Fanfic by blueroseulan
July 2, 2004
The Song Tell Me Where It hurts does not belong to me. I repeat. It. Does. Not. Belong. To. Me. Neither does KNK… I wish I did but… oh well… on with the story!
AN: this was like a spur of the moment type of fic for me… so kindly bear it of you think it's kinda corny… and well please REVIEW and tell me what you think.
Tell Me Where it Hurts… A Rurouni Kenshin songfic
KNK
The sun was just about setting, vibrant colors of lavender and lively oranges were splashed in the wide Tokyo canopy as the bright star slowly hid beyond the pale blue clouds. Everything was calm… a peaceful serenity underlining the fading buzz of the world. Everybody felt calmed and peaceful…
Er… well almost everybody…that is… save one particular female Kendo instructor.
"Yahiko, have you seen Kenshin?" she asked the dozing kid, sapphire eyes darkening with worry.
Rolling his eyes, the juvenile teen stood up, irritated by his teacher's interruption with the nap he was having. "Nope I haven't seen him. In fact I haven't seen him all day. Didn't he tell you where he was going?" then with another added retort, he smirked, "Maybe… Kenshin… ELOPED! HAHA!" laughing loudly himself, it took him only a few moments before he realized that Kaoru was neither answering back his sarcastic remarks nor fuming herself.
She's really worried…"Hey Kaoru. Don't you start to worry on him. We all know Kenshin's the strongest man in Japan! He'll come home." He frowned, "I hope he'd come back sooner to prepare dinner. I'm really starving!" in response, a loud rumble erupted from his stomach, earning a sigh from the owner. "Gee… I'm really off! Oh well…I'm off to the Akabeko. Besides having to stay with Tsubame, I get to have a free dinner! See you tomorrow Kaoru!"
Usually, she'd have a ready answer or teasing to the young boy, for it was always that the sun never left its light with them never bantering. Usually, she'd chase him around the dojo with her bokken, whacking him in the head resulting to name callings. Usually…
But not today…
Kenshin… where are you? After lunch, the red head just disappeared, normally, she would gladly excuse him, what with all the commotion happening… but he would be back... after an hour or so… and the man was already gone for several hours…
Kenshin no baka! Don't you know that there's a snow storm's bound to fall tonight? Do you want to freeze! Frowning at the thought, she slumped down in the dojo porch with a loud oomph, mind occupied with the image of a certain swordsman.
As if on cue, the gate opened.
"Tadaima." He greeted though in his lips was a tired smile.
"Okaerinasai Kenshin." She answered. Out of the dimming light she noticed the weariness in his voice and the tired look in his eyes. Though he tried hard to conceal it with an easy smile, the female kendo instructor could feel an aura of exhaustion from him.
Something's wrong…
Why is that sad look in your eyes…?
Why are you crying…?
Dinner was eaten with silence, a heavy tension blanketing the room. From out of the corner of her eye she would steal glances from him, only to notice that he was picking on his food. He was quiet, unprovocative and did no such thing as to talk to her and ask her about her day. Even as they cleaned the clatter away, he was terribly silent, amethyst eyes distant and lips pursed in a grim frown.
Tonight… I'd ask him about it tonight…
Tell me now…
Tell me now tell me…
It was cold. No, cold was an understatement. It was freezing as so to say, what with the heavy fall of snow. Watching as the white mist collected itself on the dojo roof, sapphire eyes turned to find the object of her scrutiny sitting placidly on the front step.
Wow… I wonder how he does it…? Isn't he at least cold? I'm freezing! She thought as she approached the man with a thick blanket at hand.
"Kenshin…" she whispered softly, careful not to startle the man yet knowing it would have been possible to do so.
It took him a moment before acknowledged her presence and threw her a gaze. What met her eyes made her retrace a step, a gasp escaping her lips.
His eyes were haunting, an unexplainable sadness evident on the hazy lavender orbs and his breathing was labored. Seeming to drown her very soul within the waves of remorse and a kind of grief she could not place. Regaining her courage, as well as her balance, she walked as graceful as she could to offer him the blanket only to have him turn his back against her.
Why are you feeling this way…?
I hate to see you down…
"Please… leave me alone…"
She suddenly stiffened, his words seeming to numb her. Is he… is he pushing me away…? Not to be undaunted, she settled beside him, wincing inwardly when he tried to create a space between them, hiding his face in the shadow of his bangs.
