Author's Note: Okay, so, I probably have an unhealthy addiction to writing angst, but…when I heard this song, I just knew that I had to write a songfic to it. There was no choice in the matter. I was compelled.
And I think that Kyoko/Sheldon is my favorite paring…ever. I promise that I'll write another happy story with them, and Anything for You WILL have a happy ending! I don't always have such a bleak outlook on their relationship. I just think that the manga left so many possibilities for all of the characters…and I would be a failure if I didn't explore those possibilities, right?
So, I hope that you enjoy this, but I won't blame you if you don't. Angst isn't for everyone.
Oh, and, as a random note...the whole thing is much more emotional if you're actually listening to Kiss and Control as you read it, or if you just have the tune in your head. I attempted to write it in a way that the action in the story rises and falls as the music grows louder and softer, respectively. I don't know if I succeeded, but...the song is still awesome and should be listened to, anyways.
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Disclaimer: I don't own Black Cat, and Kiss and Control belongs to AFI—which is an amazingly awesome band, by the way. Listen to them. Now.
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The light of the stars and the steady glow from the lights of the city blended into one balanced, unending shine that lit up the edges of the horizon. Car horns blared in the distance, but their shrillness was muted by the vast expanse of nothingness—by the thick air between them and their observer. Buildings stretched high in the distance; no one could say that the skyline of the city was not impressive and beautiful in its own bleak, urban way.
It was the night of a full moon, and the large orange orb hung ominously in the velvet-black sky. A few black clouds drifted in front of it—casting oddly-shaped shadows on the bustling night-life below. People never really stopped to notice how nature was begging with them, pleading with them, to slow down and notice the world around them. People never really cared to see how the elements strove and attempted to warn them of impending danger. The entire world was in danger, but people were only worried about what they would have for dinner and how their favorite television shows would get recorded. They didn't see that there was a good chance that they would go to bed and not wake up the next morning. They just couldn't bring themselves to care.
Taking in a shuddering breath, Kyoko lifted a small, pale hand to wipe away a tear that had managed to escape from the corner of one of her troubled violet eyes. She wouldn't cry…she couldn't cry. It was all that she wanted to do…all that she knew how to do…but she couldn't let herself. She had to be strong. She had to stop being so selfish and so afraid so that she could be strong for him—for Sheldon. He had never needed her as much as he needed her right then, and she would not let him down. It was her job to take care of him. He had never let her down, so she couldn't bear to fail him; not then, not ever.
All that they had ever wanted was to be free—to have the chance to live a normal life with each other. They had come through so much, and they had overcome so many obstacles. They had done it all together, and they had finally come to accept their deep, undeniable love for each other. Sheldon was Kyoko's entire world, and she knew that she was his entire world, as well. In all honesty, they did not have anything much, so all that they could rely on was each other. Their "home" constantly changed, and they always struggled to gather the money that they needed in order to survive. They were known criminals, so they were forced to remain under the radar. If people recognized them or noticed who they were, then they would immediately be thrown in jail. Then…they would be executed for their crimes.
But…was that much worse than what they were going through? They were pale, exhausted…worn down from living in the way that they had been living for over a year. Every day of their lives, they were running—running from their pasts, running from the police, and running from Creed. Oh, she had known that he didn't want to let them go. They were too much of a liability to him. He wanted them dead, and he was making that clear.
Her eyes narrowed as she grit her teeth together and tightly gripped the railing that kept her from toppling over the edge of the apartment building's roof. It would be so easy to just lose control and fall down to the unforgiving pavement below. It would be quick and easy—it wouldn't take long and it wouldn't hurt. Everything would be over before she even knew what was happening. Sweet, sweet release… But she knew that she couldn't. She had to be strong, and she had to live—if only for him.
But, oh, how she longed to fall into oblivion and become nothing…
Watch the stars turn you to nothing
Now, blush and smile
As they whisk you away
"Kyoko?"
