Disclaimer:
Me: *walks up to random dude.* HI!
random dude: uh, hi.
me: do I own twilight?
random dude: you think you one the evening?
me: no the book.
random dude: what book?
me: the Twilight Saga.
random dude: what's that?
me: do you live under a rock?
random dude: uh, well me and my brother Patrick, down in Bikini Bottom---
me: CAN IT! *hits him with rubber chicken* I don't own twilight... *tear*
A/N: Okay, here are some bloopers i created from the movie, i give credit to my friend Alex who made a commentary on the movie once. So yeah here's the story
Director: and Action!!!
scene:1 (these aren't in any particular order)
Bella: I never thought of how I would die. *gets hit by passing semi*
Well now we know!
when they first walk in the Cullen house
Edward: Welcome to my den of sin! mwahahahahah!
Bella: Um, where's the coffin?
Edward: In Rosalie's room!... It's broken by the way.
kitchen scene
Edward: she already ate.
Rosalie: *throws lettuce at Bella*
Director: Hon, you're supposed to break the bowl!
Rosalie: OOOOOOh, *does der sign, then throws bowl on the ground. It shatters*
Director: good enough.
Rosalie: Eat the Freakin' food bitch!
Alice: *walks out on tree branch, then falls into the kitchen*
Jasper: *laughs hysterically*
Alice: Help me up, dammit!
Jasper:*helps Alice up*
Alice: Hi i'm Alice! *hugs Bella* You smell like terd!
Edward: Alice!
Alice: Me and Bella are gonna be great friends!
Bella: Um okay.
Alice: It's like I have ESPN
--
Esme: Cute!
Alice: I know!
Rosalie: Hate her!
Carlisle: Me too!
Esme: clean this up, now.
Rosalie: The princess clean? Ugh, yeah right.
Esme: I said clean it up!
Rosalie: Okay! *shoves Esme's face in the glass* There ya go! *skips off*
Edward's room scene
Bella: No bed?
Edward: We can do it on the floor!
Bella: Oh my gawd not till the fourth book!
Edward: Damn...
Bella: What are you listening to? *turns on radio, classical music plays*
Edward: It's DeBussy.
Bella: *in happy voice* Oh, Claire de Lune sucks.
Edward: You're a bitch.
Bella: wanna skip to the fourth.
Edward: Sure!
--------------------censored--------------------
outside at Bella's
Bella: Can you at least act human? I mean, I have neighbors.
Edward: Arf!!!
Bella: what?
Edward: acting like you, you're a bitch right?
Bella: *sigh*
Edward: I'm gonna have to take you to my house tomorrow!
Bella: You mean like with your family?
Edward: *nods*
Bella: What if they don't like me? I mean I do blink to much.
Edward: Yeah, you do. So your worried not because you'll be in a house full of vampires, but because you think they won't approve you.
Bella: That's what I said jackass.
Edward: Aw, I love you to! *looks off*
Bella: What?
Edward: Complications. *gets in car*
*as Billy and Edward are passing eachother*
Billy: Jerk.
Edward: Bitch.
breaking all the rules now anyway scene
Bella: Everyone's staring.
Edward: *pokes guy in the eyes* That guy isn't.
Bella: That's so romantic!
Edward: Since I'm going to hell.
Rosalie from the car: Get in Loser Wer'e going shopping!
baseball scene
Esme: Call 'em as you see 'em Bella.
Emmett: She thinks we cheat.
Esme: I know you cheat.
Emmett: That was you.
Esme: YOU CHEAT DAMMIT!
Emmett: Yes mommy.
--
Rosalie: *glares at Bella after her strike*
Bella: My ESPN says wer'e gonna be bestys!
Alice: I'm the one with ESPN.
Bella: NO ME!
Alice: *crying* Jazzy!
Jasper: Blame the beauty, huh?
Rosalie: Shut-up fork -butt.
Bella: THAT RHYMED!!!!!!!
I know what you are scene
Bella: I know what you are.
Edward: Say, say it out loud.
Bella: Well I'd rather not cause people are here and it's a secret.
Edward: Just freakin' say it.
Bella: Mermaid.
Edward: MERMAN!
lion and lamb scene
Edward: This is the skin of a killer Bella
Bella: You're perty!
--
Edward: I wanted to kill you, that first day in biology.
Bella: Welcome!!!
--
Edward: So the lion fell in love with the lamb.
Bella: What a stupid lamb.
Edward: What a bad breathed lamb! *gags*
Bella's first day at school
Tyler: Nice ride.
Bella: At least mine don't run people over on icy days.
Tyler: That's not till later!
--
Eric: Hi, I'm Eric the eyes and ears of this place, anything you need, tourguide, lunchdate, shoulder to cry on?
Bella: Actually, I would like a date Friday.
Eric: Sorry, unless your trans-gender I can't, I'm kinda gay.
Bella: 0_o
at lunch
Bella: Who are they?
Angela: The Cullen's?
Jessica: They're doctor and Mrs. Cullen's foster kids. Okay so, the blonde ones Rosalie, she's a bitch, and the big one's Emmett, we had sex once.
Rosalie: What?!
Jessica: um, moving on.
Rosalie: *walks off hitting Emmett*
Jessica: The little dark-haired girl's Alice, she's really weird she shoved a carrot up my nose when I mistaked her for a kindergartner, and the one who looks like he really needs to poop is Jasper.
