Title: Why Not Me?
Author: OrganizationI
Summary: (Spoilers for the all of Future Diary and Future Diary Paradox) One-shot. After the world has ended, Akise is given a chance to be with the one he loves. Shounen Ai.
AN: I know the summery isn't that good, but I'm not that good at those. This is my first story for Mirai Nikki (Future Diary), so I decided that I needed to do it on my favorite character. Akise Aru. *sighs happily* And to think, his love for another male is completely cannon and not a product of my yaoi-loving mind! Sadly, I'm not sure if I was able to keep him in character. I'm normally good at that, but this was a challenge for me... Please give some feedback by pressing the review button! And remember that criticisms are appreciated, but flames will be used to make delicious smore that will be given to the other good reviewers.
I loved you. I knew it from the first time I saw you, which is a memory I only got back recently. You were lying there in my arms, begging me to help you, and I couldn't help but notice how beautiful you were. Everything about you was perfect in my eyes. I never thought of myself as a homosexual, although I have nothing against them, simply because you were the only one I ever thought of like that. I wasn't gay, just in love. Even after I was forced to forget about when I first met you, I still loved you. I felt connected to you. Drawn to you. I loved you more than everything. After that I began only doing things for you. To make you happy.
It wasn't so much that I wanted you to be god, more like I wanted to be the one that made you god. I wanted to be the one that made your dream come true. I wanted you to love me back, so that maybe then it could be us that went to look at the stars together instead of your parents (not that I have anything against them) or that dreadful girl.
What was so good about her anyway? That she could protect you? So could I. The fact she was there for you? I was too. How she would kill for you? If you wanted I would do so without hesitation. Or maybe you liked her instead for one thing I could never imitate. That she was a girl. Why was it so bad that I'm male, though? Shouldn't you keep an open mind? Maybe you're really that shallow, but I thought you were better than that.
Of course you're better! How could I even differently? You chose her because I never told you how I felt, and by the time I thought I should have it was too late. When did it cross my mind, you ask? Around the time she sliced off my head. Did that bother you at all? Seeing me die after you found out I could never come back? Or maybe you were still in denial about that fact. Maybe you were convincing yourself that you could bring me back. What about when you really did realize the truth? Did you feel regret? Did you possibly think of me for a second longer than all of the others you killed to get to your goal? As much as I hope so, I suppose you didn't. All you cared about was that horrible, terrible, dreadful girl.
Then she tried to kill you. Didn't I warn you about that? Didn't you remember the message I died in order to get to you? And even after all that, you still trusted her. You still loved her. Not me. Why? She tried to kill you. It didn't matter to her which world's you she got, even though they're all very different. I didn't want any of the others, only you. Still you chose her, and she almost killed you. Did you regret it? Did you wish you chose me instead? Of course not, because you never even realized my feelings. You still fought for her. You still saved her from herself. You still loved her more than anything. You still mourned her passing.
Do you know what I am? I myself didn't find out until I was told. I was created by Deus as an observer. He says that he was the one that made me love you, and that nothing I did was of my own freewill. This isn't nearly as distressing as you would think, but perhaps Deus made me that way so I wouldn't freak out if he decided to tell me. He claims that my loving you was something he did, but I choose not to believe him. I choose my own future now, and I still feel the same for you.
The point is, I never really existed, at least not in the same way everyone else does. How can you kill something that never existed? You can't. My body is gone, but my spirit is tied to the material plane. It's my destiny to simply wander around forever, nothing but a ghost. I've been following you. I've been sitting by your side for the last 10,000 years. I've seen you refuse to recreate the world. I've watched you cry over that pink-haired devil. I can see in your eyes that she's the only one you care about anymore.
You could bring me back if you wanted. My soul is right here, and you could easily make me a body. Still, you only want her. Even if you knew I was here, I bet you wouldn't try. Over all this time that passed your emotions have slipped away. She's the only one for you. Why? Why couldn't it be me? Why did you never feel the same?
I still recall the feel of your lips. I bet you thought it was a joke when I kissed you, don't you? Or maybe you thought it was just to get that dreadful woman angry. That was just an excuse to capture the lips I had yearned for so long before I died. If I lived, I could tell you about all of my feelings. If I died... Well, at least I kissed you once. It was one of the happiest moments of my life, followed closely by my death. I wished I could have told you about the truth about that kiss before I died, but revealing her true nature was more important.
