Disclaimer: Kirk and Star Trek sadly do not belong to me. Gene Roddenberry gets props for creating the Trek universe and the original characters. JJ Abrams, Orci, and Kurtzman get props for redefining the Star Trek characters in the alternate universe.
A/N: The original Owner's Guide belongs to Theresa Green. It first appeared in the LOTR fandom, but many others have used the original template in other fandoms for other characters.
After the large reviewer response to my KIRK, SPOCK, SCOTTY, SULU, CHEKOV, and McCOY manuals, I decided that Spock Prime needed an owner's manual.
Note: You should know that I ship Kirk/Spock, and Kirk Prime/Spock Prime.
A/N2: I will not be writing the nu!Uhura model (so please don't ask me to) because she's canonically dating Spock right now and I think it would be best if she was written by a S/U fan. I don't think I could do her justice since I'm coming from the K/S perspective, and I would hate to come off as mean or disrespectful. But I would love to read it if someone wrote it. There's a lot of potential for funny stuff with S/U's relationship PDA and her 'hatred' of Kirk. I hope someone rises to the challenge!
Update: Someone has already asked me if they could write the UHURA model. I am eagerly awaiting their manual.
A/N3: The WILLIAM BELL unit belongs to J.J. Abrams' show Fringe. Thanks to fantasmaalineal for that idea.
A/N4: The name 'Vafer-Tor' belongs to CMM. I'm just borrowing it.
.~.
Spock Prime: The Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual
CONGRATULATIONS!
You are now the proud owner of a SPOCK PRIME unit!
Follow the guidelines in this manual and your SPOCK PRIME will give you decades of quality performance.
INSTALLATION
When you receive your SPOCK PRIME, be sure to raise the artificial temperature at least ten degrees so he does not become chilled. It is not necessary to remove any clothes at this time.
Your SPOCK should arrive fully assembled and charged. Please check that you have all his accessories (see below) and that you have been issued with the correct edition of the SPOCK unit.
(a) SPOCK 1.0 (copyright Roddenberry/Nimoy, 1966)
(b) SPOCK 2.0 (copyright Abrams/Quinto, 2009)
(c) SPOCK PRIME (copyright Abrams/Nimoy, 2009)
Note: Yes, the SPOCK PRIME is an older version of the SPOCK 1.0. He is also known as Elder Spock and just plain OLD Spock. Also, most sources on Vafer-Tor (New Vulcan) tell me that he is going by the alias of Selek these days.
TECHNICAL SPECIFICATIONS
Name: Spock, cha Sarek (alias Selek)
Rank: Ambassador, Elder, Member of the Vulcan High Council
Starship: The Jellyfish (destroyed)
Home Planet: Vulcan in the Prime Universe, Vafer-Tor in the new timeline
Home Town: Shi'Kahr
Species: Half human, half Vulcan. Note - Identifies as Vulcan, yet does not deny his human side.
Manufacturers: Ambassador Sarek and Amanda Grayson of the Prime Universe
Site of Manufacture: unknown
Height: 6 ft 1 in
Weight: insufficient data
Hair Color: Dark Brown
Eyes: Brown
OPERATING PROCEDURE
Your SPOCK PRIME unit has been designed to be user-friendly and proficient. His controls are voice activated. Please state your commands clearly in Vulcan, Romulan or Standard. (He is fluent in all three.)
Remember that your SPOCK PRIME is not just aesthetically pleasing (in a geriatric sense); he has multiple functions.
Intelligence:
Honestly, this is probably the smartest Vulcan alive. He already has a high IQ to begin with. He's pretty ancient, with a lifetime of accumulated knowledge, scientific and otherwise. And he frequently melded with the James Kirk of his time, so he has Kirk's knowledge too! He was also part of the team of Vulcan scientists that developed red matter. On second thought – that wasn't so smart…
Strength:
Don't let his age fool you – he could still take on a Klingon warrior and win. Even old Vulcans are still 3 times stronger than humans. He could be pretty handy in an arm-wrestling match, or even as your personal body guard.
Mind melding:
This guy is an old pro at melding – except when he'd just experienced a traumatic event. Then his melds cause emotional transference. But under normal circumstances, it is a very comforting experience. He is very gentle with a meld partner's mind, unless of course he is trying to extract information. But please, don't ask him to do so unless it is absolutely necessary because such a practice is against Vulcan beliefs – and it would make your unit feel sad and guilty, and you don't want that.
