Chapter 1

My story begins a few years ago, back when I was a naive child filled with joy and dreams. I had high hopes for the future, and would dream of the beautiful destiny I had before me. All of those hopes were shattered at once, and all of my light faded from me as if life itself had broken.

I recall certain parts of my past, of that wretched day, with terrifying precision. The sight and sound of a close friend being ripped in half, with not a moment to process that experience before another suffers the same fate in front of me. But it was not just a sight, it was a shockwave of their pain that spread through my being so fiercely it left scars that can never heal. And they were not just my friends. They were the chosen ones, destined to be the saviors of the galaxy. Their spirits were charged with beauty and power, and they held a destiny before them that one can only dream of.

Screams of the worst kind imaginable erupted through the air, only to be silenced in a way that no mind can properly endure. I watched Jenni's head roll across the floor, bumping into a body that was no longer recognizable. Ny'lak was split in twain, with his finals tears shed for the man who had killed him. The twins watched each other, pleading only for the safety of their sister as both of their lives were snuffed out without mercy.

Ben had committed a crime so grievous that darkness itself would have been uncomfortable. To see what a padawan such as he could achieve had once given them all hope, that perhaps they may become a mere shadow of his might. And instead a weight of darkness too great to comprehend was burnt onto the soul of every being in that temple. His memory plagues me with a pain that I am certain only Master Skywalker would understand.

I tell my mind not to wander to that dark time, yet I might as well be asking time itself to reverse. The presence of those memories pierce my soul with every step. I have become far too damaged to understand what I must do, or to have any certainty of my future. There are no words to describe a burden of this nature and the demons that rage inside. That is why I call out for help and plead that you find something within you that could spare me the smallest kindness.

There was a time when I believed this awareness to be a gift, but I suppose they call it sensitivity for a reason. An open wound is sensitive, and easy to bear pain. The brittle love that we feel for others is sensitive, and can devastate lives. I now see that this power is a curse. It is the extension and amplification of our greatest mental and emotional perceptions in a galaxy that knows only how to suffer. And if all one experiences is darkness, then it is merely a tool to experience that suffering in its entirety. If I cannot wish that awareness upon my greatest enemy, than I cannot claim it to be a gift.

The worst moment I've ever known was not when I was fully consumed and driven by the desire to kill - that much was righteous and necessary. It was the moment when I finally accepted how helpless we truly were and fled. To spare my own life in that moment, I had left my friends to die. I had left the saviors of the galaxy to be slaughtered. Even though my assistance was unlikely to have achieved anything but my own death, that knowledge cannot possibly spare me of the guilt. I'll spend the rest of my life knowing that each of them would have died for me. Just as they did. I was a coward, driven by a loss of hope.

I suppose that shows us the true power of darkness - bringing hopelessness to those who only needed hope to be a miracle. The darkness leaves in its wake an endless trail of people stripped of their hope, unwilling to fight back or stand up for what's right. The darkness is victorious not because it is more powerful than the light, but because it is easier. Each of us has a breaking point where the will left to resist it has left us.

The desire to resign myself to the darkness is overwhelming. Many have done it before me and many would do it after. I'm not even sure where my alignment lies any more. I can't pretend to be the innocent girl I was before, nor could I claim to be a proper padawan. Only a damaged reflection of that former past exists within me. I could give into the darkness and enjoy the exploits of the remaining few good souls out there. Giving up would be a freedom that I would enjoy beyond words, and that scares me more than anything I've ever known.

The only man I know to have survived is Master Skywalker. The resistance has said that he is in hiding, torn apart from the tragedy. In some ways, this hurts me more than anything else. I cry in the nights when I feel enough humanity in me to cry. I often fear what he might think of me now, after what I've become. Would he forgive my transgressions and try to save me? Would he hold me in his arms as he did when I was a child? Or would he look at me with a disappointment that I couldn't bear to endure?

