DISCLAIMER: If I owned it, this would be an episode. Somebody warned me so I decided to put a blanket thing on all my stories (het, slash, gen,) Please, bring an open mind. Remember, everyone's life is not the same.
A/N: This is now a series. This story doesn't have much of anything to do with the next one and vice versa. They can be read in any order.
Jenna sighed as she resisted the urge to beat her head against the table. Or the wall. Or beat one of the UATs against her head until she sprouted flowers out her nose and passed out. The meeting had started the way that the "Weekly Science Meeting" always started. McKay had asked, "Any new business?" and the world went to hell in a handbasket. Jenna briefly wondered when this (listening to ten scientists yelling at once that their project was more important than any other project) had become normal. Deciding that it probably happened about the same time that walking through a puddle of goo did, she turned her attention back to the matter at hand. Finding a way out of this hell.
Yes, it had started normally. McKay opening the can of worms and then announcing it was closed unless "We're all gonna die!" But when he had opened the progress report part of the meeting and Dr. Zelenka had begun talking about power consumption or something, that's when things got weird. Well, weirder, Jenna thought remembering the giant goo puddle of doom in the 'Gatetrium.
McKay had rolled his eyes and started playing with a pen while he nodded distractedly. If anybody else had been talking, not weird, but with Zelenka being the one speaking... Jenna briefly wondered if McKay had beaten one of the UATs against his own head. Then, it started. Not the normal snarky remarks that everybody expected from McKay. No, he sounded angry about something. Very angry. And since the what-may-have-been-a-power-consumption report was obviously correct since Kavanagh didn't whine, Jenna had no clue what it could be about. Which was why she was resisting the urge to beat the crap outta herself.
"Dammit, Rodney! What the hell's the matter with you?" Zelenka finally yelled. Inward, Jenna marveled at his ability to keep speaking in English.
"What the matter with me? What's the matter with me?" Suddenly, Jenna realised what Judgment Day looked like: McKay. "I'll tell you what's the matter with me! I'm remembering when I saw you doing those damned calculations!" Glancing around briefly for something she could use for a shield, she started to slowly sink down in her chair so she could fly under the table at a moment's notice. Because the look Zelenka had on his face meant that he didn't have a clue what their enraged C.S.A. was going on about. "During the middle of (what I thought was damned good) sex, you climbed off me to check over those damned calculations!"
Screw running. Jenna didn't give a damn about beating herself into unconsciousness. She wanted pictures.
"That was three weeks ago, Rodney!" Zelenka responded as he pushed his glasses up his nose. "Surely, you're not still angry about it?" Jenna couldn't help herself. I am serious...and don't call me Shirley, she thought in a brief fit of insanity.
"No! If that was all, I wouldn't be angry!" McKay yelled back, obviously oblivious at the stricken scientists around them. Jenna giggled quietly at that sentence and decided the fit of insanity wasn't exactly brief.
"Then, why are you angry?" Zelenka asked as that common expression of confusion slipped over his features.
"They were my calculations!" She decided that explained everything and justifiably so.
"Well, it's not my fault they were wrong!" Zelenka muttered as Jenna slid back down towards the table.
"THEY WERE NOT WRONG!" For a brief moment, the Canadian appeared ready to jump his Czech partner and not in that pleasant, mind-numbing, ecstasy kind of way. "I had the Major check over them the next morning! They were right and you were wrong!" The nearly hiddenwoman mentally added the 'so there'.
"That's because I had fixed them already," Zelenka muttered as he once again pushed his glasses up his nose. It had to be some kind of nervous tic as the glasses were pretty much as high up as they could get without floating.
"Oh, um..." McKay didn't know what to say to that so he resorted to playground behaviour. "NO! You didn't! It was exactly the same as when I had given it to you! You're lying now so that you'll look good!" Every scientist there began mentally begging Zelenka to give up; fortunately, he must've gained telepathy from somewhere (most likely an errant UAT).
"You're right. I'm a small, petty man," Zelenka said tiredly with a resigned air. "I'm sorry for stopping sex to play with calculations." McKay just stared at him while a silent 'And?' filled the room. "And I shouldn't have lied about changing the calculations." Jenna could hear his teeth grinding together from where she was cowering; it was a miracle McKay hadn't noticed. He just sat there and waited for something everyone knew wasn't coming.
Anybody else in Atlantis would've said it. Anybody else on the planet would've said it. Hell, anybody else in the MULTIVERSE would have said it. But Zelenka refuses to pretend that McKay's a god. He'd never apologise for not assuming McKay was perfect. The notgod in question opened his mouth to demand that apology when Zelenka crossed the room and pushed his tongue in. Jenna grabbed her camera and started snapping; that was why they brought her to Atlantis in the first place. Unfortunately, somebody still had some presence of mind left.
"Meeting adjourned!" Then, Simpson was pushing the errant photographer out talking about privacy as Jenna continued snapping over the scientist's shoulder.
Written for the AFI's 100 Film Quotes challenge. The quote was "I am serious...and don't call me Shirley." from the movie Airplane!