My heart beats rapidly just for you
I never noticed
I was blind
I won't make it in time
Feliciano Vargas was the male representation of Northern Italy. Of course he was only known as Feliciano to his close family and friends.
You were (Y/N), the female representation of (Country name). Same goes for your human name as well.
Being good friends, naturally you and Feliciano referred to each other as Feliciano and (y/n).
What happened?
We were so close
You were so close
I was too late
"Italy, here. My boss has given me these documents for you to review, the attack will be starting soon by the way." You replied in monotone to the Italian who didn't't meet your gaze. He continued to stare at his desk, cowardly nature not allowing him to take a glance at you, he hadn't in so long..
You turned around to go back to your own home, you no longer had any business in this house. Other, of course, then actual business.
Feliciano watched you walk out, same cold expression on your face that brought him pain, as you left he reached out a hand but quickly pulled it back to his chest.
"Bye (y/n)
What happened to "us"
Did I make the wrong choice?
My brain says I didn't
But my heart screams that's a lie
*Exactly 3 months earlier*
Two figured laughed as they twirled around in the spacious room, both having lots of fun. The man, happy to spend quality time with his good friend...
And the girl..
loving the time spent with the one she loved.
"Feliciano, I don't understand how you can keep up with this music!" You laughed out, heart thumping wildly just at the sight of your handsome friend, his delicate and gentle arms around you, leading you.
"Well obviously because I'm Italian bella!" Feliciano answered, swaying you along as best he could according to the tempo.
You had been getting the hang of the dance, focusing your entire being on what your feet was doing. Slowly though, your eyes strayed from your limbs that can't control themselves to your love's facial features. They were right in front of you to admire after all. So of course you started to focus on that, and slowly lost control of your feet..
Of course, you managed to trip him up by accident with your feet and in an instant the two of your were in a heap on the mildly dusty floor.
"Ow, at least we didn't fall the other way around.." You mumbled, shuddering to think of him crushing you under his weight. Feliciano was obviously still a little disoriented from the fall so he stayed there perfectly still for a moment.
You decided you would try to get up, so you lifted up your own weight with your arms but heard whimpering beneath you. Your eyes widened when you saw Feliciano squirming around with an..erotic look on his cute little face.
"(y/n), my c-curl.." He stuttered out when you realized one your hands was pressing to the ground, tugging it violently. Quickly, you removed your arm and rolled over.
"Sorry Feliciano! I was just tr-"
His lips are so soft
I loved him so dear
That moment meant everything to me
It was taken the moment it was shared..
All your words were muffled by your Italian friend's lips, it was a heated kiss. Your eyes were open, you could see how pink his cheeks were becoming. All you thought about was how your moment finally came.
I did something in the spur of the moment
Because of an impulse I couldn't control
I didn't know it was my true desire
I screwed up with you..
Feliciano came to his senses after a few moments, what had made him kiss you so suddenly? Usually he could just sit there uncomfortably or let the feeling go away on it's own, maybe you had tugged it especially hard...that must have been it. Almost too abruptly, he grabbed your shoulders and pushed you away. He became concerned, would you hate him for taking advantage of you like that?
"(y-y/n) I am so-" But he had to pause to keep you away from kissing him again, he was so confused! "(y/n)! I'm trying to say I'm-" You tried even harder.
"Feliciano! You don't have to apologize okay? I actually liked that kiss!"
Sudden realization hit me at once
You had it for me
But I was too stupid to know I returned the affection
So I stupidly replied...
"(y/n)...I didn't know you..Oh god (y/n), (y/n), mi dispace, I'm sorry...But I don't feel that way about you. I thought you knew I was in love with Luddy." You visibly flinched at the nickname used, knowing it was one given affectionately.
Feliciano saw your expression, you seemed to have shrunken down and the color drained out from your rosy cheeks, you looked deathly pale. Your eyes portrayed no emotion for a while, as if unsure which one to display and your lips curved down in a small frown. You looked startled, broken, he didn't like it.
Everything hit me at once
Your heart belonged to him
I could no longer have my hope
You crushed it along with me but for you I endure.
The most fake, poorly attempted smile formed on your lips, your eyes held no joy, only heartbreak but slight determination to continue on.
"Oh.." Sounded so deflated, so strained. "Well why didn't you tell me sooner? You guys make a really cute pair." She said with as much enthusiasm as she could muster.
Feliciano saw it as a sign to go on with life, for permission.
*~~~*
Present:
(Country name) was in quite the mess. Some things happened and your boss made a few errors. Now your were only faced with a few options.
