ANNALS OF THE LILY MAID
Side-story 1: Bittersweet
by aircompass
I realized that I simply could not include this story as part of the annals itself.
The storyline of the movie is entirely too difficult to fit into the storyline of
the books. Especially since, in the books, Gilbert never got engaged to Christine
in the first place, right? :) R+R please?
DISCLAIMER: Many thanks to LM Montgomery and Kevin Sullivan Films.
I wrote this story, but everything else belongs to them.
I thought it would be easy.
After all, if I left home, I would have left everything that reminded
me of my grievance. With the respectable excuse of studies behind me,
there would not be much gossip left to be bothered with. I figured at
school, I'd be too busy thinking about science and medicine, I'd have
time for nothing else.
I thought maybe I'd forget, little by little. Maybe I'd start to
realize that she was right. Maybe, there really was nothing more to
the humanity in my heart, than extreme loneliness and unconditional
love for a dear friend. Maybe she was never ever meant to be with me,
but to belong to someone who wrote high-faluting mumbo-jumbo in praise
of her. To flourish beyond all others and make the world fall completely
in love with her. While I would stand completely in awe and watch them
crumble the same way I did for her. And I would wonder sometimes, how
God could present such a gift then leave her on a shelf I would
never reach, to admire her but never actually touch her.
I had learned, at an early age to bury my feelings far, far beneath
the epidermis. My life was a bit of a farce, being that I kept myself
beneath a carefully applied mask. I keep my love and almost every
emotion inside as well. I reveal all when I they are too overwhelming
or I am completely certain to be understood. Yet this has failed me on
occasion, and I have suffered the consequences.
I've always encountered people looking for perfection and at one time
or another, I find I seek it as well, in myself. But I am completely, totally
and vulnerably full of imperfections. Hey, I live on the male side of the
species. Women, all women could certainly tell me what was wrong with
me. And Anne seemed to be one of the few who could tell me so to my
face.
Anne Shirley was infuriatingly flawed, yet in my eyes, no one could
be more perfect. She had me the moment she broke my slate over my
head, but I had known it for certain the day of Matthew Cuthbert's
funeral. My person had never been seized by such a longing to alleviate
and destroy all the evil that could hurt her.
And I waited. It was clear she didn't want to hear of romance from me.
She needed a chum, I needed her for much more than that. But a chum
is what she wanted, so I chum I would be. But she refused me when I
forced myself to tell her, and so I came to school, hoping against hope
to forget her. I almost did.
Her name was Christine Stuart.
She was very kind, very sweet and quite lovely to look at. I found
myself believing sincerely that I was in love with her and Anne, who I
had loved for years, was nothing but a chum and mere infatuation. After
all, Christine was a fine girl. She seemed to care for me genuinely, and
I in turn found myself caring for her. She was not at all hard to like.
Her family wasn't difficult to get along with either.
I clung to her like a child to a security blanket.
Christine made me think of other things. I concentrated on school and
worked hard to achieve my goals. Christine came from a prominent family
of doctors. Her father was one, and her brother(my friend, Andrew) was
studying to be one. I would often find myself welcomed into her home and
there was nothing to stop me from believing that I loved her and could
marry her. So I asked her and for awhile, everything seemed perfect.
"So how long will you be gone?" Christine asked reproachfully, her face
rather elongated by her expression.
"Not very long, Chris." I laughed, and affectionately brushed hair from her
forehead. Her expression remained troubled though somewhat comforted. "Just
a week..."
"A lot can happen in a week, Gilbert. I fell for you in the span of a week,
you could fall in love just as easily." I shook my head. At the time, I
chuckled, being humored by her insecurities. "I knew Father would do
something like this! What if you find someone else?"
"Don't be silly. You're the one I'm marrying." she smiled, fell into my arms
and kissed me. No, it was not an uncomfortable position to be in. I had
accepted the fact sometime before that something was always missing with
Christine. I would kiss her and hold her close, but it never felt EUPHORIC.
Christine made me smile...but happy? At the time, I thought it was the same
thing. Our lips would meet, our bodies would touch and it felt ordinary. I
didn't think there was anything beyond that.
So I left the next day, in the morning.
