Disclaimer: I do not own Glee
WARNINGS: Mentions of drugs, dub-con sex, underage sex, swearing, begins as Kurt/Blaine, ends as Kurt/Puck
Can You See Me?
Summary: Can you see me? Such a simple question, yet there's potential for such a heartbreaking answer. Feeling invisible, Puck turns from woman to woman, from girl to girl, desperately hoping for someone to really see him. In the early days, he was really looking for a mother figure. Then he just wanted a friend or a lover. Yet somehow, he ended up in bed with Kurt Hummel. Sorry Blaine.
XXX
His mother was never really around. She was always working the nightshift. As a young boy, Noah Puckerman had been told that his mother worked as a waitress and he believed that to be true. It was only as he got older that he realised his mother spent the nights stripping off her clothes and dancing round a pole to entertain a room full of perverted men. Over time, stripping had led to prostitution which had led to drugs.
His father wasn't really around much either. He was always busy working during the day. He had a proper respectable job and he worked hard to support his family. But then his wife had gotten addicted to drugs. In the beginning, he tried to help. If she could just quit the habit and get a proper job then things could go back to normal, they could make things work and be a proper family.
It didn't work. So he left. He left the drugged-out shell that used to be home to the soul of his wife. He left his children. He left eleven year old Noah and five year old Sarah with no-one to properly care for them.
In all his childhood years, Puck couldn't remember ever once being hugged or kissed by his mother. He hadn't a single memory of the woman saying she loved him. He had no recollection of her cheering him on at football practice, or waiting for him at the school gate with a smile, or any words of praise at all.
His mother was different to the other mums. Puck knew that even from an early age. He just didn't fully understand how or why she was different and he had no idea how to ask for help. So he stayed silent on the matter just hoping that maybe one day someone would miraculously notice. But they never did.
XXX
At twelve years old, Puck made friends with a boy named Finn Hudson. He met his new friend's mother and he was in total awe of her. Carole Hudson was warm and friendly with a kind face. She smiled at Puck, petted his hair, acknowledged his existence and showed him affection. There were no pills or needles around her house and her skin wasn't hanging off her bones and her eyes weren't blood-shot. There were no strange men barging through the doors demanding money before taking his mother to her bedroom to play 'horsey'.
He liked Finn's house and Finn's mother much more than his own. He felt safe there. But it wasn't where he belonged. At times, he truly felt like begging Carole to let him stay forever with promises that he'd always be good. But he never dared ask, afraid that he'd be turned away because he was sure a boy like him couldn't possibly be allowed to have someone as wonderful as Carole in his life.
So Puck would always go on home, sometimes burning himself when he tried to make food for himself and Sarah.
XXX
At age thirteen, Puck lost his virginity to a cheerleader named Libby Robinson. They were in her house, in her bedroom, the sound of her father yelling and mother crying invading their ears. It wasn't a nice environment to be in. Libby wasn't as lucky as Finn and there was no Carole for Puck to be jealous over. But being at Libby's was still better than being at home and watching his mother inject her body with drugs.
"So, does this mean you're my girlfriend?" Puck asked Libby when it was over. She laughed in his face.
XXX
At age fourteen, Puck slept with an older woman for the first time. She was extremely skinny with bones poking out everywhere. Although she claimed to be in her twenties she looked a great deal older. She appeared on the doorstep one day saying she was a friend of his mother's. Puck had let her in, informing her that his mother wasn't home, that she hadn't been back home for nearly three days.
The woman had introduced herself as Jenny and she sat a lot closer to Puck than was normal. She told him she was desperate that she really needed something.
"Maybe your mum has something?" Jenny asked. "I'm a friend of hers; she won't mind me having it. Do you know where she keeps it?"
Puck knew that Jenny was after drugs and he knew his mother had all different kinds of things in multiple places around the house. He took Jenny up to his mother's room and easily picked the lock. Frantically, Jenny hunted around the room in search of something. Eventually, she found some kind of white powder and Puck just watched on as she snorted it up her nose.
Then Puck had ended up having sex with Jenny in his mother's bed. He couldn't really remember how it had come to happen. He wasn't even entirely sure if he'd wanted it and he doubted that he'd actually enjoyed it. But it had happened.
The next time Puck had seen Jenny's face was on the local news. Her body had been found near a trash can and the police suspected she had died of a drug overdose.
XXX
At age fifteen, Puck started up his pool cleaning business. Sleeping with older women became a regular thing. The women were pretty, welcoming. They smiled at him, complimented him on the work he was doing and offered him food and drink.
His memory of the first lady was a little hazy. He remembered cleaning the pool and hearing her tell him he'd done a good job. He had been so proud to hear such words be directed at him. It made him feel good and worthwhile. Then the lady had offered him to come inside for a drink of lemonade and Puck was so, so thirsty. He downed the lemonade and dimly remembered the lady rubbing his shoulders. The next thing he knew, he was on the sofa with his pants around his ankles while the woman touched him and kissed him. He didn't do anything about it; his limbs were too heavy to move, probably sore from cleaning the pool Puck had thought.
