James Potter wished he could say he was surprised when he walked in on Sirius Black and Kevin McDermott kissing each other senseless in the Dorms. Hell, he wish he had felt the need to gasp, or cover his eyes, or declare that what Sirius Black was doing with another male was vulgar and disgusting, as the wizarding world would wish for any respectable wizard to do.
However, after spending the best part of 10 years with Sirius Black as his best friend, James had become accustomed ignoring such indiscretions.
"Pads, do you have to do that stuff on MY bed? It took me a week to get the stains off it after last time." James shivered at the memory, crouching at the end of the bed the two temporary lovers shared. James lent into his trunk, staring at its contents desperately. "Have you seen any quills? Lolita's given me Lily's home address so that I can write postcards to my beloved during the next holiday, but I need something to write it down with..."
"Well if your bed wasn't the closest to the door, I wouldn't have had to resort to using it now, would I?" James looked over his shoulder watching a fully clothed Sirius roll off his prey. "I'm done here, Kenny. You can go."
"My name's K-Kevin" the boy muttered in mild annoyance, straightening his tie as he turned to James. "P-Please don't tell anyone, James. I don't want my friends to -"
"Don't worry. I really couldn't care what you prefer between the sheets." James replied offhandedly, peering deeper into his trunk. "Where in the name of Merlin are my quills... AHA!" He exclaimed, holding a disheveled quill with crushed feathers in the air with exuberance. Behind him, Sirius gagged, canine senses slightly overwhelmed by the horrific smell which radiated from the writing device.
"Sweet Flobberworms, did you dip that thing in thestral dung? Try keeping your stationery clean, will you prongs?" Sirius muttered, perching on the end of the bed as Kevin shuffled out. James felt Sirius' eyes upon him, staring at his hair pointedly. As hard as he tried to concentrate on the parchment he was folding, it was impossible to ignore a Black when one wanted your attention, so he returned Sirius' gaze with an exhausted sigh.
"So, you're gay." James started, cleaning the quill against the edge of his cloak. "The girls of Hogwarts will be devastated. Though I must say, I am impressed if you managed to do anything that would make me gag whilst fully clothed." Sirius laughed, fixing his hair with a careless hand.
"I'm not gay. I'm experimental. I've tried every female delicacy that Hogwarts has to offer, and I've yet to be impressed. I thought maybe the men would have something new to bring to the table." James sighed at the approach of their familiar conversation. After the first year of 'discovering the female form' and bragging about it, Sirius had come clean to James that it always felt... unfulfilling. Everything would go as it was supposed to, Sirius would make all the noises and moves that he had learnt from practice (and his 'secret stash'), but it was always hollow.
"So, has 'Kenny' shown you the light?" James smirked, amused at Sirius' inability to remember even the simplest of names. With women it was easy, Sirius was the master of pet names - honey pie, darling, sweetheart, love, Sirius never had the need to remember a single first or last name, he could get away with anything. However, James mused, the prospect of calling a fellow man any of these endearing terms mustn't have seemed right for Sirius' small brain.
"No." Sirius sighed, rolling back on James' bed. "Oh, Jamie. How am I meant to find someone to screw? Almost every girl in this place worth trying has been road tested only to fail their MOT, and Kenny was hardly an improvement."
"Well. Maybe you should decide which sex you like, before you decide who you want to 'screw'." James stated clearly, dipping his quill in the mouldy ink before he forgot the address of his precious Lilyflower. "14, Dales Street... Chipping Norton..."
"But that's just it James. I am the sexual enigma. Girls love me, and I make guys question their sexuality. I am the androgynous anomaly. Why should I narrow my market when I could have anyone?" James couldn't help but roll his eyes at Sirius' inflated ego.
"I can safely say that you've never ever made me question my sexuality, Sirius. And if your head gets any bigger, they're going to have trouble getting you out of the dorms."