I had received a letter from Miss Stacey some days before leaving, proudly
narrating the doings of Anne Shirley. She seemed well, and enclosed was an
article detailing Anne's brilliance.
I had shared the article with Christine. All she knew about Anne was that
we were great schoolchums. She saw nothing to be a cause of jealousy and
discarded Anne from her mind. They had never met but she had heard of Anne,
I had talked about her a great deal. But, seeing Anne was far from my thoughts,
she decided it was nothing. I had a job, a duty to perform at the conference
for my would-be father-in-law, and I was determined to do it well. I admired
her father greatly and wanted him to be proud. He rather served as a
mentor...and I dearly needed him to be impressed. Not for his daughter.
For myself.
Three days later, it was finally over.
The convention was great. I thought it would be hellishly dull. It was
actually quite interesting but the real action happened on my last day. The
last day in Kingsport was one I had to myself, so I decided to go about my
business. I went around the town, picking up a gift here and there for the
people I would be coming home to.
Finally, I started back to the place taking the long, beautiful way back
to relax myself before going home.
And there she was.
She was crouched down to pick up something she had dropped. It was something
so normal, so human and yet I felt myself drawn to her all over again. It was
not that I realized I still loved her. I DID, but that came later on. I suppose
it was the idea that I was seeing her and I was happy. But I hadn't forgotten
Christine, but before I could stop myself...
"Anne Shirley?! What in heck are you doing here?!?!" she looked up, and I found
myself wishing I had seen her more often in the past year. Her hair was up and
pulled away from her face, her cheeks rosy. She was the picture of youth as she
broke into a grin.
"Gil?" she said delightedly. "You're the very last person I'd expect to see on
a day like this!!!" I was smiling from ear to ear, but felt a queer throb in
my heart as I clasped her to me in a hug. I heard the beginnings of a shower
and let go of her.
"Uhm..." I spotted a gazebo not very far away. It was as if the entire universe
conspired to make this moment, this memory of my life impossibly unforgettable.
"Come on..." And we ran to the gazebo. "The Royal Academy of Physicians is
convening here this weekend, and I'm here as a delegate..." I began.
"You must be proud of yourself." she replied warmly. I grinned.
"Not as proud as I was of you when I read that clipping Miss Stacey sent me
about the success of your play..."
"That's sweet of you Gil." she paused and looked up at me. "It's so good to see
you..." I was VERY glad to hear that. I was happy to see her too.
"Oh," I said nonchalantly. "I was actually hoping we'd run into each other. I
wasn't sure whether you'd be happy to see me or not, so I --" I have this habit
of manipulating my words so that I'd get the person I'm talking to to tell me
what they really feel.
"Happy?!" Looks like it works. Hey, I'm not complaining. It's handy at times
like these. "I can't begin to express my happiness! Let me look at you..."
"Ah yes, do I look like a young medical student now?" I teased.
"Not a bit. You can't fool me! You're still the same incorrigible Gil... Tell
me all the Avonlea news. Have you been back?"
"Uh..." No time like the present. Somehow, I felt that if I didn't tell her,
I wouldn't be able to bring myself to tell her. In fear of forgetting Christine
altogether, or falling in love with her all over again. But of course, I had
no idea this was the cause of my churning stomach. "No. I've been spending most
of my time at Halifax. Dr. Stuart's a very prominent surgeon. It was he who
arranged for me to attend as his delegate...you see, Christine and I are
engaged. It's set for next summer." Anne paled and was silent for a moment.
"I'm so happy for you Gil..." she said softly. My heart squeezed itself and my
blood didn't just run cold, it dried up. I needed to somehow, make her see what
was going on, I desperately needed her to be the person she was at the bridge,
before I made the decision to tell her. Anne was still my first love.
"I guess that's why I wanted to see you so much -- to apologize for being such a fool
last summer." Anne shook her head, in the manner she did when she was thinking of
what to say. "No, I think I understand now what you meant. I meant what I said, too.
I won't ever forget you."
To emphasize my point, I caressed her cheek. It took me back to the day she had
thanked me for the Avonlea school. She had blushed, my heart had swelled and I
burned with a feirce affection watching her. She stood up.
