"Give the patient an arterial blood gas, and get me a cookie," House paused for a moment;
"Am I speaking in tongues? Go!" he popped his Vicodin and necked a capsule. Foreman and Cameron looked at him with mild contempt as the walked by. House threw his cane up to block the path of Robert Chase, who was getting irritated by House and his constant taunting;
"Why the hurry, Wombat?" he smirked and closed the blinds. He used his cane to push a chair away from the desk.
"Sit," he said, as if he was talking to a disobedient dog.
"Uhh, what?" Chase frowned, completely in the dark, and not just because of the inherent absence of light.
"Am I not saying it right? Do I need to check my English to moron dictionary again? Sit." House repeated guiding Chase with his cane. Chase sat down and looked unimpressed;
"What do you want?" he snapped a little, sharing Foreman and Cameron's mild contempt for the man.
"Ooh, touchy, what, did you run out of shrimp for the barbie?" House spoke with unadulterated mirth, and a bad Australian accent in an attempt to rile Chase, who then narrowed his eyes and rolled them;
"Y'know one day you're gonna run out of Aussie jokes," House pretended to be hurt;
"Never! Have a little faith Skippy," he sat on a chair opposite Chase and leaned his hands on top of one another on his cane, before resting his chin on them.
"I need a favor," House said, giving fake puppy dog eyes at Chase. Chase scoffed;
"You want a favor from me? You've got more chance of getting hit by a low-flying spaceship. Ask Cameron, she cares." he went to stand up, but winced in pain when House's cane caught him square in the groin.
"Can't. Has to be you." House said matter of factly.
"Why?" he gasped slightly at the pain.
"I'm in pain." he said, honestly.
"You're always in pain," he replied candidly.
"I'm miserable." he added.
"You're alwa-,"
"Yeah, yeah, yeah, get me some morphine. I need a shot in my spine." he dismissed his smart-ass quips.
"No way. I like my job." Chase knew Cuddy would be furious if she found out.
"Ohhhh, did Chase forget to put on his big boy pants this morning? Don't worry about Cuddy. It'll be our little secret," House pouted mockingly. His expression changed from mirthful to anguished, but being House he masked it. Chase frowned, he could tell this was different from the usual pain the infarction caused him.
"Cuddy wouldn't want you to start up on Morphine, the Vicodin isn't working?" he asked, carefully.
"Does it look like the Vicodin is working?" House snapped, and looked confused at the strangled way his voice had sounded. Chase blinked at House's hostility, then he did something he never in a million years thought he would do. He leaned across and placed his hands on the unshaven face of his boss. He gulped lightly before pressing his lips to House's. House's eyes went wide and when Chase had pulled back from this unlikely turn of events, House squinted his eyes and tilted his head to one side, in typical House fashion. He blew the air out from his cheeks and looked at Chase curiously;
"What was that?" he asked, straight-faced. Chase rubbed his face and mumbled;
"I don't know," he sighed and laughed in embarrassment;
"I thought...maybe it would distract you from your leg," he got up but was again faced with the wrath of House's cane.
"Ow! Stop doing that!" he exclaimed.
"Then stop trying to run away," House tipped his head again. Chase sighed and sat down. "I don't know what you want from me," he replied. House got up and put his cane on the table and limped over to Chase, and sat in his lap. Chase looked at him in wonderment and a small smile appeared on his lips, he licked it away. What are you doing, Chase?! He thought to himself, and despite all protests from his mind he leaned back in to close the small gap between their lips. He kissed him, his hands getting lost in House's tousled hair, he yelped softly when House tugged his golden blonde hair. House knew this was sheer insanity, but at the same time, he could swear with every stroke of Chase's tongue upon his, the pain was lessening. Chase ran a hand down House's chest and gently and slyly put his hand upon House's bad leg. House smacked it away fiercely and pulled back from him.
"Didn't your daddy ever tell you not to touch without permission?" he quipped slyly.