The strained, painful-sounding word made Kyoko whirl around—her eyes wide in surprise and disbelief. He wasn't supposed to be up there…for heaven's sake, he could barely get himself out of bed! What was he trying to do, kill himself? Then again…what was she trying to do?
"Sheldon…please sit down…please…don't hurt yourself…" Kyoko stepped forward, her arms reaching out to grab ahold of his shoulders in an attempt to steady him. "You can barely stand." It was true; he had been so injured by the last attack that he had almost died. She had been…so scared. Unconscious, Sheldon wasn't able to control his blood, and he had lost so much of it. She hadn't even been with him when it had happened, and, when she had finally found him, all that she had been able to do was scream and cry. Even so, she had been able to save his life…but barely. She was going to lose him, and she knew it. It was only a matter of time. But, while he was still alive…she wanted to hold on to him. She couldn't bear to lose him.
Obediently, Sheldon sat down slowly—staggering a bit as he did so. His teeth ground against each other lightly; it was obvious that he was in a lot of pain, even if he wasn't going to admit it. He never admitted when he was in pain. He always had to be strong…for her. Always.
"Why did you come up here?" Tucking a few stray strands of raven-black hair behind her ear, she lowered herself into a sitting position next to Sheldon—trailing her fingers from his shoulder down his arm in an affectionate gesture. Her gaze was fixed solely on him; he was all that she saw, all that she cared about. How was she going to live without him? "You're going to hurt yourself."
Sheldon chuckled dryly, shaking his head before shakily reaching a hand up to stroke her hair. "I don't think that I can do myself much further harm, Kyoko. Creed already took care of that."
Wincing visibly at the words, Kyoko bit her lip hard—causing a few drops of blood to bead up around the incision that her pearl-white tooth made in the soft flesh. Her small body began to tremble. She was so inconceivably afraid…she didn't even know what to do. Every day, she could tell that he was dying just a little bit more…that he was slipping away from her just a little bit more. It wouldn't be long before he was gone from her forever. Her life was going to be taken away from her, and she didn't have much longer to hold on to it. She didn't have much longer to live…because he was about to die.
"Hey…" Sheldon lowered his hand to lift up her chin so that his cerulean gaze could meet her violet one. "Don't be afraid." Leaning forward a bit, he softly pressed his lips to hers for a moment that was far too brief, then pulled back to watch her again—adoringly, lovingly, the few droplets of her blood staining his lip. "I'm still alive."
Part your lips a bit more
I'll swallow your fear
I will show you how
All the bite-marks impress
A need to be here,
A need to see
A strangled sob tore from Kyoko's throat. Her entire expression was one of deep inner turmoil and unspeakable pain. Even though the city below them seemed so alive, time seemed to have frozen completely on the roof of their apartment building. Everyone was so happy and so alive…she just couldn't help but hate them all. They had so much hope and such a future, and she didn't have any…Sheldon didn't have any. How could he expect her to be unafraid when she was going to lose him?
"Look…" Sheldon frowned when he saw Kyoko avert her gaze, and turned her head so that she could gaze out at the city in front of them. "Look, Kyoko. Look at how beautiful it is. There is so much beauty around you. You…" He coughed painfully and had to take a few moments to catch his breath before continuing—all the while enduring under Kyoko's heartbreaking gaze. "You are the one who brings this beauty…this glow…it's you, Kyoko."
Kyoko blinked slowly, inclining her head to look back at Sheldon. "I…don't understand."
A small, tired smile spread out across Sheldon's cracked lips. His voice was barely above a whisper, but it wasn't hard to hear at all. He had Kyoko completely captivated, just like he always did. "I just want you to know how beautiful I think that you are…and how strong. There's so much light in this world, but you need to take the time to see it. Even when light disappears…there's still so much left." He slipped a hand into one of hers, entwining his fingers with hers. "The lights tonight are burning for us…for you. You're my light, Kyoko. Don't let that light go out."