Throw yourself into war to hopefully pull yourself out of the situation between America, Iran and surprisingly, France.
Marry America or France, one that went along with your ideals to help keep your country out of debt and trouble.
Let your nation dissolve.
You were cornered, and everyone knew it.
He knew it.
*2-3 months ago*
You and Feliciano were still friends, but you were on the ropes here.
In the end, he and Ludwig, or "Luddy", had gotten together. You were happy he was happy, but you were also hurting. All your hopes had been squashed but you still wanted to be around him, but how could you when it was so painful?
"Ludwig~ Carry me up higher I want to feel as tall as you are!" Feliciano's sweet and high-pitched voice, he was having fun with his boyfriend yet again. You wondered if he remembered that you had come along..
"Jay, alright just hold on tightly I don't want you to fall." Ludwig was really a nice guy, you had liked him a lot. Now, for some reason his name was a dagger to your brain, was this what heartbreak does to a person?
Feliciano giggled , and it repulsed you, how many time had that giggle been directed at you and fill your chest with strong feelings he wouldn't even begin to understand?
How many times had your attempts to give him affection go to waste, unnoticed?
How many times has one of them caught you seeming heart broken...
And not care at all...
Your hands trembled slightly, the thoughts weren't good for your mental health but you couldn't help but think them. Soon enough you had stopped trailing behind them, and they chose then to acknowledge your presence?
"(Y/n)? Are you alright?" Ludwig asked, concerned but the emotion didn't even reach you as your clutched tightly onto your own sweater. Your head was bent down and a few tears rolled down your cheeks.
"(y/n)? What's wrong?" Feliciano's soft, sympathetic voice asked. All you could hear was pity. He slowly reached out to set a hand on your back and your reaction was instant.
You played me, even if it was unintentional
I'm too broken to let this go on
Let me be selfish and cruel
Just leave me alone..
"DON'T TOUCH ME!" You shouted,taking huge steps back to distance yourself from them. Ludwig seemed surprised while Feliciano seemed a mixture of hurt and baffled.
"B-But (y/n)-"
"I DON'T CARE OKAY! Okay? Look here Italy.." He visibly flinched and stepped away at being called his country name so coldly. "I can't stand it anymore, It's breaking me apart, I can't stand to look at your two another second! Hearing your voices, your names, nothing! Just leave me alone, LEAVE ME TO GET OVER THIS INSTEAD OF STUFFING IT DOWN MY THROAT." You screamed, watching as his eyes widened as you said all you had to, by then your eyes were like broken water pipes, the water kept flowing.
You ran away without a word, as far as you could, by the time you got home, you couldn't help yourself, your punched the glass portrait his picture was put in as soon as you saw it, cutting your hand badly.
Meanwhile Feliciano was still staring at the place his friend had been standing at previously in shock before feeling a hand on his shoulder. "Maybe you should leave her be for now, she might need her space." Ludwig suggested and the Italian nodded, both walking away.
What had I done?
I drove you to the point where you wouldn't return
My heart ached as you left
What's the feeling in my chest?
*Next week after that*
Feliciano would be lying if he said he wasn't worried about you right now. After all, he hadn't seen you since that day. He had even asked around and everyone said the same thing. You had just suddenly disappeared from the face of the earth.
He felt especially guilty, for some reason, he kept repeating to himself that it was all his fault. It made his heart hurt badly to think of her curled up crying somewhere..
Especially in the arms of some other guy.
That was strange right?
After a while he decided to tell Ludwig about this, after all the German was so smart, he was bound to understand and shed some light on the situation. Maybe he'd even have a solution.
"Ludwig~!" Feliciano called out through his boyfriend's house, getting a gruff 'Up here' as a response. It came from his office so Feliciano wasted no time in rushing upstairs to the familiar room.
"What do you want now Feliciano? I am bit busy today." Ludwig responded, his focus still being on his paperwork. His blonde hair was disheveled and his reading glasses were worn loosely on his face. Normally, the sight would bring a giggle to the smaller man's lips and make his heart race, but the signs seemed more faint now. He paid that no mind though.
"Ludwig I need your help.." That seemed to get the blonde's attention, he quickly set his paperwork aside with a sigh, seeming reluctant just the slightest. Feliciano always liked how the other had put up with and assisted him through anything, but when he thought about it more, how long had you been doing the same?
"Alright, what is it this time?" You were more willing, more polite.
"It's about (y/n).."
"I figured, I noticed she hasn't been seen..She must have really been in love with you." Broke you, that's what I did and it was known.
"I know..Also I've been feeling strange today Ludwig. I think somethings wrong."