"You turned out as I always imagined you would. Doesn't it seem like yesterday we off to
Queens and vying for those scholarships?" she said, changing the subject. I hadn't
listened to her the last time she had done this, the day I had asked her to marry me.
I had learned my lesson. She didn't want to think about it, and frankly, I didn't either.
But, if she thought she could steer this conversation, she was wrong. As you can see,
this is another one of my striking imperfections.
"I suppose you've kept up your writing." It wasn't a question. It was a statement.
"Not really. I've been busy, and, well, publishers aren't interested in those kinds of
stories." Where did she grow this cynicism? I mean, I told her to tone down, and not
fly so high up. Did I completely undo her? I certainly hoped not. I was being frank at
the time. There had to be some way to remedy this block of hers.
"Well, I wouldn't give up all together. You know, I always thought you should write
about Avonlea. Change the name, of course, or Rachel Lynde would think she was the
heroine." That's right, Blythe. Nice and easy. Real smooth. She laughed gaily.
"Avonlea is the dearest place in the world. But I don't think it's an interesting enough
setting for a story." This again? I thought she'd have gotten over this thinking by now.
"Oh, I intend to take Christine back to the Island with me and set up my practice
there. Dr. Stuart has a lot of pull in Halifax and would like us to live there, but I don't
want any hand-outs. Besides, any other place just wouldn't seem like home to me."
It's the truth. Kingsport and other places seemed too posh for me.
"No, of course. The board of governors at the College just offered me a five-year
contract." she replied lightly. I was impressed, but it wasn't as if I hadn't expected
it. Oh, but I was so proud of my Anne-gi--- I mean, Anne. Where did that come from?
"Well, that's wonderful. You certainly won your way into the hearts of this affluent,
old town. You won't be lonely." She never would be. I was certain of that fact. Anne
was sweet, and pretty and kind...and...forget it.
"I'll survive." Anne said it almost reassuringly. She smiled sweetly as she said it. I
felt my breath catch in my throat. And then, there it was. It had uncovered itself. The
extraordinary madness of my otherwise sane life burst through the armor I had
smothered it in. I had to get out of there. All of a sudden, everything I had ever loved
about her, everything I had tried so hard to eradicate fell over me like rainwater.
The realization overwhelmed me. I LOVED HER . I NEVER STOPPED. I NEVER
WOULD. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. I had to get out of there while I could still
dig myself out. If I didn't leave, I would successfully end up hurting Christine and Anne,
and Anne would succeed in hurting me.
She didn't love me, she never would love me in the way I wanted her to.
"Well, I ought to go. The train leaves at 5:30." Good thing it was true. I couldn't have
handled having to lie my way out.
"Oh, no, really?" Yes, Anne, now stop looking so damn pretty. Oh yeah, her card.
"Oh, I, was going to mail this, but a note just isn't the same." I handed her the
card. I am very very proud of her. But I still can't have her, can I? Her eyes light up
in excitement. Her fingers fumble excitedly.
"Thanks, Gil." Before she can even open the envelope, I seize my moment. I want to
love her, much more than I have wanted to love her before. I want her so much to
know that...that she is absolutely beautiful and wonderful. I want to take her in my
arms and grant myself the ultimate insanity plea by kissing her. I want to find the
damn madness that only she could ever trigger. I want her to love me too. But, she
is not mine to have. Her lips are not mine to kiss. My heart is ready to implode. But
I take my moment, from the few I have with her and take her in my arms for a hug.
"Goodbye, Anne." It hurts.
"Goodbye, Gil." I pull away.
"Don't forget me." I mean it. Because I sure as hell won't forget her.
I went straight back to the hotel and packed everything. Then I took up my bags,
then left Kingsport behind me. I came to the station early, picked my position and
started studying for the exam waiting for me back at college. Then I hear her calling
me. At first, I believe I'm hallucinating, then I see her outside the window. The train
is fast pulling away. I run outside. I did choose the end car.
"Gil! Thank you!" she screams, but her eyes are dancing, she's flushed from her run
and she is absolutely beautiful. "Goodbye!"
"Goodbye Anne!" I holler back. It seems so very final to me.
