"Look, Mummy! This one is smiling at me!"
Zara grins as a fat goldfish hovers in front of her, floating in its bowl effortlessly like tiny, orange submarine. Her mother looks down at her with a straight face, somewhat unimpressed.
"Zara, dear, that's what you said about the other five fish. You can only pick one."
Zara pouts.
"But they're all so friendly! How am I supposed to pick my favorite when they all want to come home with me?"
Her mother kneels down beside her and puts her hand on her shoulder.
"Zara, I know you want to be kind to the animals, but think about what would happen if we took them all back to our house. You'd be so busy taking care of them that they wouldn't get enough individual attention, and you'd end up making them feel forgotten. If you pick one, he can be your best friend. You can feed him and play with him and give him all the love he deserves."
Zara stares at the goldfish. It puffs out its cheeks and stares at her blankly with strabismic eyes. He looks pensive, in a way, but also very naïve. Zara is in love.
"I like this one. He's a real gentleman."
Her mother smiles.
"He certainly is. What are you going to name him?"
Zara rubs her chin thoughtfully.
"Don."
"Short for Donald?" her mother asks.
Zara shakes her head.
"No, just Don. I want to give him a name that he'll remember."
Her mother laughs.
"Alright, then. Let's ask the owner to pack him up."
Fifteen minutes later, Zara is sitting in her booster seat with a clear, plastic bag in her lap. Don seems slightly panicked by the moving car, but Zara gives him a reassuring smile as he darts to and fro. When they get home, her mother puts Don in a bowl full of clean, clear water. He tumbles around for a bit after she dumps him in, somewhat disoriented, then turns right side up. At first, he has trouble finding his way around in the confined space, but after a few minutes, he's floating happily. Zara smiles and places her finger on the glass tenderly.
"This is your new home, Don. You're going to love it here."
The fish swims up to her finger and pokes his nose against the glass. Zara moves her hand up and down, watching with fascination as Don follows her fingernail.
"You must really like me!"
The fish opens and closes his mouth stupidly.
"I like you too. We're going to be best friends, you and I. Mummy said so."
Don continues to hover idly. Zara smiles and kisses the glass.
"I have to go to bed soon, but I promise I'll spend all of tomorrow with you. Does that sound good?"
Don does not reply. Even so, Zara can see that he's excited.
"Splendid! Goodnight, Don."
Zara runs upstairs, turning off the light as she goes. Before leaving, she peeks through the railings. She can just make out Don's shadow bobbing up and down lazily in his bowl. Smiling with glee, Zara runs down the hall and gets ready for bed.
The next day, Zara wakes up early to feed her fish. When she gets downstairs, she grabs a box of fish food and runs over to the bowl. Before she can pour any flakes into the water, Zara freezes in horror. Don is floating upside-down, completely immobile. When she gets over the initial shock, Zara begins to sniffle. She reaches into the bowl and scoops out the dead fish. Sobbing heavily, she runs up to her mother's room and wails in agony.
"MUMMY!"
Her mother groans and rolls over in bed, her face shadowed by a tangle of dark hair. She opens her eyes drowsily, wiping drool from the corner of her mouth.
"Zara, go back to sleep. It's not time to get up yet."
When she sees that Zara is holding Don in her palms, her jaw drops.
"What happened?"
Zara whimpers shrilly.
"I went to feed him, and he- and he- he was dead!"
Her mother picks up the fish delicately and places him on the bedside table. When she's wiped her hands on a tissue, she sits up in bed and gives Zara a hug.
"I'm sorry, sweetie. It looks like you chose a dud fish."
Zara cries into her mother's shoulder.
"Don was supposed to be my best friend . . ."
Her mother strokes her hair gently.
"Shhh . . . Shhh . . . It's okay. Don't cry. Don't cry, pumpkin."
Zara looks into her mother's eyes.
"If I hadn't picked him, would he still be alive?"
Her mother blinks, then shakes her head.
"No, Zara. Sometimes, things die. There isn't always a reason. It's not your fault."
Zara buries her face in her mother's pyjamas. She rocks her back and forth slowly.
"We can get a new fish, darling. We'll go to the store-"
"No!" Zara cries, "No, we can't go back! What if I kill another fish?"
"You didn't kill him, sweetheart."
"I chose him. He would have been fine if he'd stayed at the shop. My decision made him die."
"Don't you believe that, Zara," her mother says firmly, placing her finger under her chin, "None of this was your fault. Some things are beyond our control."
Zara looks at Don's body. His exposed eye is turned towards the ceiling in an empty stare. She wonders if he was waiting for her to return during his final moments, asking himself where she had gone to when he needed her most. As she imagines this scenario, the tears start trickling down her face harder than ever before.
In this moment, she makes a solemn vow. If making a decision can cause such misery, Zara Young will never choose anything ever again.