Author's Note: And now for something completely (well, not really) different.
"My Circuits Have Blown"
January 1, 1:48 PM
Mason Wayne
Irvine, California
"Before I begin this review, there's something I need to explain to you. I'm not bullshitting when I say that I know nothing about this game. Nothing at all. I mean, I got some requests to review this one, but it's not like I got so many to the point where I was compelled to do research on this game or play it. Since I had no intention of reviewing the game that I'm about to review, I forgot about it as soon as I closed my messages. But you see, I made this bet…"
December 26, 8:18 PM
Mason Wayne
Irvine, California
"Honestly, it would be so Atlanta for them to blow this. I think that the Panthers beat the Falcons, Seattle beats Arizona and the Falcons miss the playoffs," Janice declared shortly before biting into her chicken wing. As a Saints fan, she definitely didn't like the Panthers, but the prospect of Atlanta blowing it in spectacular fashion again was simply too good to pass up on. She could root for Carolina, at least this week.
"Bold prediction, Janice. One that I have to disagree with. How much you wanna put on it?" Daniel asked in response as he put a couple of fries in his mouth. He didn't really care about what happened in the NFC South- since he grew up in Pittsburgh before moving to Southern California four years ago, the Steelers were the only team for him. However, he thought the Falcons would make the playoffs, both because they were the better team to him and should be playing in the postseason, and also because they were in a simple "win and you're in" scenario. Of course, as the Panthers were a playoff team, perhaps it wasn't so simple.
"Hmm… if I win here, we take a photo of you bowing to me and I post it on all my social media accounts- Twitter, Facebook, Instagram. Now then, Daniel- set your condition," Janice declared.
"Well now, let's see here," Daniel said as he mulled over what he should propose for Janice should the Falcons make the playoffs. "If Atlanta makes the postseason, then you kiss me. In front of everyone here. Not a quick peck on the cheek, either; we're talking a deep, passionate kiss on the lips."
"That's all? Okay then, let's fucking go. You got yourself a bet, Daniel!" The junior replied enthusiastically, extending her hand to shake his as per tradition.
"Bring those breath mints, Janice," Daniel replied as he shook her hand.
"Alright, now I'm gonna make my bet. Just to piss a certain someone off, I'm gonna say that the Chargers miss the playoffs," Lauren declared, knowing that she'd get a reaction out of the only freshman in their group who was sitting across from her at the table.
Mason Wayne was wearing a dark green t-shirt with a light blue sweater tied around his waist along with a pair of blue jeans and some green sneakers. On his head, of course, was his beloved Chargers visor- the yellow lightning bolt that was the logo was in the center of the headband, while the rest of the visor was white with a blue underside and outlines. It was by far his favorite hat. As per usual, Mason's fairly long, dark brown hair was spread out all over the visor, but one could still see the logo if they looked closely enough. He smiled and finished swallowing the swig of Fanta he had just taken before coming up with his response.
"You sure about that, Lauren? Let's take a look at the playoff scenario again. If the Bolts are gonna be playing in January, then they need to beat Oakland, Baltimore has to beat Cincinnati, and Jacksonville's gotta take down Tennessee. Now Vegas favors the Chargers over their future team, the Ravens over the Bengals, and while the Titans are favored over the Jaguars, it's only by a small amount and Tennessee has looked like shit lately. So if all that happens, then Baltimore is in, Tennessee is out, and then it doesn't matter what Buffalo does, so the Chargers will make the playoffs as the sixth seed," Mason explained, taking another sip shortly afterwards.
"You are doing some serious mental gymnastics there, Mason," Janice replied dryly.
"Hey, I'm not doing any mental gymnastics. I'm just laying out the scenario for you guys," Mason calmly retorted.
"That is still a pretty big stretch, dude," Daniel added.
"Is it really? Like I said, the Chargers and Ravens are favored, and do you really trust Tennessee to beat anyone right now? I think we'll be seeing those pesky lightning bolts in the postseason."
"Holy fuck Mason, what is it with you and your hard-on for the Chargers? I'm just saying, man, there's this other team in Los Angeles wearing blue and yellow that boasts a top flight QB, one of, if not the best running backs in the game, and plenty of elite talent at many of the skill positions. Now where have I seen this before?" Lauren teased.
"Sorry Lauren, but I didn't grow up on the Rams. I grew up on the Chargers. Powder Blue for life, hashtag Bolt Up. I'm taking you up on that bet- if I win, I'm taking a photo of you wearing a Chargers jersey the next day. Then I'm posting it to social media for all the world to see." As Mason knew that Lauren was quite the Raiders fan, he knew it would be the ultimate comical punishment to see her donning an Antonio Gates jersey. It would also rub in the fact that Oakland's state and division rival made the playoffs while they went 6-10 and missed the postseason- even more humiliating considering that many football fans and experts (herself included) thought the Raiders would be making a deep playoff run this year.