"Why is Sirius going to be stuck in the dorms?" A voice laughed from behind James as Peter Pettigrew emerged from the stairwell. James' eyes searched Sirius' silver ones, begging for permission to reveal Sirius' new sexual preference to Peter. Sirius sighed, rolling his eyes.
"Go on then, Potter. I can see you're desperate to spread the gossip." Sirius mumbled, pulling a pillow over his head. "Alas, cruel world, why musteth thou cutteth me whence it hurteth the most!"
"Sirius, if Remus was here to hear you slaughter Shakespearian English, you'd be in a bodybag my friend." James laughed, turning to Peter who desperately craved the gossip.
Sirius partially listened to the pair's gasps and cries, but let his mind drift to Remus. Remus. He'd know what to do now. He'd try and help Sirius, try and make sense of the insane ramblings of the eldest Black child.
But he was still at home, unable to make the long cross-country journey up to Scotland on the day of the full moon. He'd said he would come by the wednesday, but it was the friday now and Sirius had begun to desperately miss his calming influence. He hadn't heard from the quiet werewolf since before the full moon, and was beginning to worry. What if something had gone wrong? What if Remus was hurt? What if Remus had killed someone? What if someone had killed Remus?
"Will he try it on with me?" Sirius heard Peter whisper to James, believing Sirius to not have heard. A feral grin appeared on Sirius' face at the potential freak-out possibilities which were posed by the chubby boy's belief that Sirius would go for anything that would breathe. He did have *some* standards, you know.
Just what these standards were to be, he did not know. With girls it was easy - large boobs, long blonde hair, ditsy persona - he went for the characteristic 'easy lay' with a good body. But when it came to men? He hadn't the foggiest. Sirius thought about it for a few moments; what sort of man did he want?
Well. Tall was a must, he supposed. Not taller than him. Maybe the same height. That would be nice. Lighter hair than himself; preferably ashy blonde to light brown. Interesting eyes, that change colour in different lights. Funny. Understanding would be nice, unless it was just a quick lay. Quick lays didn't need to be understanding. That would complicate things, and potentially ruin the 'quick' element in the quick lay.
Would it be about quick lays if he was gay? Perhaps, he decided. 'I'll need a few practice lays to learn the ropes' he mused, suddenly realising he didn't really have much of a clue about how sex worked between two men. He could guess, though, and a few practice runs would do no one any harm, so long as all the usual protective spells were in place. Would he be the 'woman' or the 'man' in a relationship? Undecided.
Longer term prospects would also need to be loving, quick witted, smart, handsome, and a bit different. Normal bored Sirius. Any potential partner would need to be something a bit special. Perhaps a vampire. Or double jointed. Or incredibly kinky. Maybe all three.
Most importantly of all, Sirius believed, was that they needed to be trusting and patient. Sirius wasn't an idiot; he knew he fucked up occasionally. Whoever was going to have him for the long term needed to accept that, and be there for Sirius when he needed them.
'Well aren't you the soppy git today'. Sirius mused to himself. 'I want someone who will love me and cuddle me and kiss me where it hurts. God. I make myself sick sometimes.' He shook his head, focussing back in on the conversation between James and Peter.
"-And then, he'll castrate you. Because that's the sort of kinky thing that Sirius enjoys during sex, I'm afraid. Don't look so scared, Peter, he'll sew it back on when he's done with you, though surgery a la Sirius has been known to go a bit skewed occasionally. I heard sewed on Snivelly's backwards once he was done with h-" The look of panic that marred Peter's features throughout the story seemed to disappear in an instant. "What?"
"Oh James" Sirius mused, sitting up to face his friend. "You made the classic mistake. Your story was going perfectly well until you added in the unnecessary plot line involving me fucking Snivelly. Anyone who has ever, ever met me knows that this will never happen. Thus, your story loses its impetus. You should have stuck through with the going theme of Kenny, and then added in that I think onion rings can be used as a fun and kinky bedroom aide. Because they can, you know, Peter. Just ask Madeline Halls" Sirius winked, rolling off the bed entirely "And, just so you know, Pete, I find you incredibly sexy. Maybe we should hook up sometime."