The second lady had strutted around in a bikini while Puck worked. Then she'd offered him a coke. He accepted and he saw her add a large amount of vodka to it but he drank it anyway. She then took his hand and guided it downwards and slipped it into her bikini bottoms.
"Touch me," she purred. "Such a good boy," she praised and Puck found himself wanting to do his best to please her, to make her happy.
The third woman had been different. She came out with a glass of orange juice. Then she had whispered in his ear, saying she knew who he was and what he did. She mentioned that the other two ladies were friends of hers.
"You can do what you did with them with me if you like?" she offered. She cupped his face, smiling at him, waiting for his answer. She actually gave him the choice and he accepted it.
Then it happened with the fourth woman, and the fifth and the sixth. It kept happening. Puck cleaned their pools then did his best to please them, to be their good boy. He hoped that maybe one of the women would love him, but most of the women didn't even know his name.
XXX
At age sixteen, Puck turned his attentions to girls his own age, cheerleaders mostly. After the sex, Puck always wanted to cuddle but the girls never did. They all seemed to want to get away as soon as possible.
Brittany had stayed to cuddle and Puck had talked to her, pouring his heart out to her, telling her everything but she hadn't heard a word. She had fallen asleep in his arms.
Santana had stayed for the night, but they hadn't cuddled. They'd ordered pizza and they didn't delve in to any deep or meaningful conversation.
Quinn had also cuddled with him for a while, but she had been crying, already feeling guilt and regret for being with him.
XXX
At age seventeen, it had all been about Lauren. He thought maybe she was different. He thought maybe she saw him for who he really was and that she cared about him.
For the first time, Puck thought he had someone to care for who would care for him in return. Someone to share his secrets with, someone to express his pain and worry to, someone to share his happiness and dreams with.
But he was wrong. Puck was always wrong. Any girl, any woman, Puck would take his pants down for her and though they never seemed to realise it, he was offering his heart to them too. But they never seemed to want his heart; they only seemed to want what was between his legs. They saw Puck as a manwhore, not a boy who wanted to be loved. Even though a lot of people looked his way, nobody seemed to really see him.
XXX
At age eighteen, Puck had a brief affair with Shelby. He thought maybe things could work between them. The age difference was something that would be frowned upon and there was the added issue of Shelby working as a substitute teacher at McKinley, but that didn't mean they couldn't be happy together. They could have been a proper family, them and Beth. It could have been beautiful and perfect but it wasn't to be.
Shelby hadn't truly seen Puck for who he was. At first, Puck thought maybe she did see something that nobody else seemed to but he was mistaken. Shelby was just lonely and Puck had been convenient. Being with him hadn't made her feel young again either, it had in fact made her feel older. Ultimately, it just didn't work out.
So, Puck felt very much alone. His mother was a pitiful excuse for a human being; he'd sent his sister to live with his grandmother back when he was thirteen. It was for the best. Sarah would be safe with their grandma and well looked after. Puck had been invited to move in too, but he had declined. He stayed living with his mother, waking up each day and wondering if he would find her dead on the bathroom floor.
He felt invisible.
"Can you see me?" he asked in Glee Club one day, his words a muffled whisper. He hadn't even realised he'd said it out loud and he certainly wasn't aware that Kurt Hummel had heard.
XXX
The Hummel-Hudson house was empty save for Kurt and Blaine. They were together in Kurt's bedroom, music playing in the background while they made out. Blaine was muttering pretty words about Kurt's perfect beauty while pressing kisses to the pale boy's neck.
"Does that feel good?" Blaine asked sucking at Kurt's pulse point as he unbuttoned Kurt's shirt to reveal his torso. "Oh Kurt, you're so gorgeous," he said moving down to splash kisses across Kurt's flesh.
"Puck," Kurt said and Blaine froze.
"What?" Blaine asked.
"Sorry," Kurt apologised quickly as he sat up. "I didn't mean it like that."
"You said Puck," Blaine accused.
"I know, I know," Kurt admitted. "I was just thinking about him," a wounded expression formed on Blaine's features. "Blaine, no, not like that. Honestly, just let me explain. I just, I think there's something wrong with Puck."
"I haven't noticed anything," Blaine shrugged.
"You haven't?" Kurt asked and Blaine shook his head looking blank. "Don't you think he seems… distant… sad… lonely?"
"How would I know?" Blaine responded. "Puck isn't particularly friendly with me. Besides, who cares?" he tried to reattach his lips to Kurt's.
"I care," Kurt stated pointedly pressing his hands against Blaine's chest and gently forcing him away.
"So try talking to him," Blaine suggested. "Ask him if there's anything wrong and see what he tells you. But for now, forget about Puck and focus on me," Blaine smiled slipping off his cardigan then pulling his t-shirt up over his head. "Tonight I fully intend to rock your world."
