September 1st 1974

Dearest Black,
I've never understood why that bloody hat put me in Gryffindor. I have an absolute ambivalence toward the house. I feel ambivalence toward my family, and of course you and I are locked in this blasted ambivalence. In fact, I'm ambivalent towards ambivalence, which is why the feeling has decided to plague every aspect of my life.

Word of the day: Ambivalence, meaning 'the coexistence of opposing attitudes or feelings, or the life of 'A''

My name isn't actually 'A' (duh), but it makes a lovely substitute when you want to write anonymous letters to another random sixth year, because

a) My life is soooooo interesting (see sarcasm)
b) I enjoy trouble (see reality)
c) I'd rather spend my sixth year watching you , my dear ambivalence, attempt to figure out the mystery of my identity (see comedy) than whatever sixth year Gryffindors (see idiots) do (see snogging, quiditch )

I think I may also send you a dictionary, due to what I know of your intelligence.
Think of these letters as a rather extended prank, or possibly a game. That would be the epitome of fun. If I win I'll have pranked a Marauder, if you win you get the satisfaction of knowing the secrets of a 16 year old girl. Mine are numerous, and I'm sure yours are too. We could be 12 year old girls at a slumber party, secret swapping. This could be a lovely party. Shall we do introductions? I'm 'A' sixth year Gryffindor.
But you already knew that. Let's go deeper.

Have you ever wanted to stay at Hogwarts forever, just because you can't stand the idea of going home, and facing the cold reality that is home? I can imagine the Blacks being incredibly welcoming to their least favorite Gryffindor son (so much depends on house, perhaps we'll discuss that sometime).
I bet my 'home' is worse. Let's try painting a picture.
I live in the basement of an apartment building, near the boiler room (which I'm convinced is haunted with a ghoul, based on the sounds it makes toward the middle of the night when every sane person is asleep). My mum used to work there as a mechanic, before she 'disappeared' (see ran off). I hope my sister's a muggle, but as she's only six there's no way to tell. She goes to a boarding school in Transylvania. My dad's insane. Literally, physically, has a live in therapist, kind of insane.

I'm starting to forget why I'm telling you this…. Actually…. Never mind. That's a real secret.

Have an absolutely lovely first day! (see torture)

All My LOVE,
Ambivalence

Sirius Black glared down at the dusty old Oxford dictionary, clutching the confusing letter in his fist.

The note had appeared, in his pocket, sometime during the start of year feast, and the dictionary had been tucked under his pillow the next day, already signed as 'LOVE, Ambivalence'.

Contrary to popular belief, Sirius Black was not an idiot. His fellow Marauder, Remus Lupin, referred to him and their other ¼ of the Marauders, James Potter, as 'Closet Geniuses', for they both avoided any association with brains, despite both having top marks (the final part of their gang, Peter Pettigrew, was excluded from the name for obvious reasons). Unfortunately, Sirius had to make an exception. He resented 'Ambivalences' mocking tone, therefore he elected to buy into her strange 'game'. They would indeed have loads of fun, and he was planning on winning.

He was still angrily puzzling over the message, when Remus and James burst into the dorm and dove under the beds. Immediately afterwards a green haired Lily Evans stormed in, brandishing her wand, and tugging on the arm of a helpless Lauren Emerson. Lauren was desperately trying to dissuade the murderous Lily, despite the fact they all knew it would make no difference. James had a knack for flipping Lily's kill switch, and when that happened she would destroy everyone in the area.

Lauren finally gave up, and left Lily to find James and proceed to scream and/or hex him into oblivion.

"Hello, Sirius," Lauren muttered toward him, and Sirius nodded back. Lauren was chronically nice, and quiet, a refreshing match to the fiery Lily Evans.

"WHERE IS HE!? I WILL FIND THAT POTTER AND CUT OFF HIS OVERLY LARGE HEAD!"

Under, the bed James couldn't contain a chuckle, which effectively doomed him, and the similarly helpless Remus.

"BLACK! HAND OVER THAT DICTIONARY SO I CAN BEAT POTTER WITH IT."

Sirius elected to spare his friend and ignore the request.

"Why do you have a dictionary?" Remus smirked.

"YOU STUPID, PIGHEADED, AWFUL, ANNOYING-"
Lily continued to rant toward the cowering James Potter.

"I have- um- essays…. And…. Stuff?" the answer came out as a question, and Remus proceeded to snatch, and read through the letter.

"IF YOU DON'T CHANGE IT BACK I SWEAR-"

"'All My LOVE'? Weird letter with a weirder closing….." Remus mused out loud. James' ears perked up at the word 'LOVE'.

"'LOVE'? As in, in love?"

"SHUT UP POTTER!"

"PADFOOT HAS A GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRLFRIEND, PADFOOT HAS A GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRLFRIEND" James shrieked.

"BE QUIET, THE LOT OF YOU!" Sirius screamed. The room went dead.

"Don't you DARE think I'm through with you Potter!" Lily hissed. She grabbed Lauren out of a corner, and stalked off. Lauren waved feebly towards the boys mouthing 'Sorry'.

"Where'd you get this?" Remus frowned.

"I found it in the pocket of my robes last night. I don't even know who it is!"

James upon reading the letter, grinned.

"It sounds like we've got ourselves a true Marauders mystery on our hands! Where's Wormy?"
Remus groaned.

"In the kitchens, but I'm not sure-" James cut him off.

"Bet we know who it is by morning?"

Sirius smirked.
"You're on."

A.N. HELLOOOOOOOOOOOO, MY PRETTIES, Kit- kat here! This is me attempting to finish a fanfiction! This is, of course a collaboration fic, with my pal (and newbie to Harry Potter fanfiction), Sea Monkey! (don't look her up, she's not on this site) A word from Sea Monkey?

SM- 'Oh brave new world!'

KK- There you have it folks! a thousand words of the newest HP fic ever!

WE OWN NOTHING!