Either way, I would give anything to find out. And if he chose to strike me down I would die happy, knowing that proper justice was served.

Shai'la entered the Black Paw with her walking stick tapping along in front. These sort of places were filled with more pain than usual, and it took a considerable strength of will just to be around it. But she had resigned herself to enduring that pain a long time ago. Every experience she had now was penance, whether voluntary or not.

Half of the room stared at her as she entered. Aside from being an eighteen year old girl in a particularly dangerous area of the city, it was probably the first time these people had seen someone wearing a blindfold in public. Her choice of robe in these lands would also stand out as unusual, but that was unlikely to be the center of focus.

Shai'la was roughly average in height for her age, or perhaps slightly above average. She had blonde hair that fell loose, just shy of her shoulders. A group of men in a nearby booth started whistling and catcalling as she moved out of the lobby and past the bar. She ignored them. Her face rarely felt the twinge of expressions. Even her eyes, if they could be seen, would have shown no reaction. There was no part of her that cared to react.

The Black Paw was the cantina in the Redmarsh District - the district that everyone in Haven avoided unless they were willing to deal with the trouble that came with it. The inhabitants of the cantina were shady and rough, but Shai'la felt there was none in the moment that stood out as an active threat. Still, there were probably already a handful of them planning to rob her by the end of the night. A blind woman made an easy mark, especially one careless enough to wander into a place like this.

It was early in the afternoon. Shai'la was still coming down from the Emberseed that she had smoked a few hours ago. Her supply was gone, which was particularly upsetting. Since she had discovered the drug it was nearly the only thing that she bothered to pay for. As far as she was concerned the drug was a miracle. It was only in the last few days that she had stumbled upon it. It had no addictive properties, but yet she never wanted to be without it again. Finally she had found something that gave her the fleeting sensation that she could be saved one day. With any luck, that experience could be extended. Perhaps it would even keep the darkness from consuming her.

Of course, that wasn't what really mattered right now. What really mattered were those blissful moments of escape where the world wasn't flooded with suffering. She had tried for years to find a way to deal with her burdens, yet this was the only opportunity that life had chosen to grant her. And if this was life's only offering to let her cope, then she felt resigned to take it. It was impossible to fight her demons alone, but the only man that could have helped would never be a part of her life again. That hurt more than anything. It was the harsh reality of life that this drug was now her best ally against the darkness.

Would you all quiet down already?

The cantina was too loud, which was typical of most cantinas in Haven. With luck, she could be in and out of this place quickly. She turned her attention to the large doors in the back of the room. They were the largest doors in sight and guarded, which meant either Blaine was there or someone important enough to direct her to Blaine was there. And that was enough for her.

Normally, she would have spent a few days learning about her target before making an approach. The proper way would have been to track down his friends, his enemies, and a sea of other information to understand what this man was really about. But not this time. Blaine had something she wanted, and she wanted it now.

She knew she'd have to work for it. There was no way that a man like him, given the reputation she'd heard about him, would play fair. She'd have to talk her way through difficult terrain. But diplomacy had never been much of an issue. That much came easy to someone who had no choice but to feel the emotions of those around them.

Still, given the introduction she was about to make, she suspected she would end up getting a pretty unfair deal. For a while, at least. But that was the life of a junky, and it didn't matter much anyway. She'd deal with whatever bizarre or twisted thing that this particular drug lord wanted and retire to her drugs by nightfall.

"Move along, miss," the burly man in front of the door grunted at her as she approached. He was wearing a heavy jacket with rips and tears in it, and a pair of pants that looked like it had seen better days. He was sporting several expensive weapons, so the rugged clothing was clearly an act to look tough. A weapon's pack was slung over his shoulder. His arms were crossed and he looked disinterested in Shai'la's approach.

"I need to speak with the men inside," Shai'la said, stopping in front of him and commanding his attention. She moved with purpose and gave the impression of staring at him through her blindfold. She cleared her throat as if preparing for something. "You're going to walk me through this door and introduce me to Blaine."