END :)
Side-story 1: Bittersweet
by aircompass
I realized that I simply could not include this story as part of the annals itself.
The storyline of the movie is entirely too difficult to fit into the storyline of
the books. Especially since, in the books, Gilbert never got engaged to Christine
in the first place, right? :) R+R please?
DISCLAIMER: Many thanks to LM Montgomery and Kevin Sullivan Films.
I wrote this story, but everything else belongs to them.
I thought it would be easy.
After all, if I left home, I would have left everything that reminded
me of my grievance. With the respectable excuse of studies behind me,
there would not be much gossip left to be bothered with. I figured at
school, I'd be too busy thinking about science and medicine, I'd have
time for nothing else.
I thought maybe I'd forget, little by little. Maybe I'd start to
realize that she was right. Maybe, there really was nothing more to
the humanity in my heart, than extreme loneliness and unconditional
love for a dear friend. Maybe she was never ever meant to be with me,
but to belong to someone who wrote high-faluting mumbo-jumbo in praise
of her. To flourish beyond all others and make the world fall completely
in love with her. While I would stand completely in awe and watch them
crumble the same way I did for her. And I would wonder sometimes, how
God could present such a gift then leave her on a shelf I would
never reach, to admire her but never actually touch her.
I had learned, at an early age to bury my feelings far, far beneath
the epidermis. My life was a bit of a farce, being that I kept myself
beneath a carefully applied mask. I keep my love and almost every
emotion inside as well. I reveal all when I they are too overwhelming
or I am completely certain to be understood. Yet this has failed me on
occasion, and I have suffered the consequences.
I've always encountered people looking for perfection and at one time
or another, I find I seek it as well, in myself. But I am completely, totally
and vulnerably full of imperfections. Hey, I live on the male side of the
species. Women, all women could certainly tell me what was wrong with
me. And Anne seemed to be one of the few who could tell me so to my
face.
Anne Shirley was infuriatingly flawed, yet in my eyes, no one could
be more perfect. She had me the moment she broke my slate over my
head, but I had known it for certain the day of Matthew Cuthbert's
funeral. My person had never been seized by such a longing to alleviate
and destroy all the evil that could hurt her.
And I waited. It was clear she didn't want to hear of romance from me.
She needed a chum, I needed her for much more than that. But a chum
is what she wanted, so I chum I would be. But she refused me when I
forced myself to tell her, and so I came to school, hoping against hope
to forget her. I almost did.
Her name was Christine Stuart.
She was very kind, very sweet and quite lovely to look at. I found
myself believing sincerely that I was in love with her and Anne, who I
had loved for years, was nothing but a chum and mere infatuation. After
all, Christine was a fine girl. She seemed to care for me genuinely, and
I in turn found myself caring for her. She was not at all hard to like.
Her family wasn't difficult to get along with either.
I clung to her like a child to a security blanket.
Christine made me think of other things. I concentrated on school and
worked hard to achieve my goals. Christine came from a prominent family
of doctors. Her father was one, and her brother(my friend, Andrew) was
studying to be one. I would often find myself welcomed into her home and
there was nothing to stop me from believing that I loved her and could
marry her. So I asked her and for awhile, everything seemed perfect.
"So how long will you be gone?" Christine asked reproachfully, her face
rather elongated by her expression.
"Not very long, Chris." I laughed, and affectionately brushed hair from her
forehead. Her expression remained troubled though somewhat comforted. "Just
a week..."
"A lot can happen in a week, Gilbert. I fell for you in the span of a week,
you could fall in love just as easily." I shook my head. At the time, I
chuckled, being humored by her insecurities. "I knew Father would do
something like this! What if you find someone else?"
"Don't be silly. You're the one I'm marrying." she smiled, fell into my arms
and kissed me. No, it was not an uncomfortable position to be in. I had
accepted the fact sometime before that something was always missing with
Christine. I would kiss her and hold her close, but it never felt EUPHORIC.
Christine made me smile...but happy? At the time, I thought it was the same
thing. Our lips would meet, our bodies would touch and it felt ordinary. I
didn't think there was anything beyond that.
So I left the next day, in the morning.
