AN: the song used is Jenny was a Friend of Mine by the killers. leave reviews!
He walked slowly up to the plot of fresh packed dirt beneath the headstone. The place was deserted now, although the many flowers and pictures remained around her small patch of earth. Those would not be cleared away until later.
That was the thing about funerals; they were supposed to clear everything away. The body, the flowers, the clothing, all of it. Even the person's life. After the funeral, it was over. No more reminiscing. No more excuse to spend your time thinking about it. Especially if you weren't family.
But from all Neville had experienced, that never seemed to be the case.
It seemed as thought it had only been an hour ago that he had seen her, happy and smiling at work in their double office. Had it really been a week already? Perhaps it was because it still wasn't real. Not to him.
Maybe that was why he hadn't attended the funeral. It would have meant he had accepted it, and while her husband and brothers and parents might be able to do that, he could not. She had meant more to him.
It was selfish to say that he had loved her more, for he probably had not loved her any greater than her mother or her husband. But he had loved her. And she had loved him. She had been the only one he had really trusted.
It was selfish to say that he would miss her more, but this was the truth. She had been all he had. Her family and brothers each had lives of their own. Harry would love again. He would be a hero soon enough and while he might have loved her, he had never been her true love. She had even known that.
He glanced at the grayish headstone.
Virginia Weasley Potter
1981 - 2000
Beloved Daughter, Wife, and friend
That was all it said, but right below that was a picture in a glass case inside the stone. It was of Ginny twirling around in the not so long ago. Virginia Weasley Potter. They had once agreed that Virginia Weasley Longbottom would sound better.
Neville kneeled down in front of the shrine, watching the picture. He clenched the dried dirt in his left fist. He laid down the red rose at the base with his right.
"I should have been there. I shouldn't have let you die." He paused, tears coming to his eyes. "I'm so sorry Ginny."
The tears began to pour soundlessly from inside him as he watched her twist one way, wave at the camera and twist the other way. Footsteps behind him startled him and he quickly wiped at his face while struggling to stand.
"Neville?" He froze at the sound of the voice. He turned, knowing he would find that round pair of glasses with the lightning bolt scar.
Harry was standing in a long black jacket with his hands in his pockets, looking at him questioningly. Neville stood up completely, turning back to face the grave.
Damn him. This was his time with her, not Harry's. Harry had had plenty of time.
"What are you doing here?" Harry asked. No answer was forthcoming. Harry came closer to him, sighing. He placed a hand on Neville's back. It only made him tenser. "I'm glad you came."
Neville resisted the urge to sneer. Harry didn't know anything. But he should have known. He should have let her go.
It had never been Neville's place to interfere in Ginny's life, but that had never stopped him.
We took a walk that night, but it wasn't the same
We had a fight on the promenade out in the rain
FLASHBACK
"Hey Longbottom." She called from the doorway. "How about a walk?" He looked up to see her holding two cups of coffee and nodding towards the exit. Neville nodded at her and cleaned off his desk, stuffing whatever it was he had been working on into a drawer.
He grabbed his jacket and followed her down to the entrance of the Ministry. She was wearing a light green turtleneck sweater and black pinstriped pants.
Once outside, they headed towards muggle London, where his apartment was located. It wasn't far, but the winter weather was chilly.
"Can I stay at your place tonight?" She asked, sipping her coffee.
"Sure. What's the matter?" he asked, following suit and sipping the coffee. She shrugged.
"I just need a break. I told Harry I was working late." She answered the question he no longer had to ask.
They walked the rest of the way in silence. Neville pulled out his keys when they reached the apartment and they went inside. They both took off their outer cloths, which for Ginny was only a scarf. Neville started the electric fire and Ginny went into the kitchen to start dinner.
It was like an unspoken agreement between them now. This was their way of life. It wasn't perfect, but it was what they settled for. Sometimes, that seemed to be the real scheme of things. Neville sat on the couch and watched her work her way around his kitchen. After a few moments she came over to join him, sitting beside him and staring at the fire.
"So what happened this time?" He wanted to know. He had a feeling it would be a repeat of another issue, but it did not matter. This was Ginny's safe haven. This was what he was here for.
