1-Up Girl Chapter 1: Prologue, a star vs. the forces of evil fanfic

Hello everybody, and welcome to Part 4 of my exciting Star vs the Forces of Evil fanfiction series. Sorry for the slight delay. I mean to have this up yesterday, but work's been a killer lately. Anyway, before we get started, Star vs the Forces of Evil is owned by Disney and Stands are the creation of the brilliant and talented Hirohiko Araki. And now that the formalities are out of the way. Let's get things started. 3… 2… 1… Enjoy.

1-Up Girl: Prologue.

(Alcari Nebula, Polaris Galaxy: July 8, 2046)

The Silver-7.

Legendary Headquarters of the Valkyries.

Home of the Universe's Mightiest Heroes.

Chariot of the Defenders of all Reality.

Etcetera.

You get the idea.

A group of really famous space heroes live here.

Anyway, deep within this slick and streamlined structure, in its innermost inner sanctum, two princesses sat in total darkness; looking extremely confused and irritated.

After spending over two weeks meditating and pondering the mysteries of the cosmos, the girls, Artemis in particular, were excited to learn that the next stop on their 'vacation tour' would be the legendary ship of the Valkyries; the Defenders of the Universe.

And how could they not be?

After all, even in the sheltered existence their mother had forced them into, Artemis and Marisol had grown up listening to tales of the Valkyries' heroic exploits.

How they saved the planet Tralfamadore from a swam of trans-dimensional plasma eels.

How the prevented the second coming of Necrofax the Mind Rapist.

How they pushed back Lord Hater and the Unholy Horde of the Seventh Hell.

Sigh

Artemis got chills just thinking about it.

But alas, so far reality wasn't quite living up to the hype.

After being dropped off by Lady Hekapoo, the girls were led down a long hallway by a pair of floating, supposedly artificially intelligent orbs and herded into a pitch black room where they were immediately seated in a pair of metal folding chairs and told to wait.

That was about… forty-five minutes ago, and they were still waiting.

"Ugh!" Artemis groaned as she slumped into her chair. "This sucks!"

"You really shouldn't swear so much, you know." Marisol said disapprovingly. "It's not very ladylike."

"First of all, 'sucks' isn't a swear word. And second, even if it was, it would be totally justified in this situation. I mean, here we are, onboard the Silver-7; headquarters of the universe's mightiest heroes. And instead of showing us around or telling us awesome stories, they just tucked us away in some… broom closest or whatever without so much as a greeting. It's so unfair!"

"I'm sure they have a good reason." Her sister said rationally. "Perhaps they're busy battling an interstellar warlord, or helping some poor damsel in distress."

"Yeah, well whatever they're doing, they better hurry up, or I'm gonna go out there and…"

But before the young princess could finish her empty threat, the unnatural silence of the room was suddenly shattered by a peculiar sound; it was kind of like a piano, only the chords were electronic and overly synthesized.

Artemis was about to comment on this strange turn of events, when five rose colored spotlights clicked on in front of them; forming a perfect straight line.

Suddenly, a strange pink mist arose from the blackness and the music took on a strange new tempo; becoming faster and even more dramatic.

Then, just as it was about to reach its climax, a dynamic and equally synthesized voice began to chant.

"Super Sentai~"

After that, the music slowed down again, and a pillar of fire suddenly shot up from beneath the spotlight on the far left. Moments later, the fire vanished and in its place stood a beautiful young woman; presumably in her early twenties. She was a shapely, purple skinned maiden with short red hair and dark red eyes; three of them in fact. Her clothes were of an incredibly skimpy gothic Lolita fashion; which seemed appropriate, given that her fangs, tail, and large bull-like horns clearly indicated that she was of demonic decent.

At any rate, after spontaneously materializing, the demon girl struck a number of bizarre, over the top poses, before announcing in a loud, clear voice,

"Fire Witch of the Underworld! Valkyrie Lucile!"

Before the young princesses could attempt to process the ridiculous display they'd just witnessed, a large object suddenly dropped from the ceiling and landed directly on the spotlight next to the demoness. When the dust settled, the object was revealed to be another woman, though this one was much different than the first. Unlike her, this woman was much bigger, at least nine feet tall, and completely ripped. She had four big arms, emerald colored eyes, and light orange skin that appeared to be made of solid rock. Her outfit, for lack of a better word, was simplistic compared to the first woman's; consisting only of a bronze breastplate with a matching belt and loincloth, which seemed to serve no function other than preserving her modesty.