I had received a letter from Miss Stacey some days before leaving, proudly
narrating the doings of Anne Shirley. She seemed well, and enclosed was an
article detailing Anne's brilliance.
I had shared the article with Christine. All she knew about Anne was that
we were great schoolchums. She saw nothing to be a cause of jealousy and
discarded Anne from her mind. They had never met but she had heard of Anne,
I had talked about her a great deal. But, seeing Anne was far from my thoughts,
she decided it was nothing. I had a job, a duty to perform at the conference
for my would-be father-in-law, and I was determined to do it well. I admired
her father greatly and wanted him to be proud. He rather served as a
mentor...and I dearly needed him to be impressed. Not for his daughter.
For myself.
Three days later, it was finally over.
The convention was great. I thought it would be hellishly dull. It was
actually quite interesting but the real action happened on my last day. The
last day in Kingsport was one I had to myself, so I decided to go about my
business. I went around the town, picking up a gift here and there for the
people I would be coming home to.
Finally, I started back to the place taking the long, beautiful way back
to relax myself before going home.
And there she was.
She was crouched down to pick up something she had dropped. It was something
so normal, so human and yet I felt myself drawn to her all over again. It was
not that I realized I still loved her. I DID, but that came later on. I suppose
it was the idea that I was seeing her and I was happy. But I hadn't forgotten
Christine, but before I could stop myself...
"Anne Shirley?! What in heck are you doing here?!?!" she looked up, and I found
myself wishing I had seen her more often in the past year. Her hair was up and
pulled away from her face, her cheeks rosy. She was the picture of youth as she
broke into a grin.
"Gil?" she said delightedly. "You're the very last person I'd expect to see on
a day like this!!!" I was smiling from ear to ear, but felt a queer throb in
my heart as I clasped her to me in a hug. I heard the beginnings of a shower
and let go of her.
"Uhm..." I spotted a gazebo not very far away. It was as if the entire universe
conspired to make this moment, this memory of my life impossibly unforgettable.
"Come on..." And we ran to the gazebo. "The Royal Academy of Physicians is
convening here this weekend, and I'm here as a delegate..." I began.
"You must be proud of yourself." she replied warmly. I grinned.
"Not as proud as I was of you when I read that clipping Miss Stacey sent me
about the success of your play..."
"That's sweet of you Gil." she paused and looked up at me. "It's so good to see
you..." I was VERY glad to hear that. I was happy to see her too.
"Oh," I said nonchalantly. "I was actually hoping we'd run into each other. I
wasn't sure whether you'd be happy to see me or not, so I --" I have this habit
of manipulating my words so that I'd get the person I'm talking to to tell me
what they really feel.
"Happy?!" Looks like it works. Hey, I'm not complaining. It's handy at times
like these. "I can't begin to express my happiness! Let me look at you..."
"Ah yes, do I look like a young medical student now?" I teased.
"Not a bit. You can't fool me! You're still the same incorrigible Gil... Tell
me all the Avonlea news. Have you been back?"
"Uh..." No time like the present. Somehow, I felt that if I didn't tell her,
I wouldn't be able to bring myself to tell her. In fear of forgetting Christine
altogether, or falling in love with her all over again. But of course, I had
no idea this was the cause of my churning stomach. "No. I've been spending most
of my time at Halifax. Dr. Stuart's a very prominent surgeon. It was he who
arranged for me to attend as his delegate...you see, Christine and I are
engaged. It's set for next summer." Anne paled and was silent for a moment.
"I'm so happy for you Gil..." she said softly. My heart squeezed itself and my
blood didn't just run cold, it dried up. I needed to somehow, make her see what
was going on, I desperately needed her to be the person she was at the bridge,
before I made the decision to tell her. Anne was still my first love.
"I guess that's why I wanted to see you so much -- to apologize for being such a fool
last summer." Anne shook her head, in the manner she did when she was thinking of
what to say. "No, I think I understand now what you meant. I meant what I said, too.
I won't ever forget you."
To emphasize my point, I caressed her cheek. It took me back to the day she had
thanked me for the Avonlea school. She had blushed, my heart had swelled and I
burned with a feirce affection watching her. She stood up.