The two teens were kissing again but Kurt wasn't fully concentrating on the make-out session. His thoughts kept returning to Puck.
"Kurt, baby," Blaine said sounding a touch impatient. "Can you just stop thinking about Puck? It's distracting and a little insulting."
"Sorry," Kurt apologised. "He just said something in Glee Club today and it really made me stop and think."
"Yeah, what did he say?" Blaine asked.
"Can you see me," Kurt answered. "It was so quiet, barely a whisper. I don't think he meant for anyone to hear."
"If he said it so quietly maybe you misheard him," Blaine said. "Maybe there isn't anything wrong with him at all."
"Maybe," Kurt mused.
"Don't worry about Puck tonight ok," Blaine replied unbuckling Kurt's belt. "Just think about you and me, about us. Can you do that?"
"Of course," Kurt nodded forcing a smile.
"Good," Blaine grinned dropping a kiss to Kurt's mouth before moving downwards and helping the boy out of his pants so he could suck on Kurt's cock.
XXX
Throughout the following day, Kurt made a point of paying extra attention to Puck, looking out for signs of… something. Kurt wasn't even entirely sure what he was looking for, but he looked anyway, hoping he was being discreet.
"You have a boyfriend, you know," Santana remarked in his ear during History class.
"What?" Kurt furrowed his brow in confusion.
"Short, uses lots of hair-gel, gets almost as many solos as Berry," Santana listed. "Blaine Anderson, a.k.a Blaine Warbler, a.k.a your boyfriend. Know who I'm talking about yet?"
"I'm perfectly aware who my boyfriend is, thank you," Kurt replied.
"Is there trouble in paradise?" Santana prodded.
"Blaine and I are perfectly happy, I love him, he loves me and one day we're going to live in New York together," Kurt said.
"How romantic," Santana commented sarcastically as she pretended to yawn. "So, if things with you and Blaine are so good why do you keep staring at Puck?"
"I'm not staring," Kurt denied and Santana laughed in his face. "Ok, fine, I am," Kurt admitted. "But I'm not checking him out if that's what you're thinking."
"Then what are you doing?" Santana questioned.
"I think there's something wrong with him," Kurt confided in a whisper.
"Of course there's something wrong with him," Santana scoffed. "He willingly did the nasty with Quinn and then he wasted a year of his life trying to be with her when he could have just been fucking me or watching me and Britts go down on each other."
"You know what, never mind," Kurt sighed with a roll of his eyes. "Forget I said anything."
Opting to ignore Santana, Kurt returned his focus to Puck, quickly averting his eyes when the mohawked teen caught him looking.
XXX
"Ok," Puck stated turning on his heel in the school corridor to round on Kurt. "I know I'm hot, but the whole stalking thing, really not a turn-on."
"I don't know what you're talking about," Kurt replied innocently backing up a little bit.
"Dude, you've been staring at me all day," Puck pointed out and Kurt flushed slightly realising he hadn't been as discreet as he thought. "What's your problem?"
"No, no problem," Kurt replied. His sentence started timid but he finished on a stronger note, standing up to his full height. "Perhaps you have a problem?" he suggested raising an eyebrow.
"Yeah, I'm looking at it," Puck retorted shooting Kurt the kind of glare that had promised Kurt a visit to the dumpster once upon a time, but Kurt refused to shrink against the wall of back down. He stood tall and defiant, fearless with a challenging look in his eye.
"I heard what you said," Kurt told him. "In Glee Club the other day."
"What?" Puck asked and Kurt genuinely couldn't tell if Puck really was confused or if he was feigning ignorance.
"You said… can you see me," Kurt replied. "And, yes… I can," he stated clearly making sure to maintain eye-contact with the other teen. He also attempted a supportive smile but it didn't fully form. He settled for sending Puck what he hoped to be a meaningful and comforting look instead before walking on.
XXX
Kurt Hummel could see him. That's the thought that bounced around Puck's brain for the remainder of the day and long into the night. Of all people, it was Kurt Hummel. It didn't really make sense to Puck that Kurt would notice anything he did. As far as we was aware, Kurt was totally happy and besotted with his little hobbit boyfriend, so why should he notice anything about him?
Sitting on the ledge of his bedroom window, Puck looked out at the night sky. He was alone in the house. His mother was out. He wasn't sure where. She hadn't been back for two and a half days. He had checked the hospital and she wasn't there but that's really all he knew. As he gazed up at the moon, he wondered if his mother would come back this time. Then he realised that he didn't particularly care if he never saw her face again and that made him feel guilty, like he was a bad son. He shook his head and tried to remind himself that she was in fact a bad mother. Of course, there was nobody around to assure him that he wasn't a bad son.
Carefully setting his feet on the carpet, he closed the window and hunted his room for a pair of jeans and a hoodie. He couldn't find any clean socks so he just shoved his feet into his worn sneakers and left the house. He walked alone through the dark streets of Lima, his hands balled into fists in his pockets. He felt incredibly tense and on edge, worrying that something sinister might be lurking behind every shadow and flinching a little at any unidentifiable noise.
