a/n: i never planned to write this chapter but the idea came to me and i just had to put it into words? so bonus chapter, yay!
the "her" in this is meant to refer to ARMY as a whole. song lyrics taken from save me, fire, tomorrow, no more dream, and dope. sorry if they're not exactly accurate; i just found the english translations online. never really tried incorporating song lyrics into a story before so i hope it turned out okay haha
thank you to melly7173 for being an unofficial beta. and yes, i had to credit you. i had to.
bonus chapter of maybe the stars will listen this time around
light the path
i.
the quiet solitude of the house is not unfamiliar to her. in this small town, her parents have to travel far to find work while her older siblings attend university in a different city. the house is hers until late at night when she hears the soft creak of the front door, when she is already snuggled up in bed, too tired to go back downstairs to greet her returning parents.
she hums a tune to herself because sleep is hard to come by these days. it isn't easy to allow herself to visit the land of dreams and possibilities when the grasp of reality holds her firmly by the shoulders and refuses to lose another victim.
(listen to my heartbeat
it calls you whenever it wants to
because within this pitch black darkness
you are shining so brightly)
it's been so long, but maybe there are still people she can connect with in a way that goes beyond spoken words; perhaps the exchanging of feelings that come deep within the heart hasn't completely vanished yet.
maybe there are seven boys on the other side of the world who understand her more than anyone else ever has.
ii.
one step into the school building and it's already too much.
keeps her head down and focuses on the tiled floor because the air is suffocating, toxic, keep going, keep going. each breath feels like drawing in poison to her lungs, sneers and hushed whispers from classmates carving their marks around her stomach, deep, deep, deep.
she takes a brave glance around and sees strangers; strangers she's known for four years. thinks that maybe it really is her against the world, the world against her—a one-sided battle with unjustified rumours as weapons, throwing insults as artillery.
she is unarmed; no shield to defend herself, no real reason to fight back.
(just live how you want, your life is yours
don't try so hard, it's alright to lose)
this is not her victory. sometimes a tactical retreat is the right course of action. she reminds herself that this is okay.
it's alright to lose.
iii.
blurs of promotions and comebacks and live concerts throughout the years that leave her bewildered. late nights spent watching video after video on repeat, pre-ordering albums and merchandise and it's like the high of discovering a small korean boy group never dulled for a moment.
she listens to the cheers of fans and reads endless comments of support on yoongi's mixtape and jimin's body figure and taehyung's drama and she knows that these boys are all very much an important part each of their lives. wants to inhale a deep breath and yell out that they did it, their voices have reached open ears, and that they inspire her more than she'll ever be able to express, infires her soul with a flame she didn't even know was there.
(never forget the you of right now
wherever you are right now
you're just taking a break
don't give up)
and she may not have found her place in school yet, doesn't have that group of friends who just click with her, but she is welcomed by the thousands of millions of people across the globe that make up army and she thinks it's enough.
iv.
hey you, what's your dream?
hey you, what's your dream?
hey you, what's your dream?
v.
her final year of high school comes with decisions. applications to seal her lifelong career with a few thousand dollars. talks of post-secondary education and prom and graduation and nothing will be easy anymore from now on, got it? nods, yes, because no isn't an option in this society.
the future, she thinks, is not something she particularly looks forward to.
"what do you want to be when you're older?" it's a question she's been asked from the moment she understood the english language, a question she still doesn't have an answer to.
a doctor? a lawyer? an astronaut? an architect?
there are so many options, so many jobs she can't see herself committing to for the rest of her years. she's painfully average at everything, not overly passionate about anything; and she doesn't think that it's fair to have to make such an important decision at this age.
an artist? a musician? a singer? a dancer? an actor?
on most days, it feels like there are different versions of herself fighting one another, each with their own needs and wants. there's the one that seeks a career with a good pay, searching for the most successful fields that will set her off into retirement. there's the one that's ambitious, hungry for something that'll satisfy the adventurous side of her. there's the one that takes her parents' opinions to heart, the one that wants to wait for life to unfold naturally by itself, the confident one that believes she can try anything, and the reserved one that whispers insecurities in the back of her mind.
they clash together inside of her all the time. it's a constant feeling of confusion and frustration and not knowing who she really is. it makes her fear the future.
it makes her fear herself.
(what is the you that you've dreamed of?
who do you see in the mirror? i gotta say
go on your path,
even if you live for a day
do something,
put your weakness away)
she lets the words of her favourite band wash over her, closes her eyes to truly listen to the emotions behind the lyrics and thinks that there are people who get it. when she opens them again in a few minutes, she still doesn't have an answer, but she doesn't feel quite as lost anymore.
vi.
the couple sitting by the window of the most popular coffee shop in town, sharing a drink. the two boys who hold hands secretly as they walk down the street, cheeks flushed and gestures shy. the mother who drops her son off for his first day of kindergarten.
she can see it everywhere, this thing called love.
and yet, when she has one earbud in, trying to focus on the melody whispering in her ear, people will point, saying, she doesn't even understand what the lyrics mean because apparently music can't be appreciated for simply being enjoyable anymore and she's probably just in it for the cute boys, how shallow.
but she knows better. knows that this is her love and no one can control her heart unless she allows them to—
—and her heart will always belong to a group of seven boys who are blessed with gifts they share with an undeserving audience, a group of seven boys who were the stars that shined in the night sky when the rest of the world left her in the dark.
knows that this is her version of true love.
vii.
seokjin. yoongi. hoseok. namjoon. jimin. taehyung. jungkook.
she doesn't see a life without them in it. wishes for them to stay healthy and motivated and happy. hopes that they will continue to produce music and that'll be enough. she doesn't need to meet them personally, doesn't have to shake their hands or send endless letters of fanmail; just the fact that they're there, somewhere, on the other side of the world is all that matters.
this is how it's always been.
this is the bangtan style.
a/n: i'm just a fan of bts writing about a fan of bts whoo
despite how the fanbase can get sometimes, despite the occasional hate comments and hurtful things we say without realizing it, i really hope that they know just how much they mean to us ahaha
and yes, i had to include an infires reference sue me
(also i have a lot of feelings about yoongi's mixtape. please talk to me about his mixtape)