Summary: As he sits alone in 1812, he realizes everyone else is at fault for all of this. CB.
Disclaimer: I don't own Gossip Girl. If I did, the following fic would be the script to 2.14.
AN: To the fans of If There's One Thing, I want to announce that I am canceling that story. I like it better as a one shot, and I'm kind of horrible at chapter stories. Sorry! But enjoy At Fault!
At Fault
It was everyone else's fault.
It was Serena's fault for starring at him knowingly every time her name was mentioned.
It was Vanessa's fault for making him realize he was a better person for loving her.
It was Bart's fault for recognizing her as his first real relationship.
It was Lily's fault for noting that with her he was different.
It was Nate's fault for his strange and eager encouragement of their relationship.
It was her fault, Blair's fault, for being so unfathomably beautiful. For being his better half, his perfect match, the untouchable Queen to his King. For being able to read his mind, for loving their witty banter, for her long brown curls, for her petite and toned legs, for her insecurities, for her coy smile, for her tiny hands, for her heart, for her soul.
It was her fault. She had made him like this. He was so in love that it hurt.
As he takes yet another shot, he cannot decide whose fault it truly is that Bart is dead.
Was it his fault for making the phone call?
Was it Lily's for being in love with Rufus instead of Bart?
Was it Rufus' for being in love with Lily instead of Allison?
Was it Blair's fault? Could Bart's death possibly be because of his hidden longing to marry her one day? That this new found respect for marriage had driven him to want to save Bart's? That his feelings for Blair were to blame for the demise of his father?
It wasn't her fault; he knew. It was all his. He made that choice.
He grabbed the nearest bottle of whiskey, and wondered why he couldn't just get it out. Whose fault was it that he couldn't tell her, his one and only, that he was in love with her?
Was it his mother's fault for dying and scarring him for life?
Was it his father's lack of affection that scared him away?
Was it his fear of always being compared to Nate?
Was it his inner demons?
He finally loved someone, really and truly, unconditionally loved her, and he couldn't tell her. She deserved to hear it. He could see in her sparkling caramel eyes that she needed to hear it. She'd said it to him. She'd branded him forever. Somehow, though, as his mind whispered sweet nothings to her, his mouth said nothing.
He hadn't stopped kicking himself for leaving her there, on the harsh streets of New York, with her heart broken. He hadn't stopped kicking himself for pulling himself out of her arms that night, and running away like a frightened child. He hadn't stopped kicking himself for treating her like she was just any other girl to him.
In that cold, lonely suite that night, there was a lot of blame being thrown around and no one to catch it. At least, until Blair Waldorf arrived.
She'd found out from Nate that Chuck had snuck back into the country the day before. He wasn't ready to face anyone yet, he'd told her, but Blair Waldorf didn't consider herself anyone to him, so she showed up the next day.
She pounded on the door to 1812, bracing herself for whatever horrors she would see on the other side. None of it mattered to her, as long as somewhere in that debris, her Chuck was still there. She loved him enough to scrape through the mess.
"Chuck. Chuck open the door, it's me. I need to see you."
He shook his head. Even through his tipsy haze, he still recognized the voice that had haunted his dreams since he was 16.
He wished he could say he couldn't believe Blair was here, but he'd be lying. He knew Blair Waldorf very well, and he knew she'd never go back on a promise. He couldn't expect her to.
He staggered to the door and turned the knob slightly. She pushed through with all of her strength, and in an instant, she was in the suite.
He stared at his feet, determined not to notice how absolutely perfect she looked. And how she always does. And how she smells like vanilla and freedom.
"Chuck, look. I know you might not be ready to talk…but I was hoping, maybe for me, you could be."
She looked at him hopefully and he glanced up at her eyes for a moment, only to drag his eyes right back down to his feet.
"I thought you weren't going to look for me."
She scoffed and took a seat on his couch.
"You honestly expected me to listen? I've been checking with Nate every hour since you disappeared."
His heart does an involuntary leap, because she cares about him. She cares in that unconditional way that most people aren't able to.
"I don't want you around me, Blair. I don't want to hurt you."
"It's not about me, Chuck. For the first time in my life, it's not about me. It's about us. You can say whatever you want to say to me. I might get a little hurt, but I'm not going anywhere. I'll still be here in the morning."
She places both her hands on the sides of his face and forces him to look at her.
"When I love someone, they're my everything. And when I said I loved you, Chuck Bass, I was serious."
He gulps, and her hands drop from his face to his hands. Their fingers lace around each others.
"I've been trying to…figure out whose fault it is…for everything. All the different things that are…wrong with me."
"You're going through a rough time, Bass, but there's absolutely nothing wrong with you."
"Still. I feel…the blame has to be put somewhere. It…I don't know…it puts me at ease."
"Then lay it on me."
"I've decided that Lily and I may share the blame for the accident. She can, of course, take 60% of it. I will take 40%."
"I'd be happier if you took none at all."
"I know. I also decided that Nate is to blame for my fear of a relationship with you. If he wasn't always so damn perfect all the time, I wouldn't feel so inadequate."
"You shouldn't ever feel inadequate next to Nate. When the two of you are in a room together, I only see you."
"It's your fault about my hate for Lily."
"What?"
"If I didn't…feel the way I feel about you, Blair, if I didn't envy that my father got to be with the women he had fallen for, I wouldn't hate Lily so much. She didn't value their bond at all. And that bond, it's all I've ever wanted."
She feels shudders, because he's never been so honest with her. She's never had to dig through an insult to find the beautiful truth. He wants to marry her one day.
"Chuck…"
"Blair, I…know when this whole mess is over, and when my world makes sense again, I'll get to have that bond with you. Well, I hope so."
"You will. I wouldn't have it any other way."
He sighs, and she lays her head just beneath his chin. He's never felt such comfort before. He fingers a piece of her curly hair, and it gives him the strength he thought he'd never have.
"I love you. I love you, B, and that's your fault, too."
She smiles and kisses his neck. "I will take the blame for that any day, Bass."
What did you think? I think that was probably my favorite fic I've written yet!
REVIEW PLEASE! Thank you so much!
-SacredLimo417