A/N: Hello there,

This story was inspired by my friend Hatter's fantastic comic, which I strongly advise you to go check out right now. ( post/99680327445).
It's dedicated to her as well, because she has the very best Kuvin headcanons, and also because she's such a wonderful person overall.

Seriously, though, this is just pure, unadulterated crack, but I hope you like it nonetheless!
Be a peach and leave a review, maybe?

Have a fun read!
Wil.

Disclaimer: No matter how much I wish these characters were mine, they still aren't.

Something To Talk About

Mako

Fists balled up at his side, Mako was pacing outside Chief Beifong's office, attempting to gather the courage to finally barge in. Deep down, he knew the matter was probably not in her hands anymore, but he still had to give it his best shot; there was no way he would ever survive another six month working as Prince Wu's bodyguard. One day or another, he inevitably would snap up and throttle the kid, and he wasn't quite sure President Raiko would be thrilled about that particular incident.

Taking a deep breath, he slammed the door wide open, walking in with as much sense of purpose as he could muster. The surreal vision that greeted him, however, was enough to freeze him to the spot.

Chief Beifong was there, tightly wrapped into the muscular arms of another woman, in a scandalous display of blissful nakedness. Clothes and pieces of uniform were scattered all over the floor, and despite his bet efforts, Mako could not help but hear the heavy panting and tensed moaning coming from the couple before him.

For a second that seemed to stretch forever, neither of the two women seemed to notice the intrusion, and Mako, who hadn't dared breathe since he'd entered the room, briefly believed he would maybe be able to escape without a sound.

When the floor suddenly creaked under his weight, though, his superior suddenly turned towards him in an unbelievably slow fashion, and when her eyes met his, they were darkened, and deadly. Mako instinctively took a step back, almost choking on his own spit as he attempted to swallow.

'Chief, I- I was just leaving…'

'You're fired,' Lin simply declared in a surprisingly calm voice, which offered quite a contrast with the currently scarlet tint of her normally pale skin. Mako didn't even flinch at her words.

'Of- of course. I'll be on my way.'

After a most ridiculous curtsey -and just as he was about to turn away- the woman around whom Lin's arm was still tightly wrapped turned around to face him. Contrary to the latter, she didn't seem bothered in the slightest by the current situation. A faint smirk on her face, she outstretched a single, white-gloved hand for Mako to shake.

'I'm Kuvira,' she purred. 'Delighted to meet you, officer.'

…

As soon as Mako had exited the premises, carefully shutting the door behind him, he stopped and took a series of deep breaths, attempting to calm his racing pulse. As he paced aimlessly, his brother Bolin soon caught up with him.

'Hey Mako, what's up with you? You look as if you've just seen a ghost!'

'Man, you'd never believe me if I told you.'

Bolin

'Pabu, where are you?' Bolin called throughout the train, attempting to locate a patch of red fur amongst his surroundings.

He knew there was a good reason why he had refused to take his pet along the first time around, and he was beginning to regret having changed his mind so easily. It was at least the sixth time he'd lost his companion already, and the week had barely started.

As he reached Kuvira's private quarters, and without much thinking, he walked right in.

'Kuvira, would you happen to have seen Pabu anywhere lately?'

When no response seemed to come, Bolin raised his head, and suddenly felt as if the very air had suddenly been sucked out of his lungs.

It seemed that his superior was currently engaged in a frantic battle of tongues and teeth, and with no other than Chief of police Lin Beifong herself.

Kuvira's long plait was down and raven hair was sticking out at odd angles, and the woman had her own hands deeply tangled within Lin's silver mane, which she kept tugging at vigorously, obviously lost in her own enjoyment; not that Lin seemed to particularly mind either, judging by the throaty groans coming from her at regular intervals.

As he gaped at the two women's embrace shamelessly, one of Kuvira's arms let go of Lin's figure to point towards him, and Bolin suddenly found himself being lifted a couple inches off the floor by the metal pieces of his uniform, before being violently thrown outside the wagon, without a single word from Kuvira.

He barely had time to hear the distinct noise of a back hitting the nearby wall, accompanied by a low-key giggle, before the wagon's metal door violently slid shut before him.

So that was what Mako had awkwardly tried to tell him a couple weeks earlier. Well.

Still sat unceremoniously on his aching behind, Bolin made a mental note never to enter Kuvira's –or Lin's, for that matter- quarters ever again, without making sure to loudly knock beforehand.

Tenzin, Kya, Bumi

'She's obviously not in Republic City, Tenzin. It's getting dark now, how much longer do you want us to comb those streets?'

Tenzin simply huffed at his brother, quickening his pace. Truth was their chances of stumbling upon Korra out of the blue were indeed pretty small, yet Bumi's constant complaining was not making things any easier.

