Fiona had been feeling like Imogen has been drifting away for a while now. She genuinely doesn't know what to do about it, but when she walks in on her girlfriend and Eli standing just a little too close to each other for her liking in the art room one day, heads bent together and matching smirks on their faces, she feels like her stomach has dropped to her toes.
She must have concern written all over her face because as soon as Imogen and Eli spring apart (which is so not suspicious, she sarcastically tells herself) they're talking over each other with half-baked excuses and trying to explain what they were doing. All of it rings false. We're just going over my senior portfolio, Imogen says. I just wanted her advice on my latest screenplay, Eli claims. Fiona just sighs, crosses her arms, and accepts their reasons.
Maybe if she ignores it enough, the gnawing feeling of dread in her stomach will go away. It's never worked in the past – see one Bobby Beckonridge – but for Imogen she's willing to do anything.
—
She catches Imogen exchanging a sidelong glance with Eli more than once during class. She ignores it. She also ignores the times she finds them alone together, "working on Romeo and Jules" or speaking in hushed tones outside of his locker. In her mind, it simply isn't happening as long as she refuses to acknowledge it.
She speaks to no one, not even Holly J, about what she fears. What she fears is that Imogen and Eli are having some sort of weird emotional affair, or that Imogen is going to break up with her and Eli with Clare, and then they're going to get back together, and, shit, they did seem happy when they were a couple. She regrets ever plotting to get them together, even if it seemed like a good idea at the time to hide her burgeoning feelings.
Imogen seems to be going out of her way to prove that she's not doing anything wrong, which only helps to solidify Fiona's feelings. Bringing her brownies, offering to watch Fiona's favorite movies, buying her a necklace that Fiona had been eyeing online, it all screams guilty guilty guilty to Fiona.
—
She tries to go with the flow, she really does. She tries to take everything in stride. She tries to act like she believes there's nothing wrong. She tries.
Still, there's no denying that something is happening between her girlfriend and Eli. Even Clare is sending them worried looks behind Eli's back, and more than once she's caught her staring at Fiona took, like she wants to talk and commiserate.
Fiona contemplates talking, but something about it seems so wrong. It'd just be confirming what she's dreading.
—
Clare breaks first.
She approaches Fion after school as Fiona is waiting outside on the steps for Imogen. No doubt the other girl is somewhere with her new BFF, Eli.
Clare looks like she'd rather be anything but there just then, twisting her fingers together and glancing around at the people milling about instead of directly at Fiona. "We need to talk."
"About?" Fiona's willing to play dumb for as long as she can.
"You know what. Eli and Imogen." Now Clare makes direct eye contact, all business. There's a hint of fear behind her blue eyes that Fiona can detect.
She knew she couldn't avoid this forever, but goddammit, she doesn't want to have this conversation now. Or ever. "I don't know what you're talking about," she says breezily, looking over Clare's shoulder as though she's dismissing the other girl.
"You know, Fiona. You know just as well as I do, and you can't pretend you don't." Fiona takes her first good look at Clare since she came to her, and realizes with a jolt just how tired the younger girl looks. Dark bags line under her eyes, and there's a tightness around her mouth that a sixteen year old girl simply shouldn't have. She probably looks the same way.
They hold gazes for a minute longer, and then Clare speaks once more. "Just don't be naïve about this, okay? Just don't." She leaves. Fiona goes back to waiting, jaw clenched.
—
She'd like to say she's surprised when Imogen takes her aside in the hall one day and explains that their relationship just isn't working anymore, that her feelings have diminished. She'd like to say that she didn't see it coming. All of it would be a lie, though. She'd prepared herself over the past few weeks, steeling herself for the inevitable.
So when Clare races past her, clearly holding back tears, Ali in hot pursuit, she simply accepts it.
A week later she sees Eli and Imogen share a chaste kiss outside of his locker. She turns her head without comment, closes her locker, and blends into the crowd of people heading to class. Her heart is pounding and she feels lightheaded, but she pushes through.
Going with the flow is both easier and harder than she thought.