They had spent years together, saving each other's lives and living out of each other's pockets for longer they cared to remember. They were on another hunting trip, like so many they went on in their youth. Arthur was King now and Merlin was still by his side. Since they were not planning to travel too far they did not take any extra guards with them this time around.
The night was quiet and the sky was dark and full of stars. They both started to prepare their camp for the night, their duties ingrained from years of doing this together. Merlin finished gathering the firewood and Arthur checked around the perimeter, setting up traps just in case. Their bedrolls were spread out, alarmingly close to each other. It was never said, but they found comfort in the warmth of the other especially when they traveled alone.
After a brief dinner and some mead they let the fire burn as they laid next to each other in the comforting darkness.
"When was the last time we got to do this, Merlin?" asked Arthur as he absently attempted to count the stars in the sky.
"Far too long. Pretty sure it's your fault though," answered Merlin with a grin.
"And how is it my fault?" whined Arthur as he turned his head to look at the man next to him.
"If you weren't the King we would have time to go camping more often," replied Merlin as he turned to look at Arthur in turn, a mischievous twinkle in his eye.
"Oi! My noble heritage cannot be blamed for this!"
Merlin let out a small laugh. "The only thing noble about you are your clothes." Arthur just punched him in return.
They spoke like this for a while; cracking jokes and insulting each other in good humor. The night grew longer as the distance between them grew shorter.
"We've known each other for a really long time, haven't we Merlin?" asked Arthur out of the blue, his voice more somber and serious than the last hour. Merlin could feel his heart beat harder in his chest in trepidation. Nothing good ever came out of voice like that.
"Yes, it's almost hard to remember a time when I wasn't by your side," teased Merlin, trying to break the atmosphere.
"I wonder, since we have known each other for so long, do we still have secrets between the two of us?"
"What are you trying to say, Arthur?" asked Merlin, beyond confused. He wasn't sure what got Arthur in this mood, but he figured he'd go along with it for now.
At this Arthur turned away and looked at the sky once more. "I find myself thinking that I wish I had one person I could confess everything to. One person that knows all of my secrets and still chooses to be by my side. You can't really find a lot of honest or trustworthy people when you're royalty," confessed Arthur as he folded his arms behind his head.
"You know you can tell me anything, Arthur," confessed Merlin. He wondered what secrets Arthur still had after all these years. It was a bit worrying and odd to think that he could hide something from Merlin.
"Can I really, Merlin?" rhetorically asked Arthur as he turned to Merlin once more, this time angling his body on his side. "Would you tell me everything about yourself too?"
Merlin turned his body toward Arthur but closed his eyes as if in pain. "Arthur..." he trailed off.
Arthur looked hurt. "You can't, can you? If I can't tell you then who can I tell?" he asked, his voice low and sad.
Merlin shuddered in guilt. He wanted to tell Arthur everything and wanted Arthur to tell him everything in turn. He wanted to be that person to Arthur; be the one that knew all of his secrets. They were two sides of the same coin and in order to move forward they had to be honest and open with one another. It was just so hard to be open about his secret when he had hid it for years in fear of death and what it would do to his relationship with Arthur. However, maybe it was time for the truth to come out. They had years of friendship under their belt and built trust over all the time they had spent together. If he couldn't tell Arthur now then he could never say it.
He opened his eyes and turned to Arthur.
"You can tell me," implored Merlin with all the honesty he could muster. Arthur must have seen something in his gaze as he released a breath he didn't know he had been holding.
"And you will tell me your secrets in turn?" asked Arthur, his face open with want.
Merlin shuddered as if shedding his skin. "Yes, I will let you know any secrets I hold if you desire to hear them."
"You first, Merlin."
"Ah, perhaps we could go back and forth? I'm sure there are all sorts of things we have kept secret throughout the years."
"That sounds fair." They continued turned to each other, the fire dying down, blanketing them in even more darkness. They could still see one another, the orange flames casting highlights in Arthur's hair and dark shadows cast on Merlin's face, his sharp cheekbones prominent in the remaining light.
"Remember when there was that panther creature, the Bastet?" At Arthur's nod, Merlin continued. "I'm not sure how much Uther told you about it but the creature was a cursed druid woman named Freya. She was the first person I ever loved."
Arthur looked at Merlin with a mix of surprise, confusion, and heart-break. "How... I mean... you loved her? And you knew what she was? I don't understand."