Kenshin…
Wordlessly, she moved to place the blanket atop his hunched shoulders, earning her a look of bewilderment from the man. A small smile tugged at her lips. Hugging her own coat closer to herself, she sat beside him in pure silence, a silent assurance that she would just be there whenever he was ready to talk.
Kenshin… what troubles you so? I hate to see you in pain… please tell me…
Oh baby, is it your heart
Oh breaking all in pieces?
"I'm sorry… for making you worry…" he choked on his words, a huge lump seeming to constrict at his throat. Throwing him a questioning glance, she was more than surprised to see pained amethyst eyes trying very very hard not to cry.
"Kenshin?" She asked, uncertainty filling her voice. Shaking his head, he chose to stay silent, unwilling to share his destructive thoughts. Reaching out to grasp his hand, this time, he allowed himself to be comforted, clasping her hand tightly with his.
Makin' you cry…
Makin' you feel blue…
Is there anything that I can do…?
The snow waged on. Unstopping and continuing to fall on the wet ground. Seemingly, it only served as a mere reflection on the turmescence she knew he must be having inside. Sighing inwardly, she'd give anything to know the object of his suffering. From the way he tightly held her hand with his, she felt almost sure it was something that had been planted long enough in his heart, only to come out as cruelly as it did each time. Kenshin… please tell me… I want to understand… There was a growing ache in her heart. A need. A need to understand, a need to comfort the man she loved most… She wanted to share his burden, to be a part of it so that the load would be easy on his shoulders…
But how could she if he was already shunning her away…?
"Kenshin… it's all right… you could tell me… I would understand…"
Why don't you tell me where it hurts now, baby
And I'll do my best to make it better…
Yes I'll do my best to make the tears go all away…
"Kenshin… it's all right… you could tell me…I would understand…"
A gasp escaped his lips, followed by a painful inhalation of breath. Her words struck him. Hard. So long… he had been hurting for so long… there had been no one to offer him comfort… offer him somewhat of assurance that he would be understood… that he would not be so easily judged… so long… and now, she was offering it all to him…
She caught her breath when she saw the shimmering fall of a tear in his cheek. Followed by another, then another and soon, he was sobbing in her arms, clinging to her like a lost child who was unwilling to let go. Stroking his back was all that she could do, for his grip had immobilized her, as well as her shock. Something had terribly hurt him. Something or rather someone and it finally dawned on her that this someone was rather not so unfamiliarized to her as she would like to think.
Just tell me where it hurts now tell me…
And I'll love you with a love so tender…
Incoherent words were escaping his lips, his sobs drowning every utterance he said. But Kaoru had a strong feeling that she need not hear him to be able to understand the reason of his heavy misery. The snow, the atmosphere… everything had turned out to one person.
Tomoe-san…
Tomoe. Himura Tomoe… his wife…
The fading ache it had placed on her heart was fast coming back. Taking a heavy breath, she silently prayed to the gods for the gift of wisdom. Kami-sama… I know Kenshin needs me most… at this time… Please… please take away the envy I am feeling in my heart… that is the last thing I need now…
Tightening her hold, she continued to rock him and whisper soft words of comfort in his ears. Though he would not be pacified and his sobs had not stopped, Kaoru knew it would only be in a matter of time before he could compose himself. Tears had started to pool on her eyes too, for it would be a total lie if she told herself that she wasn't hurt.
Kenshin…don't be afraid to show your emotions… Though I would admit… I am envious of her; I understand your pain…let me bear it with you Kenshin…
And if you let me stay…
I'll love all the tears away…
She could not gauge, for one, the time both of them spent in each other's arms. Eternity had seemed to pass her by while she sat comforting the fallen man. Taking her a moment before she finally noticed, she felt his shivering had stopped and his sobs had finally died down.
Realizing that she had been holding her breath, it all came out in a loud whoosh as she felt relieved to find him pacified. Gee… and here I was thinking Kenshin was not capable of crying…dear gods…Relief turned to alarm when he still sat unmoving in her arms. A thousand of thoughts exploded in her mind, a dozen of what ifs starting to alarm panic bells in her ears.