"I'm hoping you're not serious." Peter retorted, resisting the urge to slap himself on the forehead as he realised his amateur mistake.
"Oh, but I am. I am seriously Sirius." He turned to James, backing out towards the door as he pointed his hand at the Stag animagi. "Sorry sweetheart, but you're a no." He swung towards Peter, taking slightly more time in his answer "you're not my cup of tea I'm afraid, sugar", taking amusement with the manner in which Peter looked genuinely dejected. He took a final look around the room, his eye spotting Peter's prized teddy, tilting his head as if to consider the option. "Definite maybe. Call me when you've waxed." He decided, pointing at the stuffed bear. At this, Peter threw himself across the room, protecting his loved teddy with all his might. As James laughed, Sirius made his way down the first few steps.
"Where you going, mate?" James grinned, bouncing on his bed in a strange crosslegged position. "Pranking? Because if so, it's illegal to not invite me." Sirius laughed, turning on the stairs to face his best friend.
"No, nothing that exciting. I figured I'd go up to the owlery, send one over to Remus. He should be here by now, I want to check he hasn't been attacked by a thousand wild goblins searching his woods for the gold that the leprechauns hid there."
"When was he due back?" James queried, frown lines marring his forehead. James was almost as protective as Sirius when it came to Remus, after accidentally witnessing one of the wolf's transformations last year. 'I threw up.' Sirius remembered the stag saying, when Sirius went and found him the following morning. 'It was the most painful and horrific thing I've ever seen, watching every bone in a person's body break over and over and over again. I don't know how he does it. I really dont.'
Sirius really hoped Remus was OK.
"He was due on wednesday, but I suppose if he left home on wednesday then he'd be getting here tonight or tomorrow morning? Hopefully as soon as possible, you lot are boring the crap out of me." Sirius smiled, leaning his toned arms on the stairway walls to swing midair. "I want to make sure he's OK though, we can't have our Remmiepoo being unwell, can we?"
"Ok, well tell Moonikins that I love him dearly, and impatiently await his return to my bed." James laughed, winking at the disappearing Sirius. The incredulous look on Sirius' face just made James laugh even harder as Sirius recollected his wits.
"In your dreams, Potter." Sirius laughed, finally backing down the dark of the stairway until the dark consumed his figure and all that was left was the sound of faint footprints fighting their way towards the Owlery.
Remmikins!
Where have you got to? James and I are really worried, normally if you were going to be late you would have told us, or sent an owl, or something. Was 'that time of the month' OK? Everything's fine here as per usual, but we all miss you so much! Peter looked lost in Transfiguration without your help - neither me nor James have the patience to teach him such simple things that anyone else could master in a heartbeat! He well and truly showed me up in herbology though; we were working with these strange planty things that were a bit like venus flytraps, which tried to EAT ME ALIVE. Those things are bloody lethal, and he and James just stood there laughing as I attempted to rescue my hand.
James says you are to come 'home' soon, and that he is desperately awaiting your return to his bed. I can't believe you're cheating on me with that overgrown dear, dahling.
Get your butt here ASAP!
Lots of love
Siripooo
Heyoo! Ok. This is my first story in a while, and updates are going to be a bit more sporadic than usual - I'm so sorry, but I've got exams until mid-May. Forgotten Memories is on a temporary hiatus, just because I was in the mood for a slightly happier story. The more reviews I get, the more I'm likely to write, so just tell me what you think, what I can improve etc!
Siri and Remmie have also had to share my heart recently - I've discovered that I love Aragorn and Legolas as a pair! I have no idea why, I just love it. But I don't feel I could do those two justice at the moment... If anyone knows any good Aragorn/Legolas stories, feel free to email/message me!
All my love,