A short one-shot (and a song) that refused to leave my head. I hope you like it :)
'I shot for the sky,
I'm stuck on the ground,
Why do I try
I know I'm gonna fall down.'
Loki often dreamed of flying.
Light as a feather. Completely and utterly free. No invisible ropes around his ankles tying him to one place.
One life.
One lie.
One liar.
One liar whose approval Loki had been seeking for as long as he could remember. That search had led where he was now, hanging above the abyss, holding onto Odin's spear.
He was chained to the man he called father.
Heavy were chains of the innocent, atonement for sins he hadn't committed.
No wonder he couldn't fly.
He didn't fear the emptiness beneath his feet. He knew he wouldn't meet it.
Because he couldn't let go.
Because he still hoped to find what he had been chasing all of his life. Spark of pride in that blue eye when the All-Father looked at him.
"I could have done it, father!" He shouted out, wanting – needing – the old man to understand, to see why he had done the things he had done.
He had not done them for himself, for his own glory. He was not Thor.
Loki was different – better – than his brother.
Thor would have led them into another bloody war. Loki had eliminated the threat of the Frost Giants quickly and efficiently. Laufey, the beast who hadn't cared even for his own blood, was dead; the remaining Frost Giants left leaderless. They posed no threat to anyone anymore.
The All-Father had to see how much he had done for the safety of the Nine Realms. He had to see how much more he could do if given a chance.
"I could have done it!" He promised. "For you!"
Odin smiled. It was a sad smile.
A smile that had been directed at Loki most of his life.
"For all of us..." Loki thought of Frigga, warmness of her hug when he had saved her and Odin from Laufey.
It was nothing compared to how she had hugged Thor upon his return. Like her every dream had come true.
And Loki had been left alone again, forgotten and lost in attempt to be remembered and found and recognized as more than a man that constantly shot for the sky, trying to escape his brother's shadow, only to fall deeper into the darkness every time he lost the ground beneath his feet.
Why did he even try?
How many times can one fall and live?
He met Odin's gaze, finding his past reflected in the pupil of that one blue eye.
Past full of reaching for the stars.
Past full of falling down.
Again and again, every now and then.
And why?
Just because he couldn't let go.
"No, Loki." Odin said, as if confirming his thoughts.
You can't let go.
You will stand up again. You will try to fly again. You will fall again.
Loki was tired of that never-ending circle he was stuck in. He would never be what Odin wanted him to be. Not because he didn't try or because Odin had expectations Loki couldn't meet.
It was because Thor already existed.
As long as it remained so, Loki would never be free.
Or as long as he tried to excel his brother in Odin's and everyone else's eyes.
He could break the circle. He could break free.
He heard Thor calling out his name, but his eyes were fixed on the All-Father. Odin didn't even blink.
The spear slipped through Loki's fingers and he rapidly ran to meet the abyss.
Loki dreamed of many things he couldn't have.
Being his brother's equal. Gaining Odin's approval. Flying.
However, reality was cruel.
He could not fly.
He could only fall.