"Captain Tucker?" The nurse questioned into the waiting room, waiting for someone to rise out of their seat.
Tucker did so, stepping forward quickly towards the short, motherly looking woman who was watching him with kind eyes.
"I'm Ed Tucker. How is she?" Tucker questioned breathlessly, so desperate for any information on Benson's status; the past hour and a half he'd been in the dark as they whisked her away for X-rays, MRIs, blood tests and god knows what else.
"She's doing okay, considering. She's been asking for you though…getting a little impatient that she's had to wait so long to see you." The nurse finished slyly, glancing up from her clipboard to notice the small smile spreading across Tucker's face.
"I'll bet she has. Can I…?" His question hung in the air between them; the nurse's pen scratching a couple of notes on the paper in front of her. Looking up, she smiled a warm, generous smile.
"Of course. Follow me."
Tucker fell in step behind the woman, absently tracing her every step down the corridor, so oblivious to their surroundings that he almost missed the uniformed officer standing a few doors ahead of them, on duty. The nurse walked up to the officer and quietly said a few words, before turning back to where Tucker had stopped behind her, his eyes focused on the name on the door:
Benson, O.
"You're free to go in, Captain." The nurse urged him gently, while the officer beside her nodded his agreement.
Steeling himself, and hoping he portrayed a sense of strength, he opened the door.
Tucker stopped in the doorway, letting the stillness of the room overtake him. She was sitting on the bed, with her back to him, facing the window. The view was beautiful today; the grey clouds from the afternoon had given way to a clear evening sky, layered red, orange, yellow and blue with the setting sun. Tucker knew she wouldn't be admiring the view, rather running over and over the day's events in her mind. Quietly, he stepped into the room and shut the door behind him.
"Liv…It's me…" He paused, unsure of how to proceed. "…the others have gone home. Finn's gone to relieve Lucy of Noah. He seemed pretty excited to be having a boys night with the wee fella…" Tucker stopped, weary of how much he seemed to be talking. Right now, he felt that he should be listening, or at the very least, giving her the chance to be heard. He stowed his hands in his pockets, stepping closer, waiting for her recognition.
Benson nodded, but didn't turn around, not that he expected her to. He approached the bed at last, bracing himself for the injuries that were sure to be looking ten times worse than they had been two hours ago. Stepping into her vision, Tucker's suspicions about the injuries were confirmed; Benson's face showed varying shades of black, blue and purple. Tucker took in every little detail of her beaten face, his eyes stopping when they met hers. She was watching him watching her, her eyes bloodshot and teary.
For a moment, both were lost for words. Tucker was conflicted; feeling a rage he hadn't felt before, burning through his veins, for Joe Utley, and the overwhelming urge to wrap his arms around the defeated woman sitting in front of him. Benson, on the other hand, was desperately searching his eyes for a glimmer of peace, an ounce of normality.
Benson broke the stillness, gingerly lifting her bandaged right hand, still smarting from its' right hook to Utley's face, asking him to come closer. Obliging, Tucker moved to be in front of her, gently taking her right hand in his left and bringing his right hand up to softly cup her face.
"Liv…" Tucker starts, unsure of how to start this conversation when he couldn't find enough words to say everything he wanted to say.
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. You did great. You saved their lives. Noah's fine - Lucy has him. I thought I'd never see you alive again. I just want to keep you safe forever. Forever, if you'll have me. I'm falling in love with you, Olivia. I wish I could take all your pain away. I wish it had been me. You are so brave.
"Ed…" Benson whispers, cutting him off, "…thank you."
Tucker leans down and places his lips on her forehead, letting his right hand fall to catch her free hand on the bed. "Not me. You. All you. From what the kids and the wife's statements say, you were amazing." Tucker leans back, studying her carefully - chin trembling, mouth clenched shut: Tucker wondered if she'd been holding it together this long so no one had to see her break down.
"Liv, you don't have to hold it together for me. Let me be strong enough for the two of us."
As if waiting for permission, the tears began to fall freely from Benson's eyes, her mouth letting out a sob held in too long, her lungs gasping for air like it was on short supply.
Tucker stepped in closer to the bed, wrapping his arms around her; one around her shaking shoulders, the other coming to rest behind her head, his fingers grasping the still matted hair.
Benson sobbed, her body wracked with pain, and guilt, and shock. Her hands lay limp on the bed, as though dead from the terror they've witnessed. Tucker held her to him, keeping his arms firm around her and whispering softly, over and over, "You're safe, you're okay."
Benson allowed herself to be held, comforted, by this strong man in front of her. God knows she wouldn't be able to get through this without him. She wouldn't have been able to walk out of that house alive without him. Upon this realisation, fresh feelings of guilt and fear course through her veins, causing the sobbing to become hysterical, a wail into Tucker's chest; her arms curling into her own chest, tight and safe.
After what seemed an eternity of having him wrapped around her, and her cries had softened, Benson pulled back slowly, reaching her hands up to his sides. Tucker stepped back slightly, softly wiping away her tears before bringing his hands to rest on her shoulders.
"When I said thank you…" Benson started quietly, her fingers lightly digging into him, "…I didn't just mean thank you for getting me out of there. Alive."
Tucker opened his mouth to gently debate the fact, again. "Liv, I…"
"Please." Benson whispered, her brown eyes searching his, desperate to make him understand the weight of what she was about to say. Of everything she desperately needed him to know, but wasn't quite ready to say out loud yet.
I've never needed any man, but I need you. God, I need you. I'm falling in love with you. I want our little family. I want you. I want Noah to have you. Don't let me push you away. Please stay with me.
Tucker nodded, squeezing her shoulders softly, encouraging her to go on.
"Utley asked me if there was anyone at the NYPD who cared if I lived….or if I died…" Benson faltered, the memory of Utley and the gun to her head flashing through her mind. A lone tear rolled down her cheek, stroked away by Tucker's thumb.
"I'm right here." He whispered, hoping he radiated more strength than he felt.
I wanted to shoot the bastard again.
"When he asked me if there was anyone, the only person I could think of…was you." Benson finished softly, wincing as she readjusted her posture on the bed, stiffness creeping into her weary body. Her dark brown eyes never wavering from Tucker's steel blue ones.
"You're the only person I wanted…to be on the other end of that phone. So thank you…for picking it up…" She smiled softly, pulling him closer so she could wrap her hands around his waist.
Tucker leant down, bringing his face to within inches of hers, his lips hovering above her lips. "I'm just looking out for you," he said lightly, a small smile crossing his face as he remembered the two of them sitting at the bar, her kiss on his hand…
Benson smiled back, knowing the memory that was running through his mind; the same one running through hers. "Always." Closing the minute gap left between them, Benson perked her head up and kissed him softly, taking comfort from the familiar roughness of his lips, his stubble, his body against hers. Tucker's hands found their way to her face, cupping her cheeks tenderly; a rouge thumb stroking her chin.
"For what it's worth," Tucker mumbled into the kiss, "I will always pick up the phone for you."
I could find the whole meaning of life in those sad eyes
They've seen things that you never quite say, but I hear
Come out of hiding, I'm right here beside you
And I'll stay there as long as you let me