Dear diary, My name is Heinz Doofenshmirtz and my therapist recommended that i keep this journal because she thinks it would help me resolve some of my "Issues." I don't really think i have issues, i mean i am divorced and my daughter has issues with my line of work, and i may cry myself to sleep every night but that doesn't mean i have issues!
Every day Perry the platypus comes over to thwart my evil plans. I mean would it KILL him to give me a victory. Even win my victory would be next to meaning less, No im not allowed to win because O.W.C.A is a bunch of bully's. All in all though, Perry the platypus is a total sweet heart. Even though he's my nemesis, we still take time out of our busy schedule's of hating each other to go bowling and just talk. He tells me about his home life and gets real emotional when talking about it. Or at least i think, i mean all he does is make that weird little noise of his but i know what he meant. You know you have to get good at reading at reading peoples or platipeoples in this case body language. It can really come in handy if you are a member of L.O.V.E.M.U.F.F.I.N. Oh im getting sidetracked, OK OK back on track.
I have an ex-wife whose alimony checks fund my evil schemes and well my whole life, Not that im a failure or anything its just... well uh, Life isn't working out the way i planed. Anyway, I met her in collage at the campus library, I don't know why or how but i got the nerve to go over and talk to her. She was the most beautiful girl i had ever seen. We hit it off and decided to go out on a date. We dated throughout collage and got married soon after graduation. We where happily married for two years when we found out we where going to have a baby. When our baby girl Vanessa was born, She became the highlight of our lives, But things didn't stay happy forever. When Vanessa was 8, Here mother and i where going through a rough patch. We decided it would be for the best if we got a divorce, It was a mutual decision but i will admit it hurt me a lot. I still have feelings for my ex but whats in the past is in the past i guess. Vanessa didn't take the divorce well, She blamed me for it which made me feel pretty bad. Even now that she is a teenager i still don't think she has forgiving me.
You may have read about my daughter Vanessa. I'll admit, I'm not the worlds best dad, But it does hurt me how closed off she can be from me. It breaks my heart to see my little girl be so distant, but that's part of being a teenager i guess. She has a boyfriend named johnny who's into the whole "Visigoth" Thing like she is. Kids today with their weird fascination of European history am i right? She's not evil like i am but that's OK i love her just the same, i mean after all she is still my little girl.
I have a robot named norm that lives with me. He thinks of me as his dad, I want to think of him as my son but im scared that I'll alienate him like i did with Vanessa. He helps me with all of my Inators and is a real treat to have around the house. You know know what i hate though, You cant get quality robot parts anymore. I mean seriously Norm has to run on squirrel power because the hardware store "Didn't have" A nuclear powered robot engine, I mean what kind of store wouldn't have one of those. Anyway Norm's pretty awesome.
But Seriously if theirs one thing that this diary should prove is that i have no issues. Like really me Heinz Doofenshmirtz unstable? Get real.