Now, back to the present. I'm sitting by you as you lye there, quiet like you have been for so long. Your eyes are lifeless, nothing like those amazing eyes I fell in love with. Murumuru was reading a manga off to the side. I raise my hand up to brush away some of the hairs that have fallen in your lovely face, but my fingers pass right through it, just like all the other times I tried. If someone had asked me before, I would have said spending an eternity with you would be like a dream. How stupid. Being dead is a nightmare. Having to be by the thing I want most in the world, knowing I could bring you comfort, and not being able to do anything.
Suddenly, you sit up. If I had been alive I would have gasped in shock, but I no longer need to breath. You hadn't moved for at least a hundred years. Why was now different? "I have to try..." I heard you mumble. Even though your voice was hoarse and weak, it was still music to my ears.
"Try what?" Murumuru asked excitedly, standing up and abandoning the manga. "Are you finally going to make another world? Yay, we get toys to play with!"
You frown and shake your head, standing and walking a few steps forward. "I know it won't work, but I still have to try and bring Yuno back. I love her."
That sentence makes me want to scream, despite how I normally am calm. It's been 10,000 years, so can't you accept that she's gone? Why is it her you want to bring back? Why not me? Why was my love destined to be one-sided? Did you not feel anything when we kissed? Was I the only one who felt that spark?
You hold out your hand, palm facing the ground and make a look of concentration. It's adorable. Light gathers under your hand as molecules come together to make whatever you wish. They form together until lying lifeless on the ground is the person I slowly came to despise, although I never showed it. That woman took everything from me. She didn't deserve you. Only I deserved you. Only I would ever deserve you.
You collapsed onto your knees and held the doll in your arms, crying. Why did you bother making it if you knew it wouldn't work? I could have told you that it would only end in more of your tears. I let out an inaudible sigh and got down on my knees by the two of you. As much as I hated to admit it, you looked good together. I tried to grab her throat, intending to strangle her even though she wasn't alive. Instead of that, my hand sunk in. That's when I got an idea. This was a body without a soul. I was a soul without a body. With a bit of hesitation I lowered myself into her body, thinking I would tell him who I was as soon as I could. I would have him make a body that was really mine and then we could finally be together. He would forget about her and we would live with no one but each other forever. We didn't need others.
As I took my first breath of oxygen I realized just how much I missed being alive. For the first time in 10,000 years, it finally felt like I was there even if the body wasn't quite right. I lifted my (?) hand and brushed away your tears, causing your head to snap up in shock. "Why are you crying?" I asked softly as I sat up, afraid to startle you.
"Y-Yuno!" was all you could stutter out before you quickly embraced me in a tight hug. It felt right. I felt whole and safe and like this was where I was supposed to be. That's why I wrapped my arms around you and buried my face between your neck and shoulder instead of explaining myself. I just wanted to be with you. Was that so wrong? "I've missed you so much, Yuno." I pulled back and looked right into your eyes. "I love you."
That may have been what got me. You looked right at me when you said that, and for a mili-second I actually believed you were talking to me instead of the horrible form I was inhabiting. I wished to be the one you loved, and like this I could be. "I love you too." I replied, smiling. "Let's be together forever."
You leaned down and kissed me, taking my breath away. I wanted more. I wanted you to kiss me again and again. I wanted to love you forever. Why shouldn't I? You should have picked me from the beginning. It was me who deserved you, and this was the only way to have you. I loved you. I still love you.
I don't know how long we sat like that, lying content with one another, having light conversation, and sharing numerous small kisses. This was the eternity I wanted. The only bad thing was how you kept calling me Yuno. That wasn't me. I longed to hear my real name fall from your lips. What would it sound like? But I didn't want it to sound like it had been before. No, I wanted it to hold the same amount of love it did when you called me by the beast's name. I wanted you to love me. The real me and not this form.
We were together for a long time. I lost track of how long. We were in love, but it wasn't real. Each time I looked at your smile, I knew that it wasn't meant for me. Maybe in the end I didn't deserve you either. After all, I was lying to you. I wasn't who you wanted.
Why did that stupid survival game have to start? Why did Yuno have to exist in the first place? Why did it have to be her? Why couldn't you be content with me?
"Yuno," you take my hand happily. "What are thinking about?"
I smile back at you. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad. Maybe I could play the role of your ex-stalker forever. It's not like she could mind, being dead and all. "Just about how much I love you." I reply in a love-sick voice. You love her and I've become her, so now we can be together. Still, why couldn't it have been me?