A/N: I was having the idea for this one in my head for about a year, but so far never the actual story. I figured this might make a good oneshot to say 'I'M BACK' and also as a bribe to say sorry, since I'll be gone again in three days for a few weeks. Sorry. It is supposed to be funny, but I let you decide. And yeah, it is a bit all over the place, although only hinted in all cases. ENJOY!

There were days when it wasn't even worth getting out of bed and then there were days like today. Why exactly she had gotten out of her bed exactly Penelope still didn't know. Not really being a person that would call in sick when that would have been a lie might have been one reason.

The BAU had been mad busy since a few weeks now, but that certainly wasn't the reason she was wishing to be anywhere else right now than here. There was just something in the air today that didn't feel right and gave her a really weird feeling in her stomach. Like something was going to happen, and something she didn't necessarily wanted to be part of. And when she saw Strauss walking towards her with an expression on her face that could scare even Marilyn Manson probably, she knew why she should have stayed home today.

"If you have a moment, I'd like a word with you," Strauss said and was already gone, leaving not even the smallest amount of time for an answer from Penelope. Getting up quickly, she made sure to follow the section chief how was just about to open the glass doors to the BAU.

Wondering what this could possibly be about there was only one thing that came to Penelope's mind. And it wouldn't end well. She knew she shouldn't have done that. Ever. And after the first time she was determined to not do it again, but it was just too god damn hard. By now she was like a junkie, craving another fix.

She saw Strauss walking to Emily's desk, where JJ was sitting at the moment on its edge, talking to the brunette agent about god knows what. Both agents got up quickly as well, and seemed to follow Strauss as well.

Good. Maybe this wasn't than about what she'd done.

After all three agents were inside the meeting room and the door was closed Strauss turned to them, looking stern and very unhappy. A moment she threw something on the table, which made a loud 'thud' and then stopped somewhere in front of Penelope.

Looking at it closer Penelope nearly died of a heart attack.

"I … um…" Penelope started, seeing both Emily and JJ look at her in as much as shock as she was probably looking right now at Strauss.

"Can anyone tell me anything about that?" she asked, almost barking.

"I … um… I'm afraid this isn't really my field of … expertise," Penelope said, looking slightly worried.

"It's a pregnancy test, how can that not be a field of expertise for you?" Strauss asked, sounding slightly annoyed. Penelope had to realize that that statement made her sound rather cheap. "As a woman, I mean. I'm certain you had one or two experiences with these before…"

That of course made it sound a lot more logic, but still bad enough.

"I … do."

"So, is it yours? I found it in the restrooms and think I need to know which of my agents or techs the lucky one is," Strauss said, but didn't sound like she was about whoever was expecting soon congratulate. It sounded more whoever was in this situation might lose her job soon.

"It certainly is not mine," Penelope protested.

"Of course, it isn't," JJ all of a sudden said, making all three of the others turn towards her. "You and Lynch split up months ago. And you are not the kind of girl that just goes out, gets drunk and … sleeps around."

At this moment Penelope wondered if there was any way of making her sound any more boring. Maybe she preferred Strauss' initial comment more. Which should probably bother her a bit more.

"I am certain Technical Analyst Lynch is not the only one that could potentially be … in the picture," Strauss just commented and one look at her and Penelope knew she knew. She knew. Great, just great.

"What does that mean?" Emily now asked, looking at Penelope, who really wanted to be somewhere else right now. She had tried to avoid that exact conversation for a month now.

When there was a silence for a moment and when it became evident that Penelope wouldn't be talking about this anytime soon, Strauss answered for her. "It means that she has a physical relationship with SSA Derek Morgan," she simply said, making it sound awfully scientific. Both her friends now stared at her, whereas Erin Strauss seemed like this didn't even bother her. So much for her worry about fraternization.

"You sleep with Morgan?" Emily was first to ask.

"Um… well… yes," she said finally, deciding there was no way of denying it anyway.

"Since when?" JJ asked finally and Penelope decided to just be honest and take it from there.

"About a month…"

"So you could technically be the owner of this test…" Strauss interrupted.

"Well, no. I didn't take that test and trust me, I would know when I was at that stage of my life, which I ain't. I'm not pregnant."

"You sure about that?" Strauss simply asked and Penelope just nodded.

"What about you then, Agent Jareau?" Erin Strauss asked next, looking at JJ.

"I can assure you this is not my test either. I don't know whose test this is, ma'am."

"There isn't even a man in her life…" Emily said, seeing Strauss just look at her. There certainly was something she knew that neither Emily nor Penelope knew. "There isn't anyone, right?" Emily asked, all of sudden not sure that really was the case.

"Well, technically…"

"Oh god, who is it? Someone we know?" Penelope asked, looking at her friend now, Strauss and this test forgotten for a moment.

"Um… you see, there was this night a couple of months ago. After the Jenkins case…" JJ started, and both her friends could remember that case very well. It had been a bad one, children, kidnapping and a whole town trying to cover up for someone they thought to be innocent. It had hit the BAU pretty badly and all of them got away from it with a few scars more on their battered heart. "I could never really drink a lot and as you all can remember we all didn't go really easy on the alcohol that night. I can't remember much of that night, only that I …. Um … kind of woke up the next morning in Rossi's bed."

"You slept with David Rossi?" both, Emily and Penelope exclaimed at the same time, stunned and surprised as well as shocked.

"Well, one thing kind of lead to another. Sort of. Not that I can really remember much about that night;" JJ admitted and decided to leave the fact that she and Rossi had been more or less casually dating since then out. She would tell her friends soon enough, but maybe without Strauss in the same room, although she had a feeling that the Section Chief already knew about that as well.

"That, I guess, only leaves one more…" Strauss all of a sudden said, looking now at Emily. For a moment Penelope needed to laugh, wondering with her taking up Morgan and JJ being linked to Rossi, which skeleton Emily would hide.

"I'm just saying that this is not my test and that I am seeing Hotch. But that is all you'll get out of me. Especially no details…" Emily announced rather un-dramatically.

Penelope could see Strauss with raised eyebrows and an expression that looked like she was about to fight an upcoming headache. She couldn't really blame her.

"This whole unit seems to be a breeding compound in itself," Strauss mumbled while grabbing the plastic test that still lay in front of Penelope." Out of curiosity … has anyone in this unit ever heard about fraternization and its rules?" see continued, but instead of waiting for an answer, left the room, probably off to find her next target for questioning. But a moment later she came back. "Consider this meeting a verbal warning. And I hope that whatever is going on between… agents within this unit will not have any effect on its work…" And gone she was again, leaving back a stunned Penelope, a shocked JJ and one rather quiet Emily.

Some secrets were just not meant to be kept. Especially when your boss seemed to know about them all along.

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