"Hey, you stole my idea!" Janice responded in mock anger. She had to admit, it would be pretty goddamn funny to see Lauren wearing a navy blue Chargers jersey.
"No, Janice, I was inspired by your idea. Now then Lauren, if I lose this bet?" Mason asked the blonde sitting across him.
"If I win… tell me, Mason," Lauren said slowly before continuing, "are you familiar with a little game called Doki Doki Literature Club?"
Intrigued by Lauren's comment, Daniel and Janice leaned in to listen more closely.
"I've gotten some requests to play and review it, but I haven't done either. In fact, I haven't even done any research on it," Mason replied honestly.
"Well, that makes you the black sheep then," Janice said cryptically. She, Daniel and Lauren had all played the game before, but Mason was in the dark. And they had no intention of turning the lights on.
"Damn, you're making it sound all mysterious and shit. What is this game, the second coming?"
Lauren, Daniel and Janice didn't need to tell Mason what would happen if he lost his bet; he knew what they were implying. They only responded with a series of mock condescending smiles. If only he knew.
With their bets laid out for next week's games, everyone paid their part of the bill while Daniel covered the tip. Soon after, the four friends went their separate ways. Daniel and Janice drove back in their respective cars while Lauren waited for the bus. Meanwhile, Mason began walking back towards his apartment. Thankfully for him, it was only a fifteen minute walk. In fact, most of the places he needed to get to were within walking distance of his apartment.
"You know, I don't really hate the Rams. They're just not the Chargers." Mason said to no one in particular as he pressed the stoplight.
"There are only a few things in life worth going out for. Chilling with those guys back there is one of them."
"Now I'm interested. What the hell is Doki Doki Literature Club?" Mason asked to himself as he pulled out his phone while crossing the street. He thought about looking up the game for a moment, but decided against it as he put his phone back in his pocket. "Nah. I'll go in blind, like I did with Undertale. Something tells me that's the best way to experience this one."
After a few more minutes, Mason arrived at his apartment.
"Well, this is my place. One bedroom, one bathroom, and while this isn't the biggest living room or kitchen of all time, it gets the job done. Washing machine and dryer are over there. I've also got a pretty solid gaming computer in my bedroom. Not exactly MTV Cribs material, but it's still nice and the rent isn't fucking me in the ass the way that most places in Southern California would. The money I make from YouTube along with my student financial aid also helps."
He quickly changed into more comfortable sleep clothes and then went on his computer. Despite his browsing of several different websites, he found that he couldn't take his mind off of the game that his friends mentioned- though he still vowed not to do any research on it to prevent spoilers.
Eventually, Mason figured it would be best if he simply slept on it. It was getting late anyways. He turned off the lights and tucked himself into his twin sized bed.
"Come on Bolts, don't ruin my holiday season," Mason said half jokingly before falling asleep.
December 31, 3:47 PM
"They have five in their secondary and that's what Rivers will look into and go- oh, he's got Benjamin! There he goes- another long touchdown pass! Travis Benjamin, 62 yards!"
"I don't need Redtube when I've got games like this," Mason said while staring down Lauren, a big grin on his face. The "games" he was referring to were not dating sims. The Chargers just went up 30-10 on the Raiders following Philip Rivers' long bomb to Travis Benjamin. Though the game was initially close due to some mistakes by the Bolts, Oakland simply didn't have the will or firepower to take on their division rivals. On defense, their line couldn't get much of anything going while the secondary was torn to pieces by the Chargers passing attack. On offense, the Raiders got over a hundred yards on just nineteen carries from Marshawn Lynch and a long touchdown pass from Derek Carr to Amari Cooper. Sadly for Oakland, that was all they got out of their offense. It became evident as the game went on which team was fighting for a playoff spot and which team was simply mailing it in for the last game of the season, knowing they had nothing to play for.
"Gates or Allen? Tell me right now which jersey you wanna wear, Lauren."
"Hold your horses, Mason," Lauren retorted. Remember, you still need Baltimore and Jacksonville to win. And as we can see here…"
"Looks to me like Jacksonville is still hanging around while the Ravens are coming back. The dream remains alive! Jags and Ravens, don't fail me now!"
December 31, 4:46 PM
Although the Dolphins put up a valiant effort after being down by nineteen, the deficit was too much and they lost 22-16 to Buffalo.. With that game over, the four college friends turned their attention to the Cardinals-Seahawks game that was playing on the other TV. Arizona was doing quite the job playing spoiler, and took a 26-24 lead late in the game. Seattle drove down the field, but eventually the drive stalled. However, they had gotten into field goal range before then. The game would come down to the right leg of Blair Walsh.
