Ha! My second Sherlock fanfic! :D Johnlock again :) Enjoy, and sorry for my grammar mistakes - I'm not native speaker :/ This is a story of how it should have been in the end of 3x03 His Last Vow :) I thought it was ok, but then my friend read it and said it was sad. And then I realized it is quite sad... Still, I hope you will read it and like it ;)
Disclaimer: No, not even I own Sherlock :(
Story: My Goodbye
By: Mischel
That moment was coming. The last moment he was about to spend with John Watson. His best friend and even more than that as he realized a few years ago. And now he had to say goodbye. It was breaking his heart to even think about it. That he might most likely not ever see him again.
"Since this is likely to be the last conversation I'll have with John Watson," he said and looked at John "would you mind if we took a moment?" Mycroft smirked a bit, but noone seemed to notice that. And he walked away with Mary, John's wife. So now he, Sherlock Holmes, was alone with John Watson. Probably for the last time in his life.
"So here we are." said John and looked down at his feet. This was perhaps the last time with his friend, and he had no idea what to say.
"William Sherlock Scott Homes." said Sherock suddenly, still looking at John. John looked up at him, confused a bit.
"Sorry?" he asked.
"That's the whole of it." smiled a bit Sherlock "If you're looking for baby names." he finished and John smiled too.
"No, we've had a scan," John said "we're pretty sure it's a girl."
"Oh. OK." Sherlock said. He knew he had to tell John that he loves him, before it was too late. But he had no idea how to say what he felt. He took a deep breath "Yeah" was the only one thing he managed to say. He really didn't know how to start.
"You know, actually, I can't think of a single thing to say." John admitted at last and smiled again a bit.
"No, neither can I." Sherlock lied. He knew exactly what to say, he just didn't know how.
"The game is over." said John a bit sadly. He will miss all those cases, running and murders.
"The game is never over, John." Sherlock said and looked at John again. He knew he had to say it. It was now or never. Really never again. "But there may be some new players now." said he instead. "That's OK, the East Wind takes us all in the end."
"What's that?" John asked. Again, as usual, he didn't understand Sherlock.
"It's a story my brother told me when we were kids." Sherlock explained "The East Wind is a terrifying force that lays waste to all in its path. It seeks out the unworthy and plucks them from the earth." He smiled a bit there and finished still with smile on his face "That was generally me."
"Nice," John said sarcastically and smiled too.
"He's a rubbish big brother." admitted Sherlock.
"So what about you, then? Where are you actually going now?" John asked, curiosity taking finally over. Still, he didn't want Sherlock to go.
"Oh, some undercover work in Eastern Europe." Sherlock answered.
"For how long?"
"Six months, my brother estimates. He's never wrong." said Sherlock. He needed to tell him what he wanted to, in couple of minutes he's flying away.
"And then what?" John asked sadly again.
"Who knows?" Sherlock replied and bit his lower lip a bit. It was now or never. He straightened himself a bit up and took a deep breath. And then again. He looked at John, and slowly started "John, there's something I should say, I've meant to say always and I never have." John looked at him questioningly and Sherlock took a deep breath again. "Since it's unlikely we'll ever meet again, I might as well say it now." He looked into John's eyes and said "Sherlock is actually a girl's name." Well, that really wasn't what he wanted to say, dammit.
"It's not." laughed John and looked at Sherlock again.
"It was worth a try." Sherlock replied with a sad smile. He missed it. He completely missed the right moment for what he was going to say. And now John won't ever know how Sherlock felt about him.
"We're not naming our daughter after you." John smiled. But then, it sounded as if Sherlock was really going to say something very important, not just a joke like this. Was he hiding something?
"Oh, I think it could work." Sherlock said. But John frowned. It couldn't be what he wanted to say. Sherlock wanted to tell him something that was very important, but let it go at last, because he either didn't want to, or he was scared. And John didn't like the thought of his friend being scared. No, there was something more, and he wanted to know.
"But," John started, still frowning a bit.
"But what?" Sherlock asked.
"That's not what you were going to say, is it?" He asked finally. And Sherlock bowed his head and smiled a bit. Clever John, he thought.
"No, it's not." he answered slowly, still looking on the ground.
"Then what is it?" John asked, he was kinda curious what was on Sherlock's mind this time.
"I'll be honest..." Sherlock said and looked right into John's eyes."John, it wasn't because of a case. When.. when you found me in that abandon house." He managed to say.
"Really? So why were you there?" John frowned again. Now he really was interested in what Sherlock wanted to say.
"I was down. Really, really deep down. I ... I kinda collapsed." Sherlock admited. When Mary married John, he knew he will never be able to kiss John. Because that was what he wanted to do since the very day he realized he's in love with him. And that was the reason why he left John's wedding as the first of all guests. He just couldn't bear it anymore. Looking at his love, dancing and kissing someone else.
"Why would you collaps, Sherlock?" John smiled a bit, even when he knew this wasn't funny at all. Sherlock had to have some kind of problem, he wanted to talk about, but didn't want to in the same time. So it had to be serious.
"I shot Magnussen. You know why?" Sherlock suddenly felt as if he needed to tell it now, to put everything out of him, so he started: "He was right. I care about you hell a lot and I wanted you to be save. So they would see just me as a murderer. And you'd be free. And you are free." He smiled.
"Sherlock-" tried John, but he was cut off by Sherlock.
"I collapsed because you... you married Mary..." Sherlock said and was surprised when he felt his eyes starting to burn. He had tears in eyes now and according to the look on John's face, he noticed it too.
"Why?" Was the only one thing John managed to say. Why would be Sherlock upset because he married Mary? It didn't make any sence.
"Because... because I... I love you John." Sherlock finally said "Since the first day we met, I cared about you. I told you that girls aren't exactly my area. And then I realized that I love you. I can't help myself John. You are the first person in my whole life I ever loved..." He said, crying a bit now. He couldn't bear it. Losing his friend right now, because he murdered someone. Now, when he finally told him what he feels...
"Sherlock-" tried John again, but instead of an answer, he found himself in a hug with Sherlock. Sherlock hugged him firmly with tears streaming down his face. John heard Sherlock sniffing and then Sherlock sobbed a bit, quietly into John's shoulder. It was the first time he saw Sherlock actually crying, and so he put his arms slowly and carefully around Sherlock's shakeing shoulders and squeezed.
"Goodbye John," whispered Sherlock into his friend's ear and pulled away. "M-my do-doctor." He sniffed again and then he simply went away and hurried into the plane, wiping his tears away quickly. John made a few steps forward and then just stood there with a confused and sad expression on his face. He couldn't believe what has Sherlock just told him. He was in love with him? John felt sorry for Sherlock, that he was crying, because of him. He really didn't want him to go.
Mary slowly came to her husband and watched the plane rising to the air. "What did he tell you?" She asked John, but he didn't seem to hear her, so she repeated herself, looking at him worriedly "John?"
"What?" John said, looking at his wife briefly "No, no... nothing" He said and looked back at Sherlock, flying away. He saw Sherlock's hand against the window, waving him his goodbye. As John soon realized, he had tears in eyes as well, but he quickly blinked them away and took Mary's hand into his own.
"Goodbye Sherlock, my detective..." He whispered quietly into the air.
So that's it :D Hope you all liked it. I'm really looking forward the next episode. I just don't want to wait so long. But that probably noone wants... Also I'm sorry it's sad, as I'm realizing now when I read it again before putting it here. Maybe I'm better in sad fanfics, according to my 'My Special Star'... who knows :)