DISCLAIMER - I own nothing. These characters are not mine, I'm just hanging out with them for fun.
I have just discovered NCIS, thanks to fanfic. I've only seen an episode or two so, please bear with me as this is my first fanfic from the incredibly enjoyable NCIS world.
|"Gibbs?" Abby was standing at the door of the darkened squad room. He looked up, frowning at the note of hesitancy in her voice. Seeing her standing, clasping her hands together as though in supplication caused the frown to deepen yet further and had him rising from his desk.
"Everything ok Abs?"
"Um maybe you're busy. I can come back," she turned and he came around the desk, standing in the half light of his desk lamp.
"Or you can come in here now and tell me what's going on," he said in a gravely tone that left little room for argument.
"I can't. I thought I could do this I can't. Sorry Gibbs. I shouldn't have bothered you," Abby began to hasten across the squadroom but his voice stopped her retreat cold.
"Abby. You aren't bothering me but take one more step and you will."
He remained standing at the side of his desk, the fingers of his right hand resting on the glossy surface.
Abby turned slowly so that she was facing him but she kept her eyes downcast, refusing to meet his.
"I can't. You are going to be so angry with me and I just can't face that. I thought I could but I can't. I'm such a coward," her voice trembled traitorously.
"Whatever this is, I want to hear about it, now. I will decide whether or not to be angry about it," he strove to keep his tone even.
He saw the flight instinct warring with the need to let out what was tumbling in her mind and he figured it was but a hair from victory for team flight.
In the end he supposed flight won, but least the direction was right.
Before he had time to react, she rushed forward and flung herself into his arms.
Gibbs held her to him, his little bird in flight, finding rest in his arms.
He was always there for her, Abby could not imagine what it would be like not to have him to turn to. She clung a little tighter and for several seconds, he said nothing, just let her calm in his embrace.
Then, he held her from him, keeping both his hands on her shoulders and leaning down so his blue eyes found her green ones and held her gaze.
"So tell me what this is all about, Abs. Let's have it," he said.
"I dropped the ball on the Garrett case, Gibbs," the answer came so softly he had to strain to hear. To her shame, tears burned in her eyes and formed a hard lump in her throat. He was going to kill her. No doubt about it. Worse, he was going to fire her.
He said nothing and that made everything worse. Abby felt the world shrink around her, actually shrink. Light and air were squeezed out of it and her heart was pounding so that she was certain he could hear.
He couldn't. But he could see the way her colour drained. And he saw the unshed tears that she was fighting and he could feel the tension in her. She was as finely stretched as a tightly drawn bow.
"Breathe Abs. Come on, breathe," he said. He gave her a little shake and it seemed to do the trick. She took a ragged breath and words poured out of her as though a plug had been pulled.
"The blood sample got contaminated. The sample Ducky gave me, it got mixed with a slide, I don't know where it came from, I swear. I'm so careful about that stuff but now, now, the sample has been contaminated and that makes it worthless and I screwed up, Gibbs. I'm so sorry."
She was talking so fast the words almost ran together but he was pretty sure he got the drift.
She was right about two things. She had screwed up. And he was angry with her. He was mad as Hell but not for the reasons she expected.
She had dropped her gaze and he shook her again. "Look at me," there was the Gibbs steel and though Abby dreaded what she would see in his face, she lifted her head and met the glacial blue glare.
"Since when do you practically faint with fear at the idea of telling me you made a mistake?" he rasped at her. His brows were drawn in a fierce scowl and she swallowed and shook her head.
"I don't know what I'm going to do next. I don't know how I can face it," she whispered.
"Face what? And what kind of a dumb question is that? What you do next is fix it, Abby. You know that. You make a mistake, you put it right."
He narrowed his eyes. "I don't make mistakes. Not like this, not when it counts. Not in front of you," she said.
"Everybody makes mistakes. Even you, Abby. You think I want you to be an automaton?" The piercing eyes seemed to burrow into her and she looked at him, eyes damp and pleading.
"I can't bear to think, Gibbs, this job is like my world and this team is my family, right? I can't be on the outside of that," the tears burned hotter and the lump in her throat swelled so it threatened to choke her.