City lights, like rain,
Dance and explode,
Fall upon debutantes
Reeling from nights that
Kiss and control
All of our broken hearts
Even in her deep-seated sorrow, Kyoko couldn't help but smile—a light flush tainting her otherwise deathly pale cheeks. He always knew how to make her smile…he always knew how to make her happy, even in her darkest hours. No one was ever able to know her as well as he did…as he always had. They had always been two of a kind, and they had always been inseparable. Sure, she had gone through her school-girl crushes on various boys, but he had always been the one that she loved. He had always been there for her when she needed him the most. Why did something that unique and beautiful have to end?
"Sheldon, I…" Her brow knitted together and her crystal tears continued to run in rivulets down her cheeks as she forced her gaze to meet his once more—her fingers running softly and idly through his thick blonde hair. "I will be here for you. Always." I just don't want to have to live without you. Ever.
Velvet burns
The wrists while restraining
You blushed and smiled
And said you would stay
"I know." His voice shook as he managed to choke out the words. He was weak, and it was showing. Her body was trembling from fear and sorrow, but his body was trembling from fragility and self-loathing. If only he had been stronger…he would have been able to protect her—he would have been able to give her the future that she deserved. But, instead, he was going to leave her alone and defenseless in the world, and there was absolutely nothing that he could do about it. If only he had been stronger…if only. "I don't want to leave you, Kyoko. I never want to leave you. This was the last thing in the entire world that I wanted…and it's entirely my fault…every last bit of it."
Kyoko gasped audibly, shaking her head violently side to side—her disheveled black hair flowing in the air as she did so. Her eyes were wide in terror, and she sounded horrified as she spoke. "No…don't talk like that. Never talk like that." Her grip on his shoulder became somewhat desperate…somewhat needy. "None of this is your fault, Sheldon…none of it. You just wanted us to be free. I wanted us to be free. We didn't know that this would happen. We thought that it was a possibility, but…we didn't know." She paused, shaking, as her head drooped in despair and fatigue. "There was nothing that you could have done to stop this," she whispered—her voice able to be perceived only by his ears. "Nothing."
For several unbearable, suffocating moments, there was complete and utter silence between the two despondent lovers. Sheldon wanted to do everything that he could to comfort the trembling girl that he held in his broken arms, and Kyoko wanted to do everything that he could to keep Sheldon with her for as long as possible. Even as they held each other in the night shadows far above the life of the city below them, she could almost feel his heartbeat slowing—she could feel him slipping from her fingers. She could feel herself falling into the black abyss that she had been fearing for so long. He had given her hope…he had given her everything. The only thing that he hadn't given her was death, and, at that exact moment, that was the thing that she wanted more than anything else in the entire world. Oh, how she wanted to die.
"Kyoko…" His breathing had quickened, hadn't it? She remembered when his breathing and his heartbeat used to quicken when he was nervous—when she caught him by surprise. That wasn't the cause anymore, was it? No…and it never would be again. "Kyoko, I think that this is it."
Her heart fell so far that she couldn't even feel it anymore. Her expression was like that of a deer caught in the headlights, but she felt completely numb inside, and her voice resembled that of a corpse's…if a corpse could have a voice. "…what do you mean?"
His eyes were full of tears, just waiting to slip from his eyes and crash to the ground, as he looked at her—his cut and bruised hand stroking up and down the side of her face in a gentle and comforting manner. It was obvious that he didn't want to say what he was going to say…it was obvious that doing so was the last thing in the world that he wanted. With every day that passed, her heart broke a little bit more, and he knew that it was entirely his doing. He was the one who had caused her to desert Creed…he was the one who had put her in mortal danger. Now, he was paying for his crimes, but she was, as well. He couldn't bear it. He didn't want to leave her, but he just wanted to die.
"I…" His voice cracked, and it took him a few moments to continue. Panic began to rise in his chest as he realized that it was becoming more and more difficult to speak. Who would have known that it could happen so quickly? "I…this…this could be our last night. I don't know if I can hold on for much longer, Kyoko. I…I've done everything that I can. I want to live…for you…but I can't fight it any longer…I can't deny the truth." Turning his head, he forced himself to look away from her. "I'm going to die. I can feel it."
