She's standing in the garden by herself when he sees her. Her hair is so pale it looks like moonlight is spilling down her back and she's even paler like a statue made of ice and moon and bright blue eyes that look like those sapphires on his mother's necklace. The necklace she always used to wear when she went out with another rich man who would eventually die and leave her all his money. He had always sat with the housekeeper in the kitchen and his mother would come by with red red lipstick and her hair up and a dress that was indecent for the pureblood society they belonged in and she would look him in the eye and say 'Darling, aren't I beautiful?' and he'd be still because he wouldn't know what she wanted. He wouldn't want to disappoint her. He doesn't know what this fragile girl standing in the garden wants either. She seems at peace, with her long hair drifting on a lazy breeze and her silky blue-grey dress pulled up in her loose fists, revealing her slip. This girl doesn't seem to even see him. Then she turns to him and looks right in his eyes, right in his mind and through his ribcage to his heart which for once isn't so so numb, and he counts his heartbeats and thinks 'she's beautiful'.
The next month, he's in a hotel room in Buenos Aires and he doesn't know how he got here, doesn't remember last night or really doesn't even remember the previous morning, if he's being honest, which he never is so why does it even matter, and he stumbles to the balcony and looks out and thinks 'what am I doing?'
Later that day, after all the strange women are gone from his room and it's just him and his thoughts and Theo who stuck around for whatever reason, and he just wants a drink because his hangover is pounding and he can hear his heart and Theo is looking at him like he wants to cry. He remembers why he is never around Theo for long. Theo believes he can be better and nothing hurts him as much as having to prove Theo wrong every day all day and he just can't do it anymore. Theo thinks that because it will all be alright because he loves Blaise, like in some absurd fairy tale, but Blaise knows that nothing is okay and that love won't save either of them. He's heard Theo screaming as he sleeps, lost in nightmares, a haze of Voldemort and battles and his father and scars and heartbreak, and Blaise doesn't know how to make himself better, much less Theo too. When he ends up broken, he wants Theo to stay away because that's what love is, love is making sure that the ones you love stay clear when you are a mess about to break, an empty glass about to shatter. He just wants Theo to go and love someone who isn't twisted and addicted and flawed and messy and angry. Someone who can fix Theo like Blaise never can, who can make Theo forget what's happened to him, forget the pain, forget the feeling of being trapped as things spiral out of control. Blaise knows that feeling, he tries to hide from it with drinking and girls and public disgrace. He wants Theo to not love him, to be safe from him. Theo never loves who he should though. So Blaise puts down his drink and takes Theo's face in his hand and kisses him so gently and he means to be kind, to be gentle, but then he remembers why kissing Theo is a mistake and everything is heat and anger and love and ferocity. And his whole world is Theo's mouth and Theo's hair and just Theo's Theo-ness. And he can't help it and with his last controlled thought he begs 'Theo run, run, run while you can, run while there is time to still be safe' but he knows he won't because for all Theo's brains he can be so stupid.
And a while later, when Theo and Blaise are back in London after far too much public debauchery, they are solid, or more solid than usual, and Blaise has accepted for now that Theo won't leave and he's happy but he can't stop thinking about that blond girl in the garden at the Ministry benefit nearly six months ago and he knows it's wrong but he can't control it. He loves Theo as much as he's loved anything, more than his absent mother, his many stepfathers, his stern housekeeper, his angry tutor, even Draco when he had him. Draco is lost to him now though and he knows that wasn't the love he wanted, that he needed, that was just desperation. He curls his hand around Theo's shoulder and asks if he wants to go to Pansy's party. Theo nods and says 'Later though', and then Blaise gets a little lost for an hour or two and almost forgets the blond girl, the beauty he glimpsed and is distracted by Theo's lean frame and quick clever hands and wide green eyes. But afterward when he's kissing the curve of Theo's shoulder he remembers in the silence that he doesn't know her name. He needs to come clean to Theo who looks so beautiful right now that Blaise almost feels his heart breaking at what he needs to say, and who even knew that Slytherins needed morals? So he smiles and kisses Theo and says those hateful awful words that make Theo's eyes widen with worry 'We need to talk'. He says everything awkwardly and quickly, 'I saw this girl at this benefit and even with you I remember her' and then 'I'm sorry, so sorry, I can't even understand how you feel right now' and, 'please I love you', and Theo is shocked and his mouth is open and his eyes are so big and pressed against Theo, Blaise can feel Theo's heart rate increase as he talks and is so irrationally afraid of getting his heart broken he doesn't breathe. But then Theo proves his own worth and his wonder and he shows Blaise why he loves him again and Theo just looks at Blaise and says 'Well, let's find her tonight at the party and take a look,' and then he says with a smirk 'I want to see my competition,' and Blaise smiles with relief so intense he feels weak.
At the party, they walk in the door and Pansy runs up with a bunch of shots and yells at them to 'Have fun, you idiots' and she's a mess, with a flushed face and her dark bob is messy and these huge wings of eyeshadow surround her eyes and she's so drunk that it's clear she's been making out with half bloods. Pansy's usually a beautiful mess, kind of like Blaise, she sleeps with anyone and everyone and is a whirlwind of choppy hair and smudged bloody lipstick and wide wide eyes that are hopeless and lost and wild and she's always breathless afraid of what might happen if she slowed down enough to think. Theo puts his arm around Blaise and murmurs against his ear, just a pulse through his skin and it makes Blaise shiver with wanting Theo to stay close like that. Then he sees the girl and he's astonished because she's just as beautiful as he remembers, almost as lovely as Theo, like a glossy porcelain figure with mermaid hair and blue beads for eyes, so blue they can't be real. But then she collides with him and he knows that she is real, because she's solid and he can feel her hip pressed against his stomach and he can smell her hair and she looks like moonlight and smells like mint. And he looks to Theo who smiles and nods, seeming to tell him that they can share her if Blaise wants, like they shared Draco, and the three of them can share love and secrets and longing and sunsets and everything about anything. And Blaise can't breathe because all of a sudden life makes a weird twisted sort of sense, so instead of breathing, he turns to the girl and says all in a rush 'This is Theo, I'm Blaise and we wanted to know if you want to come get a drink with us' and the girl smiles like the sun is coming up and says 'I'm called Luna' and then she winks and says 'Of course'.