The man grunted with amusement, but raised an eyebrow of curiosity. He looked at Shai'la like she was an idiot, and reflected this feeling with his tone. "Blaine doesn't meet with strangers. If he did, he wouldn't put me here to stop them."

Shai'la scrunched up her mouth and tilted her head to the side. "You WILL let me through this door."

The man's facial expression changed to a mix of confusion and frustration. "Are you deaf too, woman?"

Figures. The active side of the force had never been kind to her. Shai'la's shoulders dipped slightly in dismay as she let out a sigh. "Okay, fine, a different approach then." She stood silently and remained fixed with his gaze. The tips of her fingers gestured slightly as though she was feeling for something.

"Are we going to have a problem here? Turn your ass around and leave my sight. You've got no business with Blaine."

"No business with Blaine? Darling, I've spent years looking for what this man is selling." She stood firmly, not moving at his instruction. "Believe me, he's exactly the man I've got business with."

"So go find a dealer, moron. Why would you seek out a kingpin to buy drugs?"

"A dealer expects money. I'm here to offer my services."

The man looked at her in disbelief and shook his head to himself, deciding she wasn't worth an argument and ignored her.

Shai'la continued her subtle gestures until she had a reason to abruptly pause. "That's a nice weapon pack you've got there," she said. She sniffed at the air like she was trying to detect something. The air was filled with the smell of booze, aged cheese, and heavy aromas from the bar - no information that was actually useful to her. "You've got, what... let me see... four thacks of Emberseed in there that don't belong to you?"

The man's eyes suddenly widened as a genuine fear for his life emerged. "That's not.. I don't..." He struggled for words for a brief moment before finally regaining his composure. He reached down and grabbed Shai'la by the collar, and drew her closer to speak into her ear. "Who put you up to this? The Drevers? Cheryl?"

"Oh, I'm afraid it's much worse than you think," Shai'la lowered her voice as well, speaking into his ear as she had spoken to his.

"If you so much as breathe an accusation of that nature, I will cut you down right here and crush your skull with my boot."

The man looked and sounded serious, but was also trying to hold back the shaking of his hands. Shai'la could clearly feel it on her collar.

"It's interesting you say that," Shai'la continued. "Seeing as how possession of Emberseed is legal. You could have just denied my claim and said it was yours. And yet you didn't. It would be a shame if I had the wrong people ask the right questions."

The man's breathing changed and he glanced uncomfortably around the room. A small number of customers had taken notice that he was physically gripping someone, but they didn't react much to it. In this area of the city, simply grabbing a patron was nothing worth gawking at, even if it was a harmless woman. The man knew this and was carefully weighing his options, trying to decide if it was worth it to kill the woman that stood before him.

"Before you do anything rash, need I remind you that I have no interest in you, doorman?" Shai'la said, reminding him that he was not the target. She gently took his hand from her shoulder, and he allowed it to be removed. "I have no interest in getting you in trouble, as that would directly conflict with my goal. I have exactly one intention here. You let me speak to Blaine and I'll forget about you by the time I've entered the next room. Unless of course you want to explain to your boss why you just crushed the skull of a harmless blind woman."

"Oh good lord," he sneered, gripping his head and scrunching up his face like it was in pain. "You want your blackmail to get us both killed? Fine." He paused for a moment, trying to contemplate an escape but not coming up with one. "I can't believe I'm about to do this. You're going to regret going in there. Do you understand that? You have no idea what you're in for."

"I'll take my chances," Shai'la shrugged. "People often find themselves agreeable around me."

The man shook his head in defeat and disbelief, but giving in. "Address me as Clarence when we enter. And let me do the talking."

Clarence turned to the door and opened it, bracing himself for what was about to come. He cleared his throat as he opened the door, revealing the private VIP room of the Black Paw.

