pushed herself off the bench and continued moving forward. Maybe then she'd stop thinking.
. . .
"Gakupo, please stop," Luka begged weakly, turning her face away as she placed her hands delicately against his chest to push him away. She didn't push hard, though. "This isn't right."
"Luka, it's not your fault," he insisted, looking not arrogant or aggressive but lost and desperate. "I love you so much, Luka, and I know you love me, too."
"But I'm Haku's partner," Luka insisted.
"But you love me."
"I love her, too."
"But not in that way, Luka." He took on a sort of authoritive tone as he tried desperately to get her to look at him. "Not like you used to. Admit it, Luka, please. Tell me you love me more."
Luka was quiet before a tiny whisper sounded. "It's not fair to Haku. I promised to love her. I did love her. Falling out of love, it's not fair, especially not to her."
Haku had heard enough. She slipped away from their secret corner, being sure neither one saw her, and made her way into the room she shared with Luka. She couldn't stop the tears from coming s she doubled over on her bed.
. . .
It was no good. The thoughts wouldn't stop coming, and the rain refused to stop pouring, and all Haku wanted to do was fall to her knees there, in the middle of the street, and sob her eyes out. The worst memory flickered in her mind, and she felt as though her heart might fall completely apart.
. . .
"I'm back," Luka said cheerily, coming into the room. Haku sat silently on the bed. Luka smiled and wondered, "Aren't you going to welcome me back?"
She'd been thinking about it for days now. Now that she'd gathered the courage, she had to say it. If she didn't now, she never would, and that wasn't fair to Luka or herself.
"You don't have to come back anymore."
Haku could barely believe that those words had come from her, so she didn't look up to her partner. She imagined Luka must have flinched, but Haku had prepared herself, practiced these words so many times. This was the way it had to be. This was the only thing she could do for Luka.
"W-what are you talking about?" Luka stammered, horrified.
Haku stared at the carpet flooring, digging her fingers into the bed sheets. "You love Gakupo, don't you?"
"B-but, Haku—" Luka started, then she cut herself off and whispered, "So you saw us?" Haku nodded silently, and Luka grew desperate. "I'm so sorry, Haku, but nothing is ever going to happen between Gakupo and I! You're the one I love! You're my partner! I'll never see him again, okay?"
Haku braced herself and stood. She padded across the flooring to the hysterical woman, smiling gently as she took those dainty hands and placed them against her love's chest. She closed her eyes to block out the tears and powerfully, keeping her voice alarmingly steady, murmured, "It's okay, Luka. Listen to your heart. What is it saying?"
But Luka was sobbing, desperately trying to reassure Haku. "I'll say goodbye to him for good, Haku. Just stay with me, please."
"Shh," Haku hushed, wanting so badly to accept Luka request, to hug her, to cry with her, but that wasn't fair. "Please, Luka. Listen to your heart. Tell me whose name it's whispering right now."
"Yours," said Luka, her voice broken.
"Luka!" came his voice, shattering the air around the two, but the two stayed intact. Haku felt Gakupo enter and pause upon catching the tone of the room.
"Listen," Haku insisted.
"I don't want to," hiccupped Luka, her sobbing quieting down now. Haku wondered if her eyes had fallen to Gakupo now, and she forced that smile to stay on her face.
"Listen."
There was nothing but the sound of muffled tears and hiccups from Luka for the next moments before that single heart-wrenching word fell from her lips. "Gakupo." It was so quiet, nearly a whisper, but Haku heard it. She released Luka's hands and opened her eyes to see Luka run to the samurai, sobbing once more as she buried her face in his chest. "I love you."
Gakupo looked to Haku, who forced a smile that said that it was okay. Then, his eyes fell down to Luka, and he began stroking her hair, cooing softly, "Shh, Luka. It's okay." Then, "I love you, too."
Haku smiled for them, so happy that she was able to make the right choice. She knew Luka would be happy now, even if Haku herself couldn't be. And, quietly so as not to disturb them, she made her way out of the room and onto the rainy streets.
. . .
"Please be happy now, Luka," Haku whispered as she leaned against a wall to try to control her shaking shoulders. She slid onto the ground, sitting against the wall of a busy street, but she didn't care. She didn't care that people were staring at her, not in the slightest. All she cared about was Luka, the girl she loved, the girl she'd lost.
"Haku!"
Haku flinched at the sound of her name, but she didn't recognize the voice. She didn't look up until the green-haired girl stood before her, leaning down to the slumped figure that was Haku. The girl smiled and held out one hand while the other pushed hair back behind her ear. Haku was a little startled as she realized how beautiful this girl was.
"Do I know you?" Haku wondered.
The girl giggled and responded, "Sorry, I was just so excited when I saw you that I forgot to introduce myself. I'm Gumi, the new Vocaloid." She smiled and said, "Luka sent me out to find you. She said we might get along well, so I should introduce myself."
Haku's eyes fell, her heart aching as she thought once more of Luka. "Well, thanks, but I kind of wanted some time to think."
Gumi blinked blankly at her before straightening up. Just when Haku thought that she was going to walk away, the girl slumped to the ground beside Haku and smiled. Haku frowned and stated, "You're going to get soaked."
Gumi smiled softly and remarked, "I'm not about to leave you all on your own when you're obviously hurting. You don't have to tell me what's wrong, but at least let me stay with you."
Haku blinked in shock at the odd new Vocaloid before consenting to this request and leaning her head against the wall to stare up at the cloudy sky. She could hear Gumi's gentle breathing beside her, and, for a reason she couldn't fathom, felt the need to grow closer to the girl. She leaned her head down against the smaller girl, who smiled gently at her.
"You know," Gumi said quietly, her voice so wonderfully soothing. "Everyone else is already kind of paired up, so it was lonely back at home. Would you mind if I stay with you for a while?"
Haku sighed, allowing the tears to mix with the rain as she took comfort in the presence of Gumi by her side, and begged softly as the memories played once more, "As long as you promise not to leave me."
Haku's lashes fluttered shut as the stress from this day took its toll, and, right before she fell asleep, she heard Gumi promise, "I won't leave you for anyone, Haku. I'll always be with you, so please don't worry. I won't leave you like she did."
Author's Note: If you noticed the choppiness, that was on purpose, to replicate when your recalling memories. You usually jump from one thought to another without a proper transition.