"Harry started talking about kids again. He asked me if I was pregnant, and I didn't have the heart to tell him I'd used my contraceptive potion again. He wants to take me to the doctor. Something about it being not normal…" She informed, curling her legs up close to her chest. Neville stared at her, waiting for more. When nothing else came he sighed.
"You'll have to tell him eventually, you know. You should tell him. It'd be better for both of you." He set his coffee on the side table and leaned towards her.
"Don't get me wrong," she continued, "I love Harry. But… I'm not ready for a family… and I don't think I ever will be. But he'll never accept that. He's always wanted children. It's just the kind of man he is. It'll break his heart." She sighed, leaning towards Neville on the couch, who instinctively held out his arm for her.
"Someone's heart is going to get broken either way, Gin. It's up to you to decide whose."
FLASHBACK
"She loved you, you know. Too much." Neville spoke out loud, his insides beginning to crumble. "But she never had the heart to tell you." He was crying again, but he no longer cared who was looking.
Harry was looking at him strangely. "Tell me what?"
Neville kicked his foot in the dirt like a child and shoved his hands in his pockets. "She wasn't really what you wanted Harry. You just fooled yourself into thinking you loved her. You were in love with the idea of love, not her. We were all fools, caught up in your web." He sniffed in the cold air and let it out slowly, all the time aware of the green eyes boring into his head.
"I don't understand. What are you saying?" Harry sidestepped, now facing Neville completely. Neville noticed belatedly that he had withdrawn his hand to his wand.
"I'm saying you didn't deserve her."
FLASHBACK
"I'll tell you what's got me really upset. It's all this talk with my mother and father. It's like everyone expects me to sit back and play the housewife. Even Ron and Hermione, who I thought would understand… they didn't even see it. And you're going to say, what am I so afraid of? I'll tell you. I'm afraid of being useless. Of sitting back and letting things go on around me as if… as if it didn't matter." Ginny had been pacing around the room, picking at her dinner, and downing glass after glass of her favorite French wine. Neville sat placidly on the couch, his eyes following her around the room.
"That's not what marriage is about, you know. That's not how it has to be." He explained, refilling his own wine glass.
"I know. But that's what I keep on getting. It's not that I'm afraid exactly… it's more like… I'm loosing a battle I shouldn't be fighting. I don't want that kind of life. You know that." She gestured helplessly at him, finally sitting down on the other side of the coffee table and folding her legs underneath her.
Neville sighed. "Yes, I know that. You're an amazing person Ginny, and you're going to do great things. Maybe married life just isn't for you, not if who you're married to can't understand you." He swirled his wine, taking a casual sip. Ginny was staring at him blankly from across the table.
"Maybe. Or maybe I'm just not strong enough to be alone." She mused, downing a full glass of wine.
"You'd never be alone." He promised, looking at the floor. He didn't have to look up to see the grateful smile she gave him.
He stood, setting his glass down and stretching. It was beginning to get late. He walked around the table to her.
"I'll tell you what you need." He bent down and kissed the top of her head, resting his hands on her shoulders. She leaned back into his legs, closing her eyes. "You need a nice hot bath and a good nights sleep, and then you'll be all ready to fight your battle in the morning." He took her hands and helped her up, catching her when she stumbled slightly.
"Right." She mumbled, leaning into him with a wiggle of her eyebrows. Neville rolled his eyes, though he was flushing at the insinuation.
"And while you're doing that, I'm going to make you a nice sobering potion and see if we can avoid this incredible hangover you have coming." He kidded, steering her towards the master bathroom.
"We? What's this we I hear about? You're the one who lets me do it you know. I wouldn't drink nearly as much if you'd do your share at emptying the bottle." She sat down on the bed with a gentle shove and watched him go into the bathroom.
"You don't have to finish a whole bottle every time you open one, you know." He drew her bath for her, adding just the right amount of bubbles and a bit of lavender oil too. He felt her arms slink around him as he began to stand up.
"Yes well… maybe I just like letting you take care of me when I get smashed." She retorted lazily, leaning heavily on him.
The look on her face as she starred at him over his shoulder was so endearing he almost kissed her. But he stopped himself, pulling away and heading out the door.
