#Dear Readers! This is my first story in English, and I know, my English has much room for improvment, but I thought I give it a try. I hope it is not hopeless! Enjoy :-) #
Dr. Shahir Hamza walked out from the hospital after an incredibly long and bad day. Of course if he have seen deep in himself he would had to admit that the problem wasn't with his day, but his date with Jonathan which ended badly before two days. In turn everything went well, it seemed he magaged to placate the man for this bad night, this time without the danger of an other heart attack, but in the end they were quarrel again, and although Shahir wasn't good at it, it seemed to be permanent. And it had got consequences. He was in a very bad mood, and in cases like this he endured everything worse. The patients, the crowd around himself, and the concentration for being nice and gentle for the patients, and anyway that, that he has to be among people. In cases like this only a surgery, focusing on his work could avert his attention for a while. He was happy that the day is over, he can go home, where he is surrounded with peace and silence, where he can untangle his thoughts, his strange feelings which made him crazy all day.
He started to walked through the little square in front of the hospital, but than he saw Dr. Curtis, who was sitting in front of the building on a stone flower box and watching the building. Well actually he was sitting turned towards the building, and he stared in front of him in the air with glassy eyes. Shahir, God knows why walked to him and stand next to him.
Dr. Curtis! – accosted him, but not really knew how to continue. Should he ask is he okay? Obviously not, and Shahir hate ask questions when the answer is obvious. The man was deep in his thoughts, he didn't even recognize that somebody stepped to him, until Shahir didn't start speaking.
- Oh, Dr. Hamza! – raised Patrick his head surprised. – I was just… deep in my thoughts. Would you sit down? – he asked slipping away to give place for the other man. Shahir in normal circumstances would never sit down to the ground or something like that, but than he felt there is nothing wrong with that, so he cleaned properly the stone where he would like to sit down and took place next to the other doctor and took a look at the building of the hospital.
- I've quit – sighed Patrick.
- Yes, I've heard – noded Shahir, although he have heared only wiht one ear that the nurses was sorrily discussing the unexpected leaving of the handsome Dr. Curtis. – Why?
- Er… I got an offer… from Dublin… - tried Patrick the well-tried lies, but Shahir looked at him with narrowed eyes for a moment.
- Dr. Curtis…
- Okay, you're right, Dr. Hamza – gave in the blonde. – It's such a big nonsense… I wonder that everybody take it on trust. Or at least they pretend. You never pretend, don't you? You are right. So do you want the truth?
- You are not inebriated enough to tell that tale too, Dr. Curtis? – refered Shahir back to the two days earlier conversation, whereon Patrick laughed but not too cheerfully.
- You know what? I'll tell you all of it – he shruged. – It doesn't matter how much I 'm inebriated.
- So… your leaving is correlate to… that eighteen months gap? – put Shahir the pieces together.
- Yeah, we can say so – appeared a cynic smile on Patrick's face. – It's a long story. Are you sure you want to hear it? – he asked whereon Shahir mused, than shruged.
- I haven't anything else to do at the moment.
- And Jonathan? – wondered Patrick.
- It's another long story – said Shahir his eyes fell.
- Didn't it go well?
- No – sighed Shahir, than took a deep breath. – So that eightteen months gap? – he asked, tried to avert both of their attention from Jonathan.
- It all has began when I was a fourth-year student at the university. Than I have got to know Cassie. Dr. Williams. You know, our new resident.
- Yes. We have met already – noded Shahir.
- We were seeing eachoter… and after a while I asked her to marry me… we planed our wedding. She was so happy – lowered Patrick his head. – She organized everything. It would have been a wonderful wedding… but I backed out of it a week before the big day – he admited, than he glanced a quick look at Shahir. He saw rapt attention on his face, as he tried to follow the stroy, and maybe some curiosity, than everything else, so he sighed. – The next question is why, isn't it? She is beautiful, nice… clever, talented… there is a big future in front of her. My parents loved her, at the univerity we were the dream cople. Everything seemed perfect. Too perfect. Than why?
- I know the answer of this question, Dr. Curtis – looked Shahir at Patrick frowned, while he thought trough one more time the whole thing. What Patrick just said and all, what he experienced in the last few days.
- Really? – wondered Patrick.
- Yes. You didn't marry Dr. Williams, because you are gay.
- How could you figure it out? – glanced Patrick at Shahir, since if he figured it out already he didn't want to lie further.
- You know, I'm not good at it – admited Shahir with a grimace. – I… almost never see trough the mask what people are wearing – shook his head like someone who doesn't understand why people play roles all the time. – But this… we can call this intuition. Until the day before yesterday.
