Dean and Sam raced to the impala, guns in hand and nervously glancing back behind them in order to see if she was still following them. It was getting darker and darker out with each passing minute, but it was almost unrealistic since it was only six thirty at night, during summer. Dean and Sam finally reached the impala and the overwhelming sense of dread and disbelief seemed to spread into the car with each exhale of breath from the both of them.
"How the hell is she still alive?" Sam asked bewildered as Dean fought to get the key into the ignition. "We saw her get torn apart, we burned the damn body. HOW THE HELL IS SHE STILL ALIVE DEAN?!" Sam shouted.
"I DON'T KNOW!" Dean shouted back as the key fit into the ignition, he twisted it and the engine turned over. Shifting the car into reverse, Dean turned around while putting pressure on the gas pedal, only to jump slightly when Castiel stared back at him solemnly. "Jesus Cas." Dean growled as looked past the angel and continued backing up.
"She's not dead." Castiel replied darkly as Dean shifted into first and began to drive away from the source of annoyance unspeakable.
"No shit Sherlock." Dean replied morosely. After a few beats of silence he glared back at Castiel through the rear view mirror. "How to hell does she keep coming back to life?" he challenged.
"I honestly don't know." Castiel replied somberly as he sank into the back seat of the car. "I even tried exorcizing that supposed 'half-demon' spirit from her in the hopes she'd die. But that proved pointless, she just said 'Kawaii' and laughed it off as an accident." He mumbled.
"Wait, when the hell did you try to exorcise her?" Sam asks looking back at the angel.
"An hour ago, not that it mattered." He remarked somberly. Sam and Dean shared a look of disbelief.
"We just saw her get torn apart ten minutes ago." Sam said, Castiel looked at him with confusion.
"What?" He asked incredulously, staring at the younger Winchester questioningly.
"Yeah, we just saw a vampire tear her head off. Stupid bitch was prancing around after us claiming she's a damn expert in killing vampire's, next thing she does is walk directly up to one and try to talk it to death." Dean replies snarkily as he turned onto another street. "The vamp basically says screw it, bites into her throat and decides her arms are twigs that needed to be snapped."
"We even burned the body- DEAN!" Sam said. The elder Winchester turned in time to see the wrecked semi-truck lying across the road ahead. Slamming on the brakes of the Impala, the back of the semi's container decided to burst open. Paper spewed out the open double doors of the container as the vehicle came to a stop. A gust of wind brought the papers in a swirling vortex towards the car and within half a minute the white and black sheets peppered the windows of the Impala.
"What the hell?" Dean asked in annoyance as he got out of the car and started peeling the papers off his car. Sam and Castiel got out of the vehicle and looked up to see even more papers swirling about in the air above them.
"Something is not right about this." Castiel remarked as Sam decided to peel one of the papers off the window of his door.
"Have a problem that you can't get rid of, no matter how many times you hit her?" Sam read aloud off the paper and looked up at Dean and Castiel as they both pull out their own flyers from either off the car or from the air.
"Have you tried killing her? Stabbing her? Exorcising the unkillable bitch or bastard?" Dean said and then looked at Sam. "Oh come on." He said as he tossed the paper up in the air and started tearing off more flyers from his car.
"Pull out your computer and Skype 'yoursuemustdie', and they will handle it all." Castiel said as he continued to read. "Or call 1-***-***-**** if you don't have access to internet at the moment since you're peeling these flyers… off the windshield of… Impala." All three stopped and looked at each other and then down at the flyers. Within moments, guns were drawn and hackles were raised as eyes scanned the area. A flyer made a crinkling noise as it slapped into Dean's face.
He tore it off with a curse and glared at it. "Oh you have… 'Yes, this is a weird deus ex machina. But what choices do you have pretty boy? Especially with that blonde bimbo comin…coming up behind you in that Ferrari?'" Dean looked at the paper in shock, then confusion, and then anger. "Oh come on! Are we seriously supposed to be-" the revving of a high powered engine interrupted him.
Everyone turned to see headlights coming around the light curve of the road. Another flyer smacked into Castiel's chest, he pulled it off and looked at it hurriedly. "Yes, that is her, get your asses in the car and call damn it. Seriously dumbass, get into the car." Castiel said in his monotone as if lifelessly reading a script. The encroaching car came to a stop twenty or so yards away from the trio and the drivers door opened.