After walking around aimlessly for thirty minutes and receiving a dose of verbal abuse from some homeless drunk, Puck found himself standing outside the Hummel-Hudson house. He looked up at the house with a sigh. His feet had led him there and his mind knew the reason why. Kurt Hummel. Kurt Hummel had noticed his existence, acknowledged his presence and made a point of establishing that he could see him. So it was that Puck found himself standing outside the boy's house, because if he was with Kurt, he would be noticed, visible. Right?
XXX
He didn't know what to think, do or say when Noah Puckerman knocked on his door. Quietly, he invited him in and led him through to the kitchen to fix him a cup of hot chocolate.
"Hey, what's going on?" Burt asked gruffly appearing in the kitchen in his dressing-gown. "I heard someone knock."
"Dad, um, you've met Puck right?" Kurt asked tentatively.
"It's nearly two in the morning," Burt pointed out surveying Puck carefully. "What the hell are you doing roaming the streets this late at night?"
"I couldn't sleep," Puck offered as explanation with a shrug.
"You'd better call your mum, she's probably worried sick," Burt said.
"Um, no, sir, you… you can't call her," Puck replied.
"And why not?" Burt asked. He studied the boy's body language and he could sense something was off. He was fidgety, but it didn't seem to be the kind of fidgeting that accompanied misbehaviour and fear of being found out. He seemed embarrassed… small… abandoned. "Kurt, head upstairs. Make up a bed for Noah on your floor."
Kurt looked between his dad and Puck before doing as his dad had instructed.
"Alright, kid, what's going on?" Burt asked Puck gently. "Why can't I call your mum?"
"She's not home," Puck answered once he was sure Kurt had indeed gone upstairs. "She's, er, she's working the night shift."
"Not a good enough lie, kid," Burt told him. "Try again."
"She's out of town visiting relatives," Puck lied.
"Nice try," Burt said. "But keep going."
"She was abducted by aliens," Puck deadpanned.
"Keep talking," Burt encouraged patiently.
"She's not home," Puck sighed. "She hasn't been home for two days. I don't know where she is."
"How often does this happen?" Burt asked and Puck just shrugged. "How often?" Burt pressed.
"I don't know," Puck answered. "A lot, ok?"
"No, no kid, that ain't ok," Burt told him. "Who's taking care of you?"
"I'm taking care of me," Puck said.
Burt ran a hand over his face and let out a long breath.
"Finish your hot chocolate and head up to bed," Burt said. "You're sleeping on Kurt's bedroom floor. I expect you to be up in time for school tomorrow," he placed a hand on Puck's shoulder but the teenager shook it off.
XXX
"Is everything ok?" Kurt asked sitting up in his bed when Puck entered the room.
"No," Puck answered honestly but he offered no further explanation as he crawled into the makeshift bed Kurt had set up on the floor.
XXX
The following evening, Burt and Carole drove to Puck's house and knocked on the door. They were knocking for a few minutes before Puck finally opened the door to them.
"Is your mum back?" Burt asked and Puck just shook his head. "Where the hell is she?"
"I told you, I don't know, man, just leave it alone," Puck huffed making to close the door.
"Hey," Burt interrupted preventing Puck from slamming the door. "Don't you even dare shut any door on me, kid. Now move over," he instructed and Puck begrudgingly stepped back and Burt stalked through, Carole following behind him. "The place is a mess," Burt commented unnecessarily.
"Yeah, well, I wasn't expecting company so I haven't cleaned up yet," Puck mumbled.
With a stony expression on his face, Burt stormed through the house looking things over, clearly displeased with what he could see.
"What have you been eating?" Burt asked finding that the fridge and cupboards were practically bare.
"I get by alright," Puck replied crossing his arms over his face defensively.
"Oh honey," Carole sighed as she too looked the place over. "Sweetie, you shouldn't be living like this."
"Don't really have a choice," Puck pointed out.
"Is it drugs?" Burt asked.
"I don't know what you're talking about," Puck said.
"Noah, don't lie to me, it doesn't work," Burt told him. "And I ain't dumb. I know that ain't sugar on the kitchen table and those needles on the living-room floor ain't for diabetes. And I could smell that marijuana plant before I could see it. So, I'm gonna ask you again, is it drugs?"
"What the fuck do you think?" Puck growled.
"Hey, you watch your mouth," Burt reprimanded.
"Whatever," Puck grumbled. "Just get out."
"Noah, honey," Carole said looking at him sadly. "You can't stay here."
"It's my home," Puck said emptily.
"Sweetie, no, this isn't a home," Carole replied. "You're just a boy; you shouldn't be living like this. And neither should your sister. Where, where is she?"
"I sent her to live with my grandma a few years back," Puck answered quietly.
"Oh Noah, why didn't you ever tell anyone about all this?" Carole asked him.
