Lost Reality: Chapter One

Summary: In her desperation to deal with Cedric's death, Cho doesn't feel herself slip away from the sane. Now, in her mind, Cedric is alive; but how long will this illusion last?

Disclaimer: Everything belongs to J.K. Not that you all didn't know that.

Warning: Self-harm and such are in this chapter, and may be present in future chapters.

Chapter One: Freeing Cedric

The days began to slip into each other, living without Cedric was becoming harder by the day. I could feel him slipping away from me, bit by bit. If I didn't hold onto him, who would? It soon became my mission, not not forget Cedric.

Everyone soon dismissed his death, especially over the summer. Coming back to school, I could actually feel how Cedric had gone out of their hearts. I didn't understand, didn't everyone remember him? Didn't their care about this great injustice?

Everyone's ignorance was getting to me, there was only one other person in the school who seemed to care about Cedric as well, that was Harry Potter. But if he hadn't seen Cedric die, would be actual care at all?

At first, I had been mad at Harry. My mind kept asking question I knew I would never find the answer to. Why hadn't he done something? Why wasn't he able to do something? Why did Cedric have to die? Why Cedric? Why not someone else? Just because he was good enough to reach the middle of that maze. And then I found my mind thinking the unthinkable. Why couldn't it have been Harry instead of Cedric?

That was the point that I knew I had hit the edge. How dare I think that about another human being? I was monsterous, horrible... there wasn't even a word for how despicable I had become.

Cedric was on my mind all the time, always, always, always. I could be sitting Potions and all I would be hearing was Cedric... Cedric... Cedric... I couldn't handle it any longer, I needed an escape I didn't want Cedric to be dead, I didn't want to be thinking about him all the time. I wanted out! Now!

Lying on my bed, Cedric teddy bear in my arms, I cried. I did this often. My dorm mates would usually give me space during these times. They knew they didn't understand how hard it was for me. So they just left me alone, to deal with it myself.

But this time was worse, it was too hard. It hurt to cry, I would cry because I was crying, I would hurt from the hurt I caused from crying. It was just a vicious cycle, then I found I couldn't stop. The tears just wouldn't stop coming. I needed to get him out of my head, I needed to stop crying. I needed!

Sitting up, I looked down at the table beside bed. There lay my quill. I had just finished writing in my diary, mostly about Cedric. The ink had gone dry on the quill, and now it was nothing but a sharpened point with a feather out the top. I took the quill in my grasp, thinking of how contradictory the object was - just like me.

Looking around the room, I found myself alone again. Always alone.

It took me a while to get up the courage to do it. It wasn't something I would normally do, but I needed the out. I needed to get him out of me. He was in me, he wouldn't let go, I didn't want to let him go, but I did, in a way. This was driving me insane, I wanted my life back, it had been four months. I couldn't mourn him forever.

"I just want to be normal," I cried, digging the quill into my wrist. I only scratched a shallow graze at first, but I still didn't feel changed, so I dug deeper and deeper. Then the blood began to flow. It would rise slowly at first, and then faster and faster. Then, just like the crying, it wouldn't stop. It just kept coming and coming. But I didn't want it to stop, I wanted to set him free. That's what he would have wanted.

That's why Cedric loved to fly, he felt free. And now, I could make him free again.

"I love you, Cedric," I told him, digging deeper and deeper.

I began to feel myself get tired, like I was losing energy, then the room began to spin, slowly then faster and faster and finally I couldn't dig deeper anymore, I couldn't see it at all, then just before everything went black I heard a voice.

"Cho, what are you doing?"

"Cedric?"
Sitting up in bed, I looked around to find myself in the hospital wing. Trying to lift myself by my arms, I nearly fell off the bed, my left arm didn't seem able to. Looking at the arm, I found out why. It was wrapped in bandages.

"What on...?" I muttered, touching the bandages.

"You shoouldn't play with them," I familiar voice said next to me.

Looking around, I nearly feel off the bed. "Cedric, what are you doing here?"

Cedric smiled down at me. "I'm here to make sure my girl is okay."

"What happened? Why am I here?" I asked, feeling rather confused.

Cedric simply took my unbandaged hand in his. "It was just an accident, but I'm here to make sure it won't happen again."

"How did you know I was here?" I asked.

"You called me."

Okay, I haven't exactly established the fact that Cho is crazy yet, but don't worry, I will. Now push that cutie little button at the bottom of the page and send me a review.

Constructive criticism is mostly welcome, but whatever you send me will me perfectly fine.

Until next chapter... Xx.