Disclaimer : Nope, I do not own Gakuen Alice!
A/N : This is kind of an epilogue to my story McTrollin'. However, this could work as a stand-alone one-shot as well, but there are references to McTrollin' in this story. I got this idea from a YouTube video titled '10 Signs He's Perfect' I had watched on the 'Wong Fu Productions' channel. (I actually met them this year when they visited my college!) Also, I took some points from the '10 Tell-Tale Signs That He's Cheating On You' article published on a website called yourtango.
This story takes place approximately four years after McTrollin'. You could give McTrollin' a read before you read this one-shot, but it's not completely necessary :)
Warning : This is crack-ish.
Consequences of the Internet
Carolle Royale
#3: Well, if he has a mistress, I hope she doesn't like his stupid, ugly, goatee either. In fact, I hope his goatee scratches her face when they make out! That'll show him to grow a beard, ha. But then again, I really hope they aren't making out in the first place…
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So I was just sitting on the sofa, innocently scrolling through my Facebook newsfeed when I saw this article:' 9 Tell-Tale Signs That Your Fiancé Is Cheating On You'. Of course, since I love all kinds of lists (most of them are surprisingly true) and I was incredibly bored at the moment, I clicked on it and began reading.
1. He strays from his predictable everyday behavior.
Hmm, okay so let's see…Well normally Natsume hates taking his phone with him to the bathroom. He claims that taking your phone in the bathroom is not only disgusting but also really unhygienic and always criticizes me when I take my phone into the loo. Well, I mean, yeah I know it's unhygienic but I always clean my phone afterwards! I need my phone with me, because when else am I going to scroll through all of 'fuckjerry's' Instagram posts? Exactly! Natsume just doesn't get it…actually wait…ever since last week, he's been taking his phone with him into the bathroom!
Oh my gosh. Yes, he's been taking his phone with him! I even asked him why he was being such a hypocrite the other day and he just rolled his stupid crimson eyes at me and told me that he was 'reading email and the news'.
Psh.
Okay, so he works at a huge IT company as a software engineer and probably gets a bunch of emails on an hourly basis, so what? Why is he reading them in the bathroom now?And the news? Since when did Natsume ever read the news on his phone? He watches the news every night at 8pm (I know because I happen to live with that idiot).
Fuck, is that loser actually cheating on me!? I'm so going to kill him if he is. He won't even know what hit him, since he'll be dead by then, hehe. Yes, Natsume Hyuuga is going to die! Actually, maybe I should read the rest of this super accurate list first..
2. He is uncharacteristically rude or nice.
This is so true! Just the other day, I had accidentally added too much salt to his cheese omelet and when Natsume took a bite, I had expected him to scowl at me and call me a useless cook as he always does. But do you know what he did? He smiled and told me not to worry.
That's right. He smiled at me!
The bastard!
What is wrong with him!? He's supposed to suggest that I needed to take cooking lessons to ensure that I don't accidentally harm the lives of our future children! He's not supposed to be nice about the entire situation and smile at me!
Ughhhhh.
3. He has a rapid change in weight or appearance.
Well, I don't know about rapid, but he has been growing a goatee, ew. He knows just how much I can't stand beards! Also, I think he's lost a bit of weight. Must be because he had been down with the flu for two weeks…but actually now that I think about it, does the getting the flu make you lose weight? Holy fuck, what if he's been working out even more to impress his new girl?!
Well, if he has a mistress, I hope she doesn't like his stupid, ugly, goatee either. In fact, I hope his goatee scratches her face when they make out, hmph. That'll show him to grow a beard, ha. But then again, I really hope they aren't making out in the first place…
4. He has an overnight change in musical taste.
Dang, it's like this list this list knows everything about my relationship with Natsume.
Three days ago, I caught him humming along to a Taylor Swift song! Natsume does not hum. Like ever.
So obviously, you can imagine my surprise when I heard him humming along to 'Bad Blood' by T-Swift.
Wait…what if that was a sign? Is he trying to subtly say that he's got bad blood with me!? What the hell did I ever do to him?! Okay fine, so I poured Cappuccino on him the first time we met, but a few days later he retaliated and poured Sprite on me! Wait..maybe he's still holding a grudge about that.. Well if that's the case, I'm going to get all of my girls and kick his ass. Because Natsume Hyuuga does not simply hum to a song (a Taylor Swift song nonetheless) without an ulterior motive.
Actually, you know what? I'm going to dress all badass like T-Swift did in her 'Bad Blood' video and then proceed to kick his ass. (I think I used the word ass too much, oops.)
That'll show him for humming, ha.