He stepped away from her and paced the carpet of his office floor, hands on hips, head bowed.
"A team only works if the bond that holds it is strong enough to make it work. That bond takes effort, Abby. Trust. I'm not telling you anything you don't already know. So where is the trust I need you to have in me?"
He shot her a look that felt like a physical blow. She couldn't think what to say. "Trust? But I thought you would say you couldn't trust me," she had a frown of her own now, trying to process his words.
"You come in here, acting for all the world like you are about to face a firing squad and I am the executioner, in fact, you've made your mind up that I am going to pull the trigger. You did screw up but you came here to tell me about it, exactly what I have always told every member of my team to do. But here you are, showing no faith at all, not one ounce that I will do anything with that information other than hang you out to dry!" his voice was low and deadly and every word a barb to Abby's tender heart. He was right. She came in here expecting the very worst. She looked at him, stricken.
"I'm sorry," she said, wishing she could feel his arms around her now. She needed some of that strength.
"Abs. This is me. Gibbs. You know who I am," the words were spoken quietly and the truth in them had her nodding as the long threatened tears spilled over. "It's not easy to think that, to know that, Gibbs, it's like I just can't believe that.." the words wouldn't come but the tears would. Now she could not stop them.
"Can't believe that you can be human? Believe it, Abby. And believe this. If you make a mistake, then this team is affected and I don't like that, I don't want that. But I will find a way through it. And I do not think that throwing away valuable team players serves any good purpose."
She rose her eyes to his and saw truth and relief flooded through her, a mix of benediction and elation.
"With me," he strode towards the door and she found herself almost running to keep up as he made his way to the elevator. It never occurred to her to disobey.
She held his hand every step of the way. He felt her fingers clutching him and he closed his own, larger hand over hers but his pace did not slow.
He punched the call button but remained silent. Abby could feel the anger rolling off him, like waves of heat off a grill. She should have been intimidated by that but all she felt was a miserable sense of guilt. When had he ever turned his back on her? She was stupid, she'd bungled evidence and as if that was not enough, she had acted as though he could not be relied upon to support a member of his team.
The doors opened with a soft ping and they stepped into the elevator and only then did Abby sneak a look at him from beneath her lashes. His profile was stern and she resumed studying her shoes.
"So where are we going?" she asked at last. "I'm taking you home," the clipped response had her looking up at him, caught off guard.
"You're really pissed at me, aren't you?" she was dismayed and yet, knowing he wasn't about to write her up and let the Director dismiss her gave her such a sense of reassurance, she knew that no matter what sanction he dished out, she could take it. And he had called her a valuable member of the team. Abby felt as though an awful burden had been taken away.
He didn't answer but turned and fixed her with the Gibbs glare, the one that would stop a tank in its tracks. She gulped and concentrated on the decreasing numbers on the elevator's glass panel until the doors slid open.
He crossed the carpark, still with the same purposeful stride and yanked open the passenger door of his car.
"In," the clipped order had her scurrying into the seat and fastening her seatbelt.
Once he was seated beside her, he started the ignition but did not move. Instead he turned and looked at her. "Want to tell me what it is that I have done to make you believe that I am such a fearsome jerk?" he asked.
"Gibbs, I panicked. I know how important making the case is, you came to check on that sample yourself. And I messed it up. I felt so bad about that. About letting you down," she said in a small voice that made his heart ache. What kind of pressure is she putting herself under, he wondered. Well that stops tonight, he thought grimly.
"So you decided that you knew best how I would react to that?" he finished.
"So maybe I should stop at a costume rental and hire myself a black cape and some fangs. Isn't that the attire of the cold hearted villain?" his eyebrows rose and she blushed.
She scooted sideways and let her head rest against his shoulder. He rose his arm and pulled her against him. "We will deal with this, Abby. You made a serious mistake and there have to be consequences for that. But I need you to trust me to determine what those consequences should be. It's my job to run a good team, the best that I can. If you don't believe in my ability to do that, we have a big problem," he said. Abby felt some of the coldness that froze in her veins like shards of ice return.
