The Honeymoon

Jodie sat quietly on the back porch of the Montana cabin that Daria had let her stay at. She went back inside and refilled her coffee mug. Returning to the porch, she stared at the blank notebook in front of her. She had not worked on her latest screenplay in over eight months. Jodie sat her mug down and rubbed her forehead. Closing her eyes, she leaned back in her chair and let out a long, exhausted sigh. A few seconds later, she felt a pair of arms reach around her. Instinctively, she grabbed one of the hands and placed it on her cheek. The owner of that hand winced when she saw the pad and pen.

"I thought we promised each other that we wouldn't work on our honeymoon."

"I'm not working - I'm staring at the nothingness that is my imagination."

"Your muse is just angry with you for months of neglect. I'm sure she'll soon forgive you and the next Tony award winning Jodie Landon play will spill forth."

"I hope you're right Mrs. Landon. You seem to be feeling pretty good today. Why did you wake up early?"

"I turned around to hug my wife and found her missing. How much sleep did you get last night?"

"Who said I slept?" Jodie looked up and got lost in oceans of azure. She stood up and hugged her wife. Feeling a pair of soft lips against her forehead, Jodie took a deep breath.

"I'm worried about you. You haven't spent an entire night with me since I was released. Are you afraid you're going to hurt me?" her wife asked in a voice barely above a whisper.

Jodie stood silently. She didn't want to tell the other woman her fear - not yet. Not in this moment. Tightening her grip slightly, Jodie placed her head against her wife's shoulder, only to have it lifted up.

"It's gonna be okay, the surgery was successful. The chemo and radiation are over with. The doctor said that I am even starting to gain some of my weight back. So please, don't be afraid to hold or touch me - especially in bed. Speaking of bed - you look soo tired. Come on - let's go back inside."

Jodie stood for a moment - frozen by the words her wife had said. Her spouse was right - part of Jodie was afraid. Jodie's face became washed in shame. Raising her wife's head, Jodie gave her a soft kiss.

"I love you," she whispered.

"I love you, too."

Jodie grabbed her stuff and placed it on the kitchen table. Her wife took her hand and led her to the bedroom. Jodie climbed onto the bed and let out a small yawn. Her wife soon joined her and cuddled up against her spouse. Jodie could feel the stubbly hair of her wife against the bottom of her chin as her wife rested her head on Jodie's chest. Jodie began rubbing the other woman's back, causing her spouse to purr in contentment before she spoke.

"This is what I've been missing. I do have a question - can we really call this a honeymoon if we are spending it in the middle of nowhere?"

"Yes - It's quite calming out here - very peaceful. We have already swore the only phone call we are going to take is from your oncologist to schedule your next appointment. Lying here with you only listening to the birds and the wind outside and your heartbeat is very romantic. So yes, this is a very nice honeymoon. Why - are you not happy?" Jodie said.

"Yes, I am. It's just - I always envisioned my honeymoon as being more adventurous. Then again, if you had told me a year ago that I would be a cancer patient and married to one of the most wonderful women in the world, I would have told you to take a leap off the Golden Gate Bridge."

"I was going to ask you to marry me before your diagnosis. I had already bought the ring and was waiting until your birthday. Then you had the doctor's appointment two weeks before your birthday and I just couldn't wait. As for the other, I - I can't go there."

You're telling me you were going to propose anyway?" Her wife asked in a slightly shocked voice.

"Yes, I had even borrowed your college class ring to size it," Jodie's voice was lowered.

"I wondered where that had disappeared to," her wife's eyes enlarged. "You really did love me as much as I loved you. I thought you proposed out of pity," her wife's voice broke.

"Pity - pity is the last emotion I have for you. Admiration, love, respect and awe on the other hand, never pity or regret or disappointment. You said something earlier about my muse being angry. She wasn't angry - she was sick. Sick fighting a disease that no matter how much I loved her, I couldn't protect her from. However my muse is strong and one helluva fighter and I know that as my muse's health improves, my desire to write will return. As for the adventuring, if you're feeling up to it, Jane has an exhibit opening in New York at the beginning of next year. She has already invited us to attend the grand opening, so I say we take her up on it. How does that sound? Does my muse approve?" Jodie asked as she began massage her wife's neck.

"Your muse likes the way you think and touch as well," her spouse looked into Jodie's eyes. They were struggling to stay open. "You need to get some sleep. Come on - close your eyes."

Her wife felt Jodie's hand leave from her neck and rest upon her back. Jodie tightened her grip for a moment before sleep overcame her. Her wife looked at the clock - it was only 8:30 and her doctor wasn't supposed to call before two. She wasn't tired, but didn't want to leave Jodie's warm embrace. Replaying what Jodie had said, her wife kissed Jodie's cheek as a lone tear fell. She was going to ask me to marry her before the cancer. Jodie could have easily returned the ring with the diagnosis - but she got on one knee that day in February and our lives changed forever. Granted being diagnosed with breast cancer at twenty-five threw me into a raging depression, but Jodie stayed beside me and thanks to her, that state of mind only lasted a couple of days. It was the following Saturday in our living room in front of all of our friends and family that she asked for my hand in marriage. I still can't believe I turned her down at first, but I was afraid. What if the surgery and other treatments weren't a success? Then Jodie whispered something to me that I will never forget as long as I can breath. 'You know the whole sickness and health 'til death do we part thing? That could be either of us in one day or a hundred years. I would rather have you as my wife for one day, one hour, than centuries without it.' The tears began to flow as she thought about her acceptance of Jodie's proposal and the wedding three weeks later. Her double mastectomy happened a month later.

Jodie's hand began to twitch, bringing her wife back to present day. Moving off Jodie, her spouse watched as Jodie's face began to contort as if in the middle of a nightmare. A few moments later, Jodie's head shook violently back and forth. Then Jodie sat up, her eyes wild in fright, her forehead covered in sweat. She turned to her wife and pulled into a fierce embrace and shook.

"I don't want to lose you," Jodie said in between the sobs.

"You're not going to lose me anytime soon. Is that why you haven't been able to sleep?"

Jodie gave a slight nod. "When you came home and told me about the cancer, I tried not to show it, but I was screaming inside."

"Jodie - you weren't alone. I was petrified, still am. Every time I could feel the fear and dread come over me, I would look at this ring," her wife held up her wedding band. "I would look at this ring and I knew that I had someone who loved me and needed me to keep fighting. Do you want to know what my last thoughts were of before my surgery? Your marriage proposal. Yeah, I know we were already married, but what you said that day was the most beautiful words anyone had ever said to me."

Jodie cupped her wife's chin and kissed her. "I meant every word I said to you that day, Brittany - and I always will."

End