"You turned out as I always imagined you would. Doesn't it seem like yesterday we off to
Queens and vying for those scholarships?" she said, changing the subject. I hadn't
listened to her the last time she had done this, the day I had asked her to marry me.
I had learned my lesson. She didn't want to think about it, and frankly, I didn't either.
But, if she thought she could steer this conversation, she was wrong. As you can see,
this is another one of my striking imperfections.
"I suppose you've kept up your writing." It wasn't a question. It was a statement.
"Not really. I've been busy, and, well, publishers aren't interested in those kinds of
stories." Where did she grow this cynicism? I mean, I told her to tone down, and not
fly so high up. Did I completely undo her? I certainly hoped not. I was being frank at
the time. There had to be some way to remedy this block of hers.
"Well, I wouldn't give up all together. You know, I always thought you should write
about Avonlea. Change the name, of course, or Rachel Lynde would think she was the
heroine." That's right, Blythe. Nice and easy. Real smooth. She laughed gaily.
"Avonlea is the dearest place in the world. But I don't think it's an interesting enough
setting for a story." This again? I thought she'd have gotten over this thinking by now.
"Oh, I intend to take Christine back to the Island with me and set up my practice
there. Dr. Stuart has a lot of pull in Halifax and would like us to live there, but I don't
want any hand-outs. Besides, any other place just wouldn't seem like home to me."
It's the truth. Kingsport and other places seemed too posh for me.
"No, of course. The board of governors at the College just offered me a five-year
contract." she replied lightly. I was impressed, but it wasn't as if I hadn't expected
it. Oh, but I was so proud of my Anne-gi--- I mean, Anne. Where did that come from?
"Well, that's wonderful. You certainly won your way into the hearts of this affluent,
old town. You won't be lonely." She never would be. I was certain of that fact. Anne
was sweet, and pretty and kind...and...forget it.
"I'll survive." Anne said it almost reassuringly. She smiled sweetly as she said it. I
felt my breath catch in my throat. And then, there it was. It had uncovered itself. The
extraordinary madness of my otherwise sane life burst through the armor I had
smothered it in. I had to get out of there. All of a sudden, everything I had ever loved
about her, everything I had tried so hard to eradicate fell over me like rainwater.
The realization overwhelmed me. I LOVED HER . I NEVER STOPPED. I NEVER
WOULD. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. I had to get out of there while I could still
dig myself out. If I didn't leave, I would successfully end up hurting Christine and Anne,
and Anne would succeed in hurting me.
She didn't love me, she never would love me in the way I wanted her to.
"Well, I ought to go. The train leaves at 5:30." Good thing it was true. I couldn't have
handled having to lie my way out.
"Oh, no, really?" Yes, Anne, now stop looking so damn pretty. Oh yeah, her card.
"Oh, I, was going to mail this, but a note just isn't the same." I handed her the
card. I am very very proud of her. But I still can't have her, can I? Her eyes light up
in excitement. Her fingers fumble excitedly.
"Thanks, Gil." Before she can even open the envelope, I seize my moment. I want to
love her, much more than I have wanted to love her before. I want her so much to
know that...that she is absolutely beautiful and wonderful. I want to take her in my
arms and grant myself the ultimate insanity plea by kissing her. I want to find the
damn madness that only she could ever trigger. I want her to love me too. But, she
is not mine to have. Her lips are not mine to kiss. My heart is ready to implode. But
I take my moment, from the few I have with her and take her in my arms for a hug.
"Goodbye, Anne." It hurts.
"Goodbye, Gil." I pull away.
"Don't forget me." I mean it. Because I sure as hell won't forget her.
I went straight back to the hotel and packed everything. Then I took up my bags,
then left Kingsport behind me. I came to the station early, picked my position and
started studying for the exam waiting for me back at college. Then I hear her calling
me. At first, I believe I'm hallucinating, then I see her outside the window. The train
is fast pulling away. I run outside. I did choose the end car.
"Gil! Thank you!" she screams, but her eyes are dancing, she's flushed from her run
and she is absolutely beautiful. "Goodbye!"
"Goodbye Anne!" I holler back. It seems so very final to me.
END :)