The room was fitted with its own bar, and the decor roughly matched the rest of the cantina. Most of the room was elevated about three steps high, except in the center of the room and the entryway where they entered. The furthest table opposite the door was elevated even higher and was larger than the others. Five men sat there, each with a drink nearby, playing with cards and stacks of money near them.

Another dozen men, about half of which were human, were also gathered in the room. They were drinking and enjoying casual conversation or playing at their own tables. As Shai'la entered, the room went silent and all eyes turned to her.

Several men stood up, and a few placed their hands on their weapons. There were quick glances made to the men at the large table, each waiting for instruction as was expected of them. The man in the center of the large table stood up and glared at the newcomers.

"What in Titan's name do you think you're doing, you stupid mutt..." a man from the large table got up from his seat with his eyes locked on Clarence. Shai'la felt she could safely assume the man was Blaine. She hadn't heard much about him, but she knew he was a pretty ruthless guy that lead the Black Paw gang. This was his cantina, and these were clearly some of his top men with him.

"Well, go on, don't sit there dumbfounded, boy..." Blaine started walking toward Clarence, glancing briefly at Shai'la. "What is this, exactly? Did you bring us a treat?"

The men in the room laughed. Blaine allowed it for a moment, then raised his hand to silence the room. It immediately ended.

Clarence tried to hold himself together long enough to explain the situation. "Well, see... my friend here was in town. And she has a very compelling reas-"

"DID I TELL-", Blaine got furious, then paused for a moment. He stared upward in distant thought like he couldn't believe the absurdity of Clarence's comments. "So you just thought you would actively disobey my direct orders? Are you the boss now, is that it?"

"No boss, no," Clarence shook his head fiercely. "I was trying to be proactive to appease you, that's all. I meant no disrespect."

Blaine stared him down and spoke in a serious tone. "I want you to drop to your knees and pray that I don't have your arms ripped off by the beasts of Gremlock."

Clarence's eyes widened. Even he hadn't expected a retaliation of that degree. He immediately dropped to the ground and put his head on the floor, gesturing as he would expect to be praying. Shai'la could feel the fear in Clarence for his disobedience, outmatched only by the greater fear that his stolen Emberseed would be exposed. He was genuinely afraid of the consequences of this man, and for good reason. Clearly Blaine didn't have a reputation for forgiveness, either. Considering the nature of the area, that wasn't too surprising.

Blaine turned his attention to Shai'la. "Well, what do you think, girl? Did you come here to all us big men to finally become a woman?"

The men started laughing and whistling with a few catcalls. Blaine allowed it this time, letting his ego get pumped up by his posse.

"I bet you wanted my men to be your last memory," he said, hinting at his intentions with her. Shai'la didn't respond or react as he approached.

Blaine grinned madly as he ran his hands through Shai'la's hair, and caressed her cheek gently like he was admiring her. Shai'la could feel the emotions stirring inside of him. He was torn between his fury at Clarence and the unexpected appearance of a woman he felt a strong attraction toward. To maintain his reputation, it was obvious that Blaine would make Clarence suffer for his disobedience. But he still hadn't decided how he was going to handle Shai'la.

"You've been a bad girl," Blaine said, trying to act sly and get his men to encourage him. They were as obedient as ever, following up with more whistles and hoots. "You realize I can't just let you walk in here without the appropriate... let's call it punishment. So tell me. Why did a dumb girl with such a sweet body walk into my home?"

Shai'la cleared her throat. "Well, for starters, I didn't expect a drug lord to be so easily intimidated by a blind woman."

The room became uncomfortably silent as Blaine's mouth cracked a forced smile. Shai'la could feel a heavy surge of anger rip through him as he paused to consider his reaction. He wasn't used to people talking to him like this - especially not a girl that he was trying to belittle.

After a moment, Blaine threw back his head and laughed. A few awkward chuckles started to trickle through the room.

"Wow, the balls on this woman!" he said, grabbing her crotch and squeezing them. He looked back to his men with a face of victory as they howled with laughter.

