A/N - Before commencement :
Some Pre-Emptive Author Confessions ::
Gooday Cunts!
Baron Bilious Blueballs here
So, this is my first and very likely only fic and therefore the author's fabled responsibility of due diligence to their readers compels me to give mine fair notice. This story will in all probability be dropped at any time without warning. Free time is scarce, my life ensures a busy schedule and I am a slow, lazy, lousy, insensitive, cynical, thick-skinned, easily demotivated faux-writer who is an academic failure with no writing experience and atrocious grammar while being overly-hyperbolic, vocabulary retarded, dictionary dependent and, above all else, who's productivity is powered on having fun and not hard work or dedication. I hereby own my flaws and regret none of them. I am also my own most ruthless and savage critic and thus am never satisfied with anything I do because it's all shit. Honesty with one's self is key after all.
To be blunt, I write only for myself and personally believe it is self-destructive folly to balance my motivation on the reviews and approval or disapproval of others. Any future updates depend on two factors, the fun of writing, and free time. If either supply dwindles, progress too shall dwindle, even die. Reviews, negative or positive will not impact the process, though valid criticisms –might- be accepted depending on their suggestions. But fair warning, I may not make it past the first chapter, and here's the truth of why. It took me just shy of 2 years to write it.
I advise all follow box tickers to abandon hope for this story's future and expect each chapter to be the last. This story is but an experiment to determine if I'm any good at writing, and of course because my favourite character is Frieza. Should I find time and drive to continue, the plot will have no forward planning because I am incapable of forethought beyond my next breath; even the few flash-forwards will have zero grounding with the direction the plot itself will decide to go. In other words I'm making this shit up as I go. Either the story will really, REALLY slowly grow into it's own like a seed into a plant and best case scenario develop a meandering, pointless, repetitive, often procrastinatory plot with absolutely no direction, many ass-pulled plot conveniences as well as plot holes in the thousands, but I will at the very least try to avoid brazen retcons . . . no promises.
For now, consider this no more than a single chapter work exploring Frieza's mindset post Namek. And feel free to drop me a line, be it to bombard me with critique, disdain, compliments or even just to call me a cunt. All are welcome, even the whiners because that's how free speech works, and if your happy spitting in the face of PC culture by insulting me, you have my respect. I don't need my "Fee-fee's" protected or to cower in some "Safe Space." If you're looking for a safe space then what the fuck are you doing on the internet? Go hide under your bed or something. Like I said, reviews won't impact the future of this story unless the criticism is very valid, so don't dress it up in verbal genteel finery, just speak ya mind, cunts, I'll listen . . . probably.
Now a Q&A for general questions I anticipate receiving should this story defy it's inevitable futureless fate, because after this, there will be no more authors notes . . . I hope.
Q: Are you always this rudely blunt and with people?
A: Yes. My general attitude endears me to nobody – And yes. I am an asshole, albeit an honest one. If you take issue with me as I am, then that's your problem, deal with it, or don't; either way, I don't give a shit.
Q: SHIPPING-SHIPPING-SHIPPING?!
A: I get that 90% of the fanfiction community is more obsessed with shipping than anything else. I also understand that I will lose 90% of my readers when I say . . . . Fuck shipping! :: I don't give a crap about romance; it bores me. That's not to so there will be none. The canon couples will stand, their relationships shall be acknowledged but not deeply explored; their love's existence is all that requires notation.
Q: Will the good guys win in the end? (Spoilers)
A: With the loss of 90% of my readers successfully achieved, along with those already tired of my zero shits given disposition, it is time to bugger off the rest by answering . . . no. In fact Goku, Vegeta and the Z Gang are in for a horror show when and if Frieza goes to Earth, and timeline-wise that won't be for a good 14 to 16 years at least, and that's assuming I even write past the first chapter. Rest assured though, there will be NO happy ending for them. This is a Frieza-centric tale after all and he is going to do some seriously fucked up, evil shit in this story. If you're the type who can't stomach villains getting their way, this story is absolutely NOT for you, so spare me the moralizing complaints . . . You have been admonished.
Q: But will Frieza ultimately lose?
A". . . Uhhh, define "Lose.".
Q: Romance prospects for Frieza?
A: Frieza will have no romantic interest because, one, he's an asexual being, and two, because I say so. Though he is a cruel bastard and will use the affections of others to his own ends if they are stupid enough to fall for him, and trust me, some will be that stupid and he will break their hearts right after tearing them out of their chests and crushing them to pulpy sludge in the palm of his hand once they outlive their usefulness. This is Frieza, not some angsty, lonely teenager who's every problem can be solved by the fictitious, fairytale power of love and companionship – BLARGH! - and if the opening chapter to come doesn't drive that point home –HARD- and you still hold out hope, this story is NOT for you. It will be bloody and ugly and downright sickening in many places, and there will be little to no justice, such is the way of most villain-centric tales.