In an action that Kyoko would have deemed impossible a few moments before, her heart broke all over again. She had known that he was going to die…that he was going to leave her…but…not so soon. It was…it was their last night. It wasn't true. It couldn't be true! They…they had so many hopes…so many dreams…and it was all over, wasn't it? Everything…it was all over.
Struggling with every last ounce of his strength, Sheldon managed to stand on his feet and extended a hand down to Kyoko in order to help her up, even though he knew that he wasn't able to support her weight. His voice was much stronger than it had been before; he was forcing himself to be strong one last time. "I don't know about you, but I have no wish to squander our last night together. Let's make the most of it." There was a pause, a seemingly endless silence. "Please."
Kyoko watched him silently for a few moments, then drew in a shuddering breath and nodded her head slowly and slipped her hand into his, but stood in her own strength so that she wouldn't cause him to lose his balance. Let's make the most of it.
One more time, steal my breath
I'll feed you the sky
I will show you how
Steal the glamour from death,
And, before you die,
Oh, you should see
Her arms wound around his neck and she gently rested her head on his chest, right between his neck and his shoulder. They had always fit together so perfectly. There was nothing that made them incompatible…nothing within them that would have ever served to tear them apart. The love that they had for each other was so strong, and they knew it—their love had definitely been tested enough in their short lifetimes. It wasn't fair that they didn't have the chance to see what kind of life they could have together. It just wasn't fair.
His arms wrapped tightly around her slight, shivering frame, holding her body firmly against his. There was no one else that he had ever even dreamed of loving. She had changed his life so much…for the better. Before she had waltzed into his life, he had been desolate and alone—there had never been any hope for him before he had met her…before he had loved her. No one had ever thought that he was capable of loving anyone in the way that he loved Kyoko. It was a love that was pure and untainted…the kind of love that can last for an eternity. But, it seemed that they didn't have an eternity. They only had one more night—one more night of bliss before the inevitable fall. Nothing about it seemed right. Nothing.
Their bodies swayed lightly in a silent, unspoken rhythm. Their dance wasn't one of two happy lovers in their budding youth, but, rather, theirs was a dance of two war-torn people who had nothing left to cling to but their love for each other. They didn't move much; they couldn't move much. Both of their bodies were broken and beaten, and they were too weary to do much of anything, but they still had their own little dance—uneventful as it was. They had no music, but the city acted as their symphony. They had no spotlight, but the city lights acted as their backdrop. They had no family or friends, but all that they needed was each other, and that was all that they had.
City lights, like rain,
Dance and explode,
Fall upon debutantes
Reeling from nights that
Kiss and control
All of our broken hearts
When they had finally slowed to a stop and were just standing there in stillness and silence, holding each other and never wanting to let go, Kyoko pulled back just enough to be able to look up at the man that she loved with all of her heart and soul. There was something different about her expression. Something in her eyes seemed almost…hopeful. Sheldon knew her well enough to tell that she had come up with an idea and that she was dead-set on it, whether he liked it or not. There was a certain independence in her gaze, and he would have been lying if he had said that it didn't frighten him. Considering the circumstances, he knew that it couldn't be a wholesome idea, but he knew Kyoko, and she was more stubborn than anyone else that he had ever met.
"You don't have to leave me, Sheldon." Her hands separated from behind his neck and trailed down his chest, finally dropping and coming to rest at her sides. There was a dangerous glint in her violet eyes. She knew what to do. She knew what she had to do.
Sheldon watched her silently as she walked over to the railing of the ceiling and gazed down at the still-bustling city below. Slowly, he managed to bring himself to stand by her side—but, instead of watching the night-life below them, he watched her closely, concernedly. "…Kyoko?"
