When you are 17, your whole life should be focused around talking with your girlfriends about boys, figuring out where you are going to go for college, or that hot new guy that move in two doors down, but no…not mine. I messed up, I lost all of my future over one night of my life. I don't know how I could have been so stupid, I don't know how I could have let this happen. How am I going to tell my parents? Shit, how am I going to tell him? How am I going to tell my friends are plans just went down the drain? I am totally dead, totally and utterly dead.
Looking down at the white stick I held in my hands, I prayed and hoped that this was a dream. I prayed that I would wake up in my room and the day would go on just like any other, but no, I know that would never happen. I know that isn't the case around more. I especially know this when I raced into the bathroom and everything I didn't know was in me came back up. "Fuck." Was mumbled under my breath as I leaned against the wall, not moving from my spot on the floor. I finally let the tears fall down my face as I looked at the one word on the stick. Pregnant.
This wasn't the first time those words came across one of the sticks, this was about the tenth one I took this week. Getting up, I needed to pull it together, I needed to figure out what was best to do right now, what was best for not only myself but this child that was starting to grow inside of me. Walking back to my room, I grabbed some clothes before heading for a shower. As the water passed over me, the tears fall again. I was too young to be a mother, he wouldn't want to be a father either; I know this for sure. Am I strong enough to figure this out on my own? Am I smart enough to make the right choose for the little child that is inside of me? This isn't a time to focus on me or on my summer plans, I need to only focus on this thing that is growing inside of me.
Stepping out, I changed, did my hair and make up, letting out a deep breath before heading downstairs. Should I say anything now? Should I get the yelling and screaming over with? Should I even say anything without talking to him? God, I don't want him to find out from them, but…but I don't know how to get ahold of him. I can't ask my sisters for help, they would want to know why. I can't ask their boyfriends for help, they would want to know why. My parents…fuck, I just hope they don't fire him. No, no this needs to be over with sooner than later, this needs to be done before my parents go on the road for the next week, this needs to be done before I lose my gut to talk with them.
Setting my bag and keys by the door, I head to the kitchen and grab something small to eat. "Mom? Dad? Where are you guys?" I hear a faint in the office from my dad before heading that way, leaning against the door frame as I bite my bottom lip. "Can…can we talk?" I can't make eye contact with them and I know they will already start to worry, I already can feel the tears building inside of my eyes just waiting to fall again.
"Maddie…Madison, is everything okay?" My dad asked as he walked over to me and pulled me into a tight hug, a hug I know won't be given again after they heard what I needed to say. I just shook my head no against his chest as the tears fell again. I heard my mom get up and her high heels click against the wood floor as my dad took us over to the couch, sitting down and pulling me in his lap. "Come on Madison, what ever it is you can tell us." Pulling away a bit, I took another deep breath and wiped my eyes looking at both of them, not ready for the disappointing looks they will be giving me. "I…I know you both are going to be mad and you have every right to be. I was stupid, I didn't think, I shouldn't have done it. Trust me, I have been beating myself up all week and I know I can't hide this, even if I wish I could wake up and this all go away, but it won't."
"Hey, hey, slow down and let's start at step one Madison. What is wrong? What happened?" Mom started to rub my back, the soft, loving side that no one saw on tv was coming out. I know once the anger got through their systems both will be supportive and there for me, I know they will it will just be a few days, if not weeks before they both will be. I took another deep breath, it was now or never Madison, just get it over with. "I…I fucked up. I made a mistake and I already know what I have to do, what is right, I just…I am already sorry and I don't think I will be able to tell you it enough. I know I lost your trust, I lost a lot of people's trust and I…I know I will have to prove a lot to gain it back and I am fully ready to do that." I stopped to lick my lips, suddenly they became super dry. Letting out a shaky breath, I got off dad's lap and started to walk around the office, playing with the braid in my hair before stopping and looking at the both. "I'm pregnant."