- Did I reveal myself? – appeared a dim but this time honest smile on Patrick's face. – When I rushed into your office…
- And you saw me without a shirt – noded Shahir. – And what you have said on the party… that Jonathan is a lucky man.
- I mean it, Dr. Hamza – affirmed Patrick. – And… I'm sorry… that it didn't went well. Jonathan doesn't know what he loses at all. But back to your question… I cancelled the wedding, and I stepped off of the map. I needed a few month to got aware of that I went home… if only I wouldn't have done.
- What happened?
- It's so pathetic… people are brought up in that belief that they can always rely on their parents…
- Tell me about it! I could tell you about this. And about that as well why I was brought up by my grandmother – threw in Shahir, but this time he managed to remain by the original topic, but it cost some affort from him. – Have you told them?
- Yeah. My father disowned me immediately – lowered Patrick his head. – I haven't seen him since than… I even haven't talk to him. I call my mother on Christmas, on her birthday, but my father doesn't want to hear a word from me. Then… I was on the floor. I've felt that the whole word broke down around me. I felt I need to begin a completly new life. Turning back for everything, for my family for what I have done with Cassie, for my profession… I have moved to the other part of the country… Shortly I got to know a guy… we got together… Philip led a sportcenter… he took me in, we worked together… everything went well, but… but I'm a doctor… my profession pulled me back. I broke up with Philip… and went back to work as a surgeon. But now… Cassie's presence… stirred up everything, and… I felt I couldn't stay here anymore. It wouldn't be etic, and what happened would have affect of our work. We couldn't do anything, but… we can't afford that. In our patient's sake.
- And what are you going to do now?
- I'm not going far, just to another hospital in Toronto – admited Patrick.
- It will turn out – forcasted Shahir. – Rather sooner than later.
- I know. But it doesn't matter – shook Patrick his head. – The point is, we don't have to feel ourselves embarassed… for Cassie and me neither. And that we don't rush somebody's life into a danger because of a mistake I've made. And now… it's your turn. Of course if only you would like to speak about it – he added, when he saw, that Shahir puckered up his lips. – What happened with Jonathan?
- I screwed up. Again – lowered Shahir his head. – That's what happened.
- Dr. Hamza – looked Patrick at him. – I don't think this is only your fault.
- It's a bit more complicated than that – glanced Shahir at him. – But now… I have to go.
- You've said you haven't got any things to do – puckered up Patrick his lips. – Have you eaten dinner yet?
- No.
- And wouldn't you feel like to go somewhere and eat something?
- I don't really like crowded places – shook Shahir his head.
- I see. Than… maybe I know a place you would like – kindled Patrick's eyes. – Although it is in the suburb, but by car we will be there quite fast.
- I'm not by car – tried Shahir to get out of the invitation.
- But I am – laughed Patrick. – I'll give you a lift after dinner – he offered whereon Shahir gave in.
- All right.
- That's more like it – smiled Patrick at him, than they stood up and started towards his car. – You don't like driving, Dr. Hamza? – asked meanwhile.
- I haven't got problems with driving only with drivers – shook Shahir his head. – They are nervous, anxious, they quip eachother, they shout, they show off… I don't miss this.
- Yeah, I can understand that part – nodded Patrick. – But it is faster and more convinient.
- Except when you are stucked in a traffic jam, and you don't have a chance to escape.
- Okay, you're right. For a lot of people it's just a point of honour.
- They should achieve this regard rather with his professional knowledge.
- You made it, Dr. Hamza – glanced Patrick at the other man when they stoped next to his car, but Shahir shook his head.
- I've said before you don't have to suck up to me, Dr. Curtis. You achieved my regard with your CV.
- I know and I'm happy about it - said Patrick, and he got embarassed as he felt he blushed a bit. – But I didn't want to suck up to you, Dr. Hamza. There is no reason to do it. Particularly now when we don't work together anymore, and I don't take part in the competition. But you really are the best therein what you do.
- Well… - mused Shahir -, yes, that's true. But everybody has the opportunity.
- It's not so easy – laughed Patrick, than they got in the car and started.
- I didn't ask do you like italian cuisine? - asked Patrick shooted a glance to Shahir.
- Yes, usually – pondered Shahir. – I'm not too choosy, although there are some things I'm not willing to eat.
- And in addition you don't drink alcohol.
- Precisely - nodded Shahir.
- From religious reasons?
- I have many reasons – averted Shahir the question, and Patrick didn't force it any further. They were spoken about his new job during the left of the road, but they didn't carry it too far. Somehow both of them liked that peaceful silence wich enshrouded the car in that twenty minutes while they arrived in the suburb.