"How so? Do you feel sick? I told you, don't eat pasta for every meal every day." It builds inside of me, more till I have to release.
"No, Ludwig I am being serious here! I...I can't stand the thought of (y/n) sobbing miserably because of what I did to her. I don't like the thought of her crying ever! I don't like the thought of her not talking to me or being mad or being with another guy, of her soft hair...being caressed by this other guys fingers..I don't like it..It makes my chest tighten.." Words got quieter before he stopped talking entirely, he barely understood the things that slipped out of his mouth, what did they mean?
"...Feliciano..." Ludwig seemed to only be able to utter the smaller man's name. He slowly took in what his partner said, realization didn't have to dawn on him, it was obvious.
So then I was told and became aware
Your affection was requited
I returned it all
But this last minute decision
Was too late.
"L-Ludwig I'm sorry I have no ide-"
"Feliciano, It's okay. If you love her, it's okay."
"No! Ludwig I love you I swear!"
"Feliciano, I know you do. It's obvious that you love her as well.."
To love two at once
That was my downfall
It tore me apart
I felt what you had felt
Feliciano's breath caught in his throat, all the things he thought of her, the agony in his heart when she yelled at him, looking torn apart. It was all because...
"I do love her?"
"Feliciano, If you want, you can go to her..I wont be mad at you if you do. I just dont want you to feel uncomfortable. Ich liebe dich.."
The decision that could change his life, but he didn't want to choose. He wanted to go back to those ignorant days with his best friend who loved him dearly, but was unnoticed by him. To when Ludwig and him were just good friends and there were no romantic feelings on his end.
Even if it meant slight agony for the two, would it be any worse then the agony from this moment?
Feliciano was scared to pick, but in his mind it was obvious who he had to choose.
"Ludwig, I choose you. I love you, I do want to be with you okay?" Feliciano decided, he wanted to be with his boyfriend even more.
Ludwig sighed out in relief, as if expecting the exact opposite. In all honesty he felt guilty for keeping the one you loved away from you. But he also loved Feliciano. He couldn't exactly read a manual on what to do in a situation like this.
"Alright Feliciano, if that's what you truly want."
But that's not what I wanted
I wanted to win both ways
I carried the regret in my heart
Question is to who's grave
*~~~~~*
Now
You sighed, looking in the mirror at your image. You were in your countries military uniform. In the end, what was the point of marrying? You would rather go down fighting then with one of those idiots as your husband. Besides, what was the point of continuing to be a nation when you were going to dissolve soon anyway? This wasn't your only problem, eventually you'd be abolished.
What was the harm in a little fighting?
Your gaze drifted down to the pendant dangling on your neck. It was beautiful, a (f/c) gem surrounded by a delicate silver engraving of your name. You had been delighted to receive it at first, but lately you couldn't bear to look at it, but you couldn't bear to take it off either.
"Here you go bella! I pooled together some money and got you this! Happy birthday."Feliciano chimed, smiling as he wrapped the pendant around your neck.
"It's gorgeous..thanks Feli." He didn't notice you sigh out dreamily, caressing the gem in the center.
Your chest heaved, you began to violently shake as your hands clasped around it. In the spur of the moment, you ripped it off your own neck and tossed it to the ground. The gem cracked almost all the way in half and a few pieces chipped off. You looked back up to find an emotion in your face for once.
Anger.
That anger was what fueled you to actually step out of your home without looking back.
Throwing yourself into a long war.
Another war had started in the world.
Feliciano was greatly worried. No, not because it was said to possibly be the next world war, no, not because Ludwig's boss was trying to get the country and himself on the action.
It was because he hadn't seen his friend, his love, the female representation of (Country name) since.
It's been a month.
It's been bothering him a lot. He could barely focus on his work, not like he ever could but it was so much more stressing to.
Finally Feliciano decided he had enough. He had to check for himself, even if she hated him, or would yell at him he didn't really care. He had to check her home for himself.
*(Y/n)'s house.*
Feliciano walked up to the familiar house, weeds littered the small garden in the front, it was unkempt and the flowers were all dead. The house itself seemed abandoned for years, when you had only gone missing for a month. Cautiously, he walked up the steps and took out the spare keys he never returned.
He entered the house, it had an air of abandonment to it. It was almost like a horror movie really, as he tried to go up the stairs each and every single one creaked loudly under his weight. He tried to turn on the light to the hallway but the switch went up without effect. The hall remained dark.