Q: What's your problem with shipping, asshole?!
A: You mean aside from the pointless, idiotic flame wars the subject sparks? Let me make my perspective on this so sparkling, fucking clear that I need never repeat it. My personal, very unpopular opinion about shipping is that it's the bane of every present day fandom for a plethora of reasons almost nobody cares about. People like what they like, I get that and I won't judge them for it, but neither will I cater to their little headcanons. I will say this only one more time - I write for me and nobody else. If you enjoy it, I'm happy for you; if not, no hard feelings.
Q: Will you as a faux-writer adhere to the dubious codes of political correctness?
A: Pfff, what the fuck do you think? . . . HELL NO! - If you're one of those SJW types who cannot abide this freedom of expression, trust me, we won't get along. So please, save us both the time and misery and be on your way, because there are themes in this story that WILL offend the easily offended, like alien racism, sexism, Saiyanphobic sentiments, Friezaisms and blah-blah-blah . . .
Q: Shipping?
A: We've been over this!
Q: Well I'm an SJW/3RD Wave Feminist; is your story going to trigger my delicate, special little snowflake sensibilities?
A: I guarantee it, in fact given what the story is about, if it doesn't trigger people like you even a little, then I'm an even shittier writer than I thought. My morbid humour aside, I must clarify that regardless of the topic, I do –NOT- pull my punches. If you are easily "Triggered" by inconsequential happenings in –fictional- material; turn back, for forthright you will find only fictional suffering and fictional oppression. ALL genders of ALL –ALIEN- races will endure EQUAL adversity because Frieza is all about equality; under his iron-fisted rule, nobody feels left out.
Q: Shipping?!
A: I said NOOOO!
Q: I'm offended that you called me a cunt, cunt. What's your major malfunction?!
A: So what? . . . It may not mean the same thing where I'm from compared to where you're from. Over here it's not uncommon to find this sort of humour among some friends who sometimes greet eachother like "Hey cunt, how's life." Or "There you are ya dopey cunt, come on, we're late for Beer Night." This is how I speak and how I am likewise fine being spoken to since it's all in good humor, so feel free to reciprocate so long as it's in good spirit, hell, I'm even alright with it in bad spirit, hehe. Just remember, I will only show respect equivalent to what I am given . . . What? You've heard my explanation and still don't like it? Then fuck off, ya cunt."
Q: SHIPPING?!
A: STOP TRIGGERING ME, DAMN IT!"
Q: From the tone of your author's notes, you're a really crappy writer. Is this estimate fair?"
A: Yup, actually it's more than fair, it's downright generous. I do suck at writing and I will never deny it, nor have I plans to improve cause it's just too much like hard work, and as per my outlook on all activities in life, when fun becomes work, it's not fun anymore and I walk away regardless of the consequences. People don't like it and don't like me for it. But that's their problem, isn't it.
Q: SHIPPING?!
A: Security! Security! Get this –person- out of my sight! Hey! Security! . . . Ugh, where did those hired goons run off to? It's not their lunch break yet.
Q: You do realize that your spelling and punctuation suck and your crappy pros is way too hyperbolical?
A: Your powers of observation are legendary. You should be a detective. Sarcasm aside, yes, I am very aware of this and am far too apathetic to go through the boring process of learning those literary proprieties. No offense to those who weren't napping in class when they were teaching that sort of stuff, or in any class for that matter, I wish you all good fortune and prosperous futures.
Q: SHIPPING?!
A: Oh for fuck sake, just shut up and leave me alone!
Q: You're a foulmouthed, miserable asshole!
A: That's . . . not a question.
Q: SHIPPING?!
A: why? WHYYYYYY-Awww-ho-hooo . . . fuck my life.
Q: Will there be more authors notes like this in the future?
A: For the sake of everyone's sanity, especially mine, there will be, NO, more author's notes.
Q: Shipping?
A: (Face-Palms in exasperation and walks away shaking head)
"Alright, Q&A is over, forever; now go and read the chapter, or don't; no skin off my teeth . . . Seriously though, if you bothered reading this far, you're a champ for enduring my blunt, tactless attitude. Understand that I don't give these warnings just to be a prick, I do it to save readers wasting their time. And no, I'm not sorry that this is a lousy way to start a story, because it's my story and I'll do with it as I please. Now proceed, or don't, either way, I wish you well . . . . cunts." XD
Sincerely ::
Baron Bilious Blueballs. - AKA - The Miserable Fucker who's deranged ranting you just suffered through.