She would have continued fretting had she not felt the heavy weight of his head setting to lean on her bosom. Passing a look of surprise in her eyes, it took her a while to piece information by information together.
He's asleep…
Lips curving in a tender smile, his position gave her the opportunity to study his face. Watching as his lips trembled slightly with each given breath, her eyes trailed off to the skin deep scar that was imprinted on his cheek. Had their position permitted her so, she would have crept to touch it, feeling each crevasse with her nimble fingers. But since her arms were still tightly held with his, the notion was spoiled and she was left to the mere thought of wishing.
He's beautiful…
It was an undeniable fact… and though Kaoru would prefer to keep it secret, his features was one of the reasons why the red head captured her heart. Oh, she wasn't saying that it was totally his profile that made her love him, that would be too shallow for her you know… but let's just say that she couldn't help but feel her heart slip a beat whenever she looked at him.
This was, just to say, quite a few many times.
He trembled so slightly and she slowly shifted to carefully wrap the blanket around the two of them. Oh well… it seems that both you and I will be spending the night here in the porch… might as well make us comfortable…Leaning her head on the wooden beam while his weight still settled against hers, she felt sleep take over her senses and drown her thoughts to oblivion.
Where are all those tears coming from?
Why are they falling…?
He woke up with a faint and fuzzy feeling in his head. Lifting his head, he nearly crashed down with shock when he became face to face with none other than Kaoru's own face.
ORO! What happened? ORO!
With his mind slowly being cleared, he noticed that one, the sun was just about rising, and two, he had fallen asleep with Kaoru on the porch. Another thing caught his eye, and that was the tight arm he had purchased on her waist. Cheeks suddenly erupting with color, he tried hard not to think about how they got into such a position and focused in thinking why.
Tomoe…
Vaguely, he remembered how she had showed up in the porch with a blanket, offering him wordless comfort. As memories of her rocking him gently and whispering words of solace in his ears filtered over his mind, he suddenly became aware that her face was merely centimeters away from his and that there were traces and smudges of dried tears in her cheeks.
She cried fro me…
Is this because Tomoe…?
Somebody, somebody, somebody, left your heart in the cold…
You just need somebody to hold on baby…
She awoke to find herself already inside the four spacious corners of her room. Cerulean orbs slightly widening, she was just about to get up and make herself ready for training when something white caught her eye.
It was a sheet of paper. A letter to be exact.
Heart hammering wildly against her chest, she prayed aloud to the gods that it may not bear the message she dreaded the most. Is he leaving me again because of what had happened last night?
His handwriting was awful, least to say. For a man who knew such knowledge as to wield a sword, his letters were so to speak, just like any four-year old scrawl. It was difficult for her to read the untidy scribble, more so added with the tears blurring her vision.
Thank you for last night…You did more than offer me comfort… I will be gone for today but I want you to meet me in the river tonight…
Boku matte iru.
Kenshin.
She clutched the letter closer to her chest and proceeded with her day, heart overshadowed with mixed emotions of excitement and doubt.
Kenshin…
Give me a chance to put back all the pieces…
And take your broken heart…
The scene reminded her of last night, with the color of dusk spreading in the sky. Carefully weaving her way in the forest path, it wouldn't come as a surprise if I told you that our heroine was immersed deep in her own thoughts.
I wonder… what does Kenshin want to say? I hope… it's something that would not make my world come all crashing down… Kami! I pray…
It was ironic really, for her standing was just like any other doomed lover. Everybody knew she loved Kenshin… even so at the point of risking her life for his sake… It seemed far too obvious and yet…
Kenshin… if only you'd give me a chance to prove how much I really love you… If only you'd give me chance to share your burden… I know the chain of guilt you have inside you heart… if only you'd give me the chance to make them all go away… If only…
If only.
If only.
So many 'if only' and yet she knew that there would be of no possibilities of such. Even if she was willing to give him her heart, he wasn't willing to give his to her. His heart belonged to only one woman, and that woman was his wife. No matter how many times Kaoru tried to ignore it, there was always a shooting pang of jealousy whenever she thought of that. Always.
Make it just like new…
There's so many things that I can do…
It was already dark when she arrived at the river. Stars had come out of the sky and the light of the fireflies shone with a mysterious glow. It would have been beautiful in another person's view. But not for Kaoru. Fireflies only reminded her of the day Kenshin left her to fight Shishio and since then it had always drugged feelings of despair and paranoia in her heart.