And so Merlin explained. He told Arthur about rescuing her from the cage, hiding her, bringing her food and Morgana's dress. At that Arthur let out a laugh. (I knew I wasn't getting fat! ) He went on to describe how she was cursed and was forced to transform every night at midnight. How she was used as a parlor trick, ill-treated and harmed in both her forms. He then described how the pain of her transformations finally caught up with her. How Merlin took her to the lake where she then died then placed her on a boat and set it on fire.
"I'm so sorry, Merlin. I had no idea. I still don't understand how you could love her, knowing what she was, but I will not judge you." Merlin understood why Arthur was confused. He had left out all the parts where he had shared his magic with Freya, how with her he was his true self and she had accepted every part of him. It was freeing in a way he hoped he could be with Arthur.
"Your turn now," quickly said Merlin, wanting to get rid of the attention he brought upon himself.
Arthur took in a shuddered breath, his nerves getting the best of him. He was the one that brought this up and he couldn't back down now, especially after Merlin had been brave enough to share with him.
"I'm in love," he bit out, his eyes moving away from Merlin.
"Currently?" asked Merlin, his eyes trying to seek Arthur's. He could feel his heart beat wildly in his chest.
"Yes, and with a man."
Merlin could feel a flush creep onto his face as shock rolled through him. He had to admit that he did not see that at all. Arthur always seemed as solely a ladies-man. Although he did not have relations with many women, his heart having been won early by Gwen, he had never given the impression that his tastes lied elsewhere either.
"Does that bother you?" whispered Arthur, finally opening his eyes to stare at Merlin once more.
"N-no," stuttered out Merlin. "Will you be telling me who it is? How long have you loved them?" he asked, unsure if he was jealous of this mysterious man or happy that after everything that had happened that Arthur could feel love once again.
"Not yet. It is your turn to reveal a secret now and then I will tell you," teased Arthur. He was visibly more relaxed than he had been since the evening started. He must have been carrying that secret for a long time if his loosened body language was to be believed.
"Be that way," joked Merlin in order to prove to Arthur that he really was okay with it. "So, my turn is it?" he asked rhetorically as he gathered all his courage. He could not put it off much longer. Any other secrets he could reveal to Arthur all centered on his ability to do magic - there was nothing else he could reveal without creating more lies by omission.
Merlin sat up as nerves got the better of him. Arthur looked at him, startled, but sat up as well, realizing that whatever Merlin was about to say had scared his friend.
"Arthur, there's no easy way to say this. You are right in saying that we need to trust each other and to be honest with our secrets. You are one of the only people that I never wanted to lie to, never wanted to hurt. I want you to believe that before I say anything else."
Merlin looked at Arthur so imploringly that all Arthur could do was stare at Merlin and nod his acquiescence solemnly.
"Arthur...I am a sorcerer."
Arthur's first instinct was to laugh. The idea of Merlin being a sorcerer was just so absurd that he could not wrap his mind around the confession. When he realized that Merlin's face was etched in seriousness with no hint of mirth did Arthur finally accept what Merlin confessed was the truth.
"I - what? Merlin... what are you saying?" by the end of his sentence Arthur's voice rose in anger. "You're telling me that you have been a sorcerer all these years?! That you can do magic?" he shouted. He wasn't sure if he was angry, frightened, betrayed - too many emotions swirled within him that he settled on indignation.
"How could you not have told me this? Were you ever going to confess? I don't understand - Merlin!"
Arthur got up and started pacing, his body rife with energy.
Merlin stood up as well, not liking that Arthur was above him. It wasn't that he feared Arthur, but after years of hiding his secret he could not get rid of the instinct to flee and hide.
"And how could I have told you something like that? Would you have let me speak or just beheaded me with your sword after I confessed?" bit out Merlin angrily.
Arthur stumbled back as if had been struck. "Do you really think I would have killed you?" he asked in a whisper, hurt coating his voice.
Merlin looked at him with something akin to pity. "Arthur, can you honestly say that if I had revealed my secret to you while your father was King that you would not have had me hanged?"
Arthur could feel his heart break. He didn't want to believe that about himself. He wanted to reassure Merlin that no he could never have caused him harm, would never have betrayed their friendship that way, but he couldn't admit it. Back then when he was still under the rule of his father, where magic was the ultimate enemy that needed to be eradicated, he might have sentenced Merlin to death, no matter how much it would have killed him in turn.
"Prove it."
"Arthur -"
"I said, prove it Merlin. Prove that you are a sorcerer," angrily said Arthur as he stared at Merlin with hard eyes.