"About what?" Puck asked deliberately keeping his voice casual, determinedly acting as though the situation were perfectly normal.
"Where's your room?" Burt asked.
"Why?" Puck challenged.
"Never mind, I'll find it," Burt said heading upstairs and Puck stomped up the stairs after him. "Grab your stuff," Burt directed.
"What?" Puck questioned.
"Grab your stuff," Burt repeated. "You're not staying here, kid. You're coming back with me and Carole."
"No, I have to stay here," Puck said. "She'll be back and…"
"And what?" Burt quirked an eyebrow, just like Kurt. "You'll have to clean up her mess? Watch her inject all kinds of crap into her body?"
"At least I'll know she's alive," Puck replied. "Or maybe I'm just waiting for her to die, I don't know. But if she comes back and I'm not here she'll…" he trailed off. If his mother came back, she wouldn't notice if he were there or not.
"Are you gonna pack your stuff or do I have to do it for you?" Burt asked impatiently. "Because like it or not, we're not leaving you here. You're coming back to our place if I have to beat your ass down and drag you to the car."
Puck didn't say anything so Burt just moved around the room emptying drawers and grabbing as much as he could carry. With a load in his arms, he marched downstairs, got Carole to open the door and then he bundled everything into the trunk of the car. He then headed back up to Puck's bedroom and grabbed another armful of the teen's possessions, repeating the process. Carole joined in and Puck just silently looked on and watched.
Before he knew it, he was back in Kurt's bedroom at the Hummel-Hudson household.
"Kurt's room is bigger than Finn's so it's easier for you to share, more space," Burt explained. "You can put your clothes away and find space for your school stuff. We'll see about getting you a proper bed tomorrow."
"Bed?" Puck asked.
"You can't sleep on the floor forever," Burt said casually.
"You're letting me stay here, permanently?" Puck asked uncertainly.
"You're not going back to that crap-hole," Burt told him. "This is your home now, Noah, and we're your family now. Get used to it."
"But…" Puck tried to say and Burt moved to stand directly in front of him.
"No buts," Burt said. "You're staying here," his tone left no room for argument.
"I… I…" Puck tried to say something, anything. But words would not form. But tears did. They welled in his eyes and spilled out and there was nothing he could do to stop them.
"Hey, it's alright, Noah, its ok," Burt soothed gathering him into a hug as the mohawked teen sobbed into the man's neck. "We're gonna take care of you."
XXX
Finn seemed confused over the fact Puck was now living with them, but he didn't comment on it. He just got along with things. Kurt was surprised and he demanded that his dad tell him what was going on but Burt wouldn't say anything. So Kurt interrogated Puck until the boy caved and told him… everything.
Rumours circulated at school and for nearly a week Puck, Kurt and Finn couldn't walk down a corridor without people turning to stare and whisper about them. It made Finn really uncomfortable. Puck too, but he was better at disguising it. Kurt had long since grown used to people staring at him and whispering things so he barely even noticed and certainly didn't let it bother him.
However, it did bother Blaine. Ever since Puck had moved in to Kurt and Finn's, Blaine hadn't been able to find anytime alone with his boyfriend. If they went out for a meal, Puck would join them. If they went to the movies, Puck tagged along. They couldn't enjoy a good make-out session in Kurt's bedroom because 'Kurt's bedroom' was now 'Kurt and Puck's bedroom'. Even at school Puck seemed to be everywhere that Kurt was and it was starting to drive Blaine mad.
"Hey, Kurt," Blaine called to his boyfriend who was, as usual, in the company of Noah Puckerman. "My parents are out tonight," he smiled. "Wanna come over and keep me company?"
"Sure," Kurt replied. "We should have a movie marathon."
"Sounds perfect," Blaine grinned feeling happy and excited to be spending some alone time with Kurt.
"What do you feel like watching, Noah?" Kurt asked turning to Puck and Blaine had to work very hard to keep his expression neutral.
"I dunno, how about the Die Hard movies," Puck suggested.
"Excellent choice," Kurt complimented.
So it was that Blaine found himself sitting on his sofa along with Kurt and Puck. It was deeply annoying and frustrating. He wasn't a fan of the Die Hard movies. He wasn't making-out with his boyfriend as he hoped to be. But the most annoying fact of all was that he felt like he was the third wheel. It was ridiculous. Kurt was his boyfriend, not Puck's. But the pair were sat close together, talking and laughing as they watched the movie, sharing snacks. It was Blaine's house, Blaine's boyfriend, yet he felt out of place.
XXX
"Hey, stranger," Kurt greeted Blaine sitting down beside him in Glee Club a few weeks later. He pressed a kiss to the shorter boy's cheek. "It feels like I haven't seen you forever."
"And whose fault is that?" Blaine asked resentfully.
"What?" Kurt asked taken aback by Blaine's bitter tone.
"Nothing," Blaine mumbled folding his arms across his chest.
"I don't think that's nothing," Kurt said surveying Blaine carefully. "What's going on, Blaine? What am I doing wrong here? Talk to me."
