A humorous one-shot I wrote based off and inspired by a Facebook humor meme quote I saw. Also, the insane idea that Lucy of all people recruits a new member into Fairy Tail. Not sure I'll continue with this so I'm marking it as complete, unless requested enough to continue with this story. Honestly just posting this simply to clear up my notes file on my phone (Yes, I write stories on my phone. Horrifying isn't it?); yet I thought this was interesting and humorous enough to share.

Based on Bickslow's point of view. Rated 'M' for sexual based humor. Suggested Lucy/Female!OC from a perverted Bickslow. Crazy antics at play.

Disclaimer: Don't own Fairy Tail. Fairy Tail belongs to its respected creator and copyright owners. I simply borrow the characters for my own twisted amusement.

It started off as something simple enough. A debate amongst the group on how you really made a woman fall in love with you.

Of course, considering it was them, it turned perverted really quick. Although if ever asked who started it, they'd point their fingers at him.

Crackling loudly with tongue rolling out he leaned forward on the table. "I'm telling you! Use some tongue on a girl and she'll be falling all over for ya for sure!"

"For sure! For sure!"

Ignoring the echoing words of his babies, Evergreen's haughty voice quipped up from behind her fan then, "Honestly! Could you be any more barbaric?"

Suddenly there was a loud slam upon a table with one of the guild's glass mugs over at the next table, catching all of their attention. All eyes darting to Team Natsu's current table as a cloaked hooded figure stood to quickly regard them. Instantly he recalled the cloaked figure being a new recruit that Cosplayer of all people dragged in with her. From what he'd seen the cloaked figure stayed close to Lucy and the rest of Team Natsu, never spoke, always kept their hood up constantly concealing themselves. The person must have been a telepath as the team would excitedly talk to the cloaked figure, go silent as if listening, then laugh or simply respond as well as if that quiet cloaked figure had responded. No one outside of Team Natsu knew anything about the cloaked figure; yet no one within his team had really felt the need to really care to go out of their way to find out about the person either. Seemed like the shy dude finally grew a backbone though once you got a beer or two in him.

"You're wrong.."

All eyes going a fraction wider at the sudden unexpected feminine voice that reached their ears. The accent was strange, unfamiliar, yet not unintelligible - just different. The natural tone not overly sweet like Mira's, nor as soft yet confident as Levy's, but more like a cuter version of Lucy's kind determined tone with a hint of natural ornery play like heard within Natsu's. It was strange, and it caught all within the guild to draw near silent to listen.

Throwing her hood back to acquire better eye contact he was instantly thrown off by her eyes - large light aqua eyes with large pupils that seemed reflective to certain angles of light in a way that was almost cat like, with long black winged lashes hooded down from half lidded lids to be nearly glared through as she regarded them making her eyes go from looking like an exotic cute to an erotic sensual. Full near pouty pink lips stretched out in a wide ornery smile then as she leaned towards them slightly as she continued, "That won't make her fall in love with you."

Laxus smirked then after realizing a girl with a cute face he could potentially fuck joined in within their conversation. "Oh? Do tell sweetheart. I'd love to listen."

Flashing a suave smile she grabbed a chair and turned it to straddle the wooden seat as she sat to face them, revealing a hour glass figure with tits bigger than Cosplayer's when her cloak parted as she sat making the thought of 'How the hell did she hide those knockers under there?!' cross my mind as I regarded the curves of the newly revealed young woman. Suddenly the times I've caught her and Cosplayer holding hands came to mind and made my perverted brain think, 'Oh baby, please let there be some double chick lovin' going on over there..'

Her smile went coy and my mouth went dry, afraid she'd heard my thoughts and secretly hoping for an invite if so.

Leaning forward against the back of the chair she kept that coy grin in place as she regarded us. "If you want a girl to really fall in love with you, you need much more than just 'some tongue'." Everyone's eyes grew wide and stared, yet she ignored it as her grin twisted to full blown ornery. "You're suppose to eat that pussy until she tries to push your head away from cumming too much." At this statement the distinct sound of someone spewing out their drink could be heard from the background, but she didn't seem to notice as she closed her eyes and gave a nod as if silently agreeing with herself. Opening her eyes she stared at me trying to make eye contact through my visor as she continued, "Then you're suppose to hold her hands down and continue eating until you see her soul leave her body.."

With that I started choking on my own spit.

With a sudden large happy smile she finished as she leaned back just enough to straighten her posture. "Then you get her pizza! And that's how you win a girl's love over!"

All was silent for a moment before Natsu asked, "Why do I have to eat a cat to win her over? Wouldn't that be more traumatizing? Than again, that would explain her soul leaving.."

"Idiot! That's not what she meant!"

Suddenly Happy wailed, "Waaahh! Han is trying to get others to eat me!"

"What was that ice princess?!"

Lucy decided to console Happy the best she knew how at that moment. "That's not the type of pussy she meant stupid cat!"

"Personally I'd prefer strawberry cake over pizza.."

With a playful smirk and wink she was returning to her table to explain the art of pussy eating until Lucy crammed part of her sandwich down Han's throat and shoved her palm over her mouth and the protruding sandwich effectively silencing the girl and nearly killing her while Natsu complained of being denied such knowledge.

All four of us could only stare at the chocking girl practically dumbfounded for our own personal reasons. Laxus being the first to speak, "Oh wow.."

Instantly I cut in, "I call dibs!"

"With a body like that?! Dream on!"

"Really now! Must you be so uncouth?"

"What was that Freed?!"

"Laxus-sama! I wasn't referring to you! Forgive me!"

"Must you be so rude?! Honestly! A real woman's heart isn't won in such a barbaric manner! A real woman is won over by a man's strength and cold stone beauty!"

And thus, the argument started once more amongst us.