Merlin looked at Arthur sadly. He knew that revealing this would have negative consequences but he just couldn't hide it any more. He hoped that the years they have spent together as well as the lessened magical attacks upon Camelot after Morgana's death would help ease Arthur's anger.
Merlin flipped his wrist toward the fire, his eyes glowing gold as his magic sang through his body. Without uttering a spell the campfire rose and slowly transformed into a small dragon, flying around their campsite in simple elegance. Arthur looked on with entranced eyes and a hint of fear. Magic had been his enemy for so long it was hard to ignore the hurt it could do.
"Magic doesn't have to hurt anyone. It is a neutral source of power that can be used for good or for ill, much like your sword," confessed Merlin, hoping that by drawing parallels between him and Arthur would make the reveal easier.
"Then why has magic been used over and over to attack Camelot, to attack me and my father?" hissed out Arthur, all previous good will gone from his eyes.
"With all the times that magic was used to harm you and your kingdom, it was equally used to heal and help you as well," confessed Merlin.
"What do you mean?" asked Arthur, his anger turning into a small simmer.
"I believe it is time for you to reveal a new secret," Merlin said half-heartedly.
"This is not the time for jokes!" shouted Arthur angrily. Merlin flinched and took a step back, the dragon dissipating into smoke and the fire back to its original ember.
Arthur reigned in his temper, not wanting to scare Merlin more and actually ashamed that he had managed to do so in the first place.
"Arthur, I'm not sure what else you want me to say," honestly said Merlin as he looked at Arthur helplessly.
"Just tell me what you meant when you said that it was used to help me. What did you mean by that?" pleaded Arthur as he stared at Merlin just as helplessly.
"It's exactly what I said. Whenever some magical ailment befell you or Camelot magic was also used to counteract it and save the day. There are too many times to tell, and one day I might, but just trust me when I say that I have only ever used magic for good," implored Merlin, his eyes begging Arthur to understand. "I always wanted to tell you. I've even confessed it a couple of times, even if you never believed me. There is not much else to say - I was born like this, born with magic. It's not something I chose, but merely something that was chosen for me," said Merlin passionately.
"Merlin - I confess I don't know what to say. I never expected this," said Arthur. "But, I find that it has not changed how I feel and in reality it has helped explain so much."
"I don't follow."
"Of course you don't," said Arthur in fond exasperation. "I suppose it is time for me to reveal another secret." Merlin looked at him in trepidation. Arthur stepped closer to Merlin, cupping his neck with a large palm. Arthur looked into Merlin's eyes intimately, fighting his nerves. He leaned slightly upwards and kissed him, lips soft, slightly dry and chapped. Merlin flinched in surprise but when it seemed that Arthur was going to pull away he lifted his own hands onto Arthur's cheeks and held his face in place. Merlin kissed back with passion he hadn't known he possessed, his mouth opened slightly allowing Arthur to sneak his tongue in and kiss him back deeply.
"So I'm the person you're in love with," teased Merlin once their lips separated as they held onto one another.
Arthur's face flushed in embarrassment but he was still too pleased with their kiss to make much fuss.
"Yes, Merlin. I am in love with you, is that what you wanted to hear?" Arthur teased back, a smile lighting up his face. "And I'm assuming by the grip you have on my waist that you feel the same way?"
Merlin's smile grew wide as his ears burned red. "Oh shut it, you prat," he huffed good-naturedly. "I'll have you know that you're still a clot-pole."
"I'm your clot-pole," said Arthur before he laughed and kissed Merlin once more. They smiled at each other again before heading back to their bed rolls.
"We still have much to discuss Merlin," said Arthur seriously as he tugged Merlin closer to him.
"I know," answered Merlin as he ducked his head, unable to look at Arthur in the eyes. It was partial due to shame and fear. He knew that Arthur was in good spirits due to revealing his love for him, but he wasn't sure he could count on that feeling in the days to come.
"Merlin, I'm still trying to wrap my head around the fact that you're a sorcerer, but know that I would never hurt you," said Arthur, dragging Merlin's face closer. "We will talk, and I will listen and we can work through this," he continued to say seriously, each word more heartfelt than the last.
"Thank you, Arthur," said Merlin as he kissed Arthur again.
"Anything else you want to confess tonight before we go to bed?" jokingly asked Arthur as he snuggled as best he could on the hard ground.
"We'll, I'm the last Dragonlord too," Merlin threw out flippantly.
"Merlin!"
END.