"Puck," Blaine stated.
"You have a problem with Noah?" Kurt asked in surprise and Blaine gritted his teeth as he suppressed an eye-roll.
"No," Blaine answered. "Kurt, the problem is you and the way you're behaving with Noah."
"He's living with me now, it's no different to Finn," Kurt defended.
"Yes it is," Blaine insisted. "Finn's your step-brother and you live together, you're close, I get that. I understand it, I support it and… honestly, I wish Cooper was more like Finn. But you and Finn, you're not joint at the hip. You don't spend every moment of the day together. But lately if I see you or spend time with you, it means I'm spending time with Puck too. Wait, no, it doesn't even mean that. It means you're spending time with Puck and I'm just there, in the way."
"You're not in the way," Kurt said. "Blaine, I'm sorry, I didn't realise you felt so… never mind. Everything's ok. Let's have a date tonight, just you and me. Sound good?"
"Yes, thank you, yes," Blaine smiled moving in to press his lips to Kurt's, feeling the tension leave his body to be replaced with hope.
XXX
"I'm sorry," Kurt apologised from where he sat perched awkwardly on the bed, Blaine standing at the window with his back to him, hiding his tears. "God, Blaine, I am so sorry."
Their date had been going so wonderfully. They had watched an enjoyable movie and consumed a delicious dinner. Then they had returned to Blaine's empty home and finally Blaine felt like he had his boyfriend back. They were kissing, desperately, passionately. They were undressing each other, their hearts racing as they moved to the bed. Things seemed so perfect, so right. Then Kurt had called out the name 'Noah'.
"Are you in love with him?" Blaine asked, still standing at the window with his back to Kurt.
"N-no, I… I love you," Kurt responded but the words didn't sound convincing.
"I gave everything to you," Blaine sighed dropping his forehead to rest on the window pane. "I left Dalton and I left my friends, all so I could be with you."
"I know," Kurt said quietly, guiltily.
"I tried to be a good boyfriend," Blaine continued. "I've never been anyone's boyfriend before. I didn't really know what I was doing but I was trying, trying to be perfect for you."
"You were, you are," Kurt said.
"I gave you my heart, my soul, my virginity," Blaine listed. "Wasn't that enough? Wasn't I enough?"
"Blaine," Kurt sighed crossing the room to stand with Blaine at the window. "I'm so sorry."
"What did I do wrong?" Blaine asked turning to look at Kurt, looking lost, helpless, broken.
"Nothing," Kurt assured him. "You were perfect, Blaine. Always so perfect," he pulled Blaine to him, the shorter teen slowly hugging back. "You didn't do anything wrong, I promise."
"You love him," Blaine said. It wasn't a question.
"I'm so sorry," Kurt apologised and Blaine clung tighter to him for a while before forcing himself to let go and turn away. "Blaine?" Kurt asked uncertainly.
"Just go," Blaine replied softly, his tone firm but not unkind. "I need to be alone and… and you need to be with him," he forced himself to say.
"I'm so sorry," Kurt repeated quietly as Blaine curled up on his bed, wrapping his arms around himself, his entire body shaking as he sobbed. Biting his lip, Kurt turned away and left the house, sliding into his car. Sitting at the steering wheel, he allowed himself to cry for a few minutes before wiping his eyes and driving home, driving back to Noah.
XXX
"I don't get it," Puck said as he sat on his bed in his and Kurt's bedroom. "What happened?" he asked not understanding why Kurt and Blaine had apparently broken up. "Did he hurt you?"
"No, no, of course not," Kurt replied. "Actually, I hurt him."
"It's because of me, isn't it?" Puck asked. "All the time we've been spending together."
"That's part of it," Kurt admitted. "But it isn't your fault. This entire mess its… its all my doing. I didn't mean to do it, I wasn't trying to hurt anybody but… I really messed up. Noah," Kurt took a deep breath and closed his eyes. "I think I'm in love with you."
He didn't hear a response and he felt nervous. Cautiously, he opened his eyes and was startled to find Puck standing directly in front of him. Puck raised his hand, and Kurt flinched, expecting a hit. But Puck gently rested his hand at the back of Kurt's neck.
"What are you doing?" Kurt asked.
"Just trying something," Puck answered before moving in to press their lips together. He closed his eyes, expecting it to feel gross and weird. It didn't. It felt nice. More than nice. It felt right.
Pulling back, Puck opened his eyes and looked at Kurt, unsure what to say and uncertain as to what the kiss meant. Judging by the expression on Kurt's face, he wasn't sure what to make of the situation either.
"Um… movie?" Puck suggested with a shrug.
"Ok," Kurt agreed and he grabbed a DVD off the shelf at random and popped it into the player.
The two sat together on Puck's bed and stared at the television screen. Barely ten minutes into the film, Puck worked up the courage to slip his hand into Kurt's. He sensed the ivory-skinned boy staring at him but Puck determinedly looked straight ahead, giving Kurt's fingers a gentle squeeze.
