Author's Note: This story is based on a personal headcanon of mine that Russia and Poland hate each other primarily because they are in a feud over Lithuania.

Also, Hetalia and all its associated materials belong to Hima-Sensei, not me.

A Tale of Two Idiots

When Ivan reached the hallway his locker was located in, he saw something put a damper on his good mood. That idiotic Polish boy, Feliks Something-Or-Other, was standing by Toris' locker, looking oh-so casual. He clenched his teeth and felt his fingers twitching with the urge to punch something.

Surely having his blood pressure raised so early in the morning could not be healthy. Now it seemed he would just have to remedy the situation.

Ivan's eyes narrowed and he marched down the hallway towards him. He wasted no time getting right up in Feliks' face, partly out of Russian cultural habit but mostly because he knew how intimidating other people found this.

"Well hello, Feliks," he boomed, plastering an unsettlingly large smile on his face. "What are you doing over here? Isn't your locker on the other side of the school?"

Feliks just smirked and leaned back against the lockers, inspecting his nails. "Eh, I'm here to see Toris. He was out yesterday, ya know." The glint that appeared in his green eyes said that he knew Ivan knew and was gearing up to drive Ivan nuts.

"Anyway, he wanted to borrow my notes and said we should meet at his locker. So, here I am," Feliks finished with a lazy gesture of his hand. "The real question is…" the slow, complacent tone proved to be a façade when Feliks stabbed at Ivan's chest with a manicured index finger, "What are you doing here?"

Pretending that he didn't hear Feliks' question, Ivan forced his smile even bigger and more sinister-looking and said, "My, isn't that sweet of you. Well, I suppose I should go to class now and leave the two of you to your business." He stepped back slightly from Feliks and watched as his eyes squinted in confusion.

"Wait, you're just going to leave us alone? Since when do you do that?"

Ivan turned on his heel and replied melodically over his shoulder as he walked away, "Oh, since I went over to his house after school and stayed with him the rest of the evening."

He didn't even have to turn around. He could just imagine the oddly fish-like stunned expression on Feliks' face. Satisfied, he could now begin the school day in a truly good mood.

Ivan Braginsky and Feliks Lukasiewicz hated each other. Their rivalry could be traced back to elementary school when Feliks pushed Ivan off the jungle gym and Ivan retaliated by dumping his juice box on Feliks' head.

Things had really escalated though, when they reached high school and each befriended the affable new Lithuanian student. Friendship was quickly succeeded by romantic feelings and, when it became obvious that both boys had a crush on their new friend, outright war was declared.

The ongoing feud between the two of them was legendary. Everyone in their relatively small school knew about it. Everyone that is, except Toris Laurinaitis.

Now, Toris was no dummy. He knew that there was some bad blood between Ivan and Feliks but he didn't want to ask and cause a fuss or be forced to take sides. He decided that it was none of his business anyway and just enjoyed the time he spent with the two of them, separately, of course.

So, when he noticed a grumpy expression on Feliks' face as he approached him that morning, he assumed it was the result of some encounter with Ivan that had left him as the loser.

"Good morning, Feliks," Toris said with a kind smile. Instantly, Feliks' gaze met his and his entire demeanor perked up.

"Toris, how's it goin' this morning, broski?" Toris laughed at his friend's silly way of speaking and couldn't help but be aware of the arm slung around his shoulders that pulled him into the cloud of sugary-sweet smelly-stuff that was Feliks.

"Oh, I'm feeling so much better today. I'm not sure what came over me. It must have been one of those twenty-four hour viruses. Good thing I-"

Toris stopped dead in his tracks. He was about to step onto some very thin ice here.

One of the problems that came with having two friends who hated each other's guts was that you had to be careful not to mention one in the presence of the other, lest that begin some sort of kerfuffle that would only exacerbate the already existing one.

He'd been about to say, "Good thing Ivan came over to check on me and stayed to keep me company," but that would have sent Feliks on an hours-long tirade about what a total "jerkwad" Ivan Braginsky was. Having seen Feliks express strong opinions about other, more trivial topics, Toris didn't want to chance it.

He hastily amended his sentence. "Ahem, good thing I was able to get some rest. Now I'm ready to go!"

Feliks grinned and gave him a thumbs up. He opened his mouth to start a new conversation but Toris beat him to it.

"Oh, Feliks, did you bring the notes?"

"Huh? Oh yeah, right, right." He dug around his patent leather messenger bag and fished out a pile of papers. He handed them over and said, "Ugh, jeez, you owe me, like, big time for this. You know I like to take my daily nap in fourth period. I had to stay awake and pay attention in all our classes to get you your notes!"

Toris rolled his eyes in good-natured exasperation. Feliks was never going to be accused of being a devoted student. The only things he was devoted to were ponies and winning his weekend poker games to feed his shopping addiction.

"I know, and I appreciate it." He beamed one of his notoriously sweet smiles and Feliks felt his knees go weak. "You're a wonderful friend, Feliks."

In the haze of his gushy feelings, Feliks barely noticed Toris exchanging his books and shutting his locker door.

"Well, I'll see you later. I better get going."

Feliks snapped to attention. "Hey, Toris, wait!" He latched onto Toris' sleeve, not caring how desperate he looked.

"I'm sorry Feliks, but I can't be late to Mr. Joyner's class." He laid a gentle hand on Feliks' to make him let go. "I might get a detention. I really have to go. We can talk later, okay?"

Feliks blushed at the contact and grinned even as Toris turned and started down the hallway.

So what if Ivan had gone to Toris' house? Feliks was confident he was going to be the one to get with Toris and prove that he was the best and Ivan was just a weirdo Russian ball sack. What an awesome start to the day.

Well, well, it seems as though both lovers are quite equally matched. Who will our hapless middle-man Toris choose? I guess you'll just have to keep reading to find out...