It started to snow again. It's the second week this time. In exact six days it's his birthday. Thinking about him always bring tears and sorrow. No matter how hard he tries to forget that red haired person. There is always something that will be a reminder. Almost everything he looked at. In the white disinfected room the snow white walls for example reminds him of a time when Seijuurou have gifted him a boquet full of white roses, or when they visited a flower field full of wild white flowers. But staring at those walls for a long time, you sure will be seeing red spots. Guilty red spots, which can never be cleaned clear forever. Making a pale patient all crazy.
He had turned 20 when that happend. He, however was only 21 back then.
The thought of losing your love/lover never really crossed his mind. Even though he knows that a relationship could never last forever, at least he had hoped it would be l very long-standing one.
He dreamt to much it seems and was woken up with a too terrifying reality.
He was 18 when they broke up.
At first it really hurts and he couldn't understand why him? He has always been a faithful lover but for Seijuurou, it wasn't enough. He merely broke Kuroko's beating heart in thousand pieces and left the powder blue haired boy crying heartrendingly at the playground by night, alone.
At that hard time, his best friend Kagami comforts him in his own odd but cute way. Those days really warms up his bruised heart. But nothing could replace a first love. Those feelings have been engraved in his soul from the first time meeting the pretty red head. It couldn't completely be forgotten that easily.
The longing to touch the milky soft skin which contrast so beautiful against the firce red hair was immense, especially when seeing him somewhere around unexpectedly.
What is more unexpected was the way that his sincerely smile is now directed at that senpai of his instead of him. Suddenly Kuroko wasn't the attention of his former lover anymore.
And in a full turn, Chihiro Mayuzumi was the source to all his sudden unhappiness. That guy took everything away from him. The basketball playstyle back at the winter cup the way he his allowed to whisper against Seijuurou ear, the way their lips brushed softly against each other's and what hurt the most is to hear Seijuurou's angelic laugh which is set at that boy. Nothing aches more than to know that your once lover have moved on...
So he doesn't understand all the more what Akashi had told him over the mobile phone, while gazing at each other on opposite buildings at the rooftop in the cold season 6 years ago.
„Tetsuya, you don't understand." The sad voice of his once lover on the phone sounds more dramatical than it was intended and it got a huge effect on Kuroko's already weak heart.
„What is there to understand? You leave me saying that you loved me. Shouldn't we stay because we love each other? I really loved- still loves you, so why? Tell me please, Seijuurou." Tears which was hold back are now streaming down the pale skin, freely. Soft sobs erupted Kuroko's mouth, making him look more pitiful than ever.
„I truly love you. So don't push me away." Saying those words softly against his phone, his vision got more and more teary by minutes.
„Don't cry, I don't deserve it. I told you to not love me but to love Kagami. He is a good person who can make you truly happy."
„No, you don't understand! Kagami is just a friend. I like him just as a friend. Nothing romantic involved like I do for you, Seijuurou!"
„It's not easy. But O know for sure that he is able to bring you more happiness than I ever will. Tetsuya I just want your forgiveness for what I have done to you. It wasn't fair and I just hope you will understand and move on to be happy again. Your happiness is of most importance."
Kuroko stared at the opposite building not far from his own rooftop building. He could see Akashi's marine blue dufflecooat and the snow whcih falls down the red head's hair makeing the scene look so innocent and romantic.
But what will come in a minute was far from that.
„Then just stay with me, like in the earlier days."
Shaking his head softly, Akashi smiles. A warm smile with a sad looking face.
„Life has never been fair. We can't be together. So please just forget me and move on with that friend of yours. Don't be so stubborn for once and see what your life offers you. Use the opportunity which I didn't do, so please do me that last favour."
Sinking to his knees, Kuroko's aching hearts reached a maximum. His head start to feel heavy and his fingers starts to tremble from the cold and from the psychic pain. His tears doesn't seem to stop.
„I can't! I just c- can't."
From the view, he could see how Seijuurou throws his mobile phone down the edge, in seconds the converstion stops aprupt.
Skyblue eyes widen in an instant and he reached forward but was held back by a huge fence which was put at the brink of the rooftop.
No. Please no.
In slowmotion, Kuroko could see how the body of his red haired lover reached forward. In time he was holding the fence with all his strength, as if it would hold Akashi back from the dangerous height, he saw the red head smile while mouthing a word he doesn't understand.
A loud screaming echoed. And a body was fallen. The world broke down for a second time for Kuroko.
Broking down with uncontrollable sobs, Kuroko just laid on the floor crying. He could bear a fight with Akashi. Even a break up he could bear halfway. But how? How is he going to live when he knows that Seijurou is not with him anymore. How...
Live has always been more cruel with him. Because he had loved Seijuurou more than the other way around. So he dying would be the same as him dying too.
„Ughhh- You promised... ughh- you promised to stay with me no matter what, so why? Why are you doing this to me, do you hate me this much?!"
He still doesn't know the answer to that. Seijuurou must had really hated him to take his life. Resulting him being miserable forever. Moving on with Kagami? How could he do that after just loosing Akashi? It was horrible enough to know the fact that he no longer lives on this planet with him. When they were still happy, they have promised to only love each other and to be there for one another. Well, Akashi was there for him, when his grandma died and he was also there for him when Nigou suddenly disappeared. They were really happy back then. So happy that the break up wasn't foreseen at all.
Staring outside the slightly frozen window, the snow continues to drop.
In the white cell for 4 years really makes him more unemotional than he ever was. He lost his motivation to live long ago. The many scars on his wrist and arm are a constant reminder of it.
„Do you know how I feel right now, Seijuurou?"
On the nightside table was a white porcelain vase with a single blue flower in it.
A/n: Thank you guys for reading. I know this fic is all angsty and stuff. But it was fun writing someting different. Hope you guys like it.
If you want I can write one more in Akashi's POV.
The flower in the end symbolize for longing.
Kuroko in the asylum is 27 years old.
Akashi died with 20.