XXX
It was another three days before Kurt and Puck kissed again. The kiss was longer and more passionate, more intense. A part of Puck still expected for it to feel wrong or disgusting, but it didn't happen. It felt amazing and right. Kissing Kurt should have confused him, but weirdly, kissing Kurt seemed to be the one thing in Puck's life that made perfect sense.
Still, it was a further two days before the boys found the courage to talk about the fact they had kissed one another.
"How does it feel, kissing me?" Kurt asked Puck.
"I like it," Puck answered. "I wanna kiss you again. I wanna do more than kiss you," he admitted and Kurt flushed at the honesty. "Do you still think you're in love with me?"
"Now more than ever," Kurt revealed looking up at Puck through his eyelashes.
Puck couldn't help it. He had to kiss Kurt again, needed to. So he did.
"Mmm," Puck moaned as he felt the swipe of Kurt's tongue, their hands fisting into one another's clothes urgently. "Fuck," he swore.
"Noah," Kurt panted as the kiss broke. "What does this mean?"
"I dunno," Puck shrugged and Kurt lowered his eyes to the floor and swallowed. "Hey," Puck said resting his hand at Kurt's waist. "Tell me what you think this means?"
"It means you like me," Kurt replied, his tone and words confident, but his body and posture insecure.
"Yeah," Puck nodded with a boyish grin. "Yeah, I do," he moved in to kiss Kurt again, responding to every flick and caress of Kurt's tongue with obedience, following the other boy's direction.
It was another couple of hours before Kurt found the courage to bring up the term 'boyfriends'. It was a further fifteen minutes before Puck felt brave enough to agree with the 'boyfriends' label. Then Puck begged for three hours straight for Kurt to be the one to tell Burt about their relationship.
Burt was quiet as he surveyed the pair, listening to Kurt's explanation of how they were now a couple. He hadn't seen it coming, but he wasn't entirely surprised either. He removed his baseball cap and rubbed a hand over his bald head.
"Do I need to move out?" Puck asked casting his eyes to the floor, squeezing Kurt's hand tight under the kitchen table.
"Come on, Noah, you're family, or don't you know that yet?" Burt asked. "You're staying here, kid. But we're gonna have to change the room arrangements. I guess Noah will take Finn's room and Finn will share with you, Kurt."
Kurt opened his mouth to argue but Burt fixed with a stern stare. Kurt stared back just as fiercely and a silent battle of wills seemed to go on between the two Hummel men. Eventually, Burt won.
"Get outta here, go have some fun," Burt told them handing over twenty dollars. "And Kurt, we're gonna have a talk later."
"Right," Kurt nodded accepting the twenty dollars. "Thanks, dad. Come on, Noah," he smiled at his boyfriend.
"Um… thanks," Puck mumbled looking at his feet rather than at Burt, his hands in his pockets.
"Go have fun, kid," Burt said giving Puck a quick one-armed hug that the mohawked teen seemed to cherish even though he didn't comment on it.
XXX
Returning home, Kurt had hoped maybe his dad would forget about their plans to have a 'talk'. However, that was not the case. Almost as soon as he was in the door Burt was directing both Puck and Finn to head on upstairs and ordering Kurt to join him in the kitchen.
"It'll be ok, honey," Carole smiled touching Kurt's face tenderly as she headed into the living-room with a cup of cocoa.
"Sit down, Kurt," Burt instructed as his son joined him in the kitchen.
"Can you make this as quick and painless as possible… please?" Kurt asked as he took a seat.
"We'll see," Burt responded pushing a glass of warm milk across the kitchen table.
"Thank you," Kurt said politely accepting the glass and taking a sip.
"This thing with you and Noah, how serious is it?" Burt asked.
"I'm not sure," Kurt answered staring down into the white of his milk. "I've been developing feelings for him for a while I guess. I didn't even realise how I was feeling until…" he trailed off still feeling guilt for how things had ended with Blaine.
"Until what?" Burt prompted.
"My last date night with Blaine," Kurt admitted. "I called out Noah by mistake."
"Is Blaine ok?" Burt asked.
"I hope so," Kurt replied. "He says he still wants to be friends but he needs a little time first. He's asked me to keep my distance for a while. He says he'll come to me when he's ready."
"Alright, so, when did you and Noah start dating?" Burt questioned.
"Today," Kurt said. "I haven't been hiding anything from you," he added a touch defensively.
"This is kind of an awkward situation, Kurt, you get that right?" Burt asked.
"Because we live together?" Kurt asked.
"Yeah," Burt answered. "He's family now, Kurt. That isn't gonna stop no matter what. If things don't work out, if you two break up, I'm not asking that kid to leave. Noah's our responsibility now and me and Carole are gonna do the damn best we can to look after him, just like we are with you and Finn."
"I don't understand. Are you saying I shouldn't date, Noah?" Kurt asked, confused.