"Kenshin…" she whispered softly to no one in particular, His name coming out as a soft caress to Mother Nature's lips. Sighing, she settled herself on one of the wooden logs and wondered if he would truly come.
Is it you heart?
Oh breakin' all in pieces…?
He still pained over the death of Tomoe. That was obvious enough. The way he fell silent during the nights or the distant look he always carried in his eyes were mere reminders on how heavy his burden might seem to be.
And for this, she was hurt….
Tomoe was a woman. On the other hand, Yahiko always teased her as a tomboy. Tomoe could cook; she on the other hand would always have to bear with Sanosuke's grumblings on how her cooking seems to spoil his stomach. Tomoe was refined. She was brash. Tomoe probably never smelled of sweat, on the other hand, sweat seemed to be her only perfume during practice time. Tomoe probably never threw a bucket over Kenshin's head while she, almost did it everyday. She was so much different from the woman Kenshin loved most and it should come as no surprise in her case, if the red head could not find the heart to love her. It was not a flabbergasting fact.
And yet, why was she still aching inside?
Why were tears starting to fall blankly on her cheek?
Makin' you cry…
Makin' you feel blue…
Is there anything that I can do…?
A gentle hand tapped at her shoulder making her swerve suddenly in surprise. Forgetting that she had been crying and that her tears were probably still evident on her face, she turned to face the man and gasp his name.
"KENSHIN!"
He frowned, lifting a thumb to brush a stray tear that had fallen in her eye. He wanted to ask her the reason for her tears and yet… he had a strong feeling on where the conversation might lead.
Why don't you tell me where it hurts now baby…
And I'll do my best to make it better….
Wordlessly, he drew her in an embrace, inhaling her jasmine scent and relishing the feel of her body next to his. Trembling from beneath his touch, he knew she was worried, scared and whatever emotions of the like. And yet he understood why. It's because of last night… she might have thought of it the wrong way…
"Kaoru…"
Yes I'll do my best to make the pain go all away…
"Hai?" she answered nervously, waiting for an answer she knew would aim to her heart.
"About last night…"
"Don't…" she silenced him, placing a finger over his lips. "I did that because I wanted to. I wanted to comfort you. You need to thank me Kenshin." She smiled, only to tremble when she felt him press a chaste kiss over the finger atop his lip.
"Please…let me finish…" he asked. Nodding, she indicated for him to go on.
"You know how much I felt for Tomoe… she was my wife… she was the one who kept my sanity all those years in Bakumatsu… she was the light during the darkest of my days…" shaking his head while he traced a fallen tear within his finger, he could see the hurt in her eyes. "Please Kaoru… do not cry…"
"B-but…" she stammered, wanting him to know that it seemed impossible for her not to cry.
"Hush. I know it pains you… love." He murmured, emphasizing his words with an endearment that was enough to draw a gasp from her. "Please… let me finish… I loved Tomoe… I loved her… Up to this day… she still holds a place in my heart. Some sort of a pedestal. But that does not mean I can't love again…" he whispered, placing a light kiss on her forehead.
"Do you know how much different you are from her?" he asked, his tone slightly humoring. She smiled, despite her tears and nodded. "Yes. In fact, that was the thing that was occupying my mind a while ago."
He nodded, face turning solemn, "Yes… both of you are quiet opposites demo… It's your difference that drew me to you in the first place… Tomoe was quiet and refined…a common Japanese woman… but you… you are different… far different from any other I have seen… And that is why I have come to love you Kaoru…"
She gasped. "Na…nani…!"
He nodded. "Hai… Aishiterru… Kamiya Kaoru…"
Just tell me where it hurts bow tell me
And I'll love you with the love so tender…
Trembling ever so slightly, he moved to close their distance and drew her lips for her kiss.
Kaoru forgot to breathe there and then.
Their kiss, primitive and first as it was, was only a reminder that things were to start anew for the two of them. That from now on, everything would be shared, everything would be held together and as the two, now a couple walked hand in hand back towards the dojo, each one had exactly the same reflection echoing in their own thoughts.
I have chosen the right one… The one whom I will love until the end our times…
And if you'll let me stay…
I'll love all the tears away…
OWARI
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