Much like her companion, the rock woman performed a series of poses before loudly declaring,

"Rock Princess of the Galatean Empire! Valkyrie Titania!"

Seconds later, a large purple blob dropped down from the ceiling and landed in the spotlight on the far right with a sickening splat. But before anyone could gag, the slimy blob quickly reformed itself into the shape of a beautiful young woman with hot pink eyes and a weird looking tentacle that came out from the back of her head and ran all the way down to her feet.

Like the others, this purple slime girl struck a few quick poses before announcing herself as,

"Slime Maiden of the V'ringath Collective Consciousness! Valkyrie Roxane!"

Beside her, a pillar of water spontaneously emerged from the fourth spotlight and when it dissipated, a new woman stood in its place; this time, a human with dark chestnut hair. She was dressed in a dark blue, skintight, full body leotard that was decked out with what appeared to be futuristic ninja armor. Around her neck she wore a bright red ninja scarf that concealed half her face and fluttered heroically in the breeze.

As expected, the kunoichi struck a few quick dramatic poses before announcing,

"Aqua Ninja of the Milky Way Galaxy! Valkyrie Anastasia!"

Just then the music picked up again, and a fifth figure slowly descended onto the final spotlight. She sort of looked like an angel floating up there; a lime-skinned angel with long orange hair, antennae and gorgeous pink and blue butterfly wings. Her outfit consisted of a skimpy sailor girl uniform with matching shoes and a jeweled butterfly barrette in her hair.

When she finally reached the floor, the butterfly woman opened her hot pink eyes and struck a heroic pose before announcing,

"Wandering Star Child of the Cosmos! Valkyrie Salvia!"

The music grew even louder and more dramatic as the chorus returned.

"Super Sentai~"

Then, just as the music reached its ultimate apex, the five women all shouted in unison,

"Guardians of the Universe unite! We are the Valkyries!"

And with one final keyboard rift, the music came to an end; which was perfectly punctuated by a sudden explosion that erupted from just behind the five heroines; sending thousands of pink rose petals fluttering all across the room.

Before the girls knew what had happened the show was over.

Then came the awkward silence.

The young princesses had no idea how to respond to what they'd just seen.

So instead of talking they just sat there; with their eyes wide open and their mouths agape.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity of silence, one of the Valkyries spoke up.

"And… no one's saying anything, which means they hated it." The demon girl, Lucile, said bitterly. "Great idea, Sal. Now they think we're idiots."

"Hey, don't get all pissy with me, Lulu. This was a great idea." Said Sal the butterfly girl defensively. "If anything, they're in shock because you were 0.8 seconds behind the rest of us during the finale. You know, it's that kind of unprofessionalism that makes me wonder why I even…"

"Girls~ Girls~ Let's not do this now~" the slime woman said in a flowery, almost singsong voice. "We have guests we must attend to~ Annie, why don't you go over and…."

But before Roxanne could finish that sentence, her kunoichi friend had already ninja-dashed across the room and trapped the two young princesses in a bone-crushing hug.

"O-M-G~" the forty something year old woman squealed with girlish glee as she slowly squeezed the life out of her young 'nieces'. "You two are just too adorable! Last time I saw you, you were just little pink sacks of cuteness! But now you're like two little mini Stars! Oh~ I could just die!"

"I… Know… The… Feeling…" Artemis gasped as she and her sister's faces started to turn blue.

"Oh, heh-heh, whoopsie." She said embarrassedly as she released the girls from her death grip. "Sorry about that, kids. Guess I still don't know my own strength. Are you alright?"

"Yeah… Cough… Never better." The diamond cheeked girl said sarcastically as she struggled to breathe.

"Yes… Cough… Cough… We're quite alright, Miss Anastasia." Marisol said, trying to sound as polite as possible, only to receive a playful yet painful slap on the back.

"Hey now. None of that Miss Anastasia stuff, kiddo You call me Aunt Annie. Okay?"

"Oh… um… very well then, Aunt Annie. It's very nice to finally meet you and your… friends. Artemis and I have heard so much about you."