That only further shook the Italian, but he was determined and decided to check every single room for any clues to your whereabouts. In a short while, he had searched every room on the second floor with the exception of your room. Now he was hesitant to enter, you had never let him in there no matter how close the two of you became. But he decided he had to know, so he's taking the chance.
I saw up close what I had done
It hurt me to no end
But my last minute decision was far too late
You were far too gone
Feliciano gave himself a little tour, the room was spacious and seemed to be colder then the rest of the house. The bed was messy, had discarded plates and utensils everywhere. Like you hadn't moved from there for a while. When he checked the drawers, they were all empty. The sight made him back up and knock into your nightstand.
When he turned to look at it, he saw a picture of himself in a shattered glass frame, a bit of blood visible. What had happened in here?
He decided to sit down for a bit, it was becoming a bit too much for him. Your sheets smelled like your favorite sweets and some other foods. While laying there he looking around before seeing an object on the floor near the mirror.
Out of sheer curiosity he got up and neared the strange object, what he saw was a pang to his heart. The precious pendant that he bought especially for you was cracked, the chain broken and laying on the floor. He could already guess you ripped it off. Without caring if the shattered gem cut him, he picked it back up and examined it. When he looked back up he was face to face not with the mirror, but with a written note with familiar handwriting that made his heart stop.
Dear, well most likely; Italy,
Your probably wondering, "Oh where did she go? Why haven't I seen her?" Well that is if you actually cared and came to search. Currently I am at war, I'm sure you've heard of it already. Well I'm one of the countries battling, I have to fight my way out of my issues, because I have the courage to do so on my own. I really don't care if you people raid my house and take what you like, I'm indifferent about it...
Feliciano, in all honesty, I was very much in love with you since I met you. It was a change to meet such a cheerful person who wanted me to smile along. It felt refreshing and made my heart yell out, but you never heard it. No, all you heard was the German. I have no grudge against Germany, but it still hurts you know, I can't help but be envious. You hurt me Italy, a lot. I thought you'd be the last to do so but you hurt me the most of all. Leading me on and raising my hopes, when you kissed me I was the happiest I had ever been..Then you put me in the most anguish the next second. I can't help but think maybe everything I thought of you, fell for, was probably an exaggeration of my over eager heart. But my heart, of course, disagreed. Funny, I still love you. Isn't the heart strange? Why am I writing this? You'd probably never see it..But I have to because-
Feliciano's eyes widened as he read the last couple of lines, he quickly threw it to the ground, as his figure crumpled along with it. He curled up into a ball, clutching the pendant in his hand tightly.
What had I done..
My last minute decision
It means nothing
Your too far and probably already gone.
"Isn't it a beautiful day (y/n)? I really hope Luddy doesn't make me and Kiku train today! It's too nice out for such a thing!" The Italian got no response from who he was speaking to and a small, sad smile formed on his lips.
"(y/n), these were your favorite types of days. It's sunny but there are enough clouds so that it's not blinding. Hey, wouldn't you like to go to the park?" He asked cheerily, obviously awaiting the response that never came.
"Feliciano!"
"Feliciano-kun!"
"Aw..I have to go soon now. Ludwig and Kiku are looking for me and I shouldn't make them wait too long." Feliciano sighed, getting up on his two feet from the grass. He glanced down at his beloved, he imagined she looked as beautiful as always in the moment. He wouldn't exactly know.
He was staring at the cold stone with her name on it after all.
Before leaving, he gazed up at the clear blue sky, gust of wind blowing his hair around and sending a chill up his spine.
"(Y/n), I hope your not lonely up there. I come visit you when I can. There's a nice guy named Holy Roman Empire up there, if you meet him, please be friends. That way you guys don't have to wait for me alone...And I can wait to see you with less worries." With that, he ran away from the sight to go with his friends once again.
The wind was strong, it blew the flowers he had left for her right off the grave and into the river to be carried away.
(Y/n), the female representation of (Country name.)
(Country name) had been abolished a few weeks ago in the midst of war. All traces of her disappeared into nothingness like her nation. Her coffin consisted of her picture, her pendant, and her final note left behind. One that had a scrap of it missing but it read:
Because I know I am going to fade from this world soon. Feliciano, I am going to die. I'm scared but don't worry..I won't die angry at you or Ludwig. Goodbye.
Little did anyone know that was a big lie.
Hello! I'm Jackie and I wrote this a longntime ago on my Wattpad and then my Quotev. So I decided to post it here since I really wasn't able to continue my PruHun story. I need to find my computer...I kind of lost it. Haha.. Well anyway, since this is so easy to type, I've started to make a sequel to this in which Feli goes through even more! But it won't be out for a while. Oh well, I hope you like it!