Shai'la wondered if an act so horrendous and invasive should have made her feel worse, bitter, vengeful, or any other strong emotion of that nature. Her expression changed, but only slightly. All she could really feel was sorrow for such a broken child that had sealed his fate over such a petty set of insecurities.

Shai'la released the walking stick from her hand and allowed it to fall to the ground to her side. "Do you think you've hurt me in some way?" she asked.

Before anyone could respond, Blaine's hand was twisted behind him in an extremely painful lock, leaving the front of his body fully exposed. Shai'la casually spit in his face.

"That's for what you did to me," she said just as casually. The shock of the experience appeared immediately in Blaine's expression and a wave of fear and silence spread through the room.

A dozen blaster shots pierced the air, aimed with expert precision at Shai'la. These men clearly knew how to handle themselves in combat. Each blaster shot hit Blaine squarely in the back as Shai'la retracted him as a shield.

"And that's for what you've done to everyone else."

Blaine's body dropped dead to the floor as Shai'la tipped him backward. Everyone in the room had blasters drawn on her, each in shock at what had just taken place. Blaine was one of the biggest players in Haven, if not all of Kashik and the Outlands. His network ran deep. And in a matter of seconds, a blind woman had just casually eliminated him and undone the core of his entire establishment without so much as second guessing herself. Nobody in the room knew what they were supposed to do in this situation. Even Clarence had stopped what he was doing and was trying to figure out what to make of the scene.

"You're welcome," Shai'la said like she was expecting everyone to be grateful. This wasn't the outcome she had anticipated, but she knew that after choosing this path she would have to put on a bit of a show. She didn't know what would happen next, but she knew she had to make one hell of an impression to get out alive.

"Let's make one thing clear," she said. "I came here to make a trade, expecting to be dealing with professionals. Instead I get a bunch of angsty children stuck under the rule of an idiot. Getting rid of him was the best thing that ever happened to you. But is that really how you run your operations here?"

Shai'la moved to the center of the room and adjusted her blindfold for theatrical purposes, reminding her audience that she wasn't making use of sight. It felt like most of the room was still planning on killing her, but they wanted to see how things played out.

Be firm, Shai'la. These men are dangerous, but they have nobody they're obligated to answer to now. They all answered to an alpha before. Anyone can be reasoned with if they're given the proper motivation.

"I'm still here to make a deal, but it seems like most of you are refusing to put your weapons down," she said, shaking her head like she was disappointed in them. "It would be much more sensible to work with me in an honest capacity. Or you could make the wrong decision. In that case, the first one of you to make a move on me gets to join Blaine in the spirit world."

The statement inspired a great deal of laughter and confusion. The reaction wasn't entirely unexpected, but Shai'la had hoped at least a few of them would have lowered their weapons. Many of them were intrigued by her, but the power vacuum that had just been opened meant she wasn't the only contender for power. She internally scoffed at herself for getting into this situation.

"Is that so!?" one of the rugged men called out above the laughs and gave a roar of laughter of his own to make an impression. He was standing with a group of several others that had been drinking together, each of which also had their weapons drawn. "And how do you expect to manage that against all of us?"

"Why don't you pull the trigger and find out."

Why would I say that!?

Without hesitation, the man fired as Shai'la arched her body to the side in anticipation of the attack. The laser passed her, mere inches from her side. She leapt toward him to fulfill her promise while dodging a shot that came from behind, and barely reacting in time to dodge a third from her left. Another shot passed just shy of her back leg as she moved it out of the way, destabilizing her for a moment. She recovered, and was forced to deal with two more shots from others that had repositioned themselves as she moved.

As she made her final leap toward the man that fired the first shot, she pulled a vibrorapier from the sheath inside her robes. She swung upward, activating the blade mid-swing, slicing the man in half. A line of blood sprayed from his body as both parts of him dropped to the floor.

"NO!"