A tall illogically thin teenager with… personalities far too large to fit her body and still stand upright stepped out. A gust of wind had her foaming cornsilk radiant blonde hair billow around her, losing the quality of beauty as it made the top of her head look like corn and eggs were put into a blender. The ersatz bride of Frankenstein cocked her hip, showing off a leather mid knee skirt with torn black fish net stockings and sequined thigh high leather stiletto boots. There would be more description, but a list of overly clichéd articles of clothing and adjectives is hard to find at the moment.
"Sammykins, Deanny!" The blonde teenager cried aloud. Every living creature in the area, including the dying trees, cringed at the nicknames. "You guys left me back there. That was so mean." The teenager pouted as she walked over to them, though the definition of 'walked' is ill defined, more along the lines of stalked or strutted. "And after all the trouble I had killing those nasty little monsters, you boys just up and left me." Another 'random' flyer smacked into Sam's arm, he plucked it and read it and smirked.
"Kristalnichanashi-" Dean said, trying to articulate the outrageous name for the teenager before he decided on saying "Krystal, where'd you get that car?" Said car was a purple with lime green racing stripes Ferrari 458 Italia, the kind any guy would drool over, and any rational person would not callously drive around while hunting demons if they didn't want to look well over a million dollars in vehicular parts.
"Oh this little toy?" Kristalnichanashi… fuck it, Krystal said with a giggle. "It's something Aunt Ellen left me in the will. You should see the interior, it matches the drapes." She said with an attempt at a seductive purr, only to receive concealed shutters of horror and disgust. "Especially when the engine roars, it really just… gets you going." Adding another purr and wink of her overly made up eyelids, smearing some makeup. It took all they could muster for the Trio to either not puke or shudder at the sight.
"Sam, what'd the flyer say?" Dean asked as stoically as he could in the situation.
Sam crushed the flyer in his hand. "Shoot the bitch." Krystal looked at them in confusion as both raised their pistols and fired at her. In a small barrage of bullets, Krystal lost quite a bit of flesh from her… personalities, even more from her face and head. Bits and pieces of her hair stayed attached to clumps of bone and brain matter. Blood splattered back and forth, peppering the asphalt and expensive purple car. The brothers stopped shooting when Dean's gun ran empty, he smirked and reloaded.
"Well, hopefully that will-" Dean ceased what he was saying when he noticed how some of the blood pooling around Krystal seemed to recede back into her body. "OH COME ON!" Dean yelled in anger as he shot the regenerating body of Krystal.
"Get in the car." Castiel said in all seriousness. "And call that number." Dean and Sam grudgingly climbed into the Impala, Sam pulling out his cell phone as Dean maneuvered the Impala around Krystal's body and car, heading back the way they came.
-In entirely different univers-
A Chinese girl in jean shorts and a red and black plaid shirt looked up from her computer as she sat on a depressing looking green plaid couch. She looked around for the source of sound that had distracted her from her WoW session. She spotted the source of the noise on the dresser turned T.V. stand and took off her headphones. The phone on the dresser was vibrating and ringing, the ringtone being 'Brick by Boring Brick' by Paramore respectively. She grimaced and yelled. "NATHAN! YOUR PHONE'S RINGING!"
A muffled report of pounding feet from the floor above told Jennifer, the girl on the couch, that Nathan had heard. "WHICH RINGTONE?!" He yelled back from the top of the stairway.
"BRICK BY BORING BRICK!" She shouted back in response and smirked. Work was calling and Jennifer knew it.
"SHIT! AND WHEN I'VE GOT A FUCKING PAPER!" Nathan complained. "ANSWER IT FOR PLEASE? I'LL GO GET MY WORK GEAR!"
Jennifer almost replied back a choice expletive involving his outer organs, but decided against it, remembering that his turn to cook was coming up and she wanted a favor. "SURE THING!" She replied. "Kickassbitch signing off" She relayed into her headphones microphone and shut the lid of her laptop. Jumping up from the couch, she ran to the phone before it started a second verse and hit accept. "Mary Sue Help Me Hotline, who can't you kill today?" She asked.