- So what do you think? – asked Patrick, when he stoped in front of a little italian restaurant.
- Let's try it – took Shahir a look at the place.
- Okay – agreed Patrick, and they get off of the car and walked in. Because the place wasn't crowded at all they could sat down at a table which was far enough from the others.
After a few minutes they order their meal, then both of them were musing for a while. Finally Shahir took a deep breath twice to say something, then rather didn't started, whereon Patrick looked at him questioningly.
- Won't you tell me?
- You know, Dr. Curtis… if on the firsd date not, but on the second I always tell… you know… the Asperger's.
- This is a correct and brave thing, Dr. Hamza – noded Patrick.
- Really? – glanced Shahir at the other man, than he fell his eyes. – I don't know. By that time it is coming to view anyway. What's the use of lying?
- I see – sighed Patrick. – And the reactions?
- Most people don't even know what it is. If I try to tell a few words about it, they mostly wave. That's all? But than, further on just them bear it hard who tried not to take too seriously… tried to understate at the beginning.
- Did this happen with Johnatann too?
- Most of them is not willing to see just… that he can't expect from me just that he would most expect. Most of them bear this badly. And the unpredictability… the bad reactions. Like Victor as well – shook Shahir his head.
- Victor?
- Victor was my boyfriend. For three years. After that he tired of it.
- Dr. Hamza… - tried to interupt Patrick, but Shahir, if he already has began to something, is hard to be interupted.
- It was a wonderful three years, but sometimes we had big fights. Once just on my birthday. He organised me a party. A surprise party.
- Is this a good idea? – ask Patrick frowned, whereon Shahir looked up at him surprised. He was so surprised, that he didn't went on with his monologue. At this point Patrick got embarassed and started to apoligize. – I mean you don't like the crowd, many people…
- That's correct.
- He should have known this – said Patrick shaking his head.
- Yes, but sometimes it's not easy to predict…
- Maybe, he would have needed to be thoughful of you.
- Victor was always patient and understanding. In spite of this I sometimes oversteped the mark. And after three years he realized that it doesn't work anymore.
- And you?
- I'm over it – shrugged Shahir, but Patrick wasn't so sure in it.
- And Jonathan? – tried Patrick to turn back to the original topic.
- Most people think – mused Shahir – that what calm they down will work for me too.
- It's not a good base in your case – shook Patrick his head, than he got embarassed again. – I'm sorry, I didn't want to…
- Don't apologize for saying the truth – shook Shahir his head. – Most people… if they are nervous, sad, or feel bad about something, or simple confused… with a big storm of love can be reassured – shook Shahir his head with a grimace. – For me this… very often… just worsened the situation. I'll be more anxious. Whereon the other get offended, shut the door on me, which is the worst solution.
- However you would need only a quiet, peaceful present, wihtout any extremities – said Patrick, and Shahir was surprised many times within few minutes.
- Yes – admited Shahir confused.
- Have you told it for Jonatan? – asked Patrick.
- No. And after that he left the way he did… I don't see any sense of it – shook Shahir his head.
- I'm sorry, Dr. Hamza! – said Patrick kindly, but meanwhile they get their meal, and began to eat. During the dinner Patrick tried to swing the topic to more peaceful ones, so they were speaking about the restaurant, the italian cuisine, than they turned back to Patrick's new job while they were eating, and than they walked out from the restaurant.
- How did you like the restaurant, Dr. Hamza? – asked Patrick, while they got into his car.
- It's pretty… nice – admitted Shahir.
- I'm pleased – smiled Patrick at him. – Than… I bring you home, like I promised.
- Dr. Curtis… you don't need to get through the city than back – shook Shahir his head. – Just put me out at an underground station.
- I gladly give you a lift.
- It is too late, and you will start at a new workplace tomorrow – shook Shahir his head.
- All right, I take you to the underground – puckered up Patrick his lips. - If you insist so much – murmured in front of him, whereon Shahir glanced at him. They stared at eachother for a long moment than Patrick laughed. – I won't go nuts – he shook his head. – Even if you determind you will make me flip out for good bye. If you would like to go by underground, just do it. With one condition.
- What would it be? – looked Shahir at him frowned.
- If anytime you would like to eat a good spagetty, you call me, and we will come here.
- I will keep in mind – promised Shahir, and although Patrick was sure, that it won't never come to his mind by himself, he hoped for it, and left him.
Finally after a few minutes Patrick stopped at a metro station, they said good bye, than Patrick watched as Shahir disappeared under the ground, than took a deep breath and went home.