A/N: This is such a crackfic I don't even know what the hell happened. The prompt was Papaya.

Freed woke up when Laxus punched him in the face. Who wouldn't wake up after being punched in the face? Really, he would be quite concerned if he hadn't woken up after taking a hit like that. The hook was undeniably perfect, landing squarely on his left eye, fingers tucked neatly against each other, thumb wrapping the fist. It was effortless, in a way that only years of practice could breed. It was all the more impressive, of course, because Laxus had thrown it in his sleep.

Freed had no idea if this was normal or not, as it was the first time he was sharing a bed with the blonde. Of course he had slept in the same room as him before, but a mission had not required until now that he sleep in the same bed. And he wasn't a creeper, he didn't spend time watching him sleep, he needed his own rest to make sure he was of the best possible use to Laxus. The hulking mass beside him had not moved again after delivering Freed's abrupt wake-up call. Unsure of what to do, he simply winced and rolled over, his fingers gently prodding the already swelling eye. He had taken worse and there wasn't much he could do for it right now, though it would certainly be full of color in the morning.

Having settled down again, he managed to drift off a bit despite the throbbing pain. It was just before Freed finally regained his previous unconscious state when Laxus struck again. Muttering under his breath, something about ha ya ahs, he shoved Freed's back hard. Freed fell off the bed and landed in an undignified heap on the floor, uttering a sound he was mildly ashamed to realize he had the vocal capacity for.

His work done, Laxus rolled over and did a wonderful impression of a statue, lying so still, one had to question his moving at all, though Freed's black eye and current position on the floor made for unquestionable proof.

Sighing, he climbed back into the bed, scooting his pillow and blanket as far from the sleeping blonde as possible, though his distance didn't last as Laxus moved once more, pulling him close and hugging him like an oversized teddy bear. Freed stiffened in surprise, but relaxed into the touch after a few moments. Laxus nuzzled his face into the crook of Freed's neck, his breath ghosting over pale skin.

MEANWHILE

Laxus was fighting a great battle in a foreign land.

The path on which he ran was lined with short papaya trees, loaded with the fruits that served as ammunition for his adversary.

The Papaya King had figured out his weakness, his fear of papayas, despite the over large bucket that hid his head from view. His voice was slightly muffled by the bucket as he cracked his gummi worm whip at his monkey henchmen, screaming for them to drive their already unstable carriage faster, faster, slowly closing the distance between them until the cannons were in range.

"FIRE!" he screeched, and in the next moment, the air around Laxus filled with the sounds of orange flesh hitting dirt.

"PEW PEW PISTOLS!"

At that, Laxus stopped on the path and turned around. He would have no hope of avoiding the seed-guns in the way he had the inaccurate cannons.

Charging the carriage and bellowing "FOR NARNIA!", he swung himself up next to the King, catching him right on the bucket with a strong punch, knocking the bucket off and revealing his face. Natsu grinned at him, his impish lips pulled upwards in the corners despite the wads of crumpled paper spewing from his lips.

"BWAHAHAHAHA!" He cackled, releasing an avalanche of waste paper. "I HAVE YOU NOW, LAXUS! FIGHT ME!"

Laxus realized his intentions too late, as the papers all spontaneously combusted. At the last moment, though, he was shoved off the burning carriage by petite-yet-strong hands. He hit the pathway hard and skidded in the soil.

"NOOOOO! FREED!" Laxus screamed as the carriage was engulfed in flames and rolled off a cliff.

He ran to the edge and looked desperately at the smashed and still burning carriage 50 feet below.

"Hey Laxus! You looking for him?" Natsu appeared beside him, holding a ball of flame in one hand and roughly gripping Freed's hair in the other, threatening to light the gorgeous green locks aflame.

"I AM FUCKING TIRED OF YOUR SHIT NATSU!" he yelled as he grabbed Freed and shoved Natsu off the cliff. Though he wasn't quite sure why, he hugged Freed to his chest tightly.

"Thank you," Freed said quietly.

Laxus let out a short laugh. "You saved me earlier."

"But still. Thanks."

Laxus did not reply, he was too busy shoving his face against Freed's neck, letting his scent wash over him.

He held Freed the rest of the night.