"Clock running and Blair Walsh to try and put the Seahawks ahead. From forty-eight, the kick is not good."
Suddenly, six eyes were staring expectantly at Janice.
With that, the Falcons-Panthers game became irrelevant (though Atlanta did win 22-10). Blair Walsh missing yet another important field goal put quite the smile on Daniel's face.
"Hope you brought the breath mints today, Janice…" Daniel said in a slow, playful tone.
"Why did the Seahawks sign this guy again?" Janice asked to no one in particular, a look of disbelief on her face as she popped an Altoid into her mouth. A moment later, she kissed Daniel on the lips for a good four seconds, eliciting a cheer out of Lauren.
The Chargers wound up completing their end of the bargain and beat Oakland. For Mason and Lauren, it was the Jaguars-Titans and Bengals-Ravens games that were much more intriguing once it became clear that Los Angeles would win.
"Hell yeah man, the Jags are only down 15-10 and the Ravens are up 27-24. Let's fucking go," Mason said as he turned his attention to the AFC South showdown.
"Down the middle of the field, intercepted! Picked off by Byard, his second of the day!"
Shortly afterwards, the four friends looked over to the television set that was playing the Bengals-Ravens game.
"Green for sure will be doubled at the bottom of the screen."
"Ravens trying to end it here. Fourth down, Dalton steps up, Dalton throws… it's complete! Caught by Boyd- Tyler Boyd, touchdown! Remarkable! The Cincinnati Bengals have stunned this crowd!"
Tennessee held on to beat Jacksonville. Cincinnati's late touchdown meant Baltimore's comeback was all for naught. When the dust settled, the Titans and Bills got the two AFC wild card spots.
The Chargers had missed the playoffs via tiebreakers. Mason lost his bet.
All he could do was wear a bitter smile on his face as the other three turned towards him.
"Well, fuck."
January 1, 1:28 AM
After the games were over, the four friends split off to join their family New Year's parties. Sure, Mason wouldn't have minded being alone, but he ended up going anyways since he didn't really hate anyone in his family and they also would've pestered him to no end if he didn't go. And even though he already had dinner, he would end up being there for quite some time and his family's cooking was simply too good to pass up on (physical health be damned).
The party was reasonably enjoyable along with the countdown, but Mason had lingering feelings of disappointment over the Chargers missing the playoffs and intrigue over just what the hell Doki Doki Literature Club was all about, and why Lauren wanted him to play it.
After the clock reached midnight, signifying the end of 2017 and the start of 2018, the party began winding down and people began to leave. Luckily for Mason, his uncle's house was within walking distance of not just the restaurant he went to with his friends, but also his apartment. Once he got home, he changed into his sleep clothes again and went to bed. However, he quickly got out of bed when he realized there was still something he needed to do.
"Oh that's right Theodore, I gotta download that game. May as well get this done as soon as possible," Mason muttered as he turned on his computer. On the left side of his desk sat a harmless green teddy bear with a black bat on his chest that Mason named Theodore. "He's been rolling with me since I was four years old- my parents got him because of my obsession with teddy bears after watching Mr. Bean. A trustworthy companion if there ever was one. Now let's see where this game is." Once it was up and running, he logged into Steam and looked it up. There it was.
"Oh it's free. How nice. At least if it sucks then I won't be wasting any money on it," Mason said as he started the download. Once his computer finished installing the game, he turned off his computer and went back to bed.
However, as the game was downloading, he failed to notice the content tags.
January 1, 1:51 PM
"Yep. So that's why I'm here, everyone. I have only three things to say before I start this review: fuck you Jacksonville, fuck you Baltimore, and no, I do not work for Big Bill Hell's."
Author's Note: Really, this chapter is just setting the table for the rest of the story. Just like An Unfortunate Affair, Mason Wayne tends to go around breaking the fourth wall. Think Frank Underwood from House of Cards- he doesn't know what medium he's in, but he knows that someone is watching (or, in this case, reading) him and his actions. In addition, none of his Mason's friends know about his asides, and they can't hear him when he goes on one. Whenever Mason's alone and starts talking, or if it's mentioned that he looks away, that's when he starts breaking the fourth wall. By the way, I'm just going to treat An Unfortunate Affair as non canon for Mason.
More fun facts: all of the football scores, playoff scenarios, even announcer calls you see in this chapter are accurate. Go and look up the highlights of all the aforementioned games if you want to verify. This chapter takes place during Week 17 of the 2017-2018 NFL season.
In addition, there's a certain song that's associated with this story. If you find out what it is, then let me know.