A broad smile was settled upon her lips as she turned to look at him, causing him to blink in surprise and worry. "You don't have to leave me!" She clapped her hands for a moment, obviously pleased with herself, then pulled him down a bit to kiss him softly and desperately. She was panicking inside, but she finally had some kind of hope…even if it was a morbid hope, it was still hope, and it was exactly what she needed. When she broke the kiss off and pulled back, her expression was one of calm, yet somewhat delusional, assuredness. "We can leave together."
Sheldon was shocked and somewhat disturbed, but he couldn't deny the fact that the idea of not having to die alone was somewhat…comforting. He knew exactly what she was implying, and part of him screamed for him to tell her to abandon the idea and never think of it again, but…the other part of him forced him to become numb and stricken. What was he supposed to do?
"…together?"
"It will be positively glorious."
"We all want to die like movie stars," you said
As you jumped from the height of our cutting-room floor
While above us, glowing, exploding,
Our dreams burst forth in light and death
Hold me and tell me, "We'll burn like stars.
We'll burn as we fall. Watch as city lights dance for us!"
She sounded too cheerful—too happy with her idea. He wanted to stop her. He needed to stop her. He knew that he needed to die…but she…she didn't have to. She could still have a future…a life without him.
But, deep down, he knew that he was lying to himself. If she was the one who was dying, he knew that he would have come up with exactly the same idea. They were too much alike, and it was killing him inside to realize that there was no way for him to talk her out of her "glorious" suicide. Something inside of her had snapped, and he knew that there was no going back…there was no fixing her. They were both irreparably broken, and they both needed release. They both needed closure. Without him to protect her, she would be completely vulnerable to Creed's attacks, anyways…and he knew that she wouldn't do anything to defend herself. It would be an easy kill—a perfect crime. Why give Creed the chance to have that kind of satisfaction?
If they had been in any different circumstances, he would have hated himself for thinking in the way that he was thinking, but…he couldn't help it. He couldn't fight the feeling of comfort that she gave him. He knew that it was insane…that it was sick and demented…but he wanted her by his side, even in death.
Leaning down, he pressed his lips to her forehead—managing to choke back the tears that threatened to consume and suffocate him. He was afraid…so afraid. And, yet, somehow…he was at peace. She had that affect on him…always.
"I love you, Kyoko."
Wrapping her arms around his torso, Kyoko smiled softly, sadly, and rested her chin on his shoulder. "I love you, too, Sheldon. With all of my heart."
Then, seemingly without warning, they fell over the railing—plunging from the blackness of night into the steady, blinding glow of the city lights below them. Time seemed to slow for them, and nothing else in the universe seemed to exist for those few, precious moments. Neither of them felt like they were falling. They both felt more safe and secure than they had felt in quite a long while. It was peaceful, it was beautiful, and it was final.
As they dove down to the pavement below, Kyoko smiled to herself—blissfully happy. She knew that she was sick, that her mind was twisted, but she loved Sheldon too much to care. She also knew that, once she hit the pavement, it was over for her. But…there was more that she could do. She could give their lives and their love the magnificent ending that they deserved.
Gripping Sheldon tightly, she captured his lips with hers for one last kiss…but it was a kiss that was far different from any that they had ever shared before. Sheldon understood, too. Before it had even happened, he knew what she was doing, and he was strangely comfortable with it.
The sky lit up with their blaze. A ball of fire tore through the sky, far too fast, and yet far too slow. When it finally burned out, all that was left was the small, frail body of a young girl surrounded by the ashes of what had once been the man that she loved. People looked on in shock and terror. They didn't understand what had just happened, and, even if they had known, they would have never accepted it.
It didn't matter. The two lovers had been given the finale that they had wanted.
They had burned as they fell. They had remained together to the end.
And the city lights continued to burn for them in a neverending eulogy.
City lights, like rain,
Dance and explode,
Fall upon the pain of our lives
Reeling like nights that
Kiss and control
Fall apart, the pain of our lives has pain
Dance and explode
Kiss and control
All of our broken hearts