He did as he promised and brought her a sobering potion, sure that when he returned she would be firmly tucked beneath the bubbles and froth of foam he had created for her. He was wrong, he realized upon entering the bathroom. He was caught off guard at the sight of Ginny's naked form before him, sitting on the edge of the bathtub and swirling her hand around in the bubbles. Her red hair was cascading down her back and shoulders, and her legs were crossed rather innocently, he thought. She looked up at him and smiled.
She gave him a flirtatious look. "Don't tell me you weren't planning on joining me?"
FLASHBACK
"Neville, I don't think you… You shouldn't be saying things like that." Harry murmured after a moment, turning back to Ginny's grave. "We're all grieving, but there's no reason to blame-"
"It was your fault you know. You'd never know if I wasn't here right now, and maybe that's the way she wanted it. But none of that matters now. I stand by what I said Harry. You didn't deserve her."
There was a tense silence that neither could ever remember feeling between them in all the time they had known each other.
"I don't think you know what you're talking about." Harry said quietly through gritted teeth, not daring to turn his head.
"Your minds' racing now isn't it? With all the things you don't know. There's far too much to tell. But I can tell you how she died."
FLASHBACK
She pressed herself closer to him under the think comforter blanket for warmth, though it wasn't cold. Neville sighed, nuzzling her hair and resting his head on hers, letting his breaths fall on her ear.
"How did all of this get started?" She asked him, not moving. They were both looking at a spot on the wall far away, unable to look at each other again. The shame, and the pleasure and the guilt and the love was all so mixed up, it was painful.
"I don't know." Neville replied, reaching for her hand. He noticed that her wedding ring was missing again. She must have taken it off before… well, before. It probably made her feel less guilty.
"I don't like the idea of it all. But I like the way it feels." She mused, intertwining her fingers with his and pulled his hand close to her face.
"I know what you mean." He answered. He thought about saying it again, the thing he always wanted to tell her and rarely did. He sighed and sat up a bit, starring down at her.
"What?" She asked, not looking at him.
"You could do it you know. There wouldn't be any more lies or deception. No more guilt. Just us. Just our love." He choked on the words and he laid down beside her again, pressing his forehead into her temple. "Leave him. Come back here, with me. Start over again." He whispered it into her ear, and already he felt her growing tense.
"I can't." It was always the same answer. She began to pull away and sit up, but he wouldn't let her. "It would never be the same. It can never be like that. We both know that." She ran a hand across his face, and he let her up.
"Why?" He asked, sitting up as well. Ginny stood and grabbed her clothes, pulling them on slowly. Once she was dressed she stood up and faced him.
Slowly, she leaned over and kissed him chastely on the lips. "I love you Neville. But I have to go. I'll see you at work."
"Ginny, please don't leave." He pleaded, following her down the hallway naked. "Come on, it's pouring rain. Please don't leave." He repeated, grabbing her arm.
"I'll be fine. I'm going home now. I'll see you tomorrow." She promised, and closed the door.
She said she loved me, but she had somewhere to go
She couldn't scream while I held her close
I swore I'd never let her go…
FLASHBACK
Neville recounted the story to Harry, knowing it couldn't possibly make any sense without everything else. But Harry stood there, listening and growing tenser all the time.
"But she always went back to you. That part I never understood. Why she loved you so much. She always went back. Except that night."
Harry clenched his fists at Neville's side. "Liar." His voice was dangerously low, and Neville realized what angering Harry Potter meant. But he didn't care very much, he realized. "I don't believe you."
"Of course not. Why should you? But your mind is buzzing with questions, isn't it? Everything you don't want to know." Neville felt a sort of sadistic pleasure at telling Harry all this, at finally letting it all be said. He had nothing to lose now anyway.
"It's not true." Harry was trying to convince himself of this, but in all the time they'd known each other, Neville had never lied to him.
"Come on Harry. There must be something you want to know. Go ahead, tell me." Neville probed, waiting for a response.
Tell me what you wanna know
Oh come on, oh come on, oh come on
"How did she die then? Was it what we thought, or something else?" Harry asked, trembling. Neville grinned icily.
FLASHBACK
Neville walked back inside his apartment to his bedroom and sat down on the bed. He put his hands in his head, wondering what on earth they had gotten themselves into. It always happened, weather they wanted it to or not. And they usually did.
But why he had asked her again to get the same answer and have his hope crushed again, he was clueless. He was like a kicked puppy that kept going back to his master for food to stay alive. And his master kept kicking him.