The man now to her left called out in horror and clenched his hair as his blaster pistol dropped to the floor. Shai'la could feel the man's heart reacting to the experience of watching a close friend cleaved in two. He fell to his knees, burning with a mix of emotions he wasn't equipped to handle. Every part of his body was crying out except his expression. His face betrayed no tears, as he had too much pride to reveal his true pain to the others.

Rage spread through Shai'la's body as she silently cursed the world for what life had made her, and the situation she had just gotten herself into. She betrayed every emotion she was carrying in that moment. The expression on her face was no longer empty - the subtle changes revealed a darkness that didn't linger there earlier.

The blaster shots stopped abruptly as she struck the man again and again, tearing off additional limbs and piercing his body with an alarming intensity. The blood of her victim splashed through the air, decorating the room and her clothes. The ferocity of her swings was no longer about intimidation, it was an act of true anger. She was trapped in vengeance against the man that had brought this out in her. The observation of the act was truly disturbing and frightening. If she could have paid attention to the others, she would have felt them frozen in horror.

Shai'la had only paused momentarily to slice the hand off of a nearby man that had tried to kill her while she was distracted. There would be no safety for those who would disobey her in this moment. Perhaps they would never be safe from her.

When the anger finally ran it's course, Shai'la cringed and breathed with an exasperated heave, internally begging for the opportunity to be stoned out of her mind. All had she wanted was some drugs, and instead she got dragged into the pit of darkness that felt like it always lurked beneath the surface. It wasn't the kill that mattered, or even the desire to kill. It was intensity of the desire - a craving for the man's death and the total lack of empathy for his life as she eliminated it. She sat silently with her knees resting in a pool of blood, hoping this time nobody would test her limits. She wasn't sure if she had limits, but she certainly didn't want to see them tested.

Three months? I couldn't make it three months?

It was just one more emotional burden to deal with. There were so many now that she couldn't keep track. She stood up slowly and looked back to the remaining men in the room. Two near the exit had already run out of the door. Clarence was still frozen in place, not saying a word. The others had either dropped their weapons or were making it clear that they had no further hostilities to offer. Shai'la could feel several in particular that were extremely displeased with her, but they were now ready to listen to whatever she was about to say.

"Anyone else?"

Everyone in the room was silent. Even the man who had just lost his hand was squealing as quietly as possible, hoping not to upset her further. As a consequence of the rage she exhibited, and the many notable combat maneuvers she had used to best them all, nobody was willing to speak out.

Shai'la walked up to the large table where Blaine had been playing and focused in on the four men that were standing there. She stepped in front of the first man as he became increasingly uncomfortable at her approach. "You. Who is in charge of this operation now that Blaine is dead?"

The man tried to conceal the slight shake in his hand as he gestured between the other three that he was with. "Without Blaine, I guess that would be Alex, Fre'jar, Jet, and me. I'm Eddy."

Shai'la deactivated her vibrorapier and placed the tip of it against the base of Eddy's neck and gently tapped his collarbone with it a few times.

"Wrong. Who's in charge?"

Eddy swallowed deeply and nodded understandingly.

"Uh, you. You're in charge."

"Correct," Shai'la re-sheathed the vibrorapier. It was no lightsaber, but it was about the next best thing she could find to it. "Anyone have a problem with that?"

Nobody gave any indication of opposition. The room remained silent as everyone played along to appease Shai'la.

Shai'la raised her voice and cocked to her head at an angle like she was trying to address everyone in the room. "I said does anyone have a problem with that?"

Everyone in the room started replying with some variation of "no," whether or not they felt particularly agreeable to it. It was evident to everyone in the room that Shai'la was uncontested in assuming command.

"Good," she said as she walked back toward the door. "Then your first order of business is to deliver 50 thacks of Emberseed to my new house by nightfall."

She pulled out a set of keys from Blaine's pockets and placed them in her bag. She picked up her walking stick and began tapping it in front of her again. "I'm so glad we had this little chat," she mocked.