"Gibbs, I trust you more than anyone else I know. And it kept going around in my mind that if I get kicked off this team, who else do I have to turn to? I've never really belonged anyplace. Anyplace but here." Her confession caused another of those little aches in his chest.
"Abs, let's see to it that doesn't happen. It's not just about believing in me. Maybe you should believe in yourself a little bit more. I know I do," he glanced down at her and she lifted her head. Anger still rose his features but she saw the light of sincerity in his eyes. She tucked her head under his chin and absorbed the good feeling his words gave her.
He let her cuddle to him a little longer and then ran his hand briskly up and down her upper arm.
"Ok, let's go," he lifted his arm back and shifted the car into gear.
They were quiet on the ride to her house and when he pulled in to the drive, he killed the engine straight away. Then he was holding the door open for her and she stepped out to join him in the inky darkness of her yard. He placed his hand on the small of her back, guiding her up the steps of the porch, taking her key to push it into the lock and open the front door.
He flicked on the living room lights and tossed her keys onto the sideboard.
Suddenly nervous, she stood uncertainly in the middle of the room and clasped her hands before her, trying to think of something to say.
He regarded her from the entranceway, he saw the uneasy fidgetting and he fixed a forbidding look on his face.
"I said there would be a consequence for what happened Abs. Let's get to it," his eyes were intent and she shifted from foot to foot as energy spiked.
"What are you going to do?" her voice came out in a squeak and he tipped his head to eye her from under his eyebrows.
He waited and as the penny dropped she blushed again. The nervous twitching took on a new speed.
"Gibbs. No. Please. I said I was sorry," she was talking fast and if he weren't standing in the doorway, there was a good chance she would have bolted through it.
"You did. And I said there would be consequences, Abby," he moved to the couch and held an arm towards her.
"Let's go," his tone brooked no dissent and her mouth went dry.
He knew that it was fairest and best to get what was to come over with expediency.
She knew that he'd asked her to trust him to determine what sanction was appropriate. So, whatever was to come, she'd earned it.
He sat on the couch and as if of their own volition, her feet took her to him.
"Gibbs. What are you going to use? Not your belt?" she looked at him with no small amount of trepidation.
"Have I ever taken my belt to you?" his brows lifted.
"My hand will be enough. Quit stalling,"
Her throat locked. "I'm kind of scared," she signed. "That's sort of the point. To me, Abs," he signed his response but his eyes sent a warning of their own.
She obeyed and he took her wrist and tugged her so he was lying across his lap. He placed his arm around her waist to hold her in place. "Hands out front," he ordered and the first swat landed, sharp and sure.
She had resolved not to cry but folded before he was six swats in.
He didn't relent and the spanking was swift but effective. Her sobs were heartfelt and it took several seconds for her to realise he had finished her punishment. He massaged circles on her back and murmured softly.
"It's over, We're done. You're ok, Abby." He lifted her into a sitting position, taking care to cradle her against him, stroking her hair as she wrapped her arms around his neck, pressing her face against the crook of his shoulder, her tears hot against his skin.
He held her until her sobs quietened to soft hiccupping sounds. He rubbed her back and murmured comforting words to her. "Gibbs?"
"Uh huh. I'm here Abs."
"Do you hate me?" she sniffled sadly.
"You know better than that, Abby," his tone was stern and she kept her face hidden against his shoulder.
He placed a finger under her chin and lifted her face so she met his eyes.
"Slate clean. It's done with, now," his mouth lifted in a small smile and she saw the lines at the corners of his eyes crinkle in the way she loved.
"Valuable Gibbs? I heard right didn't I? You used the word valuable?" she cocked an eyebrow at him.
Laughter warmed his eyes. He knew she was fishing for the complement. And he decided to indulge her. "Yup. You heard right. You have value to me that brilliant mind of yours hasn't even begun to guess at, Abs. So do me a favour and try to remember that the next time you are thinking of deciding I'm ready to write you off," he dropped a kiss on the top of her head.
And the world came miraculously to rights for Abby. "Granted Boss," she grinned.