Title: Devil May Homeschool
Author: IsaacSapphire
Fandom: Devil May Cry
Wordcount: 500
Rating: K+
Pairing(s): None
Warnings: Mild violence
Disclaimer: Dante, Vergil, Sparda, and Eva belong to Capcom, not me. Everything else in here… while inspired by actual events, are not based on any actual events or any people living or dead, except me, and I gave myself permission, so please don't sue me.
Synopsis: In an attempt to give the twins some socialization, Eva takes them to a homeschooling convention.
***
During one of the meeting times, while most of the adults were in conference rooms hearing about the latest in curriculum, the kids snuck into the break room: home of free snacks and drinks.
Their behavior didn't quite match that of normal children; each was careful not to take too many pastries or cookies and a surprisingly large number of them drank coffee; some even took it black.
As they all sat around eating, the conversation drifted from what everyone was doing there to what everyone's fathers did. Pastors, carpenters, exterminators, insurance agents, soldiers… This of course fed into the inevitable "my dad can beat up your dad" boasting.
"My dad's a soldier. He fights bad guys all over the world."
"My dad's an exterminator. He kills creepy-crawlies."
"My dad's a pastor. He battles the minions of the devil."
"Our dad is better than any of your dads. He fights demons with guns and swords and they hate him more than anyone."
A girl, the oldest kid there, spoke. "Oh please. And I'm sure your father has wings too?"
Virgil spoke quietly to the boy next to him, "Can I borrow your sword for a moment?" The other child passed the wooden toy to Vergil, handle first.
Dante nodded vigorously. "And horns too. How'd you…"
Thwack. The force of the blow sent the younger twin flying across the room to land on the floor on his face.
"Vergil…"
The older twin returned the toy sword to its owner. "Shall we take this to the parking lot after properly acquiring weapons?" Vergil asked sweetly. Dante grabbed him by the arm and they walked very fast over to the booth selling toy weapons, in addition to such educational supplies as tin whistles and doll clothes. The pair rapidly inspected their entire stock of wooden swords, finally selecting the two they judged most perfect and paying for them.
***
Elsewhere at the convention, Eva was talking with some other mothers about various tricks and techniques to make parenting rambunctious children easier.
"I got this fantastic idea out of a parenting magazine," said a jumper-clad woman with dark brown hair that was actually longer than Eva's. "Each of the children has their own color of clothes. It makes sorting laundry much easier."
"Hmm, that does sound like a good idea. Red and blue maybe…"
A clean-cut teen boy in a suit tapped on her shoulder. "Excuse me ma'am, but are the white-haired twin boys yours?"
"Yes." She replied slowly. The only question was whether they had made trouble or found it.
"They're fighting with swords in the parking lot and are resisting all attempts to break them up."
Eva cracked her knuckles. If she was lucky, they'd be near where she parked the car so she could grab a bottle of Holy Water. Being splashed with that would get their attention and not look too weird. She sighed. At least no one here thought this behavior was strange.
***
Notes: This is kind of a joke. Kind of. And only about three people will probably get it because you have to be familiar both with Devil May Cry and homeschooling culture to really appreciate it. But that's ok. Basically, I was homeschooled and I get kind of tired of all the [insert character(s)] at school stories, if only because they have nothing to do with my own experience. Also, almost all of my friends growing up were homeschoolers too, and I realized not long after I entered this fandom that Vergil and Dante reminded me of some of the guys I grew up with. The more I thought about it the better it worked. Actually, I think this could almost fit within canon and need not be AU at all.
Everything in here (except for the "my dad's a demon slayer" bit) is based on something I've actually seen or experienced.
And yeah, they really do have hair longer than Eva's. Truth can be stranger than fiction.
Incidentally, I'd already started working on this fic when I read it, but Rapture has an incidental mention of the twins being homeschooled too, so it's not just *my* deluded mind coming up with this. Other deluded minds have thought the same!