"Yeah, like how you used to be our mom's creepy stalk-AAAAHHH!" Artemis howled in agony as her sister delivered yet another painful punch to the shoulder. "Seriously! When did you get this strong?"

And, yet again, her question was soundly ignored.

"You'll have to forgive my sister, Aunt Annie." Marisol said in a sweet yet condescending tone. "Mummy says Daddy dropped her on her head as a baby."

"Spoiled little-AAAAAAAK!"

A kick to the knee that time.

"Oh, don't worry about it, Cupcake." The kunoichi said casually. "I know I used to be kind of an awkward little duckling, but I've changed a lot since high school. I mean, just look at me. I'm a ninja. In space! O-M-G~ I can't even say that without geeking out. Plus, you know, I've got my girls back there. I've got my man. And now I've got my own little duckling to fawn over. Man, life is sweet."

"Yes, Aunt Jackie told us about your new baby. Congratulations. Where…"

"Oh, Oskar took my little Genie Baby out for a playdate with some of his new friends from daycare. Oh~ I wish I could've gone with him~"

"Genie Baby?" Artemis asked, sounding both confused and disgusted.

"Yeah, you know, that's just my cute little pet name for him. His real name's Eugene Oliver Greason; Gene for short. Now, I know what you're thinking, and if I'm being honest, at first I wasn't too keen about naming our baby after his old ferret either, but you know what, now I kinda love it."

"You… named your baby… after a rodent?" Marisol asked confusedly.

"Hey, just like you, Sol." Her sister said teasingly before turning to her Aunt Annie. "Mom named her after a OOOF!"

Punch to the stomach that time.

"Don't call me Sol."

"Cough! Right… always with the forgetting."

"Err… right…" the kunoichi said awkwardly, before quickly switching gears. "Anyway, uh… what do you say we bring the houselights up. All this darkness can't be good for your eyes. Computer! Lights on!"

And just like that, the dark and dreary room was transformed into a gleaming blue and silver command center, complete with circular conference table, high-tech holo-display super computer, and the fabled Floating Crystal of Ogilac; a souvenir from the team's triumphant first mission.

"Whoa…" the young princesses said in unison as they took in their new surroundings.

"I know right?" the older earthling said with playful bravado. "So, this is your home for the next few weeks? What do you girls wanna do first? Tour of the Hall of Treasures? Training session in the Havoc Room? Play some video games on the Terrorcon 10,000? You know, Roxy's the champ at Tetris."

"Actually, we were hoping you could tell us a story first." Marisol said politely.

"Oh, uh… okay. I guess that could be fun. What do you wanna hear? The Battle of Sunshine Valley? The Liberation of the Pinhole Galaxy? That time Lulu fell asleep on the toilet?"

"Hey! I told you that in confidence!"

"Actually, we were hoping you could tell us what happened after Jackie lost her mind on that island." Artemis clarified; secretly grateful that her sister didn't hit her again.

"O…kay… you lost me."

"Look, we're not idiots, okay." Artemis spoke up again. "Ever since this whole 'vacation tour' started we've been getting a new piece of the same story every time we move. No way that's a coincidence."

"Indeed. Mummy said that the whole point of this summer was to expand our horizons in preparation for our fourteenth birthday. So clearly this story must play a key role in her plans."

"Heh-Heh. Well look at you two little cutie pies. Figuring all this out on your own." The older kunoichi said, clearly impressed by their precociousness. "Well, you're right, of course. Your mom set this whole thing up ages ago. You see, those first few months we spent training under Jefferson were the defining moments of our lives. They helped shape us into the people we are today. Hell, they helped change the fate of an entire dimension."

"Really?" the twins asked in unison.

"Sure, but I'm getting ahead of myself. Let's get back to my part of the story." The older woman said before pausing briefly to clear her throat. "AHEM! It all started about three weeks after Jackie got back from the island. We were all down at the park, taking a break after our latest training session, and I decided to indulge in my favorite pastime."

End Notes:

Thanks so much for reading, everybody. I hope you had a lot of fun. Work's a little hectic right now so I'm not sure if I'll be able to update this story on a regular schedule, but you have my word that I'll be working on it almost every day. Please remember to leave a comment if you have something to say, and I'll see you all in the next one.

Peace.