"Don't be ashamed House, this doesn't bother me," he placed his hand there once more and House, although he didn't bat it away this time, didn't welcome it either.
"It's ugly, as so many things in this world are," he looked away; Chase thought that this had been the first time House had ever been so candid and honest about his leg, and how he felt about it. He had a brash and arrogant exterior, he liked to pretend he didn't care and nothing mattered, but Chase had always known this wasn't true. House turned his gaze back to to Chase, and caught his crystalline eyes staring into his. He gulped as Chase gently stroked his leg, not at all fazed by the lack of thigh muscle and ragged scarring it harbored.
"It's not ugly, it's real," he spoke softly, his attention focused on his hands.
"I know it's real, what, do you think I just pop Vicodin like Pez candy for fun?" he said, stridently.
"No, but it does convince me you're actually a human being and not a robot," he replied smiling a little, his other hand stroking the side of House's face;
"I'm not a robot; robots are super cool, but I'm way cooler," his mirth was back in his eyes. Chase stopped House's sharp wit with more kisses, ones that became deep and sensual, and started to trail across his jaw line and down to his neck. House closed his eyes and sighed out, his hands gripping Chase's shoulders, partly because he didn't want to fall off, and partly because he was held mercilessly by this rapture. He put his head back a little to give Chase a little more room.
Wilson walked down the trailing hospital corridors, his path ultimately leading to the Department of Diagnostics. He approached the glass door and frowned at the lack of light in the room. He peered through the glass and squinted. He saw that House was in there, sat...on someone's knee? He frowned even more, who is that? he thought to himself. His eyes widened in shock when the face of House's new friend. Is that...Chase?! His jaw dropped in shock and he didn't know what to do, he walked quickly back to his office and shook his head to get the traumatic imagery out of his mind.
Chase broke himself free, his breathing ragged and shaking.
"Maybe we should get back to work?" he smirked a little and House shared this.
"Oh boo, that's no fun. You're a tease," he folded his arms like a sulky child, but continued to smile.
"Thanks, though," Chase thought he actually looked sincere. He grabbed his cane and climbed back into the opposite chair.
"Glad I could help," they shared a secret smile, as Cameron and Foreman walked back in.
"Blood gas showed a slightly elevated level of Carbon Dioxide in her blood stream, but that wouldn't be enough to cause-" Foreman stopped.
"House are you even listening to me?" he sighed.
"What? Oh you were talking, I heard white noise," Chase snorted and stood up.
"Care to share the joke Chase?" Cameron looked at him with attitude, although her voice was apathetic.
"Nope," he replied simply, and poured some coffee. House was inadvertently watching Chase.
"Is your leg still hurting?" Cameron asked, she'd noticed he seemed worse this morning.
"My leg is fine. Mrs Abernathy however, is not. How about we start a differential instead of wasting our time on small talk that we'll both regret when I make you cry again?" his biting wit lashed at Cameron, she rolled her eyes.
"You were worse this morning, did you take morphine?" she frowned and he smirked slightly.
"Nope, I did not take Morphine, I've found something much more effective, and DEFINITELY more interesting than this conversation," he smiled sarcastically.
"What are you taking?" she persisted; it was like she was a glutton for punishment.
"Wouldn't you like to know?" he smirked knowingly.
"I believe you've taken this particular drug before, I totally get why now," his smirk widened.
"You're taking crystal meth?!" she exclaimed.
"You know I'll tell Cuddy," she warned.
"Oh relax, you tattle tale, I'll pee in a cup for Cuddy if she so asks, but she won't find anything but oodles of Vicodin and a little gin in my pee," his sarcastic smile was back.
"Chase, would you care to explain to Dr Cameron what exactly I've been taking?" he looked at him pretending to be waiting interested for a response. Chase smirked and sipped his coffee.
"I'd love to, but doctor-patient confidentiality states I can't," he grinned a devilish grin and sat down opposite Foreman.