'He's right, Tez,' Kya added gently. 'If she's been away for the last six months, she's not likely to simply reappear right in front of us tonight.'

'Fine, I guess you have a point', Tenzin conceded. 'Ten more minutes and we'll be heading back.'

Bumi kicked a small pebble down the street with a loud sigh, but at least he seemed to have decided to remain silent for the rest of the search.

'Wait, hush!' Tenzin suddenly said, stopping dead in his tracks. 'I think I can hear something coming from that alley, just around the corner,' he said. 'Come, now.'

Dragging his feet, Bumi complied, promptly followed by Kya. There was definitely someone in the alley, Tenzin noted; yet, with the decreasing light, he could barely make out the stranger's figure without getting any closer.

The more steps he took, however, the more it seemed obvious this had all been a terrible idea, for the strangled sounds and rapid breaths that had begun reaching his ears seemed to have very little to do with Avatar Korra indeed.

Hewas about just about to turn around and leave when, after a unmistakable sound of suction, he saw a dark-haired woman reluctantly step away from the spot she'd previously been latched onto; a spot which looked, Tenzin realised with sheer dread, suspiciously like a female breast. Worse, a female breast he knew.

'Lin?' Tenzin asked in a nervous, high-pitched tone, taking a step back just as Kya and Bumi caught up with him.

'Oh, you've got to be kidding me,' Lin groaned, pressing her palms against her face. She was undressed from shoulders to waist, Tenzin realised, and it seemed that covering herself was the least of her worries at the moment. 'Not you.'

'I- I, um-'

Suddenly, a loud whistle interrupted Tenzin's babbling.

'Nice catch, Beifong!' Bumi said, far too boisterously for Tenzin's liking.

'Linny, I must say I'm impressed,' Kya promptly added, barely able to keep her growing laughter contained. 'I didn't know you had it in you.'

'Well, she certainly will soon,' the dark-haired woman deadpanned, her back still facing Tenzin, and Bumi's mouth fell wide open.

After a lingering moment of silence, the woman slowly pivoted towards the group –and only then did Tenzin realised it was Kuvira- to shot at Kya a much exaggerated eyebrow waggle.

'Don't you fucking start,' Lin suddenly growled between clenched teeth, and Tenzin took these words as a belated cue to retreat in the shadows. Grabbing both Kya and Bumi by the shoulders, he turned to leave, only to be stopped once again by Kuvira's deep voice.

'And, Councilman? You really don't realise what you're missing.'

'For the love of god, Kuvira, shut up,' Lin replied in an almost desperate tone.

'Oh, I think I like her, Lin' was the only thing Kya responded, before biting her lips not to cackle, whilst Tenzin insisted on dragging her away from the couple.

'Well, wasn't that a nice encounter?' was the last thing Tenzin heard Kuvira said, and probably the last thing either of them said for a while.

Suyin

Suyin could barely believe it. Her own son was to be married to Kuvira in the next few weeks, and she had had to learn it from Opal? She was fuming, pacing back and forth throughout her living room, her anger increasing with each step. No, that just wouldn't do; she had to have a word with the both of them; she needed to tell them precisely all she thought of them.

'She's never inside in the early afternoon; now will you stop being such a bloody lily-liver and come on in?'

It seemed to Suyin as if her very blood was suddenly boiling. There was no doubt possible, the voice was most definitely Kuvira's. She had some nerve, that kid! Wasn't it enough that she'd taken her son away from her, did they really have to- well, sleep together within her own home?

Taking a deep breath, Su decided to follow the sound of hushed voices and banging doors. She may always have felt slightly intimidated by Kuvira's charisma, but there was a limit to the things she could blindly accept. She needed to have this conversation, and this seemed as good an occasion as any other.

As she approached the door, Suyin, despite her anger, was slightly surprised not to hear her son's voice coming from within the room. There was Kuvira, for sure; she recognized the deep intonations of her former pupil's voice. There were muffled groans, fabrics being pulled, sheets being creased, but no sign of her son.

Shutting her eyes for a brief moment, Su took another long breath, her fingers clenching despite herself against the metal handle, which bent slightly under her touch. She needed to remain calm. Her eyes suddenly flew open, and she stepped within the room.

'What the- Su?'

Su's eyes felt as if they were about to pop right out of her skull: instead of her son, she found herself facing her own sister.

'Lin?' Suyin breathed out, her arms falling to her sides as she simply stared at her older sister, unable to convey any words. Lin's hair was tousled, long, grey strands carelessly swept across her face, and there were very obvious rips in the fabric of her white tank top. Her belt was unbuckled as well, and her lipstick smeared, just in case Su would have had any remaining doubt as for the identity of Kuvira's current love interest.

'Su, I can explain-'Lin muttered, refusing to look Suyin in the eye.