Bella: Who's he?
Jessica: That's Edward Cullen, he's totally gorgeous, obviously, but he doesn't date. So, like don't waste your time.
Bella: Yeah, yeah, whatev bitch
ballet scene
Bella: *instead of pepper spray, pulls out a taser*
James: *screams like a girl*
Bella: mwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah!
--
Carlisle: Find the will Edward. *in mufassa from lion king voice* Remember who you are.
Edward: 0_o
Carlisle: Just find the damn will!!!!!!!!!!!!
Edward: Whatever.
*Alice, Jasper, and Emmett in background start chanting*
Edward: What the hell?
Carlisle: Rain dance, duh.
Bella: It burns!
Edward: Maybe we should get her some ice.
Carlisle: Good idea!
*Edward and Carlisle walk off*
Bella's first day at Charlie's
Jacob: Hi I'm Jacob, we used to make mud pies together.
Bella: Yeah! You're the guy who used to pee in his pants, cause you had a weak bladder!
first biology class
Edward: *holding breath*
Bella: sits: *sits down next to him*
Edward: *pukes violently*
Bella: Are you okay?
Edward: No... God I don't want to talk okay.
Bella: What's your fave color?!
Edward: red
Bella: what classes do you have?
Edward: Sex-Ed
Bella: me to!
Edward: You know, you're ugly.
Bella: awwwww, you're so sweet!!!!
the last scene with Victoria
Victoria: *pulls her hair clip out, the hairclip gets stuck* OW! *falls down the stairs* Dammit.
baseball scene again
Laurent: I believe this is yours.
Carlisle: *puts on rubber gloves* *in disgusted voice* Thanks.
Laurent: Is there a problem?
Carlisle: Well you eat humans and by touching their inside you could have hepatitus, and I don't want it.
James: That Waylon guy was weird tasting. *looks thoughtful*
--
Victoria: I'm the one the wicked curveball.
Emmett: I'm the one who kills your mate!
Alice: Not till the end you dumb polock.
Emmett: *gets out matches*
James: *girly scream*
Alice: *tackles Emmett*
Carlisle: Actually a few of us were leaving, you can take their place.
*the wind blows*
James: You brought chicken!!!! *starts jumping up and down*
Edward: AAAAAAAH! My chicken! *bites Bella*
Bella: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Carlisle: Better get more ice.
prom scene
Edward: *attempts to lift Bella over the stairs, then drops her*
Bella: Ow!
Edward: Would you get up!
--
Bella: I can't dance.
Edward: Sure you do. *tries to lift her on his feet* Okay your to fat.
Bella: But Alice signed me up for Nutri-System, I can't be! *stamps foot*
in the kissing scene
Edward: *kiss* don't eat her. *kiss* don't eat her. *kiss* don't eat her.
la push baby scene
Eric: It's La Push, baby.
Bella: *shoves fork down his throat* I'll go if you stop saying that.
Eric: *choking*
Mike: really dude it's creepy.
Eric: *still choking*
Bella: Cool, I'll go.
Eric: *passes out dead*
at the beach
Jessica: You guys should keep Bella company, her bailed on her.
Mike: Date?
Eric: What date?
Angela: She invited Edward.
Mike: That's it, I'm gonna go kick some Cullen ass.
Mike: *walks up to Edward* You hitting on my Bella, Eddie.
Edward: *growls*
Mike: *screams like little girl* OHMYGAWD! *tries to run away but Jasper eats him*
Edward: Dude?
Jasper: I was hungry.
Alice: That's my boy! *rubs Jaspers head*
when Bella gets her truck
Bella: *hits Jake with the door*
Jacob: Hey!
Bella: What? You're a bad kitty.
Jacob: I'm a dog!
Bella: Whatev bitch.
Jacob: That's Leah!
when Charlie and Billy are having that play/fight in the street
Bella: Are they always like this?
Jacob: It gets worse with old age. I mean you should've seen 'em yesterday, Charlie pulled dads weelchair out from under him and started hitting him with it.
Bella: So nothings changed?
Jacob: Nope.
back in Edward's room
Bella: What are you listening to? *turns on stereo*
CUTS LIKE A KNIFE, BUT IT FEELS SO RIGHT, YEAH IT CUTS LIKE A KNIFE.
Edward: Uuuuh..
Bella: So you are emo!
at the beach with Jacob
Jacob: It's really just like an old scary story.
Bella: Oh my gawd, like Dracula.
Jacob: How'd you know?!
Bella: 0_o
Jacob: *laughs nervously*
in the meadow as their laying down
Edward: Oh Dear God!
Bella: What my little spraklepire?
Edward: Your poors are freskin' huge...
Bella: Um...
Edward: And a spider just crawled up your nose.
once again at the baseball scene
Carlisle: Nice kitty.
Rosalie: I'm a freakin' peacock dammit!
Carlisle: 0_o.
(if u've seen the pic of the Cullen's turned into animals pic u get it, shout out to Jeah Hale, cause that's her icon, and she's awesome)
in Edward's room
Edward: swings Bella on his back, then falls off the balcony*
Bella: Ow.
Edward: lose some weight bitch.
in the tree
Bella: This isn't real, these things just don't exsist.
Edward: Yes they freakin' do, gah you're dumb.
A/N: I have way more I could do, but tell me if u want me to, i do love the movie and all, but this is funny to me. PLEASE REVIEW!
~pixie~