Playing 3-D chess:
If you need quick and easy credits, enter this guy in a 3-D chess tournament. More than likely, he will win. He's had plenty of practice over the years. Your unit has plenty logical strategies to choose from, and plenty that came from the KIRK PRIME unit. With that winning combination, really how can he lose?
Manipulation:
This Vulcan is the ultimate master manipulator. He's learned a lot of tricks from his Kirk over the years. Combine that with his general sneaky Vulcan behavior and look out! He is not above manipulating your emotions to get what he wants. But don't worry, he always has good intentions.
Logic:
Yeah, he's got it in spades. But he'd rather do what feels right.
Colorful Metaphors:
He knows all of the classics, and he knows when it is appropriate to use them. Don't let him fool you into thinking otherwise!
COMPATIBILITY WITH OTHER MODELS
You will find that your SPOCK PRIME is compatible with most other humans and Vulcans. However caution should be exercised with respect to using your SPOCK PRIME in conjunction with any human model other than the KIRK PRIME unit.
Note: KIRK PRIME units are extremely expensive, as they are extremely rare. Contact Nexus Enterprises for more details.
The maintenance of a SPOCK PRIME unit as an attachment to a KIRK PRIME unit is generally not problematic after the first few hours. The SPOCK and KIRK models have ONE mode of interaction:
(a) T'hy'la
WARNING: Don't try to set your SPOCK PRIME up with the young KIRK unit, unless you want the young SPOCK unit to tear your unit to shreds in a jealous rage.
ACCESSORIES
Your SPOCK PRIME comes equipped with Delta Vega snow gear and a set of Vulcan robes specific to the clan of Surak.
CLEANING
Depending on the uses to which you put your SPOCK PRIME, you may have to clean him on a regular basis. Use a sonic shower – he finds water showers to be wasteful and illogical.
LUBRICATION
To ensure that your SPOCK PRIME remains in good working order, moving parts should be lubricated regularly.
Note: A detailed analysis of the correct lubrication of your SPOCK PRIME unit can be provided by the KIRK PRIME unit, sold separately.
RECHARGING
After long periods of use, your SPOCK PRIME's energy levels may become depleted. Use the following procedures to recharge your alien-human hybrid:
Food:
Your SPOCK does not eat meat or animal products of any kind in accordance to Vulcan custom. Instead, he prefers fresh fruits and vegetables, which are agreeable to his sensitive digestion system. He also really likes Italian food. He will also go for pretty much all kinds of vegetarian Romulan cuisine.
Drink:
If your SPOCK's energy is almost spent, give him plenty of water to drink. He does not need as much water as a full human, but it is still essential to his health. Don't bother giving him alcohol in an attempt to "loosen him up". He isn't affected by it. (Although he will drink Romulan Ale if it is polite to do so.) If you really want to please him, give him Vulcan spice tea – it's his favorite.
Sleep:
You may be surprised by the minute amount of sleep your SPOCK PRIME needs to function. However, he needs more than the average Vulcan – he cannot go without it indefinitely even if he states otherwise. Research has showed that the efficiency of the SPOCK PRIME unit's rest cycle can be augmented or hindered by sharing a bed with the KIRK PRIME unit, depending on the day.
REPROGRAMMING
The SPOCK PRIME unit is perfect the way he is. He does not need to be reprogrammed.
SECURITY
Thanks to the popularity of the SPOCK PRIME unit, it essential that you observe the following security procedures for the safekeeping of your Vulcan.
* Have your SPOCK PRIME micro-chipped. Choose a doctor who is experienced in the handling of stubborn Vulcans to carry out this procedure. (Any nearby McCOY unit would gladly volunteer.)
* Do not leave your SPOCK PRIME unattended in public.
* Do not lend your SPOCK PRIME to anyone (especially the NERO unit!)
FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS
Q: There are a few times during the day when my unit ignores me, instead choosing to go sit on a mat and close his eyes for about an hour or so. Have I been issued a faulty unit?
A: No, you moron. Your unit is simply meditating, a practice which is vital to his functioning. It's best if you leave him alone during mediation.
Q: My unit told me that, a long time ago, he died and was brought back to life. Is he telling the truth?
A: Yes! Due to extraordinary circumstances, your unit was given new life after sacrificing himself to save his crew. His bondmate risked everything to bring your unit back to life. If that's not epic love, I don't know what is!
Q: My unit has informed me that he will experience Pon Farr in a few days. Is it possible for me to be the one to help him through it?
