A Dysfunctional Rating Scale
Authors Note: I don't know. I had the idea of Yuka and Yutaka critiquing each others jokes and this is what happened. I like the beginning, but not so much the second half. It kinda morphed into something else. Plus Yuka doesn't really feel like Yuka. But this is another one of those things that's been sitting unfinished for months, so I'm glad to have it done. Critique is always appreciated!
Yutaka scowled as he picked the note up out of his locker and unfolded it.
'2/10 Seto, one of your best!' it read.
Yutaka crumpled the paper in his hand. The nerve of her! Two out of ten? Was she even serious? Gosh, she was so stupid, and infuriating, and-
"What's the holdup, Yutaka?" Shinji asked as he approached Yutaka's locker.
Yutaka quickly shoved the balled up note into his pants pocket before turning to face his best friend.
"Nothing. I'm ready." Yutaka replied before he shut his locker and fell into step next to Shinji.
The truth was that he couldn't tell Shinji about the note. Not at this point. Not with how far things had escalated.
Although the note hadn't been signed, Yutaka knew it was from Yuka Nakagawa. He'd also known before he had opened his locker that the note would be there.
Stupid Yuka. Stupid Yuka and her stupid stupidness.
He and Yuka had started rating each other's jokes in their second year of junior high. It hadn't started off so bad. At first it had been a joke in itself.
It had all started when Yukie Utsumi had posed the question of which one of them was funnier. Of course they had both argued that they were the superior comedian, with both gaining equal support from their surrounding friends, but in the end they had both laughed it off.
Until Yutaka jokingly put a joke critique in Yuka's locker.
It hadn't been a mean critique. At that point it truly had been a joke. And when Yuka put one in his locker a week later, it was still a joke.
But somewhere along the line it had stopped being funny.
Instead of being nice, joking critiques with smiley faces written next to them, they were harsh insults, or compliments that had been doused in sarcasm.
Instead of a mutual respect for one another's comedy, they now had a mutual dislike of each other that often bordered on complete and utter contempt. A relationship that was defined by bitterness and mean looks at each other in the hallway.
Yutaka hated Yuka and Yuka hated Yutaka.
But hatred is a weird thing. Because sometimes hatred means avoiding a person at all costs.
But in cases like Yutaka and Yuka's, it just might mean getting drunk together at a party until the rage comes out in one way or another…
Yuka shoved Yutaka inside the room the second he managed to get the door opened.
"Stop fucking pushing me," Yutaka hissed before he pulled Yuka's body back against his and kissed her for what wasn't the first time that night.
No, the first had been about thirty seconds ago on their way up the stairs.
"Stop complaining," Yuka commanded as she pushed Yutaka back long enough to shut and lock the door.
They were alone in what had to be Kazushi Niida's parent's room, both in the middle of buzzed and drunk. It was probably a bad combination.
"God, just stop talking." Yutaka practically whined before the pair once again connected lips.
They'd been at each other's throats since Yutaka's second and Yuka's third drink, both finally seeming ready to act on their urges to kill each other regardless of who was around to watch. But somehow they'd ended up on the stairs by drink four and five, their hands deciding to feel each other up instead of choke each other out.
They stayed connected as they made their way to the bed, their hands traveling each other's bodies as they did so.
When they fell onto the bed they broke apart long enough for Yutaka's shirt to come off and go flying across the room. Yutaka then kissed Yuka again, only to pull away a second later.
"I hate you. I hate you so much. There's no way you're so stupid that you think you're funnier than me." Yutaka said as he pulled Yuka's shirt off easily before going for her bra, his drunk hands unable to unclasp it.
Yuka laughed. "I'm stupid? You can't even get my bra off. Which, by the way, is the funniest thing you've ever done."
The sound Yutaka made in reply might as well have been a growl.
"Like I want to see your boobs." Yutaka snapped before he began kissing her neck.
"That's what I'm thinking about your baby dick." Yuka retorted, her hands running up Yutaka's chest.
Yutaka nipped at Yuka's neck, harder than he needed to, in reply. Although it hurt a little, Yuka didn't say anything and instead reached behind herself to remove her bra.
Yutaka moved to kiss Yuka's lips again, and if they didn't hate each other so much that might have been seen as a thank you.
