A/N: Hope that everyone likes this. I probably should really get back to all of my other stories, but in time I'll complete those. Enjoy this for the time being.
And It Hurts So Much
CarEtoDreaM
Summary: [One Shot] I was supposed to stop liking him before I got in too deep. But now I've fallen too deep. I've fallen too deep into the hole and I'm not sure how I am going to climb out of it. [Told in a point of view through a diary.]
I'm not all that sure of what I want to do right now. I'm not sure of many things anymore. I really don't know what's happening with my life anymore. Nobody reads this anyways, so I suppose it'll be ok to write here right now. Nobody would see it. I don't have anybody to talk to right now. I do have somebody, but it's hard to say things when you don't even know what you're doing yourself. I really sound like an angst ridden teenager don't I? I'm trying not to, but it really just comes out this way.
I don't know what I'm supposed to do. It's actually really hard for me to even put this here. For me to even admit it finally. I can't even believe that I'm doing it really. I don't know how I'm doing it. Why am I even doing it? It doesn't matter though, does it. I need to get this out. I need to. if I don't get it out then I'm never going to be able to be happy anymore. it doesn't make any sense. It doesn't make any sense at all.
I don't even know why. why it even happened in the first place. It really wasn't, it wasn't supposed to happen like this. I was not supposed to like him. there was no reason for me to like him. There was absolutely no reason for me to like him. I promised myself that I wouldn't fall in love with him. yes, it escalated from a simple crush to love. I promised myself that I would get over it so quickly. I promised myself that I would. But I didn't get over it. I was supposed to stop liking him before I got in too deep. But now I've fallen too deep. I've fallen too deep into the hole and I'm not sure how I am going to climb out of it.
It makes no sense though. it honestly makes no sense. he was one of my best friends. I never told him that I loved him, maybe I should have and now I wouldn't be hurting as much as I am right now. I love him, yet he likes my friend. It doesn't make any sense as to why he would like her. he didn't even talk to her all that much. he wasn't supposed to like her. I asked him why he liked her though, I tried to make it sound like I was just a curious friend and I think I pulled it off. He told me that she was nice.
That almost made me laugh at loud. I didn't get it at all. it actually managed to confuse me even more. aren't I nice? Why can't I be nice enough for him? I didn't know what was wrong with me. I just desperately needed to cling onto something and I couldn't face him anymore. I couldn't face him anymore or else I was going to cry in front of him. So I made an excuse and then I fled. I ran as fast as I possibly could.
I don't know what to do right now. The pain is becoming almost too much for me to bear. I'm not sure how I should be handling this. I really don't know what I'm supposed to do. I really wished that he loved me though. Then maybe things wouldn't have to be as confusing as they are now. But things are never that simple are they? They never are.
I only wanted him to love me. But he never is. The red head with too many freckles is never going to love his bushy-haired, know-it-all of a best friend. His beautiful blue eyes will never look at me with a look of love. The most that he'll ever feel for me is friendship. And I really want to accept it. I really just want to accept it and move on with my life. I really just want to take it all in and not let any of it faze me. But it's not going to be like that. No matter what I know that he will always love me. I'm still wishing that he's going to tell me that he loves me one day. But it's impossible. It's never going to happen. And it hurts so much.
The End
A/N: Ok… so how was it. Putting up the offer again, I'm really looking for a beta reader. As you can probably tell from reading that story just, my grammar is horrible. My beta needs to be able to stand the following pairings: H/G, D/G, Hr/D, Hr/R. I think that's all I've ever written… but yeah, so PLEASE SOMEBODY, I'M LOOKING FOR A BETA I REPEAT! If you're interested e-mail me, email is in my personal profile.
Hope you enjoyed it, and please review.