A: If you are already close to him, he should permit it unless he has a preference for someone else. Just be prepared – it's not just about the physical. He will need mental contact as well. Just don't be insulted if he thinks about Admiral Kirk while he's in the heat of passion.
TROUBLE SHOOTING
Problem: My unit has been overcome with a loud fit of the giggles. I asked him what was so funny and he started giving me detailed information about his sex life with Admiral Kirk a hundred years ago. What is causing this uncharacteristic behavior?
Solution: You're right – it is uncharacteristic. SPOCK PRIME is a very private individual. He is most likely drunk. Has he been eating chocolate by the bucket lately? Don't let him have any more unless you want a repeat performance. If you want to get ideas for K/S PWPs, by all means keep giving him chocolate. I'm sure he's got some good ones.
Problem: My unit has been really despondent lately. He says that he hates being parted from his Kirk. What can I do to make him feel better?
Solution: First, give him a hug – he's probably a little touch deprived. Then contact the Enterprise and inform the young KIRK unit of the situation. He will agree to chat with your unit ASAP. Seeing and conversing with the young KIRK unit should help cheer up your unit. If that doesn't do it, prepare to shell out the 'big bucks' and surprise him with a KIRK PRIME unit.
Problem: My unit has been arrested by the temporal police. How can I persuade them to release him?
Solution: Remind them that if SPOCK PRIME hadn't messed with the time stream and told the KIRK unit to take command of the Enterprise, Earth would be destroyed and they would be dead. Really, they should be thanking him!
Problem: My unit has been working himself to the point of exhaustion trying to keep the Vulcan colony up and running. How can I get him to take a break and relax?
Solution: Remind him that his bondmate – wherever he is – would not want him to work himself to death. Not only that, but he can't help the colony if his health fails. He should yield to the logic of the situation.
Problem: My unit has recently confided in me that he is interested in taking over the world. Have I been issued a faulty unit?
Solution: You have been most likely issued a WILLIAM BELL unit by mistake! Look out, that guy's dangerous! We will exchange your unit right away for a SPOCK PRIME for no extra charge. But really, how did you not realize that your SPOCK PRIME was missing his pointed ears?
Problem: Some insensitive doofus told my unit that the young SPOCK unit is dating the UHURA unit. My SPOCK PRIME is really worried that due to this, his counterpart won't have a chance to discover the t'hy'la bond he could have with the KIRK unit. How can I alleviate his fear?
Solution: Remind him that their relationship is not yet permanent. Also, tell him to look on the bright side. If the SPOCK/UHURA relationship doesn't work out, at least SPOCK will have had practice being in a relationship with a human. This would be invaluable experience, and could only help him if he and the KIRK unit ever decide to give it a try.
Problem: My unit has just received news that the young KIRK and SPOCK units are in a relationship. While he is indeed thrilled for them, he's feeling guilty that he might have influenced the occurrence. He just might have let it slip to Kirk when they melded on Delta Vega that he was more than friends with the KIRK of his time. How can I help him feel better?
Solution: Tell him that the KIRK unit was probably already attracted to the SPOCK unit anyway, and that he only sped the process along. Really, he did the units a service. They now have the chance for more years together than he had with his KIRK.
Problem: My unit has been asked to officiate over the bonding ceremony of the young KIRK and SPOCK units. However, he has declined because he's afraid he couldn't get through the ceremony without getting emotional and shaming all the Vulcans in attendance. How can I persuade him to change his mind? It is only fitting that he performs the ceremony, after all.
Solution: Tell him to perform the ceremony while wearing sunglasses. No one will ever know if he tears up then.
Problem: My unit is insisting that he has located his supposedly dead bondmate (through their bond) halfway across the galaxy in what is known as a temporal nexus. I don't want to lose his service, but I don't want to forbid him from finding his bondmate either. What should I do?
Solution: Tell him to go find the KIRK PRIME unit, and encourage them to come back and live at your house. Just be sure to give them the guest bedroom to share, as they'll have some 'catching up' to do.
ADDITIONAL INFO
For questions or concerns not addressed in this guide, please feel free to contact us at mailing address:
Starfleet Academy
PO BOX 1701
EARTH
SAN FRANCISCO, CA 94129
*May you and your SPOCK PRIME live long and prosper.
THE END
A/N: Any questions, comments, concerns about the SPOCK PRIME model? Review and I will do my best to answer/fix them.