Chapter 1
Elena has never been able to take control of her life before – not really. Someone is always making her decisions for her, ostensibly for her safety. But this time, this night, she knows what she wants. She knows that the only person who makes her feel safe is the person she needs to be with.
When she is apart from him, she misses him, yearns to be close to him. She can't count the number of times that day alone, she caught herself scanning the passing crowds at school for that face, those eyes. The eyes that were so empty when she first met him, so cold. Now they are her favorite vision. She closes her eyes and sees them, sees him, hears his voice.
The voice that is so velvety smooth and comforting, every other voice seems drowned out by it. She knows her friends, her family, her loved ones would do anything for her – that much is clear by now. But she also knows the only time she really feels safe is when she is with him. With Damon. Near him, with him, in his arms.
She knows it's wrong to fantasize about her boyfriend's brother. But with the time apart, and the way Stefan has been acting lately – under Klaus' compulsion – she begins to wonder if he still holds that romantic title. Damon is who she longs for. For safety, for comfort, for everything.
"I promise you, I will never leave you again."
She'll never forget those words, that moment. That moment when she was sure of his promise. Surer of that than anything else in her life. He would be there for her, because she needs him. But because he needs her too. How badly Elena had wanted to curl up into Damon, be held in his strong arms, at that moment. But Stefan had returned, reminding her of what Damon was wordlessly promising to protect her from.
And then, after telling Damon her plan to lock Stefan up, that intimate, searing moment when he described to her the more physical aspect of how to get to a vampire's heart. He had to have heard it – her own heart, beating erratically as he held her to him, running his silky, gentle fingers down her back. The way her heart beats every time he is near. He had to have felt the way her body reacts to his touch – his fingers leaving a hot trail on her skin, even at the slightest touch.
She is embarrassed to think of the way she has, so many nights, touched herself to the thought of him. Imagining his hands on her, all over her, pleasuring her. Whether after an unsatisfying night with Stefan before his disappearance or simply when alone, she can't stop thinking about him. About the way he makes her feel. His experience in the bedroom is a given, but her desire for him in that way is further fueled by the knowledge that he wants her too. To have, to hold, to be with on a deeper level than just sexually. Above all else, he makes her feel safe, but alive.
"No one is going to hurt you, Elena. Especially not my brother."
The way he made her feel in that moment, she will never forget. She knows how he feels about her – he has made it abundantly clear. But tonight, seeing him flirt with Rebekah, she felt something she is not used to feeling. Jealous.
Her relationship experience has been limited. First with Matt, then with Stefan. Dating Matt seemed like a no-brainer – he was a logical choice. Dating Stefan was intense, but not passionate. She realizes now that the dramatic moments defined their relationship. She could count on one hand the number of times she had been intimate with Stefan. And she could count on fewer fingers the number of times he had been able to truly satisfy her.
The person who used to be the dangerous choice, the one to be scared of, is the person she now seeks the most. She can't deny her feelings for him any longer. She realizes this as she arrives home with Alaric, after another chaotic, horrifying night in Mystic Falls. She decides, then and there, that tomorrow, she will face her feelings for Damon. Feelings she has denied, avoided, tortured herself over for so long. She ponders how she'll tell him as she washes her face, brushes her hair, puts on her pajamas, and climbs into her bed. She drifts to sleep, wondering if she'll have the resolve to face the man she has developed such strong feelings for in the morning.
She is writing under Stefan's body. Pinned down on his plain white bed in that wood-paneled room she used to take such comfort in. His hands are all over her – she is begging him to stop. He is hurting her, being too forceful, taking no heed of her fragility under his vampiric strength. She is crying, sobbing, lashing out at him with every appendage she has.
"Please, please, please stop. You're hurting me" She sobs
He either fails to hear her, feel her, or notice her pleas. He pounds into her with such force she is afraid she will simply break. She has never felt such pain. As she opens her eyes and sees his monstrous face, however, she realizes he is iignoring her. He has truly lost his humanity. She has the fleeting thought that she has never looked into the eyes of a vampire whose fangs have descended and who is ready to attack. This feeling evaporates as those black eyes, ringed with veins, come toward her face at a terrifying speed. She screams, kicks, scratches, but it is no use.
She awakens with a start – sitting up in bed, gasping for air, drawing her bedsheets around herself. That's when she feels it – a cold hand on her shoulder and even colder breath on her back. Too cold to be human, too quick to be comforting…