Neville looked up and thought about taking a shower and watching some TV, but a glare on the dresser caught his eyes.
There was a little gold ring sitting next to the alarm clock.
Ginny's wedding ring, he realized. He looked around and frantically he began to get dressed. If he knew Ginny, she would walk, and he could catch her and return it before she got home and Harry noticed.
He grabbed the ring and dashed out the door into the rain.
"GINNY!" He called, running down the street. "Ginny!"
There ain't no motive for this crime
Ginny was a friend of mine
So come on, oh come on, oh come on
FLASHBACK
"And when I found her… well, you know the rest." Neville said blankly, starring once again at the picture. Harry didn't say anything.
Once again, Neville felt his grief surface, and the tears began to pour as though someone had turned on the faucet.
"I shouldn't have let her go." He whispered. "She was going back to you, you know. But I shouldn't have let her go."
"So you blame me then, for her death." Harry spoke, shaking his head. "I never knew…"
"She didn't want you to." Neville reached into his pocket and produced a tiny gold ring. "This belongs to you." He held it out in front of Harry.
Tenderly, Harry reached a hand up and took it. He played with it for a moment, turning it over and over in his fingers. Finally, he tossed it onto the dirt of the grave.
"I don't want to know anymore. Keep whatever twisted story you have to yourself." He said coldly, bitterly. Neville nodded, knowing the real story would die with him.
"Well now you know. And I can honestly say that I no longer have anything to hide." Neville turned, looking at Harry carefully. "The thing to remember is that… in the end… she was going back to you. She always did."
Neville turned, walking slowly away from the graveyard.
I know my rights, I've been here all day and it's time
For me to go, so let me know if it's alright
I just can't take this; I swear I told you the truth
FASHBACK
"GINNY!" He could hardly see out here, but he kept running, sure that she would hear him and turn around to see what the matter was.
It was several more blocks before he saw anyone. There were three men, and as they saw him approaching they scattered. Neville couldn't tell why, until he got closer.
He saw what seemed to be a body in the middle of the sidewalk and he stopped immediately. Blood was rushing down the slope towards his feet. The victim was wearing a green turtleneck, and her hair was a deep, dark, bloody red.
Neville rushed forward, collapsed next to her. He turned her over into his arms. "Ginny! Oh please, Ginny, don't be dead." He pleaded.
Her eyes were open and she looked at him. "Neville." She smiled. "Sorry. I guess I should have listened." She mumbled, beginning to close her eyes.
"Ginny, stay with me! Do you hear me! Stay here! Don't leave me." He pleaded, shaking her gently.
She smiled at him again, reaching a hand up to him. "Love you, you know. Tell Harry… tell him… I'm sorry." She dropped her hand.
"Ginny don't! Please no! NO!" He hugged her limp form close to him, screaming with all his might for her to be alive. But she was already gone.
She couldn't scream while I held her close
I swore I'd never let her go…
FLASHBACK
He walked until he heard Harry's sobs. He paused a moment and shut his eyes, wondering if that was wrong of him. But he knew, either way, that it was done. There was nothing left for him to accomplish here. He could go home and bury himself in work and never face it again.
"I miss you Ginny. I miss you terribly." A single tear slid down his cheek and he stopped, taking a deep breath. "And I'm sorry. For everything."
And he was.
Tell me what you wanna know
Oh come on, oh come on, oh come on
And then you whisper in my ear
I know what you're doing here
So come on, oh come on, oh come on
He watched an older man with a shovel watch him as he walked by. Neville thought nothing of it until he spoke.
"So terribly sad, isn't it? Such a nice young woman. And he's a very broken man. Poor thing. Absolutely tragic." The man wiped his head with a dirty rag, and Neville turned back to see Harry crumbled in front of her tombstone.
Neville looked back at the grave digger. "Yes, tragic." He replied.
"Did you know her?" The man asked, leaning on his shovel. Neville grinned sadly, reminded of that very… last… kiss.
He took a deep breath and looked back towards her final resting place. "Yes, I knew her. Ginny… was a friend of mine."
And then he turned and walked away, leaving it behind.
There ain't no motive for this crime
Ginny was a friend of mine
Oh come on, oh come on, oh come on…