The sloppy kiss only lasted a few minutes before Yutaka moved lower, his tongue running its way across Yuka's right breast.
"You're so awful. Gosh, you're so out of touch. Someone must have removed your funny bone." Yuka said as Yutaka's hands and mouth continued to roam her body. Her words seemed only to make him more excited.
Speaking of excitement, Yuka could feel Yutaka's dick through his pants.
"Are you hard already?" Yuka asked, any nervousness she might have had covered up by the booze swirling around inside her stomach.
Yutaka instantly stopped what he was doing and brought his face back up to Yuka's to kiss her again. After a few quick kisses he grabbed her face in his hands and caressed it in the softest way a drunk boy could.
"I hate you. I hate you so much, Yuka Nakagawa. I hate you. I hate you." But every time he said it, it sounded more and more like 'I love you,' and as he began alternating between kissing her and telling her how much he hated her, that only became more true.
Yuka pushed him away from her, and as he glared down at her she uttered, "Not nearly as much as I hate you, Seto. You could never hate me more." And despite the words, it was a love confession at its finest.
Yutaka once again went to kiss her, and this time Yuka pulled him tightly against her. A few seconds later the last of their clothing was removed, and from there only gentle touches followed.
After they lay together a long time, both tired, but neither falling asleep. They just lay side by side, hands linked together, listening to the sound of breathing.
But eventually it was Yuka who sat up and let go of his hand in favor of finding her clothes. Yutaka got up a few seconds later and began to do the same.
Once they were dressed they sat together, almost awkwardly, on the bed. By this time the drinks in their stomachs had lost their power, and the two teens were clear minded. There were a million thoughts going through both of their heads, but when they looked at each other they both seemed to lose the ability to say any of them.
Finally the silence reached the point that Yutaka couldn't take anymore and he spoke, "You know, this was great. I especially liked the part where you laid there like a dead fish."
Yuka might have been offended, but the small smile poking through Yutaka's angry face told her he didn't really mean it. Just like he hadn't meant any of the other mean things he'd said since they started their feud. Just like she hadn't.
"Really? I was going to rate this a ten out of ten. You know, for how many seconds you lasted." Yuka said, the same small smile forcing its way onto her face despite trying to scowl.
"Ugh, you're so irritating!" Yutaka yelled as he got up and walked toward the door.
"Whatever! You have no idea how irritating it is to date you!" Yuka retorted, anger in her voice, but a questioning look on her face once she'd said it. Were they dating now?
"Oh, like you're going to win girlfriend of the year!" Yutaka yelled back after only a second's hesitation.
"I should for putting up with you!" Yuka called as Yutaka exited the room, slamming the door behind him.
Yuka smiled as she sat by herself in the bedroom. She knew what had just happened probably wouldn't be considered functional by most relationship standards, but she couldn't help but feel like everything had gone perfectly.
They'd have a weird relationship; that was for sure. But somehow she couldn't really imagine it being anyone else. Not anymore.
"I'm going to marry that boy," she said to herself before standing and heading out of the room.
Yutaka didn't get very far out of the room before he was confronted by Keita Iijima.
"Hey, Yutaka. I couldn't help but overhear that you and Yuka Nakagawa were kissing your way up the stairs. Any truth to that?" Keita asked, one eyebrow raised in question, his voice sounding doubtful.
"Yeah." Yutaka answered simply as he looked toward the stairs he had come down a minute earlier. Yuka was on her way down them.
"No way! Seriously?" Keita questioned, seeming shocked as his eyes too followed Yuka's descent down the stairs.
"Keita, I'm going to marry her." Yutaka said suddenly, voice full of conviction.
"Wha— since when do you guys even talk? Man, how drunk are you?" Keita asked, his surprise evident by his tone of voice.
"Not drunk. Just in love," Yutaka declared as he watched Yuka rejoin her friends. A second later she met his eyes only to scowl at him. "I'm going to marry her, Keita, but I also might kill her if she doesn't kill me first." Yutaka elaborated.
Keita didn't bother to answer, and instead looked toward Yuka's group of friends, who looked just as puzzled as he was. It was good that he wasn't the only one confused.
"Whatever you say, Yutaka."