Once upon a time there was a girl named fuckface who was born in a coma. Her parents were rich fucks because fuckface was the blond girl in an anime, so OF FUCKING COURSE THEY WERE RICH! So anyway, she was kept alive for the fucking I don't know, 13? Yeah, 13 years of her life and the entire time she was in the coma she was having a "dream" of being an entire different person, named dickwad. Dickwad was a girl in MURICA! Who went to some shitty school in some shitty place and shit. She thought she was that girl for her entire life, until dickwad went to bed. THEN FUCKFACE WOKE UP. OH MY FUCKING GOD, PLOT TWIST?!
She awoke groggily, and some other shit happened. She was in, fuck whatever time zone is the opposite of dickwad's time zone, so I'm just going to say somewhere in Japan BECAUSE SHES A FUCKING ANIME CHARACTER! So she woke up and she's all like "WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA?" In English BECAUSE SHE FUCKING LEARNED ENGLISH IN AMERICA! So she gets up from bed and falls the fuck over because SHE WAS BORN IN A COMA AND HAS NEVER DONE ANY REAL PHYSICAL EDUCATION WHATSOEVER. Shit happens. Japanese lady walks in room. SPEAKS WHATEVER THE FUCK JAPANESE PEOPLE SPEAK AND STUFF ENSUES. "Hello my name is fuckface" Fuckface blatantly obviously points out to the Japanese lady. SHE SCREAMS AND CALLS FUCKFACES PARENTS. They fucking burst in through the roof BECAUSE THEY ARE RICH FUCKS! They say stuff in Japanese and hug fuckface. Fuckface used confusion. It's super effective! ON HERSELF.
She just fuckin says in English as if her parents can understand it, "WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU CUNTLICKERS?" Fuckface says outloud. She shoves her parents hug-needy arms and spits on them. MURICA! Anyway, parents are all confused and shit and are all like, "BHDRHJUDJUHJUIDFHUUIDFBTU." Fuckface speaks fluent Asian, as her classmates with an IQ of 5 taught her. "CHING CHONG DING DONG TING TONG?" She asks in her obviously wonderful Asian. Her parents yell at her in such advanced Asian words, fuckface doesn't understand. "They must use advanced synonyms for normal Asian words!" Fuckface thought. Then all of a sudden, FUCKFACE JUST FUCKING REALISED SHE WAS IN A COMA HER ENTIRE LIFE. OH FUCK, ANOTHER FUCKING PLOT TWIST?!