Sitting alone in the library, Edward looks through some books that would lead him one step closer to getting his brothers body back. Anything without human transmutation! Or a Philosophers Stone! Edward slams the book shut once again, his search unsuccessful once again. Edward's eyes linger upwards and lands on a clock that has the hand pointing at the three. Alphonse is probably worrying about me.
Edward gently places the useless book back into its spot before waving the unusually chipper librarian goodbye.
The cold air bites at Edward's face, but he ignores it, too deep in thought about his brother. Not in a perverted sexual way like most yaoi fangirls think he does, but in an actual brotherly way.
"I don't care what I have to give up Alphonse Elric. I will get your body back!" Edward yells into the heavy air, slamming his fists together in determination. He enjoyed the rest of his walk back to the dorms that is until something like a reject Pokemon jumped out of the bushes in front of him. "What the fuck are you?"
"I'm Kyubey and I want to make a contract with you!" It squeaks and Edward almost falls backwards onto his ass.
"Holy nipple scrotum's you talk!" Edward gasps, trying to come up with some scientific explanation for the thing in front of him.
"Yes! I've come from an Alternate Universe in the search of more girls to make contracts with. I will grant you one wish of your choice if you agree to fight witches for me." Edward was about to scream at the abomination that he indeed has a dick and was not a girl. That is, until he realized that he could make one wish of his choice.
"Any wish? A wish that could defy Equivalent Exchange?" Edward asks hesitantly and it cocks its head with that shirt eating grin still on it's face.
"Any wish your heart desires! Anything is possible." Though Edward couldn't come up with any scientific explanation in his head about how that was possible, he gave it shot.
"Alright you ass eating bastard. I wish for Alphonse and I to get our original bodies back without any form of toll to pay." It seem ridiculous to give out such a precious wish to the rejected pokemon character, he thought he would give it a chance.
"The contract has been sealed." It says simply, and then his entire body fills with a burning pain. Edward can barely gasp as his body is lit up in some sort of gold light, lifting him off of the ground and stealing his breath.
"What… What are you doing?" Edward chokes out, gripping his neck in an attempt to make the oxygen to go back in.
"I'm taking your soul and putting it into something much safer and compact than your fragile human body." Kyubey tells him, and Edward watches as the light forms into a small golden gem right above his head. "This way, if your body is broken, we can just move you to a new one. Now, take your gem and accept your new life Magika."
Edward immediately stretches his hands outwards to grab his soul when he realizes he now has two flesh and sturdy hands. Instead of dwelling on this new discovery, Edward grabs the gem which lights up to his touch.
"You start your duties tomorrow young Magika. If you excuse me, I have other Magika's to find and recruit." Then Kyubey disappears and Edward is left there, alone in the dark, staring at his new flesh hand.
"I CAN FINALLY JACK OFF WITH MY RIGHT HAND! FUCK YA!" Edward screams, and then remembers his brother who just recently got his body back too. He's going to be sooo surprised! Edward snickers and hops the rest of the way home, thinking about his now fleshy and sexy hand.
When Edward got back, Alphonse was screaming in terror and shock.
"B-BROTHER! MY BODY! IT'S BACK!" Alphonse cries, tears in his eyes as he cradles himself. "AND THIS THING IN BETWEEN MY LEGS WONT GO DOWN! IT HURTS!"
"TOUCH IT!"
"NO! IT LOOKS SO GROSS!"
"IF YOU WANT IT TO GO DOWN, YOU'VE GOT TO TOUCH IT DAMN IT!"
"YOU DO IT!"
"THIS ISN'T A ELRICEST FAN FICTION IDIOT! THE ONLY DICK I'LL BE TOUCHING IS ROY'S LATER."
"I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO DO THAT!"
"HOW? IF YOU CAN'T TOUCH YOUR OWN DICK, HOW WILL YOU TOUCH HIS?"
"I DON'T KNOW! DAMN IT BROTHER! WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE SO GAY?!"
"BECAUSE ROY MUSTANG IS A SEXY BEAST."
"I'll second that." I randomly added, walking away dramatically with Roy Mustang tied up and naked on my back.
"HOW THE FUCK DID SHE GET IN HERE?"
"WHO THE FUCK IS SHE?"
"WHY THE FUCK DOES SHE HAVE MY MUSTANG?"
"GET THE FUCK BACK HERE BITCH!"
The next day.
"My mission is done. I'm quitting the military!" Edward sings, twirling around the office as the others stare at him except for Mustang who seems quite satisfied from his nice and hard fucking from last night.
"You can't quit. You have a 10 year contract with us dumbass." Mustang states, looking down at his fabulously sexy fingernails which were attached to his fabulously sexy fingers (which I thoroughly enjoyed) which were attached to his fabulously sexy hands which were attached to his fabulously sexy arms which were attached to his fabulously sexy shoulders which were attached to his fabulously sexy torso (which looks fabulously sexy when naked) which was attached to his fabulously sexy neck which was attached to his fabulously, overly bearingly sexy face. Did I mention is overly huge and overly fabulously sexy dick? That's the best part by far. The part Edward will be enjoying later. Hell, maybe we can both have a turn at the same time. That would be so fucking hot. MMMMMMM, BUT BACK TO THE STORY.
"ASS NIPPLES!" Edward snaps and storms out the room, but not before turning around and enjoying Roy's fabulously sexy ass.
"ARE YOU STARING AT MY ASS?"
"DAMN STRAIGHT!"
"I don't blame him sir. You do in fact have a fabulously sexy nice tight and white ass." Hawkeye pops up and the others agree with her.
LATER THAT NIGHT WHEN EDWARD WAS PROWLING THE CITY FOR MUSTANG LOOK ALIKES
"HOLY FUCKING SHIT ON FIRE IT'S A WITCH! OH MER GERD! OH MER GERD!" Edward screams, running around like a little bitch as a labrynth forms around him.
"HELP ME! I'M BEING ATTACKED!" An overly fabulously sexy voice cries from inside.
"I'LL SAVE YOU! EDWARD ELRIC SPARKLY TRANSFORMATION! GO!" Thus Edward was now wearing a golden miniskirt and pig tails. "I HAVE A DICK!"
"ME TOO!" Roy screams and Edward goes to save him until another Magika enters the labyrinth with him.
"I'LL SAVE YOU AND RIDE YOU MUSTANG!" An all too familiar voice that belonged to his younger brother declares as Edward stares in shock.
"WHAT THE FUCK?!"
"KYUBEY THOUGHT I WAS A GIRL!"
"ME TOO!"
"LET'S SAVE MUSTANG TOGETHER AND THEN WE CAN RIDE HIM TOGETHER!" Alphonse suggests and Edward agrees.
Once they save Roy Mustang, Edward ties up Alphonse and then runs off into the sunset with Mustang with me in hot pursuit.
THE END.
I might have been high or drunk when I made this. Sadly, it was neither. I was bored and I wanted some booty. Like my descirisirirsirption of Roy? Sexy and Fabulous all together. FAVORITE AND LEAVE WHAT EVER REVIEW YOU WANT. BAD ONES ARE FUNNY TO ME. LOVE YOU ALL. GOODNIGHT.