'I don't- I really don't want to hear it, Lin', Su replied hastily. Lin was relieved to notice, however there was no anger leaking through her sister's words; merely pure, unadulterated shock.

Out of the blue, Kuvira seemed to suddenly materialize behind Lin, arms snaking around her waist while she dug her bony chin in her shoulder.

'You know I don't like to be kept waiting, Chief Beifong…'

'Kuvira, we- have some company,' Lin whispered, her gaze remaining fixated on her own feet.

If surprise briefly shone through Kuvira's features, Su was surprised by how fast she regained her composure, greeting her with a respectful nod.

'Suyin, always a pleasure,' she sing-sang, a trademark smirk already stretching her thin lips.

'I was- just about to go take a walk', Su eventually managed to blurt out, taking a step backwards. 'A long walk,' she insisted.

Lin sent her an ultimate, deeply apologetic look, to which Suyin replied with a tentative smile.

'One last thing,' Su said, moments away from finally stepping outside the seemingly airtight bedroom. 'Would you please make sure to lock the door? I have children, you know. Impressionable folks.'

Lin looked down, and Su eventually exited the premises, feeling a wave of relief run within her as she heard the distinctive clatter of a lock switching behind her.

Toph

She knew it was wrong. She'd read it on everyone's face, through their stares, their very postures. She didn't care.

How could she have cared when Kuvira's gloved hands were upon her, hungrily petting and stroking every inch of flesh in sight? It should never have happened, but it had, and now there was no point in denying the truth; neither of them could stop themselves, or even stay apart.

And it angered her, somehow. So she crushed Kuvira's lips with even more fervor, grabbing her roughly by the shoulders, and shoving her against the nearest wall with a loud crack.

'You really want me bruised and tender, don't you?' Kuvira's voice purred against her collarbone, as her fingers suddenly wrapped around a tensed nipple, pinching it tightly. Lin gasped audibly, her own fingers burying deep within Kuvira's locks. Tongues met tongues, teeth clashed against teeth, and Lin tried her best to ignore the wild pounding of her heart within her ribcage.

'Well, as long as you want me' Kuvira added, nipping at Lin's throat, thus drawing throaty gasps from her. There was no point in even attempting to remain silent, not when those burning lips were purposefully travelling upon her already molten flesh.

'You know, I may be blind, but I'm not deaf yet, kids. Not to mention you're not exactly the quiet kind.'

Both Kuvira and Lin utterly froze at the sound of the quavering voice emanating from behind them.

'And let me tell you, there are some things a mother sensibly wishes her daughter would keep away from her ears' reach.'

Frantically untangling herself from Kuvira, Lin made a meek attempt at covering herself, despite knowing very well it was utterly pointless.

'Mother?' she asked tentatively, her voice suddenly weak.

'Herself,' Toph replied proudly, hands firmly rooted against her hips.

'You have got to be joking, Beifong' Kuvira said between clenched teeth as she watched Lin take a few steps towards who she assumed must have been her long-disappeared mother. 'I really fucking hate you, sometimes.'

Korra

'Can you believe it?'

'What on earth are you on about now, Beifong?' Kuvira sighed, lazily leaning against Lin's still naked form to reach her discarded gloves. Lin smirked.

'No interruptions. Told you- with the scare we gave the kid, no one's gonna dare bothering us here for quite a while.'

Kuvira couldn't stop herself from smiling back.

'Makes a nice change, I must say.'

'Well, at least we've given them something to discuss, haven't we?'

Kuvira snorted, adjusting her belt and patting her hair back into its original shape.

'Can you blame them, really?'

'Course not. Must be wondering what I can find even remotely attractive in you,' Lin answered in all seriousness, earning herself a rough, sharp kiss from Kuvira.

'Come on Lin, you dated Tenzin, of all people. No wonder you can't stop yourself from wanting me.'

'Don't think so highly of yourself,' Lin answered. 'After all, I still hate your guts.'

'Ditto, Beifong, ditto,' Kuvira replied, pressing yet another kiss to Lin's lips.

A few moments passed when both women attempted to gather their belongings, before Kuvira suddenly called from the other side of the room.

'Lin? I'm afraid you were wrong,' Kuvira said, biting the inside of her cheeks. Lin's brow furrowed, and she yanked away the note Kuvira was holding up, a mischievous gleam in her emerald eyes. She read on.

'… That cheeky little-'

…

'Most esteemed Chief Beifong,

Despite Mako and Bolin's heartfelt warnings, I wanted to come by your office today to greet you in person; it has been three years, after all.

However, it sounded as if your confiscation of dangerous 'war assets' –if I recall correctly- was keeping you pretty busy, so I figured I'd come around another day.

Whenever you find some time to yourself, let me know; it seems we have a lot to catch up.

With love,

Korra.

PS: Glad to see some things did change while I was away, Chief. You have my heartfelt congratulations.'