"Cameron, Foreman, send Mrs Abernathy for a CT scan of her liver, I want to see it light up like a Christmas tree when you find the little nest of tumors-and you will find them. Chase come with me," House got up and walked to the door and waited
"Oh I'm sorry did I say come with me TOMORROW?" Chase quickly followed House and they walked side by side to the elevators. House pressed the button;
"Why am I following you again?" Chase asked a little confused.
"I think I'm in need of another dose," House smiled a thin lipped smile, and Chase nodded slowly.
"I see. And we're going where?" he smiled a little.
"I just need to talk to Wilson about the nest of liver tumors,"
"The tumors they haven't found yet?" he folded his arms.
"Yes, the tumors they WILL find, if they can stop bickering for long enough, we may need an Oncologist. Y'know for the CANCER," he rolled his eyes and climbed into the elevator, Chase followed suit.
"They could be benign," Chase reasoned.
"Yes, because benign tumors cause liver failure," House barbed.
"Her symptoms could still be an infection, or a toxin. Without a biopsy-"
"Biopsies take time. Mrs Abernathy doesn't have time. I don't have time either," House pressed the button for the second floor, where Wilson's office was located.
"And if we treat her for cancer and she doesn't have cancer?" Chase questioned.
"Then all the more fun for us; new puzzle," he looked almost gleeful at the prospect as he popped another Vicodin and walked out of the elevator, Chase followed.
Wilson was walking down the corridor when he walked into House and Chase;
"You, in my office, we need to talk, now," Wilson didn't look amused.
"I was just coming to talk to you actually, about Mrs Abernathy, she has cancer," House smiled.
"And that makes you happy? Anyway, that's not what I want to talk to you about," Wilson began
"Ohh no, it sounds serious," House looked at Chase and mock-bit his nails.
"I came down to see you earlier but you were busy," Wilson cleared his throat. House caught onto the thread Wilson was laying out.
"Ahh I see, and this is relevant because...?" he looked at the Oncologist curiously.
"My office," Wilson repeated.
"Ohh I'm sorry, I can't, Chase is about to give me another dose of-" House began but was cut off by Wilson.
"Oh I know exactly what Dr Chase was giving you," Wilson folded his arms in disapproval. Chase's eyes went wide and a blush ran up to his cheeks faster than an Australian bush fire, he stammered;
"Uh-" was all he could utter.
"You can go," Wilson dismissed him, and Chase scurried away like a rat from fire.
"Ohh you scared him away, he was really helping me too," House pretended to be sad.
"Just when I thought your insanity had peaked, you pull something like this out, I have to say bravo," Wilson rolled his eyes; he didn't know why anything House did surprised him anymore.
"Hey now, he kissed me first," he replied a mock-tattletale manner.
"And that didn't ring alarm bells with you?" Wilson exclaimed.
"He's your subordinate and he's...he's a HE, are you out of your mind?!" Wilson said a little too loudly.
"Oh come on now Wilson, I didn't peg you for a homophone," he said just as loudly, causing the nurses to whisper amongst themselves.
"I am not a homophone, and you're not a homosexual so it's irrelevant." Wilson continued
"You're using him for a pain patch?" he raised his eyebrows.
"Uh no, he availed himself to me, how can I say no to that face?" he continued to mock both Wilson and Chase, even though the latter was not present. Wilson was getting himself into such a fluster, much to House's amusement.
"Mind your own business, Wilson," he shouted back as began to walk away. He paged Chase to meet him in the MRI room, and made his way up there. He walked into the room and Chase was casually sat on the MRI machine. House smirked at him and he returned it.
"Took you long enough," Chase threw out causally. House chuckled softly and walked over to Chase, his cane carelessly thrown to the ground. He smirked and kissed Chase softly for few seconds, before pulling back. He climbed onto the MRI machine and pushed Chase down, so he could lie on top of him and he once again tipped his head to one side;
"Now where were we?"