"No," Burt shook his head. "I'm just saying that kid is family now and that isn't gonna change. If you break up, he won't just be your ex-boyfriend, he'll still be your family. Now most people, they don't ever wanna see their ex's again, but you aren't gonna have that option. I just need you to be aware of that."
"I really care about him," Kurt replied. "I want it to work."
"You really cared about Blaine too," Burt pointed out. "But sometimes things don't work out. Now, I love you Kurt, you're my son and I will always love you. But Finn and Noah, they're my boys too now. So make damn sure you don't hurt that boy alright?"
Kurt nodded and sipped at more of his milk.
"Ok, sex," Burt stated and Kurt spat a mouthful of milk out.
"Please, no, not again," Kurt begged covering his ears.
"Kurt, this is serious," Burt replied and Kurt reluctantly lowered his hands and gave his dad his full attention. "I'm not stupid. I know you and Blaine have had sex. And I know Noah ain't no blushing virgin. You're together now so you're gonna wanna have sex. All I'm asking is that you respect yourself, you respect each other and you respect everyone else in this house. Be safe and try and keep the noise down."
"Dad, please, stop," Kurt pleaded. "If you keep talking you're going to put me off of sex for the rest of my life."
"I could be ok with that," Burt stated.
"Are we done?" Kurt asked.
"Yeah, go on," Burt told him and Kurt fled the kitchen as fast as possible.
XXX
As tempting as it was, Kurt and Puck didn't just jump into bed together and have sex as soon as possible. They took things slow. Dated, got to know one another better. Or at least they planned to anyway and it worked for the first five days before their desires got the better of them.
They weren't fortunate enough to get the house to themselves, but they at least had Rachel take Finn away so he wouldn't accidentally walk in on them and be traumatised.
The action took place in what was now Puck's bedroom. Things started fast and heated as they exchanged a series of messy desperate kisses. Then a slight awkwardness settled over the pair as they fiddled with the material of one another's clothing.
"Does… does it seem weird?" Kurt asked.
"Not weird," Puck replied. "Just… different. It's new. In a good way."
Kissing Puck's jawbone, Kurt steadied his fingers and unzipped Puck's jacket before pushing it off of his muscular arms. For Kurt, this new experience was as daunting as it was exciting. He had only been with Blaine for and when they were together they were each other's firsts. But now Kurt was with Puck, someone far more experienced in sex. But not with gay sex. It was Kurt's first time with someone new and Puck's first time with a boy. That made things a little scary but it was special.
"You're gonna have to take control here, babe," Puck said. "I have no idea what I'm doing," he admitted.
"Just relax," Kurt told him soothingly, inwardly willing himself to follow his own suggestion.
He lifted Puck's shirt over his head and let it fall to the floor. His eyes swept over Puck's exposed torso, appreciating the view. Puck smirked as he caught Kurt's lustful stare, feeling more confident as he unbuttoned Kurt's shirt.
Their lips met again for another make-out session, this one slow and unhurried. Then they resumed undressing one another until Kurt was naked and Puck was left in just his socks. Pecking Puck's lips then standing to his full height, Kurt confidently led Puck to the bed and guided the tanned teen onto his back. Kurt settled on top of him, their erections brushing together as their mouths found one another.
"I've only ever topped," Kurt revealed. "But I guess you want to…" he trailed off. He didn't want to be the type of person who made such assumptions, yet he couldn't help himself. Noah Puckerman just didn't look like the type to bottom. Of course, most people didn't view Kurt as the type to top. "Whatever you want, Noah," Kurt said. "Whatever you want is fine."
By way of an answer, Puck spread his legs a little wider, displaying his hole. He looked a little nervous, vulnerable and shy to be asking, but there was a determination in his eyes all the same. He wanted it. He wanted to have Kurt inside him.
"I'll go slow," Kurt promised with a kiss to Puck's lips before reaching for the condoms and lube.
XXX
"Was… was I ok?" Puck asked afterwards, desperate for Kurt to hold him but fearing the boy would just leave the same way nearly all of his sexual partners had abandoned him after the sex.
"Noah, baby, you were perfect," Kurt assured sealing their mouths together and inviting Puck into a hug.
"You're staying?" Puck questioned trying to keep his tone and demeanour casual but to Kurt he resembled a kicked puppy-dog.
"I'm staying," Kurt confirmed.
"Forever?" Puck asked.
"If you'll have me," Kurt replied tracing Puck's lower lip with his thumb.
Grinning widely, Puck leaned in to claim Kurt's mouth in a bruising kiss. He finally had something good in his life. He sure as hell wasn't letting it go.
His childhood hadn't been great. His old man left and his mother became addicted to drugs. Puck still had no knowledge of her whereabouts, he didn't even know if she was alive. From an early age, Puck had been searching for something, for someone, yearning for love. He'd always hoped for it, expecting to find it in the arms of a girl or a woman. Instead, he found it in the arms of Kurt Hummel.
THE END
Please Review
Love and Hugs, IceQueenRia xox