5. He remembers things wrong or loses track of details.
On Wednesdays, it's always my turn to throw away the trash in our apartment and into the garbage disposal which is down the hall outside. But I was feeling particularly lazy one Wednesday evening and asked Natsume to do it. Our conversation went a little like this:
"Natsume? Can you throw the garbage away please?"
He looked up from his phone and blinked at me. "Oh yeah, sure. It's Wednesday, right? My turn anyways."
I was going to correct him and tell him that Wednesdays were in fact my turn to throw away the garbage, but I didn't bother because I thought it was quite funny that Natsume had forgotten. Because Natsume never forgets stuff like that. He's quite detailed oriented that way. Nerd boy.
But it's actually not funny at all right now. He probably forgot because he was too busy texting his damn mistress!
Fuck her, man!
Oh shit. What if he's actually, you know, fucking her!?
Ewwww. Gross!
I just hate how he's too attractive for his own good, ughhh.
6. He suddenly has a man bun.
Umm, what the hell? How is this even relevant? Hmm, Natsume did make that joke about getting a man bun this morning…
This list is definitely on to something.
7. He hides his financial history from you.
Ever since we got engaged, I figured it was time for me to be act more wife-y, you know? Like making him coffee in the morning (instead of just telling him to go to Starbucks or Peete's Coffee on his way to work), attending his office dinners with him and last but not least, checking his bank letters to ensure that he (or even I) hadn't been spending our money on useless stuff (like that one time I bought a pack of 100 tiny scented candles…). But ever since the beginning of this month, he hasn't been letting me look at the bank statements or anything like that!
How am I supposed to know that he's not off buying —heaven forbid — lunch for his new mistress?! Furthermore, how am I supposed to know how much I owe him for those three plush cushions I had bought with his credit card last week?! (I lost the bill for that, in case you're wondering)
The audacity of the boy, I'm telling you!
8. He has new 'friends' at work and/or more work responsibilities.
Once again, since the beginning of this month he's been really busy speaking to 'Yuri', the new employee from work! Well Yuri could either be the name of a Japanese girl of the name of a German guy. But I'm betting you, Yuri is definitely a girl! (We do live in Japan, after all) And why the hell does he always go into his study and close the door when he talks to her? He claims it's because he doesn't the TV's blaring noises from the living room to disturb him, but obviously what he means is that he doesn't want me to eavesdrop on him while he whispers sweet nothings into his precious Yuri's ears!
Damn that Yuri! Why hadn't I seen all these signs before?! I am so incredibly stupid.
I should change my name to 'Mikan Outrageously Stupid Hyuuga'. Wait…it won't be Hyuuga since I can't marry a cheater.
So Mikan 'Outrageously Stupid' Sakura will have to do.
My initials will be M.O.S.S that way.
Heh.
Moss.
9. He's secretive with his technology.
Oh my god. He won't let me touch his phone anymore! Seriously, last night all I wanted to do was play Candy Crush on his phone, but when I moved to retrieve it from my mahogany table, he threw a sissy fit at me! Well not exactly. He just snatched it away and told me that he didn't want his battery to drain because of me and my obsessive need to play Candy Crush. But do you know what he did after he so rudely snatched his phone away from me? He started to play Candy Crush himself!
That hypocrite! I bet the reason why he didn't want me to play on his phone was because he was afraid I'd see his texts to Yuri, and that'd I'd call off our engagement. Well you know what? After reading this list, I think I might as well call off our engagement! I don't deserve to marry a cheating git like him!
Oh shit..he just texted me. He wants me to come downstairs. Apparently he has something to show me...
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Ah.
So remember how I thought Natsume had been cheating on me? Nope, that's all rubbish. The reason why he was acting weird was because he had been planning to buy a house for us; for me. Yes, a house in the suburbs, just like my dream home I had told him back at Ruka's 21st all those years ago!
So surreal, isn't it?
I'm going to marry Natsume Hyuuga and the two of us are going to live in our own home now. We won't be living in Yura's apartment any longer. Fate really does have a weird way of working. After all, who would have ever thought I'd end up buying a house let alone — getting engaged with — that rude Starbucks barista whom I had met during my freshman year at University?
Definitely not me.
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fin
LOL yes, I'm an utterly, hopeless romantic, hahaha. If only such things happened in real life! (Well maybe they do to other people, but not in mine so I have to settle for just writing about it lolol)
Anyways, I'd like to thank you all for reading this story! I hope you enjoyed it as much as I had fun writing it :) Ugh, I had written this one-shot in August'15 and I only got to posting it now...I'm so bad at updating, lol. Anyways, tell me which sign you thought was the funniest/strangest!
Also, this will be the last one-shot I will ever post on this site! Kind of sad, I know, but I have decided to leave fanfiction for good once I finish The Alice Games. Just thought I'd let y'all